Inside The Head Of President Obama
by Ernie Mannix
“Thank you members of the press. Nice to see you. I’ll have a short statement then I’ll be happy to take some questions….”
Oh-oh- teleprompter went dead. Remain calm. Smile. Make eye contact.
Why the hell are all the press naked and smoking cigarettes? ……….. David Gregory,… Hannity, and Helen Thomas?!
Wake up.
Blink. Stare at the ceiling.
Oh — my — God.
What-the-heck-did-I-get-myself-into? …….I am really the President.
Yes – I – did.
Everyone wants a piece of me….but okay, calm down, it’s manageable. Can’t show fear. Gotta stop acting like the sky is falling.
Gee, I could use a cigarette.
What time is it….. 8:45 AM … Late again.
Okay. Everyone can and will wait. I’m aware that about 5,000 people’s schedules are affected by any lateness or procrastination on my part, but that’s just how I roll. Obama time. Style is power.
I still can’t believe those security debriefings. I had no idea all that stuff Bush was warning us about was really true. Here I was thinking it was gonna be all JFK, Roswell or Louie Louie lyrics, but damn – could have knocked me over with a feather. And now they are asking me what I’m going to do about it.
All those plots we foiled. All those people we saved, and no one can know. But now, I know.
Cigarette.
Okay, calm yourself. Gotta keep up the image. Calm, cool. True to my base. Dear Lord, my base…they were wrong. We are in real danger.
Carlton is lowest tar …right?
The economy. Gotta get back to the politics of hope. Better stop saying ‘crisis’ every other sentence.
There’s the annoying intercom again.
“Time to get up Mr. President. Speaker Pelosi and Harry Reid are here to see you.”
Geeez, these two don’t let up. Probably bringing me some more ideas for hope and change. Who’s the president here?
“Then, Mr. Axelrod has your latest poll numbers.”
Poll numbers? I’m not Clinton.
“Yes, okay….. tell them I’ll be there soon.”
I’d rather be campaigning again.
Well, at least the press is laying off about my national health care program.
Man I need a cigarette.
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70 Comments
Hilarious! He probably wishes he was back community organizing in Chicago, especially after looking into the faces of Helen Thomas and Nancy Pelosi every day.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
Hilarious! President Obama probably wishes he was back community organizing in Chicago, especially after looking into the faces of Helen Thomas and Nancy Pelosi every day.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
Awesome!
It's funny because it's true!
Where's Michelle?
Obama talking to Axelrod – "Damn, why couldn't I have stayed in the Senate? There no one expects results, only looking good. I mean, why else would John Kerry keep getting re-elected? Here they expect results. And they throw a lot of questions at me. And they ask a lot that bubble-head Gibbs can't stutter and stammer away like I did, though he tries. Did you know there is no PRESENT button in the Oval Office? No one carted what temperature I set te thermostat in my Senate office. How can we solve the housing crisis when Rezko's in jail and can't help everyone like he helped me with my house? Why did I let you talk me into running against Hillary?"
We are so screwed.
Ernie, loved it. BUT, I'm telling you, go check out Scary Movie 3 and see what happens when the two characters start messing with the news anchor's teleprompter. I would pay real money to see that happen in an Obama presser…
No matter what Obama does or says, the majority of Hollywood and the press will still wait in line on their collectivism knees to gobble up his dictates. Ozombies will follow!!
First nausea and a complimentary carbon credit.
Now smoke and mirrors.
These head tours are messed up, buddy.
Thanks Ernie. It is better to be in Obama's head than Algore's. I'm still having nightmares of Gore in the bathroom dropping his robe!
Every time I think of Obama and his teleprompter I think of the SNL sketch with Will Ferrell as the morning show host. The teleprompter blows and all hell breaks loose.
Well I imagined wind whistling through his ears but this seems like the backdrop for that? Heh. Good stuff.
I'm suspecting that when forced to improvise 'Bammy says to himself…"What would Marx and Engles do…or Lenin…what a guy..holds ONE election, loses, never holds another election…unchalleneged, LARGE and IN CHARGE!!! Boo Ya!" sigh…"now, gotta shut that idiot Gibbs up and put out fires…"
Ernie, I think you might be psychic!
