Happy 70th Lee Majors
by Eric Golub
Well I’m not the kind to kiss and tell, but I’ve been seen with Farrah…
I’ve never been with anything less than a 9…so fine…
I’ve been on fire with Sally Field, gone fast with a girl named Bo…
But somehow, they just don’t end up as mine…
It’s a death defying life I lead, I take my chances…
I die for a living in the movies and tv…
But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies…
kiss some other guy while I’m bandaging my knee…
I might fall from a tall building, I might roll a brand new car…
’cause I’m the unknown stuntman, that made Redford such a star…”
Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he is certainly more of a man than the sissies masquerading as males on television today.
No, a man does not have to end up with Farrah Fawcett to be a man. Nor does he have to wed a Playboy playmate. Then again, to do both certainly does not hurt anybody in the “guy cred” department.
I never spent much time in school, but I taught ladies plenty…
It’s true I hire my body out for pay…hey hey…
I’ve gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs, blown up for Raquel Welch…
But when I wind up in the hay it’s only hey, hey hey…
I might jump an open drawbridge, or Tarzan from a vine…
’cause I’m the unknown stuntman, that makes Eastwood look so fine…
Most women won’t admit it, but they do privately find flattery in a guy willing to discombobulate himself solely to impress her.
I was 25 when I turned into Colt Seavers. Playing in a softball game at my Summer Camp reunion, I was on first base in a tie game in the bottom half of the ninth inning. The next batter hit a double, and the third base coach gave me the signal to stay at third base.
What he failed to understand was that the girl I adored from age 11 to age 14 was standing behind the third base coach. I was homeward bound as the coach screamed for me to stop. She saw me, and to this day I maintain that her smile told me that I would be rewarded at home base.
I wish she would have communicated that to my buddy playing the outfield. He still has a gun of an arm, and naturally my attempts at beating the throw through osmosis was not communicated to him. The ball got to the catcher before I did, but in the split second I had to react, I remembered the rule that for the out to count, the catcher had to hang onto the ball.
Everybody from my parents to my teachers told me growing up to use my head. So I did. One violent collision later, two bodies were sprawled on the dirt. The ball was near the dugout, and the catcher was not getting it. I looked over, saw her smiling, and for pure theatre, rolled over and banged my fist on home plate.
Everybody laughed, although the catcher, still on the ground next to me yelled, “Get over her. It was 1985. You’ve both moved on.”
Three or four guys helped me up, walked me to her, and yes, I still maintain to this day that she was impressed. Besides, within days I was walking just fine. She and I even took a walk that day. Well I hobbled and she walked, but we spent over an hour together talking.
I was the Fall Guy for 70 minutes. I cannot imagine a guy being that cool for 70 years.
They’ll never make me President, but I’ve got the best First Ladies…
Some days I’ve got ‘em as far as the eye can see, hoo wee…
I’ve born and died with Jackie Smith, I crash in the night with Cheryl…
But in the end they never stay with me…
I might fall from a tall building, so Burt Reynold’s don’t get hurt…
I might leap a mighty canyon, so he can kiss and flirt…
While that smooth talker’s kissing my girl, I’m just kissing dirt…
Yes I’m the lonely stuntman, that made a lover out of Burt.
America needs more Fall Guys. Heck, we need more “Guys.” When I say guys, I mean GUYS.
Look at television today. Every sitcom has a superwoman mother, surly kids, and a clown of a father that is another overgrown child that the wife has to tolerate.
I still don’t know how we went from Magnum, P.I. to the (thankfully canceled) Lipstick Jungle.
I blame Phil Donahue, among others. Maybe he likes getting his hide kicked by Marlo Thomas, but I miss the days when being a guy was not a bad thing.
I watch football, eat red meat, and am fine with movies where they gratuitously blow sh*t up. When a guy (he looked like a guy, but I remain unsure to this day) once asked me if I watched (again thankfully long since canceled) Ally McBeal, I had to wipe the look of shock off of my face and explain to him about a program called “Monday Night Football.” Until Ally McBeal can stop a fullback on 4th and goal at the one yard line, I have no reason to pay attention to her.
