Whitney Didn’t Have it All
by Ellen KarisI watched Whitney Houston’s interview on Oprah and I did not have to wait until it was over to feel great sadness. Whitney burst out in to the scene with her first album when she was 22 years old, with a powerful singing voice like no other — intense, energetic and the ability to hit a gamut of notes. Unlike Michael Jackson, she was not thrust on to the stage by an overbearing father or competing for the spotlight with her siblings. She was raised a Baptist and had a very deep spirituality that she always mentioned whether she was receiving a Grammy or in a magazine interview. So how did this woman who was esthetically flawless and had it all, wind up sitting on the couch smoking marijuana laced with cocaine for days on end.
I believe it was a few reasons. Firstly, she married the wrong man, Bobby Brown, we all knew that—yes, all of us who did not know her personally knew that he was trouble. He spoke like trouble, he acted like trouble and he got in trouble. They started their marriage with him already having three kids from two different women he wasn’t married to and had been known for his outrageous behavior. She stated that she took her vows very seriously, she truly loved him and he allowed her to bring out her fun and crazy side. I do believe she took her vows very seriously and truly loved him, this woman could have had any man on the planet, but the fun and crazy side I’m a little unclear on, bringing up my second point.
Whitney sang like no other woman of her time, she acted in movies, wore beautiful gowns and traveled all over the world—her life was fun and crazy. Life isn’t fun and crazy for the nurse making $12 per hour cleaning bedpans. I have a hard time reconciling such a privileged lifestyle with the feeling of suppression. Artists express themselves, that’s what they do and on the Whitney level, the world is your oyster. However, for Whitney, like Michael, it seems as if what they set out to do as artists becomes a detriment to their life as a whole. She made a very poignant statement in the interview when she said “I had the money, the fame, been all over and I was done.” I felt the rest of that sentenced should have been “It doesn’t buy you self-worth.”
Later on as Oprah was pushing for details of her marriage, she finally described a time when she had given him a birthday party and when they got home that evening he spit in her face. She even repeated it a few times almost, as if trying to keep telling herself it happened. Whether you are a fan of hers or not, hearing that disgusting behavior would have resonated. Whitney and Bobby have a daughter, Bobbi Kristina, and of course, she spoke about the effect it had on her daughter. She knew this was not the environment for any child but she couldn’t take care of herself, so clearly her daughter would suffer too.
She stayed with Bobby for 15 years and with the help of her Mother, her mentor Clive Davis and lots of rehab and prayer, she cleaned herself up. I think some of us, especially women, where disappointed with Whitney because she went from being such a lady to, dare I say, trash, although when you saw this erratic behavior, you could see there was something causing it all.
Unfortunately, even though she is healthier now, when she spoke there were times when her enunciation was slightly different, I could not help but think how much irreparable damage had been done from the alcohol and drug abuse. She looked beautiful but tired. Her daughter spoke as well and seemed wise beyond her years. It appeared that there were probably times she had to play the mother and Whitney was the daughter.
I am rooting for you Whitney, I hope you find a wonderful man that respects you, I hope that you only make music if you get joy out of entertaining others and I hope you find the peace in yourself, which is really when you have it all.
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84 Comments
He spoke like trouble, he acted like trouble and he got in trouble.
Which is why she "fell in love" with him. You never hear a jerk complaining about how all the nice guys get the chicks…
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Ain't THAT the truth!!
Fame, fortune, and talent, can't buy anyone a feeling of self worth. Good article, though a sad and oft told story.
Money can buy you a lot of stuff. It can't buy you happiness as we all know. Ms. Houston was one hot number in her day. I'm not a fan of of the type of music she does or did but she was sure fun to look at and ponder.
Don't want to play grammar nazi, but I think you meant "enunciation" when you wrote "annunciation." Look them up – very different meanings!
Whitney had it all. A remarkable talent and if she hasn’t damaged herself, perhaps more. If Clive Davis believed in her ability for a come back, keep your ears open there’s something there.
