The Ghost of Johnny Carson
by Ernie MannixDavid Letterman was just rising – earlier than you might think for a guy who’s show is on late enough for college partiers and “freelancers” to enjoy without fear of feeling tired the next day. You’d think that only if you didn’t know the show is taped earlier in the day – and what was taped this week certainly stirred the pot.
“You think maybe you would have edited that, David?” Mr. Carson asked, standing in the lavish bathroom.
“I mean your producer had the time. They could have cut it, right?”
Carson looked very young. Circa ‘66 young.
Letterman was incredulous. “Johnny… what the heck are you doing here, how can this be possible?” the aging late night host queried.
“I am here to see you, Letterman,” Johnny said, flicking some lint off his attractive form-fitting suit. “You always made a big deal about honoring me, and uh, flattering me with your praise. I feel I owe it to you… in your time of trouble… to try to help you out.”
“Johnny, come on, you’re a class act, this ghost business is beneath you… and why haunt me, are you one of them now? Are you a conservative operative?”
“Class act? What would you know about class these days, David? You’re an entertainer and you’re acting like a nut on a crusade to destroy the Republican Party.
This stuff ain’t funny, David, shame on you, not so much for the specific comments, but for abandoning your talent as a comedian and crossing over to become a wacky pundit like that Olbermann bozo.
And speaking of clowns, David, it’s always so sad when a clown gets old, but it’s pathetic when the clown gets old and mean.”
Letterman looked at Carson with anger now and Carson seemed to be bizarrely morphing between younger Johnny and the older retired-age Johnny. Letterman shook his head and chuckled, “Wow, the band must have slipped me some funny stuff…”
“Ah yes, the band/drug shtick,” Johnny smiled, “That stuff always worked.”
“David, you’re getting close to retirement. Your legacy should have been, ‘Funny man retires, wow what a great run,’ but now I fear soon it’s going to be, ‘Nasty late night host retires.’ The way you viciously attacked McCain, now Palin, what gives, man? It’s just plain mean. Why are you so angry?”
“Okay nobody talks to me like that, not even you, Johnny. I’ll have to ask you to leave now,” Letterman said without looking Carson in the eye.
“I will, David, but just indulge me for another moment; I am here because of you, you called me. Maybe the younger you. You can chase me, but you might also be chasing the only one who can help you now; the comedian who knows when he’s made a mistake and can laugh at himself. If you forget to laugh at yourself, my friend, you will surely leave that job to others.
Using her daughters in that way is just wrong. It stinks, man. It’s just plain ugly… and mean.
David, I am going, but remember the younger man who used to be funny over at NBC called me. Search your soul, I think you’ll find him there, let him out, I think he may want to make a real apology.”
With that, the steam from the shower seemed to form a flowing curtain behind Carson. Johnny then started walking stage right, faked a trip, smiled, waved, and faded into the morning light.
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353 Comments
Good one, Ernie. I miss Carson so much. You could prop a cardboard cutout of him behind the desk and I'd watch.
From viewing clips of Steve Allen, you see where Mr. Letterman stole his stuff from. I really think Letterman hasn't got a creative bone in his body.
There's a disease aging liberal comics get – Angerzheimer's. I'm not really kidding. Think about it – O'Donnell, Garafalo, Maher, Behar, Letterman.
Carson never got that disease. Nor did Steve Allen. Wonder why?
Maybe they were in a different class – one that had some class.
Fun post although I can no longer even remember when Letterman was funny
not really, I mean how can anybody not dis Al Gore . . . he is SO phony!
Carson reminds me of the country I grew up in. I don't recognize the place anymore.
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When I was living in Vegas, Johnny cracked a joke one night about the only difference between a Vegas woman and a parrot is that you can teach a parrot to say "No". The whole city flipped out. The outraged mayor, Ron Lurie, demanded an apology from Carson for slandering his city. Yes, we're talking about Sin City. The next night, Johnny did about 20 Vegas jokes in front of a flashing neon "Lighten up, Mayor Lurie!" sign. It was hilarious and made everyone in Vegas who whined about the original joke look like a fool. I can't imagine Letterman doing the same thing with 20 "Willow Palin Gets Raped by A-Rod jokes".