Sometimes I think radical feminists and their barely male counterparts purposely put abominable anti-alpha male programming on Monday nights. I still have nightmares that “Designing Women” existed.
Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis are all Republican alpha males. Tom Selleck has voted Republican. Yet this is not just about politics. It is about taking back the male gender from the leftist sensitivity movement that thinks that boys playing with dolls is acceptable. No, it isn’t, although “action figures” should be encouraged.
How many women want their daughters to grow up and act like boys? Virtually none of them. Yet radical feminists want boys to feel that drinking something straight from the bottle and putting it back in the fridge incorrectly makes a man a neanderthal. Is it any wonder that guys that like their shirts untucked are going around the country beating up metrosexuals (if they are not, they should.)?
Real men today consist of Burt Reynolds, Dennis Farina, Lee Majors, and a bunch of beta males. I wish they had medicine to get rid of beta males. Actually, that might be what beta blockers are for. They are like the v-chip for effeminate behavior, in the same way my television came with a v-chip that blocked the Lifetime network.
I don’t negotiate with terrorists, I don’t bow down before dictators, and I don’t pretend to use my body as a live grenade because a girl has attractive brains.
Yeah, that fall in the dirt hurt like heck. Yet like a real man, I got back up.
So to all the guys out there that heed my words, it is better to be discombobulated than emasculated.
“That smooth talker’s kissing my girl, I’m just kissing dirt.”
I got the “my hero” kiss after the collision back in 1997. Now she is married to somebody else.
Hey, even Lee Majors lost the girl, and more than once at that.
Yet at age 70, he is still more of a man than the effeminates half his age that make up television today.
From the “Fall Guy” to “Yes, Dear” in only 20 years.
The male gender may be collapsing on all fronts, but for this one day let’s harken back and celebrate a time when he had power over…anything.
For one day, in 1997, I was the unknown stuntman, that made Majors look so fine.
Happy Birthday Lee Majors. For alpha males everywhere, I salute you sir.
Ok, off to the store to buy stuff for my girlfriend that I really hate talking about.
Alpha male? What a beta joke.
eric aka the Tygrrrr Express
blacktygrrrr@earthlink.net
http://www.tygrrrrexpress.com
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
| 
Follow Us on Twitter
Subscribe via RSS
Got a Tip?
76 Comments
I still have my Steve Austin action figure, the one where he curls an engine block…..Who else can say the kicked a bionic Bigfoot's ass???
Great article!!
Remember the action figure where you looked through the back of his head so you were seeing through his bionic eye? Think of Lee Majors and look at the cast of the new Star Trek movie. "Ya, our haggis is in the fire now."
Wait, was Bigfoot bionic too? I don't remember that.
Man, when I was a kid Steve Austin was the BEST!
"Did you see how he bent that pipe, Mom?!"
…Ahh, those were the days. When men could be rebuilt stronger and faster, islands were fantastic, boats were full of love, and good girls wore daisy dukes.
Happy birthday, Mr. Majors!
Loved the bionic man. We used to do slow motion action scenes while mimicking the "neh neh neh" sound as kids playing in the neighborhood. We'd fight over who got to be Steve Austin. Good times…………………
Happy Birthday Mr. Majors!
Oh yes!! Bigfoot was a robot, Steve Austin actually tore his arm off. And then Bigfoot turned out to be a good guy……
Those were indeed the days…..now we're stuck with the fat, stupid husband married to the hot, super-wife….
I loved this article. I married an alpha male, and though he's in a wheelchair these days, I consistentently watch him scare the hell out of most in any meeting he attends. Even I can't tell this guy what to do. Has a mind of his own that can't be talked out of a conviction. Yea for real men!
You make an excellent point, I don't know who is wearing more makeup in the new Star Trek, Kirk or Uhura….
