Movies Are Your Best Entertainment Value
by IowahawkAs a professional filmmaker, I have to say I was as stunned as you when I read that the film industry suffered through another lackluster box office year in 2008. The chief reasons for this appear to be the economy and Internet pirates, or possibly that Raisinette ebola scare. Whatever the cause it’s safe to say that it had nothing to do with the screen product, because 2008 was also a landmark year for the kind of ponderous, preachy, high-quality cinema that Americans from Santa Monica to Silverlake are clamoring for. Don’t take my word for it — just look at the record 5,362 awards Hollywood earned from itself last year, up nearly 35% from 2003. Suck on that, stupid box office!
Thankfully, however, Hollywood’s nagging box office troubles are finally a thing of the past now that President-Elect Obama is busily healing the economy and the MPAA’s 6th Fleet is bombarding the movie pirates off the Barbary Coast. It’s finally safe for America to return to the local octoplex and enjoy the rich $10 cinematic experience they’ve been avoiding for the past year. Just look at some of the promising releases in store for 2009:
Incident at Amity: Steven Spielberg directs this cerebral CGI-heavy remake of ‘Jaws’ slated for summer release. Insiders say the 34-year update will feature “additional points of view” and “be less judgmental about sharks.” Starring Willam H. Macy as the anti-shark fundamentalist, and Russell Crowe as the Great White.
Silenced Wood: George Clooney stars and directs in this drama about the climate of fear among liberal ventriloquists during radio’s notorious Charlie McCarthy era.
Hershey Highway: Based on the Tony Kushner play, a candy factory worker (Joaquin Seymour Gyllenhall) and an Amish teen (John Phillips Sousa Huffnagel) find forbidden pleasure in a poignant love tale set against the gritty backdrop of Pennsylvania’s chocolate belt.
Me Billy: Based on the inspirational true story of a learning disabled man (Sean Penn) who rescues New Orleans from a racist flood with a magical red beer cup.
Dark Spinach: Brooding, conflicted superhero sailor man (Matt Damon) must face his own inner demons and canned vegetable addiction to save his anorexic lover (Gwyneth Paltrow) in the violent screen adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel. Featuring Mickey Rourke as Bluto.
Oh, Hell No: Martin Lawrence, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg and Chris Tucker reprise their roles in the surprise hit ‘Big Fat Sassy Grandma’ in this raucously degrading comedy based on the popular urban catchphrase.
Ice Station Wasilla: Global warming unleashes Nixon, McCarthy, and Sarah Palin from a glacial tomb in this stylish post-apocalyptic horror set in Alaska. With Keanu Reeves as Al Gore.
The Vespa Diaries: Romantic revolutionary scooterist Pol Pot (Fulgencio Del Taco) and US intellectual Noam Chomsky (Sparky Affleck) find forbidden rainforest love in Steven Soderberg’s Cambodian remake of ‘Roman Holiday’ that had Sundance audiences cheering.
The Royal Fluffers: Lovable band of misfit stoners with Jew-fros trick Queen Elizabeth into filming a porno in this sweet coming-of-age teen fart bong sex comedy from Judd Apatow. Starring Jonah Sethberg, Seth Justinstein, Jay Justin Jonahbluth, Ron Jeremy, and Helen Mirren. (British release titled “On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix”)
Sex And The City II: Hot Flashes. America’s favorite quartet of pre-menopausal Gotham divas return for more breezy mimicking of gay men.
Fearful Silence: Courageous ‘What’s My Line?’ contestant (Leonardo DiCaprio) refuses to answer panelist questions in this game show drama set against the McCarthy-blacklist era. With Ralph Fiennes as Bennett Cerf and Keith Olbermann as Kitty Carlisle.
High School Musical 5: Donner Pass Prom Party. Music, love, and cannibalism are in the air as the Wildcat gang gets stranded in the High Sierras. Featuring the hit Zach Cody – Melissa Vanessa duet, “I Never Thought It Could Taste So Good.”