I knew you were going to post this.
To paraphrase Obama's erstwhile pastor, God Damn the fools who put this Marxist in office. He doesn't have a clue what to do.
Nice! But wouldn't his dependency on the teleprompter make him the Ron Burgundy of politics?
Obama's gotta be thinkin, "Man, this sh!t isn't gonna work. I wonder how long I can dance around this mess before the roof caves in?"
I couldn't believe it but Jon Stewart was actually ridiculing Obama for the same thing the other night. He was making the point that you could say full sentences between Obama's stammers and pauses. It's sad because Stewart is so biased but when he gets Democrats it's usually hilarious. Or sadly true.
This guy is in so far over his head he can't see daylight… we Chicagoans have watched his 'rise' from the cesspool of crooked hack left wing Cook County politics and are not at all suprised by the deer in the headlights thing. He is smooth, and reads the prompter well- but he is as empty as he seems…
Do y'all remember the scene from Used Cars when they hacked into a speech by Carter? How cool would it be if someone could hack into the teleprompter and finally give the folks the truth? It works for me.
When I read the title all I could think of was an echo chamber. Then when I really thought about it I imagine there is a lot of very loud chaotic panic inside that head of his. I know I have loud panic in my head when I think about the Obamassiah and what is eventually going to happen to this country by the time he's done ruining it. Sooner or later the stress in the head will show on his face and he won't be able to hide it.
When's the next head trip? I'm a glutton for punishment.
Suzie, I wrote a head trip which I thought amusing, but my comment "awaited moderation" for an hour or two. I kept it up to see if it would pass, but when I hit "refresh" it vanished. What gives on this site? Many of us post in good faith, working on our comment only to see it get sucked into a black hole. I see a lot of other posters comment on this same thing.
There is nothing going on up there. Hey, the guy has it made. 4 years pay at way more than he is worth. Then, off with a lifetime pension.
And, he can take up smoking again. Isn't life grand when you have affirmative action going for you.
seems obama's craving for "power and significance" from others has been his primary motivation. sustaining his high-level position is another story. the emperor's clothes are blowing smoke with no one in them. i hope that it is just for four years.
Happened again. Posted a comment. It "awaited moderation" then when I hit refresh. VANISHED.
But I'm nothing if not persistent.
Inside Barry's head.
Dontcha worry about it, Barry Bro. We got the media on our side. They'll cover for us no matter what. I mean didn't we bubble up out of the cesspool of Chicago politics and come out clean and white as gristle? You know, the same sewer that ate Blago and is about to slime Burris big time? Yeah, that's the one. Didn't touch me, though, did it. Why not? The media. They are mine. I own their asses. They're so scared of the R word, I could nuke Canada and they'd blame Bush. I can crash the economy, take the Dow down to absolute zero, send seventeen thousand more troops to Afghanistan, and they'll tell the idiot voters Bush did it. Wah-hoo. Ain't life a kick in the head! And Michelle and me, we just can't wait to see the movies that are gonna come out about us. How we made the oceans recede, the sky turn blue, restored all the endangered species to the planet. I'd like Denzel to play me, but the dude's got too fat. Gotta have a skinny, slick looking, cool looking brother, know what I mean? A real good-looking cat with a hot bod. Gotta remember to have a big WH dinner and invite Charlie and Katie and Chris and John and Steffi and all those honkies who carried my water. Not gonna ask Fox News though. They can kiss my skinny black ass, know what I mean? And Rush is toast. I'm gonna tell everybody how against the Fairness doctrine while behind the scenes Nancy Baby and Harry Boy are writing the bill. Hoo-hah. Gawd, I love being king. er president.
My opinion? Technology. I think this site is probably suffering from growing pains. It's getting lots of media attention and, I assume, many more participants. Hacker-types maybe? The techs behind the curtain are probably racing to keep up. (Or maybe I'm full of crap.) Keep the faith.
