Membership Has Its Privileges
by Iowahawk[ed. note: republished and amended from a 2007 post]
Dear BARACK OBAMA :
Congratulations! On behalf of the selection committee, I am pleased to announce that you have been named a 2009 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, in recognition of your tireless efforts to STRENGTHEN INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AND COOPERATION .
I am also pleased to tell you that as a winner, you have been pre-approved for membership in the Nobel Peace Player’s Club, offering exclusive money-saving benefits available only to laureates like you. Please take a few minutes to look over the enclosed enrollment materials. At only $299.95 per year, I’m sure you’ll agree that membership is a bargain at twice the price! Here are just some of the benefits you’ll receive:
- A handsome 14-karat gold membership crest badge to display proudly on the grille of your limousine or official state aircraft
- A framed, hand-calligraphed certificate (add $19.95 for gold leaf)
- Special discount shopping bargains for for you and your family
- Great travel packages to the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro
- Listing in “Who’s Who of Global Salvation” ($49.95 per copy)
- Great coupons for Olive Garden, P.F. Chang’s, Six Flags Theme Parks, and more!
Plus, you’ll receive the exclusive Nobel Peace Player’s Club GoldCard entitling you to discount air travel and 5-star hotel accommodations from Kyoto to Darfur. But don’t take our word for it! Listen to these testimonials from some of our current members:
“My career as an international peace activist means lots of air travel — and dealing with pushy Zionists and rude natives. With my Nobel Peace Player’s Club GoldCard, I finally get the respect I deserve – and it makes getting through Gaza airport security a snap!”
– Jimmy Carter, 2002 Laureate“Whether we’re patrolling the Congo, Sudan, or Bosnia, one thing’s for sure — chicks can’t resist a Nobel Peace Prize Player!”
– United Nations Peacekeeping Forces, 1988 Winners“My Players Club GoldCard lets me treat my friends and family to great perks.”
– Kofi Annan, 2001 Laureate“I’m a take-action kind of guy. Whenever I fly to Tehran or Pyongyang, the first thing I pack is my Players GoldCard.”
– Mohamed ElBaradei (2005)“I have to write a lot of honorary doctorate acceptance speeches, and writer’s block can be a problem. With the Player’s GoldCard I got great discounts at TermPapersLab.com!”
– Rigoberta Menchu (1992)“The Player’s Club GoldCard is recognized everywhere — even in hell! I redeemed my Players GoldPoints at Club Satan for an exciting eternity of getting pounded up the ass. Thanks, NobelCo!”
– Yasser Arafat (1994)“Don’t miss the boat like I did, comrade! I forgot to enroll, and now I’m spending eternity pounding Yasser Arafat up the ass.”
– Le Duc Tho (1973)
So what are you waiting for, BARACK OBAMA ? Enroll today and start enjoying the privileges of membership. Enroll today, and we’ll throw in a deluxe leather bound CIA intelligence report worth $1000!
Sincerely,
Ůmläut Ťïldëqvist, Chairman
The Nobel Peace Player’s Club Selection Committee
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43 Comments
In the same way ‘The Dixie Chicks’ won a Grammy for album of the year, when virtually no country radio station played them…
..much like Fahrenheit 9/11 winning the Palme d’Or at Cannes…
…and Al Gore winning his Nobel Peace Prize in 2007…
… flipping g damned Yasser Arafat winning HIS Nobel Peace Prize in 1994.
… and any myriad other awards granted to those who are so very clearly undeserving.
The committee’s are more concerned with the “statement” they make – than they are the recipient actually being worthy of said award.
And in the process they have turned their awards into junk bonds. They are a joke, and nobody cares about them anymore except perhaps for vapid, self-indulgent Hollywood morons.
(As well as vapid, self-indulgent Presidential morons.)
I heard Obama exclaim "They do like me! They really do!".
just as the obama media continues to maintain that they report with integrity and no bias
It's too bad he won't receive an issue of Nobel Peace Player’s Club Magazine. Conde Nast had to cease publication.
“The Player’s Club GoldCard is recognized everywhere — even in hell! I redeemed my Players GoldPoints at Club Satan for an exciting eternity of getting pounded up the ass. Thanks, NobelCo!”
– Yasser Arafat (1994)
“Don’t miss the boat like I did, comrade! I forgot to enroll, and now I’m spending eternity pounding Yasser Arafat up the ass.”
– Le Duc Tho (1973)
In the future please issue a "Do not drink while reading" alert.
Ever since I was made Time Magazine's "Man of The Year" I've been waiting for my turn at a Nobel Peace prize. I think we all just got one step closer!
An Affirmative Action Peace Prize for the affirmative action President. The left has made every thing a joke.
YO OBAMA I LIKE YOU AND IMA LET YOU FINISH BUT AL GORE IS THE MOST NON-DESERVING NOBEL LAUREATE OF ALL TIME!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by shandrab and Kelly Stark. Kelly Stark said: Giving the award the respect it deserves… http://bit.ly/2UXi8y #nobelol [...]
The last two are worth the price of admission just by themselves. Iowahawk never ceases to amaze and delight.
Yep little buckaroos, it's brandin time round the ole Nobel Corral:
PRESIDENT OBAMA ACCEPTS NOBEL "PEACEMAKER!" BRAND
http://naturalfake.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/presi...
I'll just be glad when he can take membership in the Ex-President Club.
DANG! Now there are TWO things that will have me wearing a smirk for the next week.