Cold Humpcrack Creekwater: Two retarded gay cowgirl sisters (Rene Zellweger, Traci Lords) defy a fundamentalist sherriff (Chris Cooper) and discover love in this 1930’s period piece set in the Appalachian outback of Nebraskansaw.
Angel Soft This: In a shocking and sometimes humorous indictment of the toilet paper industry, filmmaker Morgan Spurlock documents the ravages he suffers after 30 straight days of non-stop butt-wiping.
Zaftig Pi: The Eigenvectress. Plus-size video game super-heroine comes to life, as Oscar winner Kathy Bates battles Christian fundamentalist aliens with kung fu cartwheels.
Muggers: Jim Carrey, Will Farrell, and Jack Black team up in new comedy about three men who spend 92 minutes yelling and making annoying facial expressions. With Jennifer Aniston as the exasperated woman.
Lunch Lady: poignant story of school cook turned playground serial strangler has generated advanced Oscar buzz for star Scarlett Johannson, who reportedly gained 400 pounds, facial tattoos and gum disease for the role.
Fearful Deadly Fear: Blacklisted 1950’s screenwriter Damon Runyan (Tim Robbins) writes a secret screenplay about the the McCarthy-era blacklists, in this 1950’s blacklist drama set against the background of the McCarthy era blacklists.
Snow Fuji Mountain: Mothra (Toby Damon) and Gamera (Orlando Law) discover forbidden love while destroying Tokyo in this story of nuclear-triggered sexual awakening.
Frosty/Nixon: Historic confrontation between disgraced president (Vince Vaughn) and magical dancing snowman (Ricky Gervais) in this 6-hour animated holiday political interview thriller from Ron Howard.
Lotta Splainin: Javier Bardem plays a verbally abusive Cuban bandleader and Cate Blanchett a neglected woman with a secret Vita-meata-vegamin addiction in this beautifully filmed marital drama set in the repressive 1950s. With Larry the Cable Guy and Kate Winslett as Fred and Ethel.
Reservoir Puppies: Quentin Tarantino teams with Pixar in this animated children’s holiday tale about six lost whelps and a botched burglary. Starring the voices of Steve Buscemi, Harvey Keitel, and Samuel L. Jackson as Mister Pinky.
Silenced 1984: Acclaimed documentary filmmaker Errol Morris interviews the survivors of Hollywood’s notorious Reagan-era ‘Year of Fear,’ when only three McCarthy-themed movies were released.
The Red State Menace: Hollywood patriotism returns with a vengeance in this contemporary crime thriller starring George Clooney as an undercover G-Man who infiltrates a Kansas Rotary Club to uncover Republican subversives for the House Un-Obama Activities Committee.
So what are you waiting for America? Make your 2009 resolution to get Hollywood and America back on their feet — visit your local theater and reserve one on the aisle. Movies remain your best entertainment value, if you ignore the $40 for tickets, parking, and snacks.
But if you decide to stay at home again, that’s cool. There’s always that bailout thing.
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106 Comments
Okay, I laughed until I cried. But it could be the early happy hour.
Brilliant! Welcome to Big Hollwyood, Iowahawk. Glad you’re here.
Your list looks a lot better than what really awaits us. Get some spec scripts ready.
As expected, Iowahawk is spot-on! (I wish the listed movies weren’t just figments of his fertile imagination, however. Some of ‘em sound pretty good! I’d skip “Angel Soft This,” however. I’ve never been big on documentaries.)
His website is THE BEST: http://iowahawk.typepad.com (Thank me later.)
Oh, this was great!!! “Cold Humpcrack Creekwater”…priceless!!
now these are movies to pay to see
Is it too early to award Iowahawk the 2009 Big Hollywood Oscar for Best Post of the Year?
I don’t know what’s funnier…this list, or the fact that I was able to correctly anticipate the subject matter from most of the titles alone.
(”Royal Fluffers” is probably being fast-tracked already.)
Krikey, that’s good.
Keanu Reeves as Al Gore?
Hmmm. That may actually work!
Speaking of global warming… if I hear another person from the southern California whining about Global Warming, I’m going to kick ‘em where the sun don’t shine.
