Inside the Head of Hillary Clinton
by Ernie Mannix
(THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE from thousands of people on the Washington Mall.)
Announcer:
“And now, ladies and gentlemen, the poet laureate; Maya Angelou.”
(Applause from the masses and inauguration VIPs.)
Maya Angelou:
“The men on Mt. Rushmore will chatter,
as they hear that glass ceiling shatter,
for the world has given us a strong woman,
to right what ever is the matter.
And woe to man, when this wo-man is at hand!
So ring a bell and strike up the band!
Play a fanfare!
A fanfare for the not-so common wo-man!”
Bill Clinton standing, clapping and interrupting:
“Yaaaaaaaaaaah Maya, that’s great, honey, remember when you did that poem for me at my swearing in? I still really don’t get it, baby.
(Security tries to sit President Clinton down.)
“Get away from me! Hey Hillary, remember when Maya did that nice poem for me! HILLARY! HILLARY! I AM TALKING TO YOU! HILLLLLLLLLAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!! PRESIDENT CLINTON HERE! HILLLLLLLLLAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!!!”
Wake up.
Stare at the intricate pattern on the North Korean hotel room’s ceiling.
Boy I sure hope this room was swept for bugs.
Check the clock. Oh, gosh, it’s only 3 AM. Hah, there’s some irony for ya.
My inner clock is just so off. I guess I should check my Blackberry. Crap, no service… way to go communism.
I really don’t know what I am doing here – kissing up, I guess. Man, Obama’s got some weird ideas about appeasement. He just wants to cave on everything. I would not do it this way. I have my future to think about. If I see this ship starting to sink more than it already is, I just might have to resign.
This guy is dictating some strange policy here. I guess he thinks that everyone on the globe is going to fall for that, “I’m really cool, so let’s be friends” crap. Maybe this is all a fairy tale. Ohhh Bill,… you can be so right sometimes.
That meeting yesterday with “Dear Leader” was weird. He was so quiet. Even his staff looked nervous. Maybe it was his double? You think the agency could check this nutty stuff out in advance. I might be talking to a shoe salesman for goodness sake.
It’s such a horribly long flight getting here. I didn’t need that wise-ass from Fox News asking me if we took any fire at the airport… what nerve.
And what the heck is with all the little girls dancing at the airport? Creepy.
(Phone Rings in a strange old-fashioned Communist electronic tone.)
“Hello…. Yes Bill…
Bill, it is 3 AM here…
Yes I am aware of the irony…
I know things are a little boring for you now that you can’t chase around the globe on speaking tours anymore…
Well, Call up HW Bush. Maybe you guys can jump out of a plane together…. Bye Bill.”
It’s like having an adolescent at home I swear.
Well Hillary, in 8 years, you’ll get what you always dreamed about… we just have to have the right balance of appeasement, peace and luck to make sure the public doesn’t shift back to the right.
But maybe the iron will be hottest in four years? Kind of an “I told ya so” campaign. Hmmmmmm. Yes… I told ya so……. I told ya so………
(Drifts back off to sleep.)
(The jubilant chanting crowd on the mall, fuzzes back into that sunny day.)
“YES SHE CAN! YES SHE CAN! YES SHE CAN! YES SHE CAN! YES SHE CAN!“
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60 Comments
Great a mention of the Balrog who is Hillary. EWWWWWWWW
This sounds like the beginning of Apocalypse Now, Clinton style?
Hillary: "North Korea. I'm in North Korea. Everybody gets everything they want… in the stimulus. I asked for a mission and I was given one for my sins… to North Korea."
Thanks, Ernie. I needed a quiet head tour (smelled like hair spray, though).
Maybe we should all just get some shut-eye for four years.
…or are we all having a shared cosmic nightmare….
Yes it does Andrew. Maybe a new style of diplomacy with Kim Jong is in order. Monica can give her tips.
Yeah. Where's Martin Sheen when you need him?
