I Now Pronounce You Government and Wife
by Doug TenNapelA new Gallup poll shows that married people are more likely to be Republicans than Democrats. The propensity for marriage among Republicans was the same regardless of race or age groups. So this is my formal call to all single Democrats who want to get married; it’s time to change your party affiliation or you’ll go through life alone, or worse, with some flaky narcissist with commitment issues.
We all pretty much know that most Democrats can’t be trusted and that’s reflected in this marriage poll. It’s not that Democrat women are ugly, because we’ve seen too many cute ones out there. The men aren’t hideous either, unless you think a soft, effeminate man hen-pecked his whole life by his domineering mother is hideous. The main reason people don’t get married is out of a fear of divorce– a fear of a breaking of vows. And Democrats talk with their feet when it comes to making commitments with those who philosophically have no grounding to keep any commitment. Did Obama shut down Gitmo? Will he get health reform finished before August recess? Is he going to cut taxes for most Americans?
I go to dinner with a bunch of Hollywood Republicans every month or so and I’ll tell you one thing, the women are easy on the eyes, none more conservative or good looking than my Beloved. Republican women are happy, they don’t mope around like victims or screech about how terrible men are for being men. The men at these get-togethers are happier and generally sport less hair product. Married men are polled to have more sex and more satisfying sex than singles so Republican men have another great quality over their unmarried Democrat counterparts.
Marriage works better for Republicans because how long can a relationship last when victimhood and class struggle are the stock and trade of the household? Every married couple will champion the virtues of personal responsibility which is alien to the donkey platform.
Finally, what Democrat needs a spouse when the government is the head of the house? The federal open wallet makes for a provider of food, housing, education and PBS without all that pesky back hair.
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105 Comments
Bumper sticker of the day: Republicans have better sex
"Hey honey, whatcha doing?"
Tip of the iceberg for western society…
I would be afraid to marry a Democrat too!
"….with some flaky narcissist with commitment issues."
Are you seeing this Cameron Diaz???
What? So you're saying that JUST BECAUSE someone votes Democrat they are more attractive and marriageable?
What a freakin' IDIOT!!!
What's more, since you have to brag, your wife probably looks like a beached whale — as does your mother!!!
Next time, read BEFORE you respond, Joe.
Stay classy, Joe.
I, for one, have noticed an appauling statistical correlation. Liberal women are far more likely to misuse spandex than Conservative women.
If you don't believe me, just ride public transit sometime…
The federal open wallet makes for a provider of food, housing, education and PBS without all that pesky back hair.
-Coming from someone who keeps a nutrea parked on his dome. Funny that.
Mr. TenNapel: You hit it out of the park concisely and simply. For years, the Federal government and to a lesser extent, State and local governments, have become the husbands and fathers to single female parents and single women.
I find it strange that women have been told for years that 'they don't need a man" to take care of them, yet, these same women have fallen into the same trap that other groups of people have fallen into for years: For "security" reasons(not National Security reasons!!!!), they vote for less freedom and more Big Daddy Government to take care of them.
Just look at who put Clinton and Obama in office. Single women with children. Sad, very sad.
The logic here is profound and irrefutable. It's funny. There's a problem though – that saying, "If you're under 30 and you're a Republican, you don't have a heart; if you're over 30 and you're a Democrat, you don't have a brain." The only explanation is that Republicans have hearts and brains. Heh.
Someone must have really hurt you, Joe.
Must…get…image…out…of…head…
And that's how the Left debates, ladies and gentlemen — with honor, class, and style.
Will ObamaCare cover the sprained eyes I got from rolling them while writing that?
[...] Read it. A new Gallup poll shows that married people are more likely to be Republicans than Democrats. The propensity for marriage among Republicans was the same regardless of race or age groups. So this is my formal call to all single Democrats who want to get married; it’s time to change your party affiliation or you’ll go through life alone, or worse, with some flaky narcissist with commitment issues. [...]
Gee thanks, you just blinded my mind's eye.
Can I say a "Thanks" from the ladies on the board?
Like the old saying goes, liberal women want a man who's in touch with his feelings, conservative women want a man who can fix the gutters.
ACID!! Need Acid for my eyes now!!!
Hey Joe…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rm81LSKJC2k&fe...
"I go to dinner with a bunch of Hollywood Republicans every month or so and I’ll tell you one thing, the women are easy on the eyes,"
That's because those women are their mistresses, not their wives.
Sounds like you are jealous. What happened? Did a republican turn you down?
This is just a manifestation of adhering to good lefty prinicples, exemplified by former pres Clinton.
"To each according to his needs."