Here in the Chicago area, I’ve shoveled more snow and been chilled to the bone more often than any winter I can remember — and it’s only mid-January.
As someone who has been a science buff since the 1970s, I still remember clearly when the alarmists were predicting we were entering a new ice age.
Make up your mind, people! Oh, while you’re at it, pass me the shovel. It’s getting mighty thick around here… and I don’t mean with snow.
“And if I laugh at any mortal thing, ’tis that I may not weep.”
I laughed. Hollywood, which once had something to say, has become a parody of itself — in short, a joke.
Another phrase: “Whom the gods seek to destroy, they first make ridiculous.”
Hollywood has made itself ridiculous.
The sad part is if someone really tried to pitch these ideas, they’d probably get greenlighted.
Iowahawk is everywhere! Awesome stuff.
I keep being amazed at Mr. Breitbart’s keen instincts in procuring the absolute best people and writers for this amazing effort.
I also keep looking for a tip jar. Seeing none, I make it a point to click on every single ad every time I visit.
Genius! Pure Genius. Iowahawk and Big Hollywood. BRILLIANT!
A pitch:
What about a movie where a demented capitalist clubs a demented Christian to death in his own private bowling alley? There’d be double-length scenes throughout, so people can take in the, you know, the art of it all. We could get the guy who did Magnolia…he knows how to go looooong. And there’d be this classical music sound-track, for, you know, the art and stuff.
What’s that? Even the chattering classes won’t buy it? You think even Richard Schickel and the New York Times might find it absurd? Not even a Bafta for the guy who does the capitalist? What if he’s, you know, nuanced? Yeah, nuanced. We could get some Brit for the nuance! Guys! We’re talking about a demented oil-man on Californian soil!
You’re right. I guess it is pretty absurd.
From raisinette ebola to un-obama activities, this is a work of art.
It occurs to me that the filmgoers are “voting” about Hollywood’s movies about like the stock market is “voting” on Obama. Say what you will about the “recession”, the whole thing didn’t take a serious dive until November 6.
Fantastic piece.
“raisinette ebola”, LOL
Love it! I’m sure that most of those are already in production.
In “Lotta Splainin”, don’t forget to add the discovery of love between the neglected woman with the secret Vita-meata-vegamin addiction and Ethel…and make the verbally abusive Cuban band leader an anti-Castro, Christian capitalist pig and it’ll win the Oscar.
I just laughed so hard that people in the office were staring at me. Well done, sir.
Love it! I’m sure that most (if not all) of those are already in production.
In “Lotta Splainin”, don’t forget to add the discovery of love between the neglected woman with the secret Vita-meata-vegamin addiction and Ethel…and make the verbally abusive Cuban band leader an anti-Castro, Christian capitalist pig and it’ll win the Oscar.
The Eigenvectress! Holy smokes, I feel 12% more awesome just from having read this. Whatever lives in your brain is truly a friend to man.
Unfortunately, movies aren’t your best entertainment value (I say this as entertainment professional myself). Video games are, which is why they’re doing so well. For $10 a ticket (not including food, parking, etc) you get 1.5-2 hrs of entertainment, whereas for $60 for a brand new game, you get between 30-60 hrs of entertainment, depending upon the genre, title, etc. This is but one reason why games are on the ascendancy, and movies are on the decline. They’re also cheaper to produce. Furthermore, and this is the most important point: out culture is no longer substantially affected/changed/moved by filmmaking, in the same way it is no longer affected by new music. They are just entertainment widgets. Games, however, are starting to be the culture-changers for everyone under 30. As such, I think movies are on their way to becoming the “classical music” of the entertainment industry. Only people over 40 really care about movies as a medium for cultural change, which is necessarily moving it into the entertainment museum. People under 30 could largely care less about movies outside of their immediate entertainment value (except about documentaries, which though they appear to be about truth, are really socially motivational, and thus, not about truth at all).
Sorry to bust your bubble there.
I’d love a remake of Weird Al’s “UHF” where a private TV station manager would put these shows into production. Now THAT would be a hilarious conservative movie.
