Trashing Conservatives: The Deep Thinks of Deepak Chopra

by Daniel Kalder

Deepak Chopra is a deep thinker. Fooled you! Apparently some people think he is, however, foremost among them himself. And possibly his friends at the Huffington Post, where they recently posted not the usual pseudo- spiritual blabber he peddles on Oprah but rather a critique of Sarah Palin, the Tea Parties, Evil Right Wingers, and ultimately the entire American people. No, really. And it is quite an interesting piece, but not for the reasons our guru suspects. 

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Chopra begins, complaining about Sarah Palin’s latest ‘seductive untruth’ delivered at the Tea Party convention: 

Her complaint about the Christmas bomber “lawyering up” wasn’t about finding the right policy against terrorists. It was a come-on to the Tea Party’s prejudices, egging them to believe that what Muttalab deserved was a dose of good old fashioned torture.  

You see, although she disguised her complaint as an objection to suddenly Mirandizing the pantybomber just as he was actively supplying intelligence to interrogators, what Sarah Palin really wanted was for Abdulmutallab to be tortured. Now she didn’t actually say this, but fortunately Deepak, being a perceptive fellow, can see inside her soul. And having peered into that dark, dark place he sees something else–that she does not really mean what she says, i.e. the thing she never actually said, but is rather ‘coming on’ (the hussy!) intentionally to an uncivilized, bigoted mob (much less perceptive than Chopra himself) appealing to their base urges with her populist rhetoric. In Deepak’s spiritual parable, you see, Sarah Palin plays the role of evil queen, dark seductress, coyly toying with the mob. Then, after a brief diversion into the confusing ‘Bush did it too’ school of Obama apologetics he continues: 

Her appeal to jingoism came with the phrase about giving the Christmas bomber the rights guaranteed by “our Constitution,” which she intoned a second time to make the point — also beloved of the Tea Party — that nobody deserves any rights except red-blooded Americans. Never mind that the whole point of operating under the Constitution is that everyone is given the same guarantees and rights.  I’m not sure if it was an appeal to jingoism, or actually jingoism itself, but I’ll let that pass. Because next we see deep thinking Deepak discovering something else she did not say- namely that anyone who is not a ‘red blooded American’ has no rights. Deepak then puts on his constitutional scholar hat to reveal that au contraire, the very opposite is true- we all have rights, exactly the same rights! 

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Of course, this is not true. A resident alien has many rights, but he cannot vote or hold public office. A non-resident alien cannot vote or legally work, but that doesn’t mean the authorities can beat him round the head with sticks for pleasure. I don’t think anybody is arguing against this. This in turn may have no bearing on the question of whether a non-citizen should have been Mirandized, I am no lawyer, I don’t know. However it is important for further establishing Deepak’s fairy tale categories, for of course the noble constitution is being defiled by the wicked temptress! 

He then ventures deeper into a world of children’s story: 

In the past year the Republicans have decided, as a group, that fostering lies, attacks, and smears is good politics. 

Indeed! Every single one of them, without exception, is committed to the cause of falsehood for purely political gain. Bad, bad Republicans! Deepak then reveals the brilliance of this wicked plan, you see: 

The very mention of terrorism still makes millions of people believe that the next 9/11 is just around the corner.  

Although it must be said that when a fanatic tries to blow up planes on Christmas Day, or shoots up a bunch of soldiers on a military base in Texas it also contributes to that climate of fear. But never mind, don’t let facts get in the way, the important thing is to stress the dastardliness of the Republicans, for their power is so great they create reality with their words. And yet to me they look like a fairly hapless, hopeless bunch. Anyway, Deepak continues: 

Rationality is cold comfort in such a climate.  

I did find this pretty funny coming from Deepak. I once sat through half a special he did on PBS and rationality was not what I saw on the screen. But I digress, for there are further deep insights to come: 

In politics, morality often comes down to whatever works. And what is working right now is to spike the tea with poison and tell people that it’s actually sugar. 