Whitney Houston, if she accomplishes nothing else in her later career, should serve as the Worldwide Poster Girl for "Ladies, Don't Fall For The Bad Boy." I never favored her style of music, but I can certainly appreciate her talent. I must also say that she is an astonishingly beautiful woman. That being said, the excerpts from her interview with Oprah that I heard were extremely disturbing. She sounded old, hoarse and, as the article stated, seemed damaged.
Talent, money and beauty are no insulation from foolish choices. Luckily for me, I possess none of the three, and so I married the most wonderful person on earth.
Getting sick of the "let's root for the former junkie celebrity" crap. She DID have it all, and through irresponsible drug use, threw it all away. Let's see if she really has turned things around before putting the halo back on her.
Also, I'm sure Ms. Karis meant 'first', not 'firstly'; and 'effect', not 'affect'.
I actually wish her well. She will only come back if she really has turned her life around, difficult to do after being in a co-dependent relationship. I am afraid however years of abuse will had a lasting effect that can never be fully rehabilitaded.
Why does everyone blame Bobby Brown? It was her fault she wrecked her life and her daughter's life- period. Why can't people take responsibility for their own mistakes? I'm sure there was a door in her house. She could have walked out anytime.
You are 100% right!!! I do wish her well
I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry for people who have so much talent and beauty and success and CHOOSE to throw it away in such a manner.
Why is it people like this are the ones who get the attention? There are plenty of women who would never put up with a drug addicted man treating them or their children this way, but they never get any articles or sympathy or interviews on Oprah.
15 years with this vile man? I feel sorry for her child because she had no choice in the matter. But I have zero sympathy for any woman who chooses to stay with someone like that. Especially since it's not like she was in financial need! Some women have nowhere else to go, no money or anything and so they feel they have no choice but to stay with their abuser. Certainly this was not the case here. She had everything and deliberately chose to throw it all away.
I'm glad she seems to have finally woken up, and I'm sincerely glad for her. But I'm sorry, I cannot feel sorry for her as though she's the victim. She chose that life and now she has suffered the consequences.
Amen to that! I am sick of these pathetic women being treated like helpless victims.
I still waiting for entertainment addicts to find some rehab way out of their pitiful, sad addiction; Bill Maher, the opiate of the doofus.
We are responsible for the choices we make in life. Blaming Bobby Brown means she still does not accept personal responsibility. She should have left the dirtbag for the sake of her daughter. Kids come first. Still – kudos to Whitney for getting off drugs. By the way anybody else tired of the Vampire Oprah making millions off the misery of others and spinning it as truly caring about people. Sickenin.
So how did this woman who was esthetically flawless and had it all, wind up sitting on the couch smoking marijuana laced with cocaine for days on end….Firstly, she married the wrong man, Bobby Brown
I'm with you, this totally jumped out at me. What did he do, hold her down and force her to inhale?
What is the message here anyway? A singer who has attained success dumps it all in booze and drugs. How is this news or even worthy of an article?
Well written piece – thanks… – Scott
The words "I can change him" have probably ruined millions of women's lives.
"A woman enters marriage hoping to change her man. A man enters marriage hoping his wife will never change. Both end up disappointed."
–some famous person, I'm sure.
Whitney Houston had all the advantages possible. She absolutely CHOSE her path. In no way could she be coerced. "[F]un and crazy side" indeed. She deserves NO SYMPATHY whatsoever. Hopefully, this latest cloying piece will accelerate the departure of Oprah from the airwaves. She lost credibility when she went in the tank for The One, and she is still there. Maybe Whitney will make a comeback, maybe not. The real question is, who cares?
There is a huge difference between a woman being trapped in a bad situation due to financial hardship, and one who has the resources to get out but continues to stay. I think she is every bit as narcissistic and screwed up as he appears to be. She can blame him for the abuse, but she made the choice to use the drugs.
