Platitudes are not Healthy for Children and Other Living Things
by Charles WinecoffThe other day I was stuck in traffic behind a young woman whose rear bumper sported three popular cries for help: Hope, Free Tibet, and Save the Planet. Her ass was covered.
For some reason, it made me think of my late grandmother, an English rose with a backbone of steel – what us Americans call a “tough cookie.” As a young divorcee, she single-handedly raised my mother, and took care of her own mother, through the Great Depression and beyond.
I used to love asking her about all the events she’d seen take place in her lifetime: the rise of the automobile, the night of Orson Welles’s famous War of the Worlds broadcast, the blackouts during WW2, the “Stars Over America” war bond blitz (which even Hollywood nonconformist Bette Davis threw herself into), the arrival of television, and on and on.
As a boy, it seemed to me my grandmother had lived many lives, and seen more sweeping, historical changes than I could ever dream of. I had missed the boat.
With our frozen food and color TV, I assumed America had already been through its most violent shake-ups and reached a hard-earned plateau of calm and comfort – this even as Walter Cronkite rattled off the Vietnam body count every night during dinner. War seemed like a disruption that happened far away, or on a picture tube, or in the past.
Meanwhile, my grandmother’s daughter – my mother, who didn’t work - whined that the US invasion of Vietnam was arrogant cultural imperialism (that is, when she wasn’t pining for her lost youth partying with the boys in the Social Register). Jane Fonda was right on, and the most ubiquitous poster - War is not healthy for children and other living things - protested silently next to the spice rack on our kitchen wall.
War bonds wouldn’t be making a comeback any time soon.
Little did I know there was a seismic cultural shift going on right there in the privacy of our own home. I may have missed out on the advent of the Model T, but three-plus decades later, I realize sh*t happens. Despite myself, I’ve seen plenty of change:
- At age three, I fell on my head – hard – the day JFK was assassinated.
- When Judy Garland died six years later, sparking real gay riots in Greenwich Village, my dad and I had our first heart-to-heart as he tried to explain to me that Dorothy wasn’t dead, Judy was.
- I remember the summer my parents kept the radio tuned to the Watergate hearings - because all I wanted to do was catch Sammy Davis Jr. singing “Candy Man” one more time.
- I saw the face of the nightly news morph from old white men like Cronkite and Sevareid to women like Barbara Walters, Connie Chung, and Katie Couric (who I could never take seriously after her Today show coverage of 9/11, when she reported that someone had slid down the entire length of the WTC on debris, and survived – sorry, but that’s a deal breaker for me).
- I recall the days before cell phones and text messages, when telecommunications weren’t just part of the air we breathe, but involved long, grimey, twisted kitchen phone cords.
- Fresh out of college, I worked in a West Hollywood club that was the first official video bar in the country. Mixing high-tech VHS cassettes in the DJ booth, I enabled the MTV revolution to whittle away our collective attention span – altering everything from how records are promoted and movies are made to the ease with which Presidential candidates rewrite history.
- I started writing myself on an electric typewriter. I wrote an entire nonfiction book without the luxury of Google. To do research, I went to “libraries” (buildings full of books and printed material).
- By the time I was an adult single, AOL had replaced the New York Review of Books as the number one way for lonely, horny people to hook-up.
Today, newspapers are dying off like the dinosaurs, partially because they deserve it – and partially because there’s no escaping the endless stream of sound bites and headline news in our cars, cafes, airports, gyms, on our phones, even at the gas pump. Kids today don’t need to search for anything. It’s all in their face.
In the elevator at work, a screen announces “Obama tells Muslims: ‘Americans are not your enemy’” (even though evidence suggests they think of us more as suckers than threats), and reveals that the President and Michelle – gasp! - suffered the inconvenience of lost email access for a few minutes that day. Just another bland, subliminal reminder that we’re all supposed to be One now.
Meanwhile, the old network news programs that first spoon-fed us have paved the way for a whole new generation of chattering heads on cable TV, who assault their 18-to-34 demographic with a daily rat-tat-tat of trivializing, toxic opinions - which their naive viewership mistakes for reporting.
Thanks to Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, and the cast of clowns on SNL and MSNBC, the blur between news and entertainment has been smudged beyond clarification. Is there an American born after 1980 who can tell the difference been a news report, a comedy routine, and a sportscast? World events are chewed up, pre-digested and spit out at such hyper-speed, young American brains don’t stand a chance.