Some are more needy and require variety, others are so grotesque inside to be found intollerable beyond a short shelf life so their mating partners bail.
Oh, and thanks for not making it Husband and Government. We must be clear on who's screwing whom.
I think he's referring to Ensign and Sanford. This is exactly why we need a revolution within the GOP. Dishonest creeps like these are discrediting conservatism.
I think he's making an oblique reference to Ensign and Sanford. This is exactly why we need a revolution within the GOP. Dishonest creeps like these are discrediting conservatism.
Oh, the government is an equal opportunity screwer, given the chance.
The Dems just prefer that the "evil rich" be screwed even more.
Whoa, settle down, Joe! You don't have to get offended at everything put before you. This is just some lighthearted teasing. And you ARE at a conservative blog, so don't let it ruffle your feathers.
Just so you know, I'm a 29 yr old woman & shockingly enough, I'm single.
However, I do agree that most single people are Democrats or at least lean liberally. I guess, MWDabbs, that make me heartless…I guess that's why I work in health care. Hehe
EdSki, hilarious, but true.
Now I just need to find me a Christian, Conservative/Right wing, traditional, hard working, church involved, gutter cleaning man. I'm not that picky, am I?
It looks like a hot pink sack of potatos.
The Mama in the Greek Wedding movie was correct:. 'The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants to.' If more women understood that the reason Republican women get married in greater percentages than Dims is because that's what they want to do. They probably don't want to just live together because y oung Republican women are usually from Republican families, who usually have higher moral values(hide the computer, Markie, Rudy, Newtie, and Johnny Ensign, don't let your kids read this) and require the formal commitment. Or the guy's rich.
Considering the recent antics of Ensign and Sandford, I'm not really sure this is the time to tout Republican marriage skills. Also, if more conservatives than liberals marry, yet half of all marriages end in divorce (most of which must be conservative, right?) then one might conclude conservatives may marry more, but they also fail more, too.
Thanks for proving the point Joe.
I think you give too much credit. Liberals don't know how to make oblique references. After all, they need everything spelled out for them, so they naturally assume they must spell it all out for everyone too. Then again, their level of humor hasn't progressed much beyond the "pull-my-finger" stage.
Nothing like spending your life with a, miserable-envious-lazy-liberal-victim, yuk!
Post proof of adultery in the gathering TenNapel cited or GTFO.
*MissQuinn*
You don't sound picky, you sound smart!
I'd guess is sojourner has been turned down lots of times!
Thanks, Lynn. My brooding mother may disagree. hehe, just kidding.
It is interesting that libs and the MSM always correlate the misdeeds of a conservative (if they truly are) with the ideology or the party. The misdeeds of a lib never gets placed on the party, only the individual. Sanfords issue is about "How is this going to affect the Republicans?". They never asked if Spitzer's antics were going to affect the Dems… Of course, I'm being rhetorical. They want the actions of conservatives to affect the party/movement and they'll cover up any issues for the libs.
I am sorry, but if sojourners name refers to looking like Sojourner Truth (look it up on Wikipedia or in the mirror sojourner), then its no wonder this person is jealous. I will 'plug' this one in, and say I do take exception about the hair comments posted in one of these threads!
"The main reason people don’t get married is out of a fear of divorce– a fear of a breaking of vows."
yes. And the author fails to add that Republicans statistically seem to skip this reasoning- e.g. they may get married more but their divorce rates are higher too. So much for supporting the institution.
Another reason people do not get married (or have children, which is obviously related) is that they are economically stressed. Democrats are generally poorer than those rich SOB Trickle-Down-Economics-Evangelizing-Republicans. So maybe that has something to do with it too. Especially after… (ooh should I? OK, why not…) EIGHT YEARS OF BUSH.
you, sir, are an ass.
Now if I only I could find any Republican women in the church!
Oh man, I hate those frickin' tree bark nibblin' pests! Time to get out the BB gun!
W00t for being picky! You're not alone.
Republican divorce rates are higher? Never heard that or seen that. I think you may be referring to a poll some years ago that said red-state divorce rates were (slightly) higher. But that doesn't tell us very much, since the poll didn't say if that was as a percentage of the population or a percentage of marriages. (if the former, then it's meaningless — red states are likely to have more marriages, hence more divorces.) There's nothing out there about Republican rates being higher, so perhaps you shouldn't spread around stuff you just made up.
Well, I can't wait for the "trickle up" economics of Obama. Funny, never got a job from a poor person. Not sure how destroying the rich helps anybody. I guess if everyone is poor, you'll have something else to bitch about. Maybe you'll go back to ethnicity or age or gender or the identity politics du Jour…
Thanks, Thorien…I'm a Texan too.