And then before Hillary knows it, Jimmy Carter takes over the U.S. side of the negotiations, then promptly assures the Pyongyang commufascists they'll get everything they want, and asks, well, wouldn't they like any more goodies besides, and then he tells a chagrined Hillary about the deal, and approaches the media strutting like he's an international peace hero.
Maya Angelou? Man, that IS a nightmare.
Poor Hillary.
Hmmm, any chance of getting Amy Poehler back on SNL for a guest sketch? Oh, wait, this is actually funny.
Hmmm, any chance of getting Amy Poehler back on SNL for a guest sketch? I kid, I'm a kidder…
Beautiful piece man. Too true, too true. I wonder when Obama will finally marginalize and dump Hillary. He set her up. She gets to take the heat for all things bad on International Relations while using the domestic mess as his cover. She knows she is screwed. She should have stayed in the Senate where she could have at least had an independent voice. Now she will be relegated to the scrap heaps of history. She knows she messed up and doesn't know how to get out of it.
"Inside the Head of Hillary Clinton" it's really dark and sticky.
There once was a poet laureate
With poetry so bad you could smell it
The crowd would have run
If not for ┼h€ Ӫῃع
And Oprah, who said she could sell it
maybe not… the Clinton's invented the politics that Obama and crew are starting to learn. And don't forget 'Rahmbo'- he's a Clintonite from way back and is fiercely loyal to them. Now the fact that she's in over her head is a different case altogether…
For the record, this post was password protected and inaccessible to anyone but me for 15 mins. Not because I shouldn't have tried editing on a Blackberry while navigating the freeway with my knee doing the steering, but because it's so good I wanted it to myself for a little while.
I thought I had crossed the line, and the CIA had commandeered it. Come to think of it, there is a wierd van outside my house. You aren't driving a wierd van are you John?
Actually I am driving a wierd van but am not watching you.
The guy who looks just like you and who will be replacing you is.
You left out the part where Jimmy Carter builds them new homes.
Hi. I'm Ernie. I'd like to apologize for my article above. It seems I was very confused on the policies of the current administration. In the following days and weeks I will be exploring with you, gentle reader; the wonderful opportunities our new government will be affording all of us, whether in foreclosure or fortune. I am feeling much better now.
Hey Ernie, say hello to the NSA next time you are on the phone. I do sometimes, the girls and guys working there need to be cheered up from time to time.
Obama has already marginalized Hillary. There are special envoys for Iran, the Middle East and Pakistan. What's left for Hill? And she doesn't even have a Senate seat to go back to. Look for him to replace her in about 6 months.
"Hmmm, how can I get Barack, Joe, and Nancy in the same place at the same time, and then…"
Oh, Ernie no!!! Don't tell me the Podbama people got to you?
Where do you live Andrew? Some friends and I will be paying you a visit too. (In a wierd van.)
"I didn’t need that wise-ass from Fox News asking me if we took any fire at the airport… what nerve. "
Oh man, that had me spitting laughing!
Uhm, Antarctica, yeah, that's where I live — next door to some penguins.
Ok. We need to start a 'write the caption' contest for that picture. I'll start:
"I know God doesn't exist because every time I say, "I want his head to explode," it doesn't. God is cruel"
Hilliary is in a special place in hell. I wish I could say i was sorry for her.
Jack, I've even got a title: "Baracalypse Now"
"Ok. We need to start a 'write the caption' contest for that picture":
"Hmmm… All this talk of lack of leadership in the Republican Party… I could … SWITCH PARTIES! Take that Rush! You can't make a fool of me this time! I'VE GOT A REAL TITLE……………. It'll be just you and me Barry… one on one………………
REPUB LI CAN! ! REPUB LI CAN!! REPUB LI CAN!!"
Caption:
Yes, Bill and I wrote the book on 'full of it', but this guy is FULL of it.