And Iowahawk’s film that he linked in the post is well worth watching if all you did was read the blog post.
Ha! That is one of the funniest things I’ve seen on teh interwebs in a while. And that is saying a lot. Keep up the good work!
You should have registered all those with the W.G.A. Now some 20 something in Hollywood is pitching them to his agent and others are currently writing them in coffee shops all over town.
Ack, didn’t read the movie titles. My bad on the sarcasm.
Me Billy: Based on the inspirational true story of a learning disabled man (Sean Penn) who rescues New Orleans from a racist flood with a magical red beer cup.
As long as Sean Penn doesn’t go full retard…
(too late?)
Man! I am in love with these titles. My life is now complete.
Came across and indie production co very good stuff up lifting somthing we need today
http://www.hspfilms.com
God bless
Sue
Hooray! Iowahawk has arrived! Now the party has officially started. Can this site get any better?
“Russell Crowe as the Great White”.
Ouch! Truth hurts. (Damn, where did Maximum Decimus Meridias go?)
Anyway, Iowahawk, you nailed it. Hollywood’s circle jerk only puts a smile on its own face. The rest of us are not amused. And we are so NOT watching!
Nice! I love Big Hollywood. Now all I need is a contribution from David Kahane and I will be in blog heaven.
[...] Big Hollywood? As a professional filmmaker, I have to say I was as stunned as you when I read that the film [...]
Delicious as always, Iowahawk.
Though I must say this piece is particularly sweet; in that lusciously rich dark chocolate sort of way.
I love you. That is all.
Damn IowaHawk,
That was cold.
Damn! Dirty harry and iowahawk at the same site? Breitbart is a freakin; genius!
bridgit
iowahawk is easily one of the funniest bloggers out there. Thanks for contributing to Big Hollywood.
Gut-busting funny! Iowahawk, you are having WAY too much fun on this site.
bet Kahane is tomorrow—-or the next…how long are John Nolte and Andrew Breitbart’s sleeves, anyway? They sure pull a lot of talent out of them….
[...] movie reviews for all “feel good hits of 2009″, written in the way that can only shout Iowahawk!! Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Gary Graham is one pissed-off dudeBig HollywoodBig [...]
And CELESTIAL LOVE THAT DARE NOT SPEAK ITS NAME
… about a Mormon elder who discovers, while doing temple ordinances, that his male superiors are regularly hosting gay orgies in the baptismal font, and he’s conflicted about whether to expose them, for he fears his family would consequently be ostracized or murdered by the closeted-gay Mormon mafia, which consists of closeted-gay members in otherwise good church standing.
P.J. O’Rourke is living proof that conservatives can be funny. Real funny. Hella funny.
Iowahawk? Not so much.
these are brilliant and assure oscars, golden globes and hollywoodies for all. if we could just ask Steve Martin to do another Pink Panther sequel, the year would be complete, but nobody could do something that dumb. oh, wait
Thanks! That was a real hoot! More…!
It’s a sad, sad world where Jon Stewart is idolized, but Iowahawk is barely known.
Harley,
I am very, very impressed by your posts. Or, I should say the technology behind them. I mean I’ve seen those programs that can parse a sentence and automatically generate a response, but the way your software is able to mindlessly post a contrary opinion to every single thread (and do so with passable grammar and associated references)and yet have no discernible point is fascinating. Obviously, no real person could disagree with every single posted article on any website, but your AI is awesome in it’s contrariness!
You should try to sell it to Jon Stewart or David Letterman’s people.
Yeah, movies are OUR best entertainment value–because we RENT THEM FROM OUR LOCAL FREE LIBRARIES for *FREE*!! Now that’s entertainment–and VALUE!!
Harley,
I am intrigued by your views. How might I sign up for your newsletter?
(”Unfortunately, movies aren’t your best entertainment value (I say this as entertainment professional myself). Video games are, which is why they’re doing so well. For $10 a ticket (not including food, parking, etc) you get 1.5-2 hrs of entertainment, whereas for $60 for a brand new game, you get between 30-60 hrs of entertainment……….”)