Even the snooty, aging hippie class, that prides itself on being so smart, has succumbed. War is not healthy for children and other living things, at least a complete sentence, has degenerated into a slew of vague, interchangeable, monosyllabic slogans. Hope. Free Tibet. Save the Planet.
And my favorite: COEXIST (honey, just remove the crescent and star – and problem solved!). Duh.
These meaningless brainfarts reveal more about a driver’s personal deficiencies as a human being than they do about anything going on in the real world. Bumper stickers today belie the underlying desperation of an entire generation almost completely devoid of firsthand, real life experience.
And they know it.
Hungry for history (since they don’t learn it in school anymore), starved for the drama of authentic struggle, soulless twentysomethings were greased and primed by the time Oprah and Madison Avenue launched their hope-and-change blitz, with its safe, synthetic promise of revolution, its infantile mantra of “Yes We Can” - and its Pepsi billboards.
Obama reaped all the rewards Martin Luther King Jr. never got a chance to, without doing any of the work. And the Blackberry generation got its civil rights lite. Perfect.
But maybe that’s the point: older generations bust ass so younger ones don’t have to. Maybe not.
Either way, young Americans got to feel part of an election for the first time in most of their lives. Of course, the big irony is they believe “hope” and “change” and “world peace” are dreams the old white men of the past didn’t share. Yet I have a hard time imagining any of today’s up-and-coming Hollywood starlets sacrificing a work-out with their personal trainer to hawk patriot bonds. This is, after all, the generation that would just as soon dress its babies in Che couture as OshKosh B’Gosh.
Modern technology has certainly made life a lot easier for those of us in the civilized world - and, I might add, for a certain Koran-thumping faction of homicidal hypocrites in the uncivilized world as well (not mentioning any names). But our Garmin-following, touchpad tapping, sci-fi society has also seduced us into letting go of the one thing that really makes us human: our ability to form individual thoughts.
Staring at that car with those three vacant bumper stickers on its rear end made me wonder what my grandmother would have said. She probably would have just laughed and shook her head.
Then again, she might have shuddered.
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45 Comments
There’s a restaurant called Mao’s Kitchen, on Pacific in Venice. Total Commie Chic, complete with cute star and power-to-the-proletariat decor. The irony of frequenting a restaurant named after one of history’s most successful practitioners of genocidal famine must be lost on the well fed and comfortable Westsiders who patronize the place.
One day as I was driving past it I had to wait a few moments for someone to park, so I had a moment to look around a bit. I noticed a Prius parked right in front of Mao’s Kitchen, and it had a single bumper sticker on it: FREE TIBET. Of course, of course. It was almost too perfect to be true.
Not too long ago in Phoenix, I saw someone who had a COEXIST sticker on their bumper, but had subtly altered it with blue Dymotape. You couldn’t have read it on a highway, but in a parking lot I could approach on foot close enough to read what it really said:
YOU CAN’T / COEXIST / WITH PEOPLE WHO / WANT TO KILL YOU
If this were a few hundred miles further west, I would’ve expected to see a larger number of keymarks on his car.
Whenever I get behind a car with a bunch of these stickers on it, I know to watch out for them. Without fail they are they are the most selfish, aggressive, distracted drivers on the road.
They have the stickers showing you that they are a good, caring person. Apparently that is enough for them.
Could Charles Winecoff and Gary Graham be any different?
Yet, I do not see the slightest contradiction.
Both have emerged as star writers for Big Hollywood. I know: I get all the emails.
It means we are not the only people thinking these things, who feel that we are squandering what it historically provably great about our nation. The media has just used its magic to make us feel that way. In Hollywood alone I know it’s a lie. There are tens of thousands of Hollywood people who don’t dare raise their voices for fear of the liberal reckoning.
That is why the mainstream media and Hollywood are the most significant targets for the next four years. That is why there needs to be a media revolution.
You say: “Hungry for history (since they don’t learn it in school anymore), starved for the drama of authentic struggle, soulless twentysomethings were greased and primed by the time Oprah and Madison Avenue launched their hope-and-change blitz, with its safe, synthetic promise of revolution, its infantile mantra of “Yes We Can” – and its Pepsi billboards.”
This is so painfully evident in the “artwork” (and popularity) of Shepard Fairey. He plagiarizes historical propaganda posters without the slightest clue of what he’s reproducing. He rather infamously ripped off a Gestapo death head logo for a t-shirt. But hey, it looks cool!