I have never found Letterman funny in any classic or classy way. He always has been one of those kinds of people that garner laughs from mean little people at the mention of mean little material. He is another mocker, albeit a more subtle one than your typical BillMahrJonStewartJeneanneGarafalo type. His insecurity makes him mock his betters as though they were inferior to his own wounded self-esteem. Ack! Didn't you hate those types when you were in high school? He's never outgrown it.
For all the bumper stickers that the Left loves, the "Mean People Suck" one belongs across Letterman's mouth.
@Heeeeere's condoms – al least you got you're name right -scumb*g
Johnny had class, something todays Fake comedians know nothing about. He was always good at that fake trip too.
Well, yes, let's just throw out any attempt at ideals that no one on the Left cares about. The pristine Left can never be saddled with the Unpardonable Sin of Hypocrisy; hell, it's easy when you have no standards whatsoever. Ergo, let's vilify and rape the children of any age of those who would do their best to impart social responsibility and morality to their offspring! Damn them for making the amoral crowd look bad! Damn them and mock them for their human frailty and failure!
Family Values are better than Anarchy Values. What shall we call it when Anarchy Values fail to reach their low and easy mark?
Did you know that when you over use the exclamation point it means you're overly emotional. You shouldn't post while PMSing.
Oh and BTW, how would you like it if Dave had suggested a visit to your daughters from Mike Tyson..Not such a nice scenario is it.
I'll bet he got his ass kicked in grade school.
I think the other word for it is desperation. They're old has beens and need all the leverage they can get before someone younger and funnier comes along. In their desperation though they lose their sense of judgment.
Now THAT was not well thought out, and real silly. D-, see me after class. Oh, I meant see me after school because you atually have no class.
me neither!
"there's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster!"
And yet, here you are, spending your time in a space that doesn't want you.
Consider that?
There was only one Steve and then again, only one Johnny.
Dave is a tired old man with too much money.
Hey Ernie! I’m not going to worry about your sanity on this post, hell, I’d be cool to hang out with Johnny for a while.
Hello Troll, did you make a wrong turn and miss the Huff Post exit?
Maybe it's Letterman's age. Maybe he's lived in New York too long. Whatever the reason, Letterman has lost the middle-America sensibility that Carson had, and probably recognized in Letterman.
The best Al Gore dis of all time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHVxjMT1-os
Someone hasn't been baking pies.
Like the line from "School's Out" by Alice Cooper:
Well we got no class
and we got no principals
and we got no innocence
We can't even think of a word that rhymes
Ah, yes. Another peaceful, tolerant, liberal fascist. Of course it's okay to publicly ridicule a seventeen-year-old single mother who has nothing to do with politics and didn't ask to be in the spotlight eight months after the other side won the election when nobody anywhere on the left or right would mock one of Obama's or even Biden's kid that way. How unreasonable of us to complain.
Ernie, I have to assume the ghost is real because I don't think Letterman has the imagination to come up with something like this!
Brother… LETTERMAN isn't good enough to carry Johnny Carsons script much less Steve Allens. What Steve Allen forgot about Entertaining people and putting on a Show this Mean-Spirit Hack Letterman has yet to Learn. Believe Me. Allen was Funny and a Gentlemen to the end .I sure miss those Old -Timers.
Now there's an idea! Heck, even a cardboard cutout of Letterman would be better than the real thing.
Andrew – just checked out your guys new blog site. Great job!
I really wish I watched Letterman so I could stop.
Thanks Jed. Please feel free to drop by any time.
Wow, what a catch 22!
"ONE JOKE"
Wrong, condom breath! Letterman's ONE joke was only the latest and most tasteless of a long line of Republican-hating "jokes" going back for years. You wanna talk politicians spinning a story? How about Trent Lott, whom the lib pols raised nine kinds of hell about because of his ONE comment at Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party?
"NO ONE remembers."
Wrong again, Alzheimer's breath! If the "US has forgotten Palin", why is Letterman still making jokes about her ?
"your ridiculous claim to FAMILY VALUES"
Wrong, hedonism breath! Neither political party is perfect, but which party has more pro-abortionists, more militant homosexuals, more voters on welfare, more people blaming religion and traditional family values for America's problems?. Why, that would be your party, the Democrat party.