Neil you are right and wrong. The reason why games are popular is because. They give people what they want. Take “Call of Duty” series as an example. It’s patriotic with no moralist tone WW2 (War on Terror for Call Of Duty 4) shooter Where films like “Stop Loss” preach and do not entertain. Or films like “Redacted” which portrays our troops as racist rapers.
Movies have become tooo preachy as of late and that is why they are failing. Games for the most part do not. But that’s my opinion.
PS I am under 30
[...] only it were so. The funniest scribe in Blogistan, Iowahawk, gives the rundown at Big Hollywood on movies he hopes to see in 2009. Excerpt: Sex And The City II: Hot Flashes. America’s favorite [...]
Krebstar,
You kidding? Nobody could hope to comment on every single posted article at BH, if only due to the volume of posts around here. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Also, if you have an actual opinion about the humor on display in this particular post, I’d like to hear it. Tho’ the attempt at humor in your comment suggests you may be something less than expert on the subject.
On the other hand, if it makes you laugh, it’s comedy. So there’s that. I simply believe that the best comedy is the kind that challenges your preconceptions — not the kind that gives you an approving ideological back rub. The latter seems both lazy and, well, unfunny to me. But again, that’s just my opinion.
Or rather the opinion generated by the neat AI software I’m running.
AHHHH.
Harley can be dull AND over wordy.
Please tell me Angel Soft This is in 3-D…
Hardly is one of those internet trolls who’d crumble in any face to face debate.
He thinks he’s really throwing out the zingers, but he’s so shallow that he doesn’t recognize that we can all see his witty retorts coming a mile away.
Keep trying, Hardly….I mean if it’s what makes you feel good about yourself.
Iowahawk, you’re the man. Andrew Breitbart, you’ve found the best way to put this site on the map.
Roger L. Simon, eat your heart out~!
I laughed my ass off. Then I realized we’d probably be seeing these. Or ads and trailers for them. Who actually goes and sees movies that don’t have comic book heroes in them anymore.
Harley says: “I simply believe that the best comedy is the kind that challenges your preconceptions — not the kind that gives you an approving ideological back rub. The latter seems both lazy and, well, unfunny to me.”
Reading between the lines, I’d say that Harley is a passionately conservative thinker, and requires humor that ridicules his own beliefs, rather than those of his ideological opponents.
More cowbell!
[...] A Thousand Clapping Hands wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptIt’s patriotic with no moralist tone WW2 (War on Terror for Call Of Duty 4) shooter Where films like “Stop Loss” preach and do not entertain. Or films like “Redacted” which portrays our troops as racist rapers. … Read the rest of this great post here Posted in Uncategorized on January 14th, 2009 | [...]
[...] Big Hollywood » Blog Archive » Movies Are Your Best Entertainment … [...]
[...] Big Hollywood » Blog Archive » Movies Are Your Best Entertainment … [...]
I’m afraid I won’t be a satisfied customer unless the 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition is indeed the get-away car in at least one of these movies.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAqPMJFaEdY
The lackluster box office draw is so easy to understand, with the craptastic flood of movies Hollywood has presented. From movies based on video games, relentless remakes and all the anti American propoganda disguised as entertainment, I find myself at a loss when it comes to getting out and actually paying to see a movie. What ever happened to entertainment as a theme?
I am convinced that Hollywood is the land of the idiots with too much money and too little brains.
And they say conservatives aren’t funny!
For a reason.
[...] people laugh when they read Iowahawk, but I get depressed and wonder if I should give up even trying. (No Ratings Yet) Loading [...]
Why when liberals say conservatives can’t be funny, they always point out PJ O’Rourke as the only exception; it’s like in their canned responses handbook or something. It makes me very suspicious of O’Rourke.
Iowahawk, you need to write a real script Mr. Breitbart can bankroll. People would drop the $11 to see that movie, even if it starred Keanu Reeves. Not that he’d take the role…
AngelSoft This may be a parody title of Supersize This, however, it still wouldn’t rival the speed and volume of post-dietary outpouring of a Michael Moore film.