Fairey gave us the ubiquitous “Hope” poster, and is one of Obama’s favorite artists. Quite telling.
I used to live in Eugene, OR, where the ’60s still live on.
Right before I moved away I saw a bumper that summed up Eugene and Liberalism in general for me.
On one end of the bumper was a sicker commanding me to “Honor Diversity,” on the other end was one stating “Cane Rush Limbaugh.” What kills me is that the libs don’t see the irony.
MY bumbersticker says: “Jihadis can’t kill us….If they’re DEAD. Support the Troops!”
I don’t plan on traveling to Santa Monica anytime soon.
The real problem with conservatism is that we have trouble boiling down our ideas into bumper stickers. “Kill ‘em all, and let God sort ‘em out” doesn’t work with moderates.
“Thanks to Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, and the cast of clowns on SNL and MSNBC, the blur between news and entertainment has been smudged beyond clarification.”
I fully agree. This is why some people believe Sarah Palin said “I can see Russia from my house.” She didn’t say that, but Tina Fey did say it when she played Sarah Palin on SNL. Of course, people who fell for it would probably just say it represents some kind of higher truth, whatever that means.
Does anyone else see in the picture that the license plate has letters that could easily be seen as ASS HOLE?
Glenn,
Here’s what’s wrong with the “Free Tibet” bumper sticker: it’s moral preening. Tibet is just as unfree now as it was when people started buying those bumper stickers, and it will still be unfree when people are putting the bumper stickers on their flying cars and teleporters. If 1 in a 100 people were willing to do what would be necessary to actually free Tibet–get into a serious conflict with China–I’d be shocked. The “Free Tibet” bumper sticker is like those “Dancing for Dafur” awareness concerts–while you’re patting yourself on the back, people are dying. If you aren’t going to do anything about it, you can at least shut up about how much more moral you are because you “care.”
Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant, but “Free Tibet” bumper stickers are one of those things that really annoy me.
Russ,
How about “God forgives terrorists. The US Military arranges the meeting.”
The other day I saw one of those idiotic “Coexist” stickers .. with another underneath it: “Buck Fush.”
Real tolerant, huh? That’s what I call co-existing.
Anyone with more than two bumper stickers on his/her car is a certifiable whack job anyway, regardless of party affiliation.
Rayray: I’m pretty sure someone Photoshopped that in.
One of my favorite bumper stickers:
Free Tibet*
With purchase of second Tibet of equal or greater value.
Reminds me, I’ve always wanted to get a bumpersticker made that says “Ban bumperstickers”.
How about this for a bumpersticker:
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
BAN TEACHERS UNIONS
My favorites are seeing cars with “Free Tibet” on one side and “No War On Iraq!” on the other with “Celebrate Diversity” in the middle, and, lurking around, the Einstein “You can’t simultaneously prepare for and prevent war.”
Always been curious how those libs propose to “Free Tibet!” without ever resorting to guns, particularly because the ChiComs really don’t care what they think.
And hey, isn’t it celebrating diversity to recognize that China wants, and will hold onto, Tibet? If China doesn’t want to “Free Tibet!” and you don’t want to go to war to force ‘em, then you should just celebrate the beautiful diversity, man.
As people born after 1980, both my wife and I are proud of the fact that we can tell the difference between a news report and an opinion piece. We get so much practice at seeing the latter with far too few examples of the former.
Hey “Bro” above thanks for the 1-3 list it was my belly laugh of the day. I read recently you should have 10 a day for good health. They’re hard to come by these days, but you did it. Perfect, I spot those same people, you nailed it. Thanks again. (more chuckles)
WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER
is the stupidest false sticker.
Doesn’t it depend what the question is?
What does W-A-R spell?
I now see that the Einstein one about being impossible to prepare for and prevent war simultaneously. Is it not possible to prepare for and prevent childhood disease or some other inevitable bad thing?
Simply put, these bumper stickers are badges of cowardice.
Only cowards fear to venture off the high road to get there hands dirty when the time comes to make really tough stand–one that may have no clear and easy answer–only the gut instinct that the hero follows while the rest stand around keeping themselves safe and blameless of consequence.
The bumper sticker on my truck reads “Know New Nukes”. My bumper also sports a very small rainbow fish.
Mine reads: “Keep your bodies off my lawn!”