Still live in TX right now…it has been in the 100's for the past few weeks. Do you miss it? 
Good for you kris, it pays to be picky. I'm 29 and single as well and just as picky if not more so.
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dont forget her pesky back hair.
better the spandex than leather thongs
being "picky" only means that when you find the right one, he will definitely be the right one. For some of us it happens a little later than others, that is all.
Depends on which church you're talking about.
I am a 40 year old single conservative woman. I am still looking for that gutter cleaning man. So you are not alone. The way I see it I would rather be alone than married to someone I can control I want a friend and partner. So I patiently wait.
ugh….
Which Church?
What cracks me up is that democrats have no higher moral ground yet they love to talk smack about those in the GOP that get busted being idiots. Nevermind thier own stable of idiots….
Pot meet Kettle….
You wanna talk about picky, I had a list! "Must have these attributes…" It took me until I was 30, but I found that man. (Knowing what you want helps you recognize it when you see it.) Mine's an import, from Scandinavia, but he's a proud American citizen now.
Many years ago when my son was a baby, my husband and I split up. Since my son was so little and I had no family (and day care wasn't easily found back then), I –a conservative– turned to welfare. They took care of me for almost 2 years after which my son was old enough to attend nursery school and I had found a job. I remember going to the welfare office and telling the utterly astounded social workers, "Thank you SO much. You have helped me so much but I'm ready to be on my own. I have a job! My son is going to nursery school now. I just can't thank you enough." They strongly protested — but wait, don't you want WIC, Food Stamps, medical assistance, SOMETHING!!?!?! No, I said, I'm good to go now, thanks again. They were speechless. It was a very funny moment. The government and welfare have a purpose, they certainly helped me when I desperately needed it. But it is not, or should not, be a way of life.
A few comments on your statement…
1. The 50% number includes 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. marriages, all of which have a much higher rate of failure than first marriages, i.e. that 50% includes a subset of people who get married and divorced over and over. Most people who marry only once stay married.
2. Because conservatives are more likely to be married, and there are a lot of divorces, doesn't necessarily imply that conservatives fail more. You'd have to come up with data that show the conservative divorce rate versus the liberal divorce rate to draw that conclusion.
3. You're trying to imply that it means something that many conservatives fail to cross the finish line when most liberals won't even join in the race.
Although I will say you have a point about Ensign and Sanford. This just goes to show that no group is immune to the disturbing trend in America of increasing permissiveness and self-indulgence.
and that little three letter word sums up Diaz's response to any question that requires the slightest bit of intelligence to answer.
And that ticks me off cause she stole it from us knuckledraggers.
It's been shown over and over, in America and Europe, that as people become more affluent, they tend to have fewer children. My great-grandparents, who were poor farmers, had 14 children, most during the Great Depression.
And would someone explain to this SOB trickle-down-economics-evangelizing-conservative, once and for all, how letting wealthy people keep more of their income makes other people poorer?
Ok But "those rich SOB Trickle-Down-Economics-Evangelizing-Republicans" have better sex , seems to trump that.
I hope President and Mrs. Bush are enjoying their free time.
Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed.
Had a lot of hair but it wasn't on his head…
mmm Nutria, now tha's good eatin'
C'mon now, according to Cameron, her parent's marriage of 39 years is what's contributed to her being so, uh, "stable"…
Hahaha!!!!!
LoOk At mE, i GOt teh ARtiCLe WrOnG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111111111 one one one eleven eleventy
(It is nice that he is so passionate about defending Republicans, but bringing in the family?)
Ah yes, the infinite wisdom of sojourner.
Funny you mention mistresses…need I remind you of a certain president, or a governor of new jersey? How about previous governor of New York?
I pity you.
Yes, a good biblically-based church will have several great, conservative women.
I would have to take exception to your 'or have children' comment. Obviously NOT related, hence the fattening of the welfare rolls by unwed mothers. The recent uptick of unemployment numbers is definitely related to the not at all trickle down as immersed in mud economic policies of this administration. I may have misread the economy, but in my world (cue twilight zone theme), we will all be happy in 2016!
Are you talking about nutreas or Paul_D?
So let me get this straight (there's a pun in there somewhere) you areblaming Bush for people not getting married or having children? What did he do, hide in the closet run out and scare people in an Uncle Sam costume just as they were about to fornicate? Probably a sick dream of yours!
Interesting too in the Sanford case that no Republicans or conservatives rushed to defend him, instead they stated that what he'd done was wrong, and in many cases, that he should do SC and his family a favor and resign. Interesting that.