"you GOP freaks knew to SHUT UP and let it ride"
Wrong again, selective memory breath! This site, and many others of today, didn't exist when your side was making fun of President Bush and his family. Now that they do, we aren't going to bullied by the likes of trolls like you any more.
"May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your shorts".
I miss Johnny Carson!! I miss the old David Letterman for that matter. That picture brings back fun memories. What the heck happened, Dave?
Jed, by the way, you're a musician?
That's a lot of breath there USArtguy. . . all halitosis.
New blog? Cool. Just gave it a once over myself. Love the OBerkle (OBama.Erkle) image. Not familiar with Capt. Soapbox or Mr. Keats, but the rest of your contributor line up is great. An aside: are you still affiliated with Sherman's March?
[...] more: The Ghost of Johnny Carson This entry is filed under America – Blogs, Big Hollywood. You can follow any responses to this [...]
Yes, I agree with USArtboy – err, guy, that's a great OBerkle graphic. : )
Comedians are supposed to diss politicians, Vince.
How are Palin's daughters fair game for rape jokes?
And how long has it been since Gore was relevant? How about dissing Obama?
Carlin.
USArtguy, I'm sorry, I thought you knew we had moved or I would have said something. No, we aren't affiliated anymore.
Thanks on the line up, we're really happy with the folks we've got. Lawhawk, Bev and Sqt you know. Captain Soapbox is Golani and John Keats is John Keats, both commenter here regularly. So far it's been a lot of fun. Please feel free to drop by anytime.
Just took a look last night? Very nice!
It even made its way onto my favorites bar next Big Hollywood and NHL.com…….and that's saying something………
If I put myself through the torture of watching, I could stop, but since I avoid the torture by not watching, I can never stop… what?? I'm so confused!!
Wow, I'm flattered! Thanks!
Thanks Suzie1! Sadly, I must let Lawhawk take the credit for the OBerkle. As a lawyer, that pains me.
Just kidding. I laugh every time I see it.
Suzie: My younger daughter refuses to admit she sent me that graphic, but I'm sure she was the one. Whenever I need a good laugh (particularly after my 401K's take another hit), I bring it up. Using it for my computer wallpaper was too much even for me. Thanks.
Because Johnny and Steve understood what they were there to do at "the tonight show". ENTERTAIN! Not be a arm for the news, but to give laughs for those ending their day with them. They didn't ask how their jokes would help their party, they asked their writers one thing "Will this kill the crowd?" (figuritivly speaking).
Leno, Fergerson, Kimmel follow this to a lesser extent. But still, after almost 18 years after Johnny retired, he is still (and always be) the gold standard.
I'm no scientist, but as a lawyer I will happily pretend that I know what I'm talking about. Sounds to me like we're dealing with a paradox here. And the best way to fix a paradox is to travel in time. But since we can't do that, at least on our budget, I would suggest that you just believe that you have been a faithful fan. . . you can then proudly stop being a fan without every having to go through the pain and discomfort of watching an actual show.
Nice huh?
Primer: Thanks. We're doing well in bars in Arizona, Nevada and Texas. I'm used to getting thrown out of bars, so this is a real fun first for me. LOL
Occasionally I get caught up in really big projects at work, like the last two weeks, and don't get to read/comment much during those times. Of the places on the 'net I've regularly gone to, this year BH is nearly all I ever make time for. So I'm playing catch up sometimes. If I had the time, and something-not-said-better-elsewhere that I felt people wanted to read, I'd look into this blog business myself. As it is though, I'll definitely make time for "commentarama.blogspot.com". (A little free advertising there).
Thanks for sharing it LawHawk. I think I'll save it as a pick-me-up too!
I thought a paradox was more than one doctor, but less than three.
[...] Letterman receives a well deserved talkin’ to by none other than Johnny [...]
And click your heels together.
USArtguy: I've watched you grow from a boy to a guy. It sorta feels like family. Thanks for the mention.
More jokes like that and you'll be demoted back to "boy"! : )
Lol!
I hate the fact that he's on before Craig. The Scottsman is much funnier and should be given the A slot like Conan was!
LOL! I'm with Suzie1 on this one USArtguy!
I'm too tall for heels.
Snrk! LOL!
Bragger.