Glenn,
Your right, no Republican is likely to go after China to get them out of Tibet unless we discover that China is training suicide bombers there, and even then it would only be about a 30% chance. No Republican even has the stomach for a lesser alternative, like an embargo. But no Democrat does either. The difference between Republicans and Democrats in this circumstance, though, is that Republicans don’t typically put stickers all over their car saying how much they want something that they are unwilling to put in the work to get.
It isn’t that Republicans don’t want a free Tibet. I do, at least. I want a free Tibet, an end to the genocide in Dafur, peace in the Middle East, and a pony. But unless I’m willing to put in the work to get any of that, I’m not going to start bragging about how much I care about these issues and put up stickers advocating my moral superiority.
Listen up, twenty-somethings:
Your time will come. Long ago, when this country was young, most Americans were against interfering in the troubles of other countries. “AMERICA FIRST” was the rallying cry, as we partied day and night. Celebrities campaigned from coast to coast to keep America out of foreign “entanglements”. Our military was one of the weakest and most poorly-equipped of all world.
Kids your age were all about having fun, fooling with the latest gadgets, fastest cars, and going to the hippest clubs. They couldn’t have cared less about anything but themselves and their guarantee of a secure future.
When was this?
Oh, 1941. The top American celebrity sounding the call for isolationism? That would be Charles Lindbergh. You probably don’t know who he is, either, but he was bigger than Obama in his day, not just our hero but a world-wide boy wonder.
By 1945 World War II was over. If you haven’t heard, we won.
I saw one of those COEXIST bumper stickers when my mom dropped me off for school the other day, and I’d bet my life the owner of the car had moved up here from California. We need to enact a law that says they can live here only if they leave their politics in Cali, because it’s becoming an infestation.
At least they give you some entertainment – once when I was in an emergency clinic, my brother and his friend were waiting outside in our car. They spotted a car with the bumper sticker ‘Bush is an idiot’ or some variation. So they wrote snarky note and put it under his windshield wiper.
Seen in a farm town 80 miles east of the SF Bay area, on the rear glass of a well used giant pickup driven by an old fart with deep sun-creases on his neck:
Nothing says Prick like Prius
My favorite bumper sticker of late: WE MUST ALL STOP MANBEARPIG
I love it even more because most liberals, much as they love South Park, don’t actually GET the joke.
Also, with reference to the mindset of today’s 20-somethings. I’m 24 and my sister is 20, and we have long observed that our peers are more or less apathetic toward current events, even the ones they CLAIM to care about. They long for drama and heroism, but really have no idea the horrors that often accompany dramatic events and the painful sacrifice required for true heroism. They are unable to differentiate between the rush of adrenaline one feels in a crowd (read: mob) situation and real passionate feeling (I learned this at my second Christian rock concert – I’m still a Christian, but I avoid the big crowds now). Worst of all, many of their baby-boomer parents have spoiled them, both in an attempt to compete with other parents (and cooler friends) and in a misguided belief that “I had nothing, so I want to give my child everything.” No one taught real fiscal responsibility to this generation, so I can’t help but feel pessimistic about our economic future. They are good people at heart, but they have been ill-served by their education, both in school and out. I am certain that it will take an event of tremendous magnitude and damage to jolt my friends out of their fantasy-world, and that alone is frightening and sad.
A friend of mine got a custom bumper sticker that said:
“Rap is to music as etch-a-sketch is to art.”
Still my favorite of all time. (well.. that and the “if guns are outlawed, can we use swords” on my car)
Regarding Andrew’s comment about a media revolution – I’m waiting for the media bubble to burst. The dot-com bubble, the stock-market bubble, the housing bubble, all over inflated and all burst. Hopefully the media bubble follows the same path. Thanks for creating this site to help it along!
i love my bumper sticker…
VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS
Okay. I was having a ball, amused as hell, reading this post, then the comments, which I loved…and then this ‘Glenn Kinney’ dude…the first one I would’ve just let go…(typical of you Lefty punks to interpret moral outrage as ‘bitterness’)…but now he’s insulting Mr. Winecoff’s wonderful essay, assuming that he has the intellectual coherency to 1) assemble and 2)collate something comparable to the salient and incisive points of Charles’ piece.
I do compliment you, Mr. Kinney, on your accurate use of the words ‘infer’, ‘jejune’, and ‘puerile’… but you do miss it when you assume that the US has any business ‘freeing’ Tibet. I admit a free Tibet would be lovely. But what interest of the United States’ does Tibet serve? Strategic? Security? Economic? Or moral… hmm, are we now to become the World Police, a concept you and your ilk typically decry?