Gee, I thought in your ongoing rapture over our new (ooh should I? OK, why not…) SOVIET SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF AMERICA under our Chosen One, Barack Obama, you wouldn't feel the need to keep bashing Bush. But I guess extreme love has to be matched by extreme hate.
Which must really hurt since he insinuates that Republicans have wives AND mistresses. He's just upset that they aren't "spreading the wealth" sort of speak.
So, if you're a Liberal, not only is the government your Nanny, it's also your Spouse?
*shiver*
Better neuter poor ole’ Joe before he propagates.
Don't insult spandex. It's like big government, it's good for all kinds of control.
I was born poor, raised poor, and lived poor.
I'm not a Republican because I'm prosperous.
I'm prosperous because I am a Republican.
I worked hard, saved much and invested well.
Good for you. It happens to the best of people in hard times. Sometimes people have to take a hand up when hardships happen, I glad you were able to to get back on track.
I would love to give you more than just one thumbs up, but that is all this board will allow.
The Psi Corps is Mother
The Psi Corps is Father
Trust the Corps… I mean government. Yeah, government.
Way to go, ElaineC. That's what temporary assistance is for. The generosity of the American people is second to none. Good luck to you and I hope you and your son survive and prosper.
LOL "Import" Love it. Hehe
You have to ask? Honey, I live in NEW JERSEY. Helllllll yeah, I miss Texas! It hits 80 here and people start whining about how hot it is, and meanwhile, I'm lamenting the fact that I'm starting to acclimate to this climate! I gotta get outta here!!!
If Paul_D eats tree bark, I guess he's included. Look out, Paulie!
That's difficult to say – I've never read any books on the care and feeding of snarky, thin-skinned liberals.
Congratulations–you're the only one who got it. But you need to add serial adulterer Newt Gingrich to the mix as well…
You forgot the mayor of San Francisco. C'mon, that was an easy one!
The big difference is I don't claim to represent all Democrats, like TenNapel does, nor do I slander all Republicans. They do that to themselves.
And your landlord, and your carmaker, and your banker, and your insurance agent, and your health care provider, etc. etc. etc.
Don't hate on Sojourner Truth! The "Ain't I a Woman" speech is still pretty damn inspiring. See how good you look after a lifetime of slavery, with nary any moisturizer to be found!
If only the government can supply a personality to some of these lefties too.
It evens out as soon as it gets cold. When I moved down to Texas in my teens I was always amused at folks who were complaining of the cold when it got down into the 40s. Alas, I've acclimated so whenever I go further north I have the same reaction.
I work nights and my apartment has good air conditioning so the heat wave isn't affecting me very much.
Well, the vows tend to have "til death do us part" in them so being picky is probably a good thing.
But temperatures in the 40s are cold…
[...] I Now Pronounce You Government and Wife by Doug TenNapel [...]
Compared to Central Illinois during winter, it's not.
Dude, that's like Antarctica, right? Man, I don't know how humans survived before central heat!
As well as they could.
As I got into my late twenties, early thirties, I realized that snow is more fun when you're a kid and much less fun when you have to drive through it. So I'm hoping no ice age is in the works for us and I'm staying in Texas even if I broil in the summer.
Spandex – it's a privilege, not a right
Well, you never know – anthropogenic climate change is a bitch! I'll be running my car at the drive-in this summer if it ever gets hot enough for me to want AC!
[...] Insects – or Mother Nature Doesn’t Care If You’re a Good Liberal Doug TenNapel, Big Hollywood: I Now Pronounce You Government and Wife Sweetness & Light: Sotomayor Began Race-Baiting At 19 GayPatriot: “The meanest people in [...]
Maybe more conservatives get married because shock horror, it's a more traditional thing to do?
How exactly do you quantify how much more republicans "enjoy" sex anyway? Aren't at least a small portion of cons happy-go-lucky, easily impressed types who are taught complaining is a Sin? Getting an unbiased result would be impossible.
It's just amazing what people on both sides of the political spectrum will nit-pick at to make a point.
Jesus thinks you're a jerk
I'm ashamed to have looked up to you as a child, Mr. TenNapel. A few years ago, I fondly looked back upon my childhood and when I played your games, read your comics, and watched your cartoons. I decided to look you up on the internet, look at your webpage. I found your blog.
Since then I've been unable to enjoy your work. Your politics literally make me sick – especially knowing that as a hardcore conservative, you probably already hate me for being gay and wanting the right to marry my loved one. You're certainly welcome to your opinion, and I doubt that anything that anyone says to you will ever change your opinion. But I was unaware that you could be so hateful and rude about it.
I'm extremely disappointed.
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