I think I would have laughed more if it weren’t so spot-on accurate. The left does get unparodiable at times.
Nah, not really. I’m just saying that Sean Penn jokes bore me. Ann Coulter jokes also bore me. It’s just too easy. I remember watching the early Richard Pryor standup movies. It was thrilling to see him take on the biases of his audience, both white and black, and do it with the improvisational brilliance of, I dunno, Coltrane or Parker. To me? That’s great comedy.
But it doesn’t have to be quite that exalted. I loved it when Sasha Baron Cohen made the Madonna joke at the Golden Globes, if only to see Sandra Bullock and others sniff with disbelief. How *dare* he be funny?
So there’s that.
Why should liberals be allowed unfettered access to American popular opinion? They’ve spent decades telling us our own government is totally corrupt, that criminals run rampant at all levels of “public service,” and that integrity and honor are artifacts you trot out like old war medals, reminiscent of days which never were.
Leftist Hollywood has convinced America to not trust government, unless and until it is a socialist vision of a country we can not become without losing the very individualism and (*gasp*) capitalist spirit built within our nation’s system.
Capitalist leftists (the film-makers, actors, writers, and essentially 90% of your industry) tell America that capitalist conservatives are evil, that government is evil, and there is nothing you can do about it because government is EVERYWHERE. That is Hollywood’s message. But it baffles me that Washington pols allow these cretins to continue their campaign. It’s like tolerating an angry brat’s tantrums, rather than hand that monster the spanking it deserves, forcing a Fairness Doctrine for films.
Savor THAT one, Rush-haters.
I suggest BIG HOLLYWOOD not seek to replace Variety or other “trades” but augment it with actual mailing addresses for the studio and union big-wigs. Telling us where to address our concerns is a modest start, but worth it.
As for the troll Harley, the best joke on two legs is B. Hussein Obama. The Lightweight With a Microphone, who swindled America into hysteria and imminent ruin.
So who’s gonna write and produce the Obama bio-pic EMPTY SUIT?
I think kittens are funny, and completely improvisational. More kitten movies.
Mickey Rourke as Bluto…the Tops!
[...] IOWAHAWK COMES TO BIGHOLLYWOOD: Movies Are Your Best Entertainment Value. [...]
“On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix” – I giggled like a schoolgirl.
Instylanche!
I thought Crowe was playing the Atlantic Ocean.
“And they say conservatives aren’t funny! For a reason.”
The reason being: They’re humorless scolds who can’t take a joke at their expense. (Present company excluded, of course!)
“And they say conservatives aren’t funny! For a reason.”
The reason being: They’re humorless scolds who can’t take a joke at their expense. (Present company excluded, of course!)
_______________________________________________
Another foolish clinging bitterly to his stereotypes who doesn’t know any Conservatives or Republicans or he would not say something so dimwitted and ignorant. But hey leftist and ignorant is sort of a redundency.
Chortle!
This list of movies was a bit too long by the time I got to the end of them to be honest. I do love the British release title of Royal Fluffers tho. LOLMF-ingL!
I’d watch several of these movies.
Not in a theater of course… I’d download them from the internet.
I think Jesse would agree that this was a good one:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2007/02/the_pandagon_pa.html
Pure, golden Iowahawk. Those are probably better movies than anything that will be turned out by Hollywood over the next five years.
High School Musical 5: Donner Pass Prom Party. Music, love, and cannibalism are in the air as the Wildcat gang gets stranded in the High Sierras. Featuring the hit Zach Cody – Melissa Vanessa duet, “I Never Thought It Could Taste So Good.”
Here’s something scarier…today’s kids would probably LOVE such a movie
Nice. I’m jackin’ this one too…
Boy, Lola, you obviously don’t know Treacher. you might want to check out his blog.
And hardly is just pointing out that anything the herds or the masses or most people find funny can’t possibly meet his lofty and refined standards of Humor. He probably doesn’t even understand why the rest of us think that him smelling his own farts is funny,.
Angel Soft This
That’s the one that caused me to expel my coffee through my nasal passages.