In the pieces of this interview that I have seen, she appears to be confused and a bit incoherent. Obviously there is some brain damage and her voice is defintely not the same.
Hope all the sex and drugs were worth it.
One thing I must say about Ms. Houston, she preformed one of the most awe-inspiring renditions of the Star Spangled Banner I have ever, or probably will ever hear in my life. It still sends a chill down my spine whenever I hear it played. I hope she straightens out her life, because she is a great talent.
"I am rooting for you Whitney…"
Me too.
Speaking from personal experience, drugs are usually a symptom of the problem. Also people with money aren't problem-free, they just have different prblems. I have sympathy for Mrs. Houston up to a point, which is where she should start owning her problem and looking inward to ensure no relapse. She could always get over Bobby and find the equivelent in a new man.
Agreed.
Mosat of us guys wonder why a nice woman falls for people like Bobby Brown. Why subject yourself to that? Of course it can go both ways…
I like that title!
Life is all about choices…
Oh and one other thing..Could we just stop with the grammar policing? It really doesn't make you look better you know, it just makes you look petty and small IMO.
She needs to read Dr Laura's book, "Ten things women do to screw up their lives"
Well said Ellen!
I felt sorry her voice is not really great. I hope it gets better. She could teach women all over the world through her music.
Obviously some of you people don't understand how the devil works, A demon like Bobby will take your soul so the flesh physically cannot leave until "they" realize that they can take it back. Whitney became a person shackled in a relationship that when a demon steals the mind from another, They have complete control, "AND" it "can" take 1 year or 15 years for that person to finally seek God's Grace and forgiveness to finally realize, yes, your flesh will sit down and do drugs, have wild parties and dismiss anyone who invades a demon's domain. It was Whitney's mother who brought God's wrath upon both Whitney and Bobby. I bet none you have ever been in the lime light…so you all can basically say damn near anything you want in your own opinion. But when you ignore God, yes, he will leave you wondering in the wilderness for 15 years. Just like the people of Jericho crossing the river Jordan. Read you bible people or keep your so called "I know what I'm talking about" mouth shut….oh and have a nice day!
Hey Ellen, …………………………..that's why we call it DOPE……………………..I hope she stays clean, shes a beautiful woman with an awesome voice.
Well stated trackwalkman.
"Fear of the Lord is the begining of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline". Proverbs 1:7
I noticed that one too. Why no proofreading around here? I don't like to nitpick, but sometimes the errors are egregious.
Actually, I turned the interview off, I was sick and tired of Oprah "leading the witness"! She was constantly filling in the gaps of Ms. Houston's silences while she was seaching for the words to answer Oprah's questions with words that Oprah wanted to hear. If Ms. Houston's reply wasn't quick enough, Ophrah answered her own questions. All of Oprah's answers and leading were of the "poor me, it's not my fault, take no blame" type. I am tired of the finger pointing in every direction, but where it belongs these days.
And thumbing me down makes you look even MORE petty.
I go with the adage… ."Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice,, shame on me".
I say it's a good thing to give her some positive reinforcement, here, but if she goes back to the old ways, she's kind of out luck with me..
The Annunciation is, in Christianity, the revelation to Mary, the mother of Jesus by the angel Gabriel that she would conceive a child to be born the Son of God.
In phonetics, enunciation is the act of speaking. Good enunciation is the act of speaking clearly and concisely. The opposite of good enunciation is mumbling or slurring
Sorry, I gotta go with the grammar police on this one. The difference is so noticeable that it takes away from the flow of the article. It's like talking to someone who repeatedly uses double negatives in conversation. It's distracting and takes your attention away from the what the speaker is trying to convey.
Just my 2 cents.
My sister and I went to high school with one of Whitney's cousins, and he was a close friend of sis.
All I can say from everything I ever heard about her was that she was a godawful prima-donna who turned her nose up at virtually everyone but her grandmother… whose funeral she held for her own edification, barring the rest of the family from even attending.
Not really the sort of person I'm inclined to root for or feel any sympathy towards.