First, CNN officially jumps the shark by doing a straight-faced fact check analysis of a FREAKIN' SNL SKIT!!!!!
and it is now easier to win the Nobel Peace Prize than a Little Orphan Annie decoder ring- none of those pesky Ovaltine labels to send in or nuthin'- and is worth even less!
the road to hell, and apparently Stockholm, is paved with good intentions…
Seems they were afraid not to give it to him, seeing that he, the missus and Orca Windbag lost at the IOC award. Some consolation prize. Maybe we should put out a sign that reads, "PLEASE DON'T FEED THE EGO(TISTICAL)!
I took four years of high school science and read some cool books on astronomy and atoms and stuff. Does that mean I can be considered for the Nobel Physics Prize?
This is how we know the Nobel Laureates are Liberal since Liberals care about intentions not actions/results.
Since he threw (lobbed, tossed) out the first pitch, I think he deserves this years Cy Young award.
Everyone should nominate their friends for the Nobel Prize next year. I haven't killed anyone, and my divorce finalizing was a major contribution to world peace.
O'Keefe should be nominated for his efforts in shutting down a major child sex trafficking route.
Amen!
[...] More: Membership Has Its Privileges [...]
He should have thrown it back in thier faces.
Ůmläut Ťïldëqvist,–best name ever!
OK. I hope I can articulate/express this right…
According to this article one year ago, racism is alive and well in NORWAY.
http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article26...
First off, I'm bi-racial myself, k? So Janeane would have a heckuva time calling a race card with me. But we just saw from Down Under how Harry Connick Jr.set-things-straight with the Aussies about the deplorably bad taste of black-face minstrels, no matter HOW cheesy of a TV Gong Show…WRONG. So…now.. we have this Peace surPrize. And it's given to Obama by a country that, as we know, has some nasty ol' bigotry in its closet as we did (article). So, tell me…could this all be some sort of weird, nebulous and horribly wrong effort by Norway/Europe…to CONGRATULATE us for getting ourselves a nice black man for a President? Does the Committee believe they have a good enuf grasp of our social anthropology & civil rights history? The march in Selma, Marion on the steps and Rosa on the bus, those Woolworths lunch counters, George Wallace making a better door than a window to a schoolhouse…all that shameful stuff… all NOT that long ago. So, in a twisted rationalization that smacks of an Uncle-Tomessence mindset…do those crazy Norwegians think this is a rather ideal way of expressing a "seal of approval" for Americans? And I'll just bet a potato dumping that those Norwegians would think a Minstrel show's as funny in Stavanger as it was in Sydney.
Why, only 12 days into office does the dude get cache with Mother Theresa and Nelson Mandella? Obama's Prize could actually just be a veiled congratulatory message to our country; i.e., "…with that terrible history of those Americans…isn't it very nice of them now to redeem themselves no by letting a nice black man for President?"
The Nobel Peace Prize…just one level below AARP membership.
When they gave the prize to Arafat I was furious. When they gave the prize to Jimmy Carter I was disgusted. When they gave the prize to Al Gore, El Baradai, the UN Kiddiepornkeepers, et al, I rolled my eyes. When they gave the prize to Obama I roflmao and don't plan to stop untill I literally split my sides.
P.F. Chang's! YUM.
NOBEL PRIZE AWARD PRESTIGE FROM NOW ON = ZERO !
NOBEL PRIZE WINNER = YAWNNNNN BWAHAHAHAHA
two, if you opt for the medicade ~supplemental~ insurance they pimp…
I think it's a pre-emtive attack on the Prez's OBLIGATION to send more troops to Afganistan…he's weak, they know it!
Well, I do know that one of my very liberal acquaintances just posted on Facebook that it would have made more sense to award Obama the Nobel Peace Prize 8 years from now (presumably, after doing something to earn it), or 8 months ago. Now, did Obama do something especially special 8 months ago that I missed out on? (He's not qualified today, so how could he have been qualified 8 months ago?) Or was my friend referring to the honeymoon period ("YAY our president is African American, DAMN we are so F'ing special for voting for him, la la la la la!").
Next year's Peace Price: Andrew Sullivan for his courageous expose of the Trig Deception.
All Hail the Head Nanny What's In Charge!
LOL!
Iowahawk: You just made the "Who's Who Book of Satirists," and the deluxe hardback edition is available for only . . .
It's the Mickey Mouse Club. Been that way since before Mr Peanut.
Priceless!
As soon as you see it was written by Iowahawk, you must extinguish all flammable materials and move all liquids far from your computer. Perhaps that should be written as a warning at the top for all new readers?
I loved the signature of the GoldCard's chairman. Too funny.
Flava Flav is going to be SO jealous!
That is a very astute observation. It’s been reported that Flava Flav was indeed pissed. Barry had his thugs, I mean a special Secret Service detail read FF the riot act, he’s cool now!
Barry’s Nobel medal will be special, eighty inches across 251 inches round weighing 187 pounds and will take two men to carry, it’s for that special bling befitting our POTUS, this is in keeping with the size of his head.
But how does membership help the Nigerian email businessman?
[...] Trapped in a world she never made? That must be hard. [...]
Alas and alack! Diplomad Blog, linked in your piece using Ůmläut Ťïldëqvist, is no more. I suspect he was done in by evil State Department censors after they were subjected to relentless coordinating and strengthening demarches of the UN public affairs office. You and he make a hilarious team heaping well-deserved ridicule on UNunits. Would that the two of you could team up. The ridicule to which you could subject the current host of numbskulls trashing our country like a rock band in the local Hyatt, would be delightful. Please check into his whereabouts and let me know when you two begin to collaborate – or would you be one in the same? Considering your wondrous gift for wicked satire, I wouldn't be surprised.
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