Growltiger, you too, huh? I post things, come back and they are never there. I haven't figured out the why, yet. I used the word "ho" in one, other than that, I can't see where any of them are offensive. I enjoyed Ernie's post, but I have to be the dissenting voice. I am positive Obama knows exactly what he is doing. He knows exactly what he wants. And he is getting it. As for his delivery? It's just that he is not that smooth or as well-spoken as the MSM and the Dems want us to believe. This is his pony ride, and he is dragging along all the rest of us. Whether we want to go, or not. Remember, "He won."
As a former resident of IL, I have to give your comment two thumbs up……preach it, Bro…..One question nags the devil out of me……..where was the 'press' and all their deep, thorough investigations when the big 'O' first announced his desire to be "prez"? My honey refers to big 'O' as the 'talking suit'…….hahaha
Does the liberal media not see that big 'O' has appointed mostly worn-out, recycled Clintonites to his staff? Surely these individuals (who feel it is their responsibility to spend 30 minutes interpreting and explaining what was just said in every press conference for the poor-stupid- American-people-who-couldn't-possibly-understand ) aren't THAT blind! ?!?! If these people represent the 'change' and "hope" "O" campaigned on, his definitions must be polar opposite of mine…………………
I don't know Suzie. These demons come at me late at night, and by morning, there in the golden light I find another BH piece on my computer. Sprinkled in the area: Ritz crackers crumbs, and the scent of Jack Daniel's.
I wonder; Since the White house is the people's house, and a Federal building, is all smoking banned there?
Could the president get in legal trouble for smoking in the White House?
I do apologize for that. Next time it happens, think of baseball.
He is organizing the big community called the United States. I feel more connected already.
Damn it, forget the cigarette. I'm bigger than that. I'm President of the G-D United States as the MSM liked to paraphrase my old preacher buddy.
No, Presidents of the KKK States of America – did I get that right? Hard to remember with a trillion things running around in my head. And none of them with my face on them. Yet!
No, I definitely do not need a cigarette as a pick-me-up before I face the press. I just need to smile more. Be less gloomy and doomy. How hard can that be?
Where the hell did I hide that medicinal stash of joints?
It is going to be a very very long four years.
Er, ummm. We're not all exactly welcome. Judging be the increasingly snarky, snarling attitude of his flacks, all is not rosy in Mosco…, oops, Bejin.., er oops sorry, Washington D.C.
Yes, I knew some sort of snack crackery was afoot.
Ritz. Only on Big Hollywood, Ernie, only on Big Hollywood.
Fast forward two and a half years…A bedragled, paunchy, worn out, Obammy drags himself up to the podium in the Rose Garden, cigarette dangling from his mouth…let's listen in…."Dear fellow Americans, what up? Man, I AM BEAT! Converting the country to a hybrid socialist / capitalist totalitarian state like China is HELL, yo. Ask my Teasury Secretary Zing Zhon Chow, right Z.Z.? Anyway, everything is now nationalized. Thank you and I assure you living here in the besieged capital of D.C., we will beat back the combined insurgent forces of the "Patriots of the United States". These capitalist pigs will die! Their attempt to return the country to a representitive democracy of the pre 2010 era will be defeated. Remember Lincoln was President during the last civil war and the people love him! Thank you Comrades."
I had been partial to the Cheeze its, however they have dumbed down their 16 oz box to a 13oz, and raised the price. This is not the kind of change I am looking for. Now that I think about it, it's kind of like the expectations for the "stimuli". First its going to CREATE 3 Mill jobs, now it's going to SAVE them.
Cookies or commerce, – we're getting the short end.
Yeah, don't get too excited. Didn't you notice how he kept apologizing during that bit, and prefaced it with like nine minutes of pandering crap like "I know it's great to have a thoughtful president who speaks to us like adults". Yeah, I know lots of intelligent, thoughtful people who can't string together more than two words in a minute without constantly saying "ummmm", "errrrrrr", and "I don't know".
Where did the myth of Obama being an intelligent, thoughtful person come from? He's President TV News Anchor: he can read a teleprompter and that's it.
OMG!! That would be funny!! I've thought about that occasionally.
Great writing technique! Brilliant!
I should give it a try sometime!