And I do remember that action figure, last time I saw mine it was floating gently down into a quarry on a homemade parachute with 2 M-80's strapped to it. When we found it after the explosion the bionic eye still worked. Lee Majors, tough even in action figure form…..
Please don't include Arnold Schwarzenegger in any list of MEN. He has been Kennedyed (post JFK Kennedyed).
There's still NCIS, folks. They even did a show on sensitivity training that treated it as a joke. And then there's Chuch (Adam Baldwin!)
My gosh, I spelled Chuck wrong. Sorry.
Colt Seavers? humbug. Steve Austin? Bah!… Heath Barkley? NOW you're talking. His splash onto the screen as the renegade half brother in 'The Big Valley' was as auspicious a debut as TV has had… channeling a young 'Love Me Tender' post civil war era Elvis, Majors brought some serious heat to the screen and inspired more than one aspiring cowpoke.
His subsequent work was spotty- his looks and charm had won out over his talent and it was a shame. However, 'Six Million Dollar Man' is an iconic series and remains still in the Zeitgeist of the American Male.
As an aside, in the Bill Murray flick 'Scrooged' Lee does a deadly parody of a Steve Austin type in the opening sequence. Not a particularly good film, but a great bit…
Happy Birthday Lee.
Best Christmas present ever. Ton of indoor fun, too, courtesy the blizzard o' '76, and Mr. Austin even saw some outdoor snow combat … 'cause he was just that tough.
When is he running for office? I'd vote for him. (if he's a conservative, of course.)
"As an aside, in the Bill Murray flick 'Scrooged' Lee does a deadly parody of a Steve Austin type in the opening sequence. Not a particularly good film, but a great bit…
Report Posting…0 replies · active 10 minutes ago "
Ah yes, the Night the Reindeer Died", now that was classic and too funny, and even doing comedy/schtick, he's still the Tough Guy.
And he saved Santa with a mini-gun…..but that was one Santa that walked out the FRONT door…..
Allright, where is the gratuitous libtroll comment about us knuckledraggers living in a fantasy land? We're waiting…………
Liberalism – Where comics are textbooks
Happy Birthday, Mr. Majors. What a lovely tribute from Eric Golub, too. Er, I mean, what a manly tribute. Grrr.
My son's 11th birthday party was an airsoft gun battle at the local park. By the time the boys geared up with eye protection, hoodies, gloves, guns and lots of ammo pellets, they looked like a tiny combat team. Afterwards, pizza and cake at our home. Great party, eh?
A parent called me up before the party and begged me to change the "tone" of the event. His son could not go to a party where there were weapons and shooting, but his son was devastated he couldn't attend the birthday party. Couldn't we do something more peaceful, more gentle? His son would love to come to the party then.
Poor kid, I thought to myself, oh, you poor boy. Stuck with parents who want to turn you into a weak sniveling metrosexual, when all you want to do is yell "Come and get some, suckahs!" and jump over the kid's slide with your pellet gun set on full auto?
Needless to say, the party went off as planned, with lots of mayhem and fun. The "nonweapon" parents didn't let their son attend.
yes, the Care Bear comics….
Yes, Lee Majors will never get caught bringing a knife to a gunfight.
6 points for knowing the title of The Night the Reindeer Died'- Murray's expression after he previews it for other execs is priceless…
Like you, I feel for that poor child with the nonweapon parents. Perhaps fate may be kind to him and find him a buddy someday that will show him the true path (likely one that the parents would not approve of and thus encourage their son's "rebellion").
We just returned from a two week visit to relatives in the UK where my 3 year old son and his 7 year old British cousin (son of a former UK army sgt) spent the whole time dragging their knuckles around like their old men in all kinds of boy/guy games. Does a dad's heart good to see the little ones on the right path.
Lee Majors, best super hero of all time.. Well, top 5 anyway.. The only guy ever who got to poke the bionic woman. Lindsay Wagner, hottest fembot killer ever. Jeanine Girrafolo must be a fembot.
watch the poor kid grow up to be an SF operator- we knew a sheltered kid like that once upon a time- he showed his parents what's what… won a couple of silver stars. You never know…
[...] From Big Hollywood: Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he is certainly more of a man than the sissies masquerading as males on television today. [...]