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And thus Deepak not so subtly returns to his fairytale metaphor, for wicked queens always use poison to attain their sinister ends….  But with all of this evil- the wicked queen, her dark minions, and the poor dumb masses too stupid to read Deepak and learn what’s good for them- well it’s so depressing… I mean a fairytale has to have a hero, a knight, a prince right? Ah wait, here he is, and he’s beleaguered… 

The overall picture of a fix-it President struggling to get the country to follow him may be discouraging. Every rational adult knows that the social cost of entitlement programs and health care has one inevitable outcome: higher taxes and lowered benefits. But when the kids are throwing a tantrum, the adults feel helpless.  Uh-oh- he’s talking about ‘rational’ people again. Also: notice how he slips in that reference to kids and adults, altering the tone of narrative- that makes the mob a little bit less terrifying. They’re simply children, lost, scared, confused. Perhaps that’s why they’re so easily taken in by the wicked seductress. There may yet be hope. But where is it going to come from? And who are these adults? Well now Deepak reveals that contrary to all evidence the trajectory of this little spiritual journey is upwards, towards the light. He admits: 

America turned a dark corner when Nixon and Reagan inflamed the worst aspects of populism with manipulative demagoguery.

 Of course it did, I mean those poor childish masses, so easily fooled by the wicked Republicans, who single handedly 

‘….brought back selfishness, prejudice, and xenophobia’

 This is quite an interesting idea. I mean, what about Gerald Ford? He was a Republican and therefore a baddie. Did he also inflame the masses? And presumably when Carter was in power selfishness, prejudice and xenophobia magically disappeared before returning under Reagan. After all, the American people are that easily controlled by their leaders- except for Obama, who seems to be struggling to get anything done, but that’s because of the wicked Queen, remember. But wait, this is getting confusing. What I don’t understand is why Reagan and Nixon were so keen to bring back selfishness and xenophobia. Oh wait- now I get it- this is a fairy tale. We don’t need motives. They were evil. 

Using code words like “law and order” and “silent majority,” the right brought about a populism that was really the revival of the Know-Nothings of a bygone era. 

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Code words! Ah, so the poor befuddled masses were fooled with ‘code words’, which they, being unenlightened, could not hope to understand, not like Deepak… and maybe there were secret messages on Judas Priest records too, I mean you can’t rule it out. After all, it was Al Gore’s wife who led that campaign against wicked music back in the 80s, and she’s a Democrat, so that must have been a good cause…  

Next comes my favourite bit: 

Palin plays into that Know-Nothing strain the way George Wallace* did with his “pointy-headed intellectuals.”  

Er… Deepak, I hate to break this to you but George Wallace may well have been a hood wearing ultra racist segregationist but he was also a Democrat. Way to the right of Sarah Palin. I note that you originally mentioned Spiro Agnew in the piece and that would have worked, but you had to change it after you got your facts wrong. But that really screws up your kid-friendly black/white, goodies/baddies narrative. Was the Democrat helping Nixon and Reagan do their evil? I’m confused. 

But never mind, undaunted by such a thing as a fact Deepak now moves into the pay off. Although: 

‘….the very smart people who saved us from a potential depression and who want to solve other looming crises can be vilified in favor of very crafty people who play upon rough prejudice…’ 

 
 

 

Wait, who saved us from a depression? Oh, you mean the stimulus package. You’re joking, right? No? Never mind. More simplistic, binary qualities on display here- after good vs. evil, we now get smart vs. crafty… The crafty people are obviously the Wicked Queen and her evil horde. But who can these smart people be? Who will lead us to salvation? Ah! It’s the Philosopher King: 

My positive take is that Obama and the other smart people (always remembering that they are more than smart but also good-hearted, far-seeing, honest, and credible)  

Note once again, Deepak’s ability to see inside souls. And whereas in Palin he finds only deceit and a certain coquettish seductiveness (the wanton!), in Obama he discovers the noble qualities of a true prince. Back to fairy tale land.  And now he reveals where he has been taking us all along: Obama and his sage advisors: 

‘…are playing the role of adults trying to call forth the adult in all of us. ‘ 

So you see, what we are living through now is not a time of political and economic  crisis but rather a grand spiritual quest, in which the immature, childish American people will be saved by their wise leader who shall bring them not simply to better times but also, at last, to adulthood. All they have to do is listen, and obey this wise man who has come to lead us out of darkness. Don’t question, because he’s right. Don’t doubt, because he’s braver and more noble than you are. Don’t fight, because you’re being manipulated. Obey your elders. Obey your betters. And then you will be grown up. Just like Deepak and the Philosopher King.    

Yes, my friends, this is what Deepak Chopra passes off as wisdom and truth! And yet still he makes millions! 

Snake oil, anyone?


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Posted Feb 15th 2010 at 6:58 am in Celebrity News, Culture, Featured Story, Politics | 438 Comments