As some of you may know, Obama visited Canada last week and Obamamania in Canada is as widespread as in your liberal mainstream media. All he did was soak up the adulation of the mindless press acting like teenage girls following a pop star (which is really all Obama amounts to). He's capable of nothing more than platitudes and feeding back to people what he knows they want to hear (eg. he's saying that the U.S. will not turn towards protectionism despite some of the language in the original draft of the stimulus bill). Our PM, Stephen Harper (not
a Mr. Personality by any stretch) looked professional and deliberate and I think looked smarter and more confident that the "prodigal Obama". Harper stressed the point that trade and friendly relations will continue with the U.S. and Obama just parroted him.
The truth will come out. The Emperor has no clothes, The messiah is an empty suit. He can't talk about anything intelligently except himself. He fits the times perfectly (self-centered, disrespectful of history, arrogant know-it-all, and with a huge sense a entitlement).
Courage and may God help us!
Hmm……you just described every single Liberal out there!. Whoa!…….how is Hollywood playing into this mess?. Will they write plays about him?, Will a thousand people in costumes Jampack a stadium field and dance to some good
old Socialist tunes, while Osama hangs with his crew in the nosebleed seats so he can look down on the rest of us
peasants?.
Great post Ernie! You’re going to hurt yourself entering the hive to often.
Why the hell are all the press naked … Helen Thomas?!
Oh, come on! Where are the BH monitors?? That just should not be posted! There isn't enough baseball in the universe to get that horror out of my thoughts. Yuck.
I can just see Obama turning the White House and it's staff upside down trying to find the security leak that let this cat out of the bag. LOL
I'm personally fasinated that a Harvard schooled lawyer may have real-time cut-ins from his "communications" director. Can't we think on our gym rat, basketball playing feet? Who is running this show? Is Oliver Stone directing? Is this "Wag the Donkey? How will Sean Penn be cast? Is Chavez available for a cameo?
You're right AC…but on the other hand it was the first comedian to crack this territory. Stewart better get on it, or he'll have four years of more dead air than Obama.
Man, I appreciate you taking one for the team and venturing into that vast wasteland between Obama's ears. That's taking the whole "embedded" reporting style to the next level.
He's in over his head, much to our misfortune. Let's just hope his staff is competent, especially his national security staff, and will keep him from doing too much damage for the next four years until we can elect a leader with real substance and ability.
Thebutlerdidit —
I'm trying to figure out why the black hole gets my post. One thing I figured out is you hit refresh too soon, the post goes away. Don't know why. The site has gotten so big, it may reappear somewhere else, however, I don't have the time to go searching. (Heads up to Susskind: This may be the proof Hawking is looking for — INFORMATION DOES disappear! Right here at Big Hollywood. Another thing I'm trying is not to use any symbols like your quotation marks, asterisks, slants, etc. If you put ho in quotes, that might explain it. Two of the posts that got et up were posts that contained asterisks and signs in lieu of saying the vulgarity. Seems like the vulgarity (like ass) is all right but an a and two dollar signs is not. Don't know. Trying everything. I like this blog, however, it's getting frustrating to want to join in, write a piece you think will add to the thread and then have it disappear. Obviously you know the feeling.
Forgot to mention. Anybody know why Nancy Babe slipped the condom buy up in the bill? What's she gonna do with all them rubbers? Bet Bill wishes he was still president stead of me. I'm true to Michelle. Gotta be. She'd whup my ass good if I messed around. Wouldn't it be a kick in the head if Hillary and me got it on. heh heh. Jus' kiddin'. I'm a writer, ya know — just using a little poe-etic license here. And what about funding ACORN right under Collins's and Snowe's and ole Arlen's noses! Anybody else notice how some Republicans cave like an accordion when you put the squeeze on 'em? Guess they think we ain't gonna run a Democrat against them up in Maine and Pennsylvania.
Guess again, bozos. Surprised me that McCain didn't go all bipartisan on the bill. Guess the media thumpin' that ole sumbitch took during the campaign pissed him off. What a boob. He shoulda known they were only kissin' up to him 'cause he was pissing off Republicans. Little bit worried about the effin' stock market tho'. What's goin' on there? Man, since I grabbed the nomination from Hillary baby, that sucker's dropped from 12,209 to 7,365. Of course, media minions like Mort Kondracke are out there sayin' this was on Bush's watch, and the useful idiots will believe it. But I'm worried about the non-idiots. If they catch on, might be trouble.