Oh, I remember the Fall Guy. Why do guys always get to do all the fun stuff? I agree that I miss the real men though. Why can't we have a man's man action hero anymore? Heck, why can't we have a man's man at anything? Don't the ladies want a guy who can save them in their fantasies? Maybe this is why I enjoy Deadliest Catch so much.
Burt Reynolds?! Real men don't have plastic surgery. Have you seen him lately?!
God I miss Magnum P.I., the A Team, Simon and Simon, all the 80's shows were MEN were ex-vets, helping the little guy, getting the girl, hanging w/ their buddies, and not worrying about their feelings. Yes, as an adult the A Team is silly looking back, but if you ask me if I'd rather my kid try to copy B.A (only drank milk, loved his mama, and was kind to kids and old people), or Charlie Sheen on 2 1/2 men, there is no question.
I'm hardly a libtroll, but I was surprised to see a pretend character who ran after pretend baddies while wearing make-up described as a real man – there's plenty of REAL real men to admire, like these guys (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Medal_of_Hon... or even these ones (http://www.topgear.com/content/features/category/...
I loved "The Fall Guy." I miss '80s t.v..
Although it was a supporting roll, Majors was great in WILL PENNY. Too bad he couldn't get meatier rolls like that.
And, the crystal radio in his backpack. Ahhh… those full sized action figures… like GI Joe, ruled!
Excellent article; good writing; thank you.
One of my first crushes was Heath Barkley (Nick twern't bad, either.) I forgave him for marrying Farrah and continued to enjoy him through SMDM and FG. A real man and a real gent.
Sorry, I don't think Bruce Willis could carry Lee's jockstrap.
His subsequent work was spotty- his looks and charm had won out over his talent and it was a shame. However, 'Six Million Dollar Man' is an iconic series and remains still in the Zeitgeist of the American Male.
Blasphemy! You dare criticize Fall Guy, dc? Big 4×4's! Lee Majors punching bigfoot.. and Heather Thomas!
Of course, it was reminisciing that originally got me hooked on Hulu… got to watch A-Team, Fall Guy, Simon&Simon (even metro-sexual AJ could throw a punch!), etc.
Okay… how can parents be that … er.. Idiotic? Let the kid have fun.. he's only going to be a kid for a short while longer…
I still have my Six Million Dollar Man lunch pail.
I get quite a few stares in the office break room.
I'm jealous. I'm stuck sorting through weenies who wear Burberry from head-to-toe and think Jack Black is badass. But it's nice to hear alpha men still exist!
um… yeah. We got hooked on him as a youngster in Big Valley- he was way cool- and by the time we were all growed up he was doing Fall Guy which you gotta admit is better in memory than in actual fact… of course, we loved 'The A-Team' because Peppard was in it and his classsic line "I love it when a plan comes together" is still used frequently here. Hey, Lee is cool no matter what- and a Bigfoot smackdown might be just what the doctor ordered…
"Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? Why do you HAVE that?"
I think attitude is what makes a man – a man. Look at Sean Connery. Bald, old, but I am sure he still exudes "that" quality. Just like Sophia Loren has for femininity. And mysteries of mysteries, why did Farrah leave Majors to go to Ryan O'Neil? Now that seems to be a guy with more than his share of problems. Majors was never tabloid fodder.
You can't really include Sly Stalone on the list either since he is an anti 2nd amendment nut who thinks that American needs to "grow up and join the world community". Funny (dad) part is that while he is anti-guns, he has a concealed carry permit.
Explain that one if you can
"we need more guys.." Sorry to nitpick Eric, but what we need is more MEN. Guys can get together, toss an oblate spheroid around, slapping each other to stop and start play. MEN play football. Tom Selleck even did commercials for National Review magazine in the late 80's – early 90's. Just sayin'.