Women who end up in abusive relationships are victims. Yes, they should have known better. But often they are charmed in the beginning by a predator who works on them for years to break them down to a point where they can be abused at will.
Blaming the victim is not acceptable, ever, and yet many commenters here today are doing so with glee. This disappoints me. Perhaps you who feel so smug about never choosing poorly or feeling trapped should volunteer at a shelter for battered women.
I answered the phones for a shelter when I was in college, and the sob stories I received from men who still had scabbed knuckles from pounding on their wives would break your heart. Oh, they were so sorry, so sorry, so eager to beg forgiveness from the woman they loved!
Sometimes the women had learned their lesson. Sometimes they went back, because they loved their husband and they just knew he'd never do it again. Usually they ended up back at the shelter.
Twice, we buried them.
You are absolutely right. I have a friend who has 3 children, all under the age of 10. She was a stay at home mom because that is what her, ahem, husband wanted. After the birth of their first child her, ahem, husband began beating the living snot out of her for no apparent reason. She lost a baby in between the first and second child because of the abuse. But she stayed. Her friends and family begged her to leave, but all we got was "he loves me and the children need their father." About 6 weeks after their third child was born he beat my friend very badly. She left that day. No money. No job. She and her kids walked out with the clothes on their backs. She wouldn't go to her parents because she didn't want her husband to find them there and hurt her parents. So she went to a shelter. Now she has a job, makes a modest living and the bastard is in jail.
The point of this lovely little story is this…my friend had nothing and left. Whitney had the money and resources to leave and take her children anywhere in the world she wanted to go. She wouldn't have to support herself cleaning other people's toilets. So I have no pity for her. She chose to marry him, she chose to do drugs and she chose to stay after her, ahem, husband spit in her face. If he spit in my face, I might end up in the hospital, but believe me when I say Mr. Brown would have known he'd been in a fight. She made her choices and now she has to live with them, just like the rest of us.
Professional proofreaders went the way of a sound education in grammar, I'm afraid!
Me fail English? That's unpossible!
I wouldn't worry too much about the grammar. I usually don't bring it up on these sites, unless some troll comes along who tries to come off as half-intelligent and therefore highly arrogant in an argument, but at the same time can't spell or punctuate worth a lick. Then I think they deserve to be taken down a peg. Other than that, who cares?
I'm rooting for Whitney too. Wish her the best forward.
As for Ofrah, she's looking more and more like Michael Jackson. They have same plastic surgeon?
It's such a damned, sad shame that a woman who brought so much beauty to others with her magnificent voice never found the beauty for herself. I really hope that things will go well for her now.
She's got the rest of her life – and it's all up to her now.
First of all, to the author of the article and some of the responders, Whitney very specifically said she didn't abuse alcohol. Her drugs of choice were rock cocaine and marijuana.
That said, I don't recall her laying all the blame on Bobby Brown. She has accepted responsibility for her actions by leaving and getting off drugs. Who cares how long it took? We should be happy for her that she got out period. She did it for herself, her daughter and her family. We don't know what goes on in the minds of abused women. Money, no matter how much it is, is sometimes never as strong as the block on a human mind. I really feel as if she blamed herself as much as her ex-husband.
None of us here has ever had the fame or fortune that Ms. Houston has experienced. We tend to think that money can solve all problems, but we don't understand the notion that even a rich and famous human being is still a HUMAN BEING. I can't imagine having to live in that bubble.
You're right, many women go through this and never have their experiences shared on Oprah or in magazine articles. But, how many women will see that and think, "man, I can get out of my situation too". We let these people speak up because it should serve as warning and inspiration for those who don't get the article written about them. A prisoner without money is a prisoner. A prisoner with a lot of money…is still a prisoner. I think Ms. Houston's daughter has learned a valuable lesson on how she will or won't let a man treat her in the future. I, personally, am cheering for Whitney Houston and her daughter. It's so easy to say "leave the scumbag", but ask any abused woman, it's not as easy to do. What we need to take from this is "don't go with the scumbag in the first place".