Glenn Kenny – February 2nd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
“I mean, do you really want to argue that Republicans are morally superior for NOT WANTING a free Tibet?”
Wait a sec here – do YOU really want to argue what you seem to be? Nan Pelosi certainly doesn’t have a monopoly on the Tibet issue. Frank Wolf and Dana Rohrabacher have been far tougher on the Chinese, and plenty of other Republicans are very good on this issue. Offhand I can’t think of any other subject that has Repubs and Dems as much on the same page, as does the occupation of Tibet. By overwhelming majority (several years back), Congress has resolved that Tibet is a country illegally occupied by the PRC. The move to award the Congressional Gold Medal to the Tibetan spiritual leader in 2007 passed UNANIMOUSLY in Congress.
Oh, and which President went farther than any previous one, in openly meeting with the Dalai Lama, despite the whining about it from Beijing? Which one publicly and unashamedly praised the great man, despite the Chinese temper tantrum he knew would follow? And who gave even greater presidential weight to the bipartisan Congressional honour for the symbol of the Tibetan nation, by presenting the award himself?
That’s right, it was George W. Bush. Pres. Clinton would only meet with the Dalai Lama by “accidentally” dropping in while he was present in V.P. Gore’s office. For the deniability, don’cha know.
Most of those folks sporting Free Tibet bumperstickers don’t know even 10% of the whole story, and somehow I doubt Mr. Kenny knows even that much.
Growltiger – February 2nd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
“Another one I saw that brought a smile was a whale with a mushroom cloud coming out of his water spout which read “Nuke the Whales”.”
In my former life in Canada, I used to see one that said “Nuke the Gay Baby Whales for Jesus.” We can be sardonic sometimes, us Canucks.
In just a few months it has gone from “Drill, Baby, Drill” to “Whine, Baby, Whine.” Evidently some of you people fell for Rove’s “permanent majority” crap and now you’re crapping all over yourselves.
There will be a return of conservatism, some day, but hopefully not the abortion called neo-conservatism — propelled by the most pitiful of all Americans, chicken hawks. (I’m a Vietnam combat veteran and we generally find chicken hawks to be the lowest species in our country.) And not by conservatives dumber than a tree stump, as Bush was for most of his time in the White House. Arrogance and stupidity never did any country good, only bad.
So, whine on. But remember, there are men and women working to bring back what used to be called in this country conservatism. You know, small government – but not dumb government — using our military to protect America and not to enable some little kiddies on the other side of the planet to go to school (that’s the UN’s job, not the US military’s job), and believing in liberty for all and not only for corporate CEOs.
Out of this train wreck called the Republican Party, there will come a new conservatism. I just hope it is a genuine conservatism.
DI,
Thanks for clearing up who has the anger issues. But really, is it only public education that makes you feel your country has been stolen and is being turned into a liberal 3rd World cesspool? I’m sure you can do better than whining about the school down the street.
I’m with Stew. Who do you think is more like Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush or Barack Obama? Don’t be so quick to answer. Conservatives used to rail against the “tax and spend Democrats,” that is, until George W. Bush and the Republican Congress became the biggest spenders in history. Sure, they lowered taxes a little, but if you lower taxes by 10% and increase spending by 200%, what have you really accomplished? Not a single spending bill vetoed in 8 years, if I remember correctly.
The old school Tip O’Neill liberalism is no longer in existence. What defines liberalism these days is not so far from what conservatism was 40 years ago. Meanwhile, the definition of conservative in this country has not only changed dramatically in the last 40 years…it’s changed dramatically in the last 10 years. Everybody calls everybody else “mindless,” but be honest, when you see that (R) next to a politican’s name, do you look any further or just pull the lever? Bush got away with a hell of a lot, and very few so-called conservatives ever questioned him.
Rail against Obama all you want. After all, he has a (D) next to his name. But rail against him honestly. He’s not Nancy Pelosi, and he’s not Harry Reid. I wish he would question them more vocally, but I have a feeling they’re going to be more and more annoyed with Obama as time goes on and he emerges as a “smack down the middle” politician.
And please give credit where credit is due. I am thrilled that America hasn’t suffer a terrorist attack since 9-11 and I believe we have George W. Bush to thank for that. I’m also extremely impressed with the recent Iraqi elections, regardless of whether I