I think the parents are halfthe problem today – in the public schools – in general – kid can probably have all the Barbie dolls he wants!
I'm still in love with Magnum P.I. And I will forever be faithful.
God, please bless the alpha, masculine male and multiply him. If I want someone who cries at movies, I'll hang out with my girlfriends.
How do you know Stallone's stance on the 2nd Amendment? I can't understand a single word that mumble mouth says.
J.G, a fembot – I don't think so! Why would someone waste their money to make something that ugly?
Lee Majors played a nice role in the outstanding Charlton Heston western, "Will Penny" (1968).____Also, Eric, considering your appreciation for both Lee Majors & football, you might be thrilled to learn that Lee Majors actually played college football until an injury ended his career.
Yes. "The Big Valley" and "The Men From Shiloh" are my best memories of Lee Majors. But, I've always been a lover of the western or frontier genre. Don't forget his brief turn as an attorney in "Owen Marshall, Counsellor at Law." I'd say his best work was the small part in "Will Penny" with Charlton Heston and Anthony Zerbe.
Happy birthday, Lee! You've given us a lot of entertainment over the years.
According to the tabloids of the time, Ryan and Lee were best pals at the time also.
I just posted that. I guess that I should have read down to the end of the thread!
That was a very good, well acted film. I still laugh about the scene where they weighed out getting a few shots of whiskey drank versus rushing their gutshot pal to the doctor to try and save his life.
Sorry you sound so scared that you're losing your masculinity. Or at losing the stereotyped idea of masclinity that you hold so dear. Oh the terror that I could no longer hold a gun like a real man! Oh the fear of those metrosexuals spreading their feminity around! It's contagious, you know, like homosexuality. Dread this coming nation of effeminate men! Protect Protect my guyness! At any cost! For I'm insecure beneath the camoflauge! Because the only thing I can do to protect myself – my cherished manliness and the defining character of my very being – is to put down anything that is different or actually means a damn. This is a guy's world damn it! Oh, crap: why am I wearing my second wife's red panties underneath my Wrangler's? Now where's a good gun when I need it? I want to shoot someone to show what I GUY I am!
the late Chuck Heston would agree; his favorite film and he and Lee got along famously…
I loved the Stuntman. What a great show. One of the best TV show themes EVER!
[...] From Big Hollywood: Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he is certainly more of a man than the sissies masquerading as males on television today. [...]
[...] From Big Hollywood: Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he is certainly more of a man than the sissies masquerading as males on television today. No, a man does not have to end up with Farrah Fawcett to be a man. Nor does he have to wed a Playboy playmate. Then again, to do both certainly does not hurt anybody in the “guy cred” department. [...]
[...] From Big Hollywood: Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he is certainly more of a man than the sissies masquerading as males on television today. [...]
[...] 70th, Eric Golub has written a great, geeky tribute of the man that’s worth a read. From Big Hollywood: Yes folks, the unknown stuntman turns 70 today. Lee Majors may no longer be the Bionic Man, but he [...]
It's OK Richard – it's not too late. That's what we are here for! I assume he was attempting his brand of sarcasm, but there have been a lot of sissified men lately. Or as a popular radio talk show hosts calls "the new castriti"
Its not just TV shows. Take a closer look at the commercials, too. Not all, but most commercials, in some way, portray males……usually white males…….as the idiotic comic relief to the female in the commercial. I never noticed it until someone mentioned this to me, and after paying attention, its not hard to see. Virtually every humorous commercial that has men and women in it, the women are portrayed as the smart ones, and the men are the blithering idiots. iGranted, some of them are damn funny, and they make me laugh. But there is definitely a pattern there, and its NOT coincidental. Its called the "wussification of America" and its been going on for years.
Oh, and Richard, thanks for the post. I was waiting for some pole-sucker to pipe in with their candy-ass comments.
I think Eric needs to get a haircut
The hippie!…. : )
Yeah, how about the one with Cheerios and the guy asks the wife if she is watching her weight and he basically falls apart stuttering and stammering "I'm sorry, don't hurt me"
You can spot "Real men" in the world today by their universal call of indentification. The ubiquitous "I'm good!" as evidenced in the Pepsi Max ad.