I met her once when she was rehearsing next door to me at SIR in NYC – Raquel Welch too – back circa 1987, and she is one of the most beautiful and charismatic women I've ever been in the presence of. I'm really not surprised that she's had so many problems in the notoriously brutal and exploitative entertainment business, because it was obvious that she was a genuinely sensitive, caring and trusting individual. People like that either toughen up, or get used up and spat out in the music business, sadly.
Yawn……
Track, wait right there I have called the rubber truck and they will be there shortly.
Whitney had choices. She chose her husband and her lifestyle.
Not to mention she was in the grips of an addiction too. Just another factor that can make it very hard to leave an abusive situation.
There isn't a song that Whitney sings that isn't great. She has this God given talent and she came from a strong christian background and she believed in her marriage vows, to bad Bobby didn't. I hope for Whitney's sake that she focuses on her singing career and meets some guy that just loves her and not uses her. She has a lot to offer and I will never forget just how proud I was of her when she sang the National anthem that time. Good luck Whitney you deserve a break and sing your heart out again!!
I think the writer meant epiphany, "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."
Hmmm, so who's the petty one thumbing me down.
I guess we're all petty today.
It was George Bush's fault.
Make sure you cover your mouth when yawning, not just due to bad breath but germs can spread..
"although when you saw this erratic behavior, you could see there was something causing it all".
I.E. All Bobby Browns fault.. Whitney Houston has more resources and money than my entire company does put together and I feel zero pity for the woman other than from the notion that she picked a loser to marry.. She could have bought her very own battered shelter and paid the staff to take care of her with golden paper plates and diamond studded plastic forks. Pffft.. And shame on anyone for comparing her to women who actually do have zero resources and actually are "trapped" in an abusive relationship. I got an immediate reaction to the "spitting" incident as being one of hyperbole and he probably did cough or spray a tiny drop on her and it bacame "spitting". All drug addicts, including many of those new to recovery play the victim card for all it is worth because that is what made them drug addicts to begin with..
Great piece with lots of insights. Nothing new, but always bears repeating. Thanks
Whoa…in the picture, is Whitney hugging Michael Jackson? So odd….
Hey, wasn't ME.
Most memorable Whitney moment ever: Screeching "Kissmyass!" to that scumbag from that dreadful reality show they did…
I wish the best for her, but the choices were her own. She had all the money, support and spiritual background to make different choices, and she didn't. She is not a victim; she is a woman who chose to put her child in harm's way for her own selfish desires, as many of her ilk do. The victim in this is her daughter, who had no choice. I'm so tired of these narcissistic people,who only think of themselves, playing the victim. She was given such gifts and threw them away.
There are so many strong women out there who had much less going for them and chose a different road, or for the sake of their children, got out of those kinds of situations. I'd rather hear those stories. I have a close friend who was hooked on heroin; she found out she was pregnant, left the abusive spouse, kicked the habit and never looked back. She knew she was responsible for her chid and loved her as much as herself, if not more. There's a story worth reading about.
what kiind of wacky website is this? You all feel so bad for whitney houston, a crack head mother but vilify adam lambert who has never hurt a soul in his life and been working hard for 17 years. what kind of place IS THIS?
Lol! That's because you have class.
It weren't me. I never done nothin' to nobody.
What a group of ass-kissing experts…geez take a reality break einsteins
Because our hind-brains judge a potential mate's value in a sometimes odd way. If he's a jerk it means his genes are so desirable that he doesn't have to try. He could have anyone he wants. That means he's a better catch.
Look at all the other ways this dynamic works in other parts of life. If you're a contractor and raise your prices the demand for your services might go up instead of down. If you can charge that much, you must be worth it. Someone who can be rude to clients must be really good and people will put up with a lot to get the best.
A man who treats women like garbage… same thing.