So, what I believe becomes my reality? How about if I believe Obama isn't going to destroy our economy… I think I'd be happier in that little bubble.
USArtguy, I understand the work thing. Fortunately, I've been lucky (?) that work hasn't kept me too busy lately to do the blog thing and come visit Big Hollywood every day.
Drop by anytime, we'd love to hear your take on our articles — even the older ones. And feel free to disagree when you think we're wrong. We're all about civil discourse.
P.S. Seriously, thanks for the kind words and the free advertising!
I'm not sure. . . it would take a pretty strong imagination to honestly believe that Obama isn't about to destroy the economy.
LOL!
"Because, he did, in fact, vocally, on live television, show support for then President Bush Jr."
You have a link? I would love to see that.
Carson's Ghost to Letterman: "David, you disappoint me."
Yeah, mainly a vocalist and rhythm guitarist, (typically bar bands over the years) doing what is often referred to today as Americana or country rock music although I used to do some acapella stuff as well when I was a kid (motets and madrigals) so at least there was some diversity in there somewhere. Never really worried about trying to make that much money at it since I was busy being a corporate American Insurance guy as a career. I just always loved music of all kinds. I am really reconnecting with some of the modern bluegrass stuff since there are so many great players where I now live here in east Tennessee. These days, after dinner, I mostly drink a little wine, sit out on my porch overlooking the Little Tennessee River, and pick a little to stay sane in these tough times. Hearing from other conservatives helps a lot
I'm a little slow tonight. I read your post three times before I got it. Another Joe Biden moment for me….
"Obamanomics" scared the the bejeezus out of me,,,,,We're doomed……and Andrew's "It's Unstoppable" was hilarious……
Looking foward to a lot more great stuff for a long time…….or at least till DHS catches up with you right wing radicals…….
Lets gang up on Letterman because we're all angry old hicks!
With Johnny I didn't know what I was missing till he was gone…Tom Sullivan's show replayed the Letterman sequence – his audience seems like Bill Maher's audience. Will laugh at anything. If Sarah really wanted to get back at Letterman she'd be on the Tonight Show. Conan's booking agents are you listening?
BTW if any of you want to really get a view of the real Johnny Carson I recommend the biography by Ed McMahon – Here's Johnny – he was one of a kind and a gentlemen – one of the things Ed pointed out that even if an act was bombing Carson never went for the cheap laugh and was gracious to the guest.
"Comfortable in front of 30 million; uncomfortable around 10" was one of Ed's observations.
" Ooh, watch me get them with this one"
Um, no. You're an ignoramus
Ladies and gents, this battle is over.
Conan's on opposite Letterman. Game over.
By Dave.
Addendum: "And I'm glad you didn't replace me on the Tonight Show!"
Double LOL!
I'm jumping into this late (intertube problems), but I did do a quick read through of your previous posts, Vince. I needn't have bothered. Your parsing of rape/statutory rape right here tells me all I need to know.
Yeah, Letterman showed support for George W. Bush right after 9-11. (It is not President Bush Jr., by the way. There is no Jr. in his name. You like parsing? I'll give you parsing.) And, yeah, he's gone after a few Democrats, but usually soft targets, and, face it, Al gore is a soft target. What Ernie and most commenters here are refering to is Letterman's overall behavior. Nitpicking the post does not belie his obvious bias against conservatives.
Keep counting the leaves. The forest is still there.
You'd think Letterman would feel a certain kinship with Bristol Palin…since he, too, recently had a cild out of wedlock. What does that make Mr. Letterman, and praytell, what term should we use for him?
Quit feeling, and start thinking.
I miss Johnny, can't we hermetically seal Dave in a glass jar and bury him in the backyard but never ever dig him up?
I recall watching Johnny in an interview about politics and his show. When asked why he never brought politics into his show, he replied, "it would be wrong to use my forum in that way, to sway politically." I'm paraphrasing, but it's darn close to that.
I wonder if anyone can find that clip online. He was at home, being interviewed. Not sure if it was after his retirement or not. I think not.
In any case, can anyone imagine Johnny saying such things as Letterman did. (I won't refer to him as David, he doesn't deserve it.)
Or can anyone imagine Johnny having Bob Hope on, and railing against McCain the way Letterman did?