How the heck did Perez Hilton get an account here?
I love real men! That's why I married my wonderful husband. Real men are strong in character, stand up for what is right, takes care of their family & aren't afraid of what others think of them when the stand on their principles. He treats me like a queen & I treat him like a king. He takes his responsibilities seriously but knows how to have fun. Real men know how to love. I'm not a feminazi, as you can tell. I listen to other women bad mouth their guys to each other & even when the guys are in the room. That is demeaning. I could never do that to my man. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. He has earned my respect & I brag about him to everyone.
This is one reason why I respect President Bush. He may not have always been right, but he has the back bone to stand up for what he believed was right. He wasn't limp & didn't blow with the wind (or polls).
MeanMommie–You and your husband both married well.
Bonnie–Thank you so much. As for that boy, I think he was adopted by Perez Hilton. Poor lil fella.
Rather Read–Burt Reynolds was the Bandit. He gets a lifetime exemption from any criticism of his "guy status."
T.C.–Yeah, Simon and Simon was fun. I never watched much A-Team, but remember one episode where his mom kept calling him "Scooter" in front of the others.
Susan Nolte–Thanxalotsa!
Bill Brandt–I totally concur.
Another Carolyn–Good point.
Dom Colangelo–Well stated.
Tara Lynn–Every woman on Earth should echo your sentiments.
MacGuffin–The truly great ones do play football.
Richard Womaning–I have sex fantasies about Monique from Showtime at the Apollo and Bea Arthur. You can't shame me. Also, had you read the last line, you would have noticed that I am so comfortable in my own skin that I wouldn't care if you saw me rip the red panties off and autograph them for you.
Robert B–He slept his way to the bottom.
Brian–I totally agree.
John McClain–That commercial is a riot. I would start sobbing and run away.
David–I hunt hippies. It is the 1980s glam rocker look. I cut it 2x a year before visiting my dad, a former guy.
Laura–Your husband is one lucky man.
For those who care (or don't), my book, "ideological Bigotry," is now available.
eric aka the Tygrrrr Express
The Military Channel is required viewing in my house. And paintball is our favorite pastime. Funny, no one wants to play the badguy terrorist anymore. They get the snot shot out of 'em. Viva Lee! Happy Birthday, old warrior!
He will always be the Six Mlilion Dollar Man to me. I watched the original shows as a kid.
I was a kid when The 6 Million Dollar Man was on. Lee Majors will always be Steve Austin to me, not that hack of a wrestler.
You'll notice they did a remake of the Bionic Woman but not the original Bionic Man.
William Shatner once guest-starred in "The Six Million Dollar Man." The sheer manliness of both of them together caused hair to grow on my television.
You're exactly right, Richard. We are scared of losing our masculinity…well, not losing it, but having it outlawed, which is what you guys are about. We are, you see, males, and males are a particular thing. We have particular properties and tend to act in particular ways. We are not just infinitely malleable lumps of clay that you can mold any old way you want to. If you're an oddball and don't possess the same masculine properties we do, that's no reason to wish them out of us. We haven't wished your feminine properties out of you.
Oh, I wish you and I were friends.
Schwarzenegger a Republican? Riiiggghhhttt! And Grey Davis was the best governor California ever had!
Happy birthday, Lee!
[...] TestDriven put an intriguing blog post on Happy 70th Lee MajorsHere’s a quick excerptI might fall from a tall building, I might roll a brand new car… ’cause I’m the unknown stuntman, that made Redford such a star… [...]
Lee Majors is 70! Happy birthday Lee. I followed his career ever since I saw him on The Big Valley. Saw every TV show, every movie. Great career, Lee.
I read a translation of his mumbling here.
http://blog.riflegear.com/articles/the-hypocrisy-...
[...] Happy 70th Lee Majors bighollywood.breitbart.com [...]
You must be logged in to post a comment.