Daves- agree with your assertions, but I don't think you're seeing the long play for Clinton here:
Hillary gets int'l experience to go along with her Senate experience. At the same time, she's well out of a senate that will be blamed for that horrid economy wrecking "stimulus" bill.
As for the envoys- obama is already making a horrid hash of iran (letting putin punk him in the process), plus he's bombing pakistan and funding hamas (900 million buys a lotta mortars and rpgs)- Hillary's pretty damn lucky she's being "marginalized" there.
And 6 months- that's right about the time barky's magical mystical empty suit tour bus will skid off the road- Hillary will be doubly blessed if she gets replaced just before that happens.
And when the empty suit finally and inevitably implodes, who does that leave? Vice President Chia pet? Rubberface? Choo Choo Harry Reid? Heat Miser Gore?
No. It leaves Hillary. With foreign policy chops and domestic legislative experience. Plus all her staff are getting experience in barky's cabinet as you read this. Which makes her a juggernaut that scares me a lot.
I ain't the biggest fan of Hillary- always thought she was a bit too obvious about wanting what was good for Hillary. But I know she wouldn't govern as a raging marxist psychopath, and I've never much doubted she liked, if not loved her country.
That's not something I can say for the community organizer in chief.
Game over. Whoever succeeds Obama will not be a Baby Boomer.
Another caption:
Like my new ventriloquist dummy?
Sure you can't see my lips move- but you do NOT want to know where my hand is.
And another:
If that idiot says "uh" or "ya'ow" one more time, I'm gonna steal his teleprompters.
And another:
What the HELL did he put in that kool-aid, anyway?
And another:
Wonder if he can pick up Short Wave on them satellite dishes?
And another:
Just where in the story does it say the Scarecrow gets to wear the ruby slippers?
Ernie you must be cautious entering the mind of madness. Also I’m fairly certain, Hillary is a Succubus, at night be afraid Ernie, be very afraid.
Hillary: "I am SO screwed…now I know how Bill felt…I wonder if the Japanese Ambassador can show me how I can commit seppaku…"
Hey, Team! Where's the guy to tell us that it's all a plot by the You-Know-Who's?
If anything happens to you, Ernie, can I have your car?
I'll get right to work on the screenplay. How's this? The horror……………………….the horror Fade to black
This hallucination belongs in Mrs. Clinton's IT TAKES A VILLAGE book, along with all of the other ones.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
I did a toon about this very subject
http://www.rightnation.us/forums/index.php?autoco...
No, they don't need new homes, because THEIR HOUSING IS FREE!! That's how great it is there. The people are all happy, and the stores are all full of stuff!! And the great leader is in robust health!!
weird.
Nothing can happen to anybody now. Obama will help us all.
No, Ernie, no! Run into the light!! Don't squeeze the *#$@^$#* Charmin!!!
Caption: "How much more Botox will I have to take to defeat this guy?"
I could be mean and say, "Hillary, use enough Botox to shunt your breathing"…but that's a real cheap shot….
"Barrack, if you so screw up that I have to start sleeping with Bill again to get ahead…YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!"
Robust Health?
Mental or physical?
Both!
But please don't laugh at what Jimmy said when the Great Leader promptly croaks 3 weeks later.
All-time favorite picky of Hillariebeast!
Suzie – I do believe it is a shared cosmic nightmare….
"Experts" claim being cold can cause bad dreams and as the earth is going into a cooling period (screw the man-made "climate-change" hoaxers); there can be no other conclusion then the Nightmare Obama Scenario, imho.
That is hilarious, Mike, I can just see Roslyn wondering where the sweet tea is during the homebuilding breaks…
Yes and each home will come with its own peanut patch in the back.
Laugh at what Jimmy Carter says? Oh God forbid.
Somebody get me a canary and a shovel. I'm gonna start digging my own coal.
ok, i admit i didn't get it until the second reference, but the '3AM irony' almost made orange juice come out my nose…
This is madness. This is SPARTA! Throw her in the pit!
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