Filed In Triplicate
by IowahawkEd. note: many thanks to Charles Glasser for alerting me to this incredible business opportunity]
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THE UNITED STATES BUREAU OF JOLLITY AND HUMOR ADMINISTRATION
EVERETT DIRKSEN FEDERAL MERRIMENT CENTER
3000 JAMES EARL CARTER PARKWAY SOUTH
WASHINGTON, DC
FORM US/BJHA-1106(d) : AARA Budget Procurement Code LOL-431[ROFL]
APPLICATION FOR HUMOR CONSULTANT / CONTRACTOR
This space for official use
SYNOPSIS:
The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified private contractors to provide amusement and humor-related services to career employees within a wide range of federal agencies, including but not limited to the Treasury Department, Department of Education, The US Census Bureau, and USDA Mohair Subsidization Board. Winning applicant(s) shall perform presentation program demonstrating mirth as defined herein and in BJHA document (k)670-110, “FY 2009 Federal Levity Handbook.” In particular, guidelines specify services rendered by applicants shall be funny “ha-ha,” not funny “peculiar.”
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE:
Recent studies have shown that appropriate levels of workplace humor and supervised jokery provides organizational benefits in areas of employee stress reduction, enhancement of communication flow, and greater regulatory throughput metrics (BHJA document C-11-k.101.t). Two year implementation of described program is forecast by analysis staff to reduce federal employee stress and random murder sprees by 14% over FY2009 benchmarks.
ADDENDUM: pursuant to EO guideline [6.09(vt)-5], explanation of solicitation of bids from outside contractor
Understaffing; current Undersecretary for Mirth Training Affairs on administrative leave until completion of murder spree trial.
DATE(S) OF CONTRACT: 10-01-09 : 09-30-11
SOURCE(S) OF FUNDS: AARA section 351(t), National Humor Recover and Funnybone Stimulus Fund
Read and fill out all sections as completely as possible. Write legibly in black ink or fixed width font not to exceed pica 10 pitch. Mail 3 (three) completed application to the BHJA, attn: Office of Jocularity Assessment.
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28 Comments
You are at it again, Iowahawk. Excellente.
4th place Chuckleberries Laff Barn Thursday night open mic competition? You are too modest.
Before I complete this application, I would like to know if working for MSNBC, CNN or Obama 08 would qualify? I anticipate your response in triplicate, no carbon, single space, please.
9 time graduate Johnson County traffic court comedy traffic school?? its going to take more than that to pay your debt to society.
You sir, are made of awesome.
"The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified private contractors to provide amusement and humor-related services to career employees within a wide range of federal agencies…"
Totally necessary. They've got to do something to counter Pelosi and Waxman's visages of death and inhumanity.
so that's how Biden got his job, they thought he was a comedian.
LOL!
Wait – but he is! Isn't he? You mean he WASN'T joking about bankrupting the coal industry during a recession?
Oh dear.
Classic again Iowahawk! I think your working cheap, your estimate of, $4,000,014,325.89 is low, you’re leaving money on the table. There’s trillions being tossed around here get with it man, and make’em laugh, …damn it!
Just a suggestion:
> cause some temporary stress and confusion
I suggest you apply the Tequila before this step. When was the last time government employees treated anything as 'temporary'?
BTW, early Tequila applicaiton tends to force the interpretation of humor as funny 'ha-ha' instead of funny 'peculiar', statistically easing the emotional response, and subsequent success, of your application.
"You're leaving money on the table!" — LOL!
They don't need to hire any comedians. The Obama administration is a JOKE!
Before I complete this application, I would like to know if working for MSNBC, CNN or Obama 08 would qualify? I anticipate your response in triplicate, no carbon, single space, please.
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Only if you or your accountant failed to file or pay any or all of your tax obligations state or federal or both.
I'll meet your mama in the Department of Porch Studies and Swing Methodology.
That's just it, he isn't joking, bet yes, he is a joke; with a very bad punchline.
"The Czar of Comedy and Jest will call this meeting to order, tonight's movie is Blazing Saddles!"
Funny, but there's something seriously sinister in the attempt to centralise and control workplace humor. Next they'll be mirth monitors and people will be sacked for telling the 'wrong kind' of jokes.
Excellent description!
Too funny, Iowahawk. You're hired.
Write legibly in black ink or fixed width font not to exceed pica 10 pitch.
Do your part to reduce your carbon footprint: Along with putting air in your tires, the Obama administration recommends that you use simple fonts and a font size smaller than 3 in all electronic documents. When you then save that Word or PDF document, it will take up much less space on the hard disk. As a side benefit, it will also conserve electrons, a scarce national resource in general and inside politicians heads specifically.
This sounds like the court jester, doesn't it? They think they're the King of The World! He wants us to be the UK, how quaint.
To be fair both Biden and Obama share a bad experience from their youth that happened while the song that goes "Working in Coal Mine, Whoops" was playing on the radio. So natually the antipathy to caol is understandable.
To be fair both Biden and Obama share a bad experience from their youth that happened while the song that goes "Working in Coal Mine, Whoops" was playing on the radio. So natually the antipathy to coal is understandable.
Serves them right if you ask me. Most kids know better than to stick their faces into the webber grill while the drunken uncle lights up the fluid soaked coals.
I can't think of better candidates to conduct these critical seminars. We must show compassion for the poor drone, who consistantly deals with an unsympathetic citizenry; who's always there with helpful concern and a willingness to find solutions, only to be abused and snarled at by John Q Public. But your expense account requests seem a tad high.
Iowa Hawk,
Since most of the US Congress cnsists of Clowns don't you think you use of a clown suit might inadvertantly offend the powers that be thereby hurting the chances of your application being approved. Just saying…………
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