Didi it again. "This comment is currently in moderation". SLURP. It'll be sucked up by the black hole.
So I'll try to get the information without trying to be witty or funny — obviously a no no here.
On June 3, 2008, when Obama got the nomination from Hillary Clinton, the stock market was 12,209.81.
On Sept. 9th McCain pulled ahead in a number of polls Market
On Sept 19th, the market was at 11,388.44
On October 31, 2008, it was 9,325.01
On Election Day, it was 8943.81
Seven days later it had dropped to 8282.66
On Inaug. Day it was 7949.09
A month later it was 7365.67
When this is brought up, Obama apologists like Mort Kondracke blame George Bush. But George Bush was
president on 1/27/06 and the market was 10,907.21, and on 11/10/06 when the market was 12,108.43 and on 1/5/07 when the market was 12,398.01 and 6/2/07 when the market was 13,424.39.
Very funny, Ernie. Mr. Obama is soooooo very incompetent, so very over his head. The Emperor has no clothes. He is an empty vessel. Michelle wears the pants in that house.
Amusing, but …. Obama may be either very intelligent and knows exactly what he's doing, or he's a populist puppet of liberal power brokers who know exactly what their doing. Either way America's in serious trouble. The next opportunity to weaken the liberals is 2012, by that time it may be too late to reverse the dark complexion of America let alone the world. America will have collapsed on itself, Israel, Taiwan, S. Korea, Japan, Philippines and others will be left to stand alone (the Euros are already under). Russia will have joined forces with muslim wackos for a face off with China.
God help us? Look around and tell me why?
Then again, maybe everything will be alright.
I suppose, but in reality, I want this guy to smoke if he feels the need. Smoke Barry, smoke. The last thing we need is a jittery President, braking out in a sweat and pushing an important button or going off on a Russian diplomat…
Maybe I should sell my ebay stock.
The next victim in the politics of personal destruction…Rick Santelli. They will try to beat him into submission or at least scare him into silence, and the sheltered media will conveniently ignore it.
2010 midterms. Even ACORN can't coax pay for vote liberals to the polls for midterms. Axe them.
Ernie, there's smoking, then there is Carter White House, Willie Nelson style smoking. I suspect there will be an express elevator to the roof installed any day now.
When I think of Al Gore I distract myself by thinking of his gas guzzling Suburban idling outside the venue he's pimping his carbon credit, cap and trade scheme. If the horror is still too much, I transition to his private jet warming on the nearest tarmac, if that still doesn't do it, I imagine being on his 100' houseboat driving around in circles wasting fuel with a cool drink in my hand. Works every time, try it Bev.
Kondrake has been moving left ever since he tragically lost his wife to cancer and he blames George W. Bush for blocking embyronic stem cell research. I'm sure he is intellectually honest enough to know the science is years ahead of the practical application, but emotions apparently rule.
That's just great! Now I'm gonna have nightmares of a unclothed Gore in a car, next to a plane and on a boat!!! Thanks James! I will have to resort to the brain bleach now…
"Kondrake has been moving left ever since he tragically lost his wife to cancer and he blames George W. Bush for blocking embyronic stem cell research"
Interesting. I suspected he married a roaring Lefty. You may be right, however. Who knows? Who really cares?
I personally am in favor of embryonic cell research, however, it's ridiculous for Kondracke to blame Bush for not funding it. If Big Pharma thought there was any money to be made in it, they'd be funding it the way they fund drugs. Bush didn't say pvt. companies couldn't fund ecr — just that the government wouldn't. (This is the same government, by the way, that thinks the planet is being warmed up by human activity even though Mars likewise is warming).
.
She is the Cheney functionary in this admin. Unseen except for cerimonial occasions, but ever present in an ear piece. Wasn't she an established lawyer in the first firm 'Bammy got a paying job in? You know, before going on to his "neighborhood organizer" career?
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