Or John Wayne, or Dean Martin, or Frank Sinatra or Don Rickels, or…
Let's face it, we've lost so many greats, so many men with character, that all we have left is Letterman and Conan? Good grief, even North Korea's TV lineup looks better than that, though probably equally partisan.
Well done.
Angerzheimer's, the pros don't get that, Buddy Hackett, Don Nichols, etc, I'm not a big fan of all of the old guys but I saw them grow ancient and they were always professional comedians, they were never bitter old men (and women) like these bitter comedians that you (accurately) named.
I wondered if anyone else would bring up the way Letterman claimed to pattern himself after his mentor, the great Johnny Carson. How disappointed Carson would be in Letterman's failure to live up to his standard.
Carson would NEVER have resorted to the vulgarity that Letterman seems to wallow in, especially toward anyone who doesn't agree with him.
Carson knew to leave 'em wanting more, and he had the class to do so when he ended his run in 1992.
Letterman apparently never learned that lesson.
Give it up, Dave. You're no longer relevant. You're just mean.
The show used to be funny, different..I saw it live 4 times.. was on hand for the 1st ever stereo broadcast…dont even know if it was legit…I think I was also there for the suit of suet routine….my recall fades, I cant remember stuff from my late teens but I do know it was funny then…
Who is "we" weasel boy?
Letterman should be fired now.
Johnny et al were entertainers and that was their first and foremost agenda. They confidently knew who they were.
Now a days when an entertainer doesn't have anything relevant to say, instead of just shutting up and showing a little class, they all jump on the liberal mean-spirited bashing bandwagon to show how cool they think they are.
Letterman's overblown ego thinks he can say whatever he wants and it will be okay. When he can't think of something funny he comes out with this vile crap. He can't get away with it this time and I say it's about time he was called out for what he said.
You are right. We don't want to know what your FEEL>
Letterman is no different than any one else who scripts their own obituary other than the very fact that he chooses air it on a show recorded in front of a crowd of a lot of disenchanted fans and then play it to a dwindling number of nighttime viewers who's only true shocked response is….so soon…I though he would have lasted till the end of his first season before he was shown the exit door.
I think he did a good job.
The real lesson taught to Republicans by Sarah in this situation is that Republicans do not have to take it; you can fight back in clear, direct terms put liberal radical nutcases like Letterman on the defense. For 8 years the Bush administration just assumed a fetal position and let the left wing beat on us without consequence. To paraphrase the fictitious Howard Beale "Sarah's mad as hell and she's not going to take it anymore." Palin in '12!
For what it's worth Vince, I think you are an honorable guy who is willing to debate in enemy territory unlike some of the flame throwing hit and runs from Huffpo who venture here. We probably disagree about almost everything political, but that's what makes America great.
Whether or not he meant the older daughter or not, the joke was really offensive and way over the line to anybody but a Palin hater (there seems to be a bunch in your party, I think.) Criticizing an 18 year old mother for being a spokesperson for abstinence is kind of like criticizing a recovering alcoholic who chooses to counsel at AA meetings. What is the point? Who better to do it? This is normally one where N.O.W. would be out in force, but they ignore Clinton and ignore Letterman proving they do not represent all women, only those of liberal political leanings. Why should Imus get fired for offensive remarks while Dave skates. You know the answer but probably won't admit it.
As for Al Gore being a left winger, it is all a matter of relativity. I'm sure Al Gore thinks he is the definition of moderate and a lot of Democrats think George W. Bush is a conservative. It's become short hand for right and left, Republicans and Democrats. I have yet to see an objective, independent, analysis of all issues political with an attempt then to value them and rank politicians from right to left. I sure think Obama is well left of Clinton and Gore but it ultimately is subjective. Hell, some people probably thought Letterman's crude joke was funny.
What Johnny had was class and he showed respect to his guest. When he teased, we laughed with them , but not at someone. Johnny was not mean, and he tapped into the heart of all that fell in love with his breezy and very intelligent style. Johnny was King, and not because a critic said so, but because he did not divide and label his viewers with his personal political beliefs. The un-seen people at home watch. Some will stay if they agree with Lettermans' agenda. Many have left, like me. If I want to be put down because I do not agree with Democrats, I'll watch the GE networks. Miss you Johnny.
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