[...] Burge, also known as IowaHawk, wrote a great post for Big Hollywood in which he takes on the film establishment for the preachy tone of its movies. [...]
Sorry, Hawk, but Hersey’s Chocolate is shutting down and there are a lot of unhappy little chocolate makers in Pennsylvania.
I think Harley makes an important point about humor that gives you an “ideological back-rub,” to see how unfunny that sort of thing is one needs look no further than the total failure of The Daily Show or that spin-off with the oafish bombastic pundit. . . Countdown with Keith Someone?
I forget. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen those guys on the cover of the Rolling Stone or the New Yorker or the side of a Ben & Jerry’s tub. No one’s heard about them in at least five minutes, or however long the line at Starbucks is.
Anyway, no one finds that stuff funny and I question its validity to our culture.
“Sheriff” is one r. But maybe the spelling in your encouraging article was intentional.
Everyone knows that Video Game Consoles, The Internets, and Computers killed Hollywood. Way more bang for the buck. Interactive entertainment pwns hollywood BS. Well, except the Dark Knight. That was a pretty good flick, I must admit.
I’m a bit confused. Wasn’t 2008 the highest grossing year in Hollywood history, with only 2007 being better?
At least that is what this site says:
http://www.boxofficemojo.com/yearly/
Way to go Iowahawk! I see you stung a few of our Orwellian friends and now they are warbling.
Good work sir! They are clowns, and you, my fine fellow, are treating them to the dessert they bought and paid for: A serving of Mockery.
I must say, I like the cut of your jib! (To quote you).
I sit amazed at the brilliance! I can read this over & over…
Zorak – If 2007 was better than 2008, then 2008 wouldn’t have been the highest grossing year… Plus, the money went to Batman, Hulk, & Ironman – not the schlocky feces for which hollywood gives itself awards…
I laughed out loud at this one. As a fan of giant monster movies I laughed hardest at Snow Fuji Mountain.
Hilarious! You know there is at least one studio executive who will put some of these plots into production! However, I think you should have included more Christian/Nazi story lines and I think you forget the pedophile priests.
God, that was funny. I’m still wiping the tears from my face, and my gut hurts from laughing so hard.
I think you should further develop a few of these, Hawkster. I think they may be of “Chutch” quality!
Dude.
What’s up with all the spoilers?
Great stuff, iowahawk!
Now, if only we could get an animated movie of the Ten Things To Do With A Dead Palestinian Nobel Laureate.
On second thought, this is Hollyweird, after all.
Harley – January 14th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Krebstar,
You kidding? Nobody could hope to comment on every single posted article at BH, if only due to the volume of posts around here. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Also, if you have an actual opinion about the humor on display in this particular post, I’d like to hear it. Tho’ the attempt at humor in your comment suggests you may be something less than expert on the subject.
On the other hand, if it makes you laugh, it’s comedy. So there’s that. I simply believe that the best comedy is the kind that challenges your preconceptions — not the kind that gives you an approving ideological back rub. The latter seems both lazy and, well, unfunny to me. But again, that’s just my opinion.
Or rather the opinion generated by the neat AI software I’m running.
As opposed to H-wood, spending multi-millions year after year after year to repeatedly drive home … the … same … 5 or 6 … leftard … political … or environmental … or social … talking points … zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ….
Iowahawk rules.
If you think this is funny, go to Iowahawk’s website and dig through the archives ’til you find “The Idiossey”.
I wet my pants. True story
[...] still cleaning up my britches from multiple readings of Iowahawk’s introductory post, “Movies Are Your Best Entertainment Value.” Prolific Gutfeld and Orson are the site’s Omar Sharif and Erma [...]
[...] may have already read this, but here’s IowaHawk’s latest from Big Hollywood. Warning: Don’t be drinking nothing while [...]
LOL! How do you do it? Keep this kind of thing coming. You rule, Iowahawk.
[...] Ministry of Propaganda: Kal Penn. Best known for being one of the hapless stoners in the sex-bong-fart franchise “Harold and Kumar,” Penn was brought on to the Obama Administration to be the [...]
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