Obama’s State of the Union: The Foreclosures-burg Address

by Ernie Mannix

Four to seven years ago, our fathers scored and brought forth on this continent, some new homes, conceived in stucco, and dedicated to the proposition that all men can get second mortgages.

Now we are engaged in a great economic crisis, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated to overspending -putting in built-in pools – blowing a wad in Vegas- buying way too much crap on eBay, then stepping up to a “C” class –  can long endure.

We are met on a great battlefield of this credit crisis. We have come to dedicate a portion of this field, as a final resting place for those who did the right thing; paid their mortgages, lived within their means and gave of their livelihoods, so that jackasses that didn’t put ANY money down, and still spent more than they had, might walk away from their homes scott-free and punk an entire neighborhood of innocent families. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, until it doesn’t work- and we need to do it again.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground, without Pelosi, Reid and Frank standing up and taking all the damned credit. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled to pay their mortgages, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to pork-up the stimuli.

The world will little note, nor long remember that I’m commandeering the census, but I will make sure it never forgets, when this all goes kablooey, that it’s still gonna be all Bush’s freakin’ fault.

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work of paying through our noses and bowels, year after year, propping up those who overspent, high-tailed it, and are now running up another Capitol One credit card. It is also for us here to be dedicated to the great bailout ballooning before us — that from these toilet-less trashed foreclosures, we take increased devotion to the mighty socialistic causes that will give the short-end to the responsible ones. 

That we here highly resolve that these four bedroom wrecks, shall not have foreclosed in vain — that this nation, under the Democrats, shall have a new birth of socialism– and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall never be seen again.


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Posted Feb 23rd 2009 at 4:21 pm in Political Humor | 63 Comments