It's sort of like playing hard to get. Someone too nice or attentive seems needy… and really, getting someone too far on the needy side of it all can be just as bad. In any case, jerks never complain about nice guys getting the chicks because there are enough chicks who's ability to tell "nice" from "needy" and "confident" from "self absorbed back hole" is broken.
She is s trully great singer, this is what counts. I honestly hope that she will be given another chance to express her extraordinary talent. Who are we to judge her for her choices in her personal life. She made mestakes. Who does not?
I noticed she never mentioned her lesbian side or her crack habit before she married Bobby. His career was bigger and had more potential than she ever had. She may be throwing Bobby under the bus now, but those of us that were around her no the truth about her drug habit before Bobby and the women that she slept with. Whitney is still strung out!!
I've always liked Whitney and really LOVE her music. I hated to see what was happening to her by that control freak of a husband of hers. I don't know why women let "men" influence them, I guess it's a lack of self esteem or something. Even beautiful people have self esteem issues. I think they hear people tell them that they're beautiful so much that they seem to fall short in their own eyes, it's like they never "measure up" in their own minds. Kind of like that old saying that goes "you are your own worst critic". I really believe that Whitney started to believe that she was unworthy of a better man. Very sad Situation all around.
Oh please. OF COURSE ITS THE WOMANS FAULT.
They chose, in the freest society on earth, abusive, violent, and dangerous men. Battered women's shelters are filled with women who chose violence, danger, excitement, abuse, and so on in the belief that their beauty and magical powers of specialness made them "different."
They could have had any man. And THEY CHOSE THE WORST. Of their own free will. BECAUSE THE MEN WERE VIOLENT AND BAD. Theodore Dalrymple in "Life at the Bottom" details how his educated professional nurses chose violent abusers who humiliatingly beat them at their work, and found nice, decent, caring men "boring.'
Let's call it like it is — the women in shelters are TESTOSTERONE junkies. Craving their fix of violence and dangerous men. In the freest society on earth, they CHOSE their path. If their men kill them, it's not any different from the junkie who overdoses. Sad yes, but they chose their path. KNOWING THE RISKS.
Women who end up in abusive relationships are there BY THEIR OWN CHOICE (they chose the men BECAUSE they were exciting and dangerous, like a junkie seeking a high). Lets not put women on a pedestal or idealize them — give them their humanity to be as stupid and flawed as the rest of us.
Yeah. She was the type of Baptist who sings songs approving of adultery.
Addiction is a terrible, destructive and painful thing. I hope her child runs in the opposite direction.
A few years ago when these two had a reality show I caught a half episode. I will never forget it. It involved the two adults running thru a department store vying for attention with their child cast aside wandering about. She came up to her mom and said something and Whitney barked something rude then said she was too fat for some item of clothing she had in her hand. I had to turn the channel.
According to whiskey, then, the woman Jaycee Dugard who was captured at 11 years old by a pedophile, kept in a back yard tent, beaten and raped and forced to bear two children, was an IDIOT because at any time after the age of twenty-one she could of, her own FREE WILL, walked out of that back yard and into freedom.
Sure, whiskey, sure. Knock yourself out with your fantasies of how women really want to be abused and raped and beaten. Good and honorable men do not share your opinion. Neither do I.
Absolutely right. Very well said.
Give me a break! "I was a junkie,but not anymore"? Woman in 2009 giving up their power astounds me.She lost her voice because of the crack,destroyed her daughters childhood because of the crack.She didn,t care about her life,her child her future….why should I?
From the moment she even contemplated the boob job…
I'm concerned about the motivation in her clean-up. Did her family get her clean to enjoy the re-birth, or to get that cash cow back on the road, back in that "life" that Whitney found so empty. I'm afraid that she may be doomed to temporary "cured" episodes, followed by more crash 'n burn downtimes (just like her predecessors, Judy Garland, et al).
But, what the heck, she'll make money until the next crash.
If you don't wanna, then do us all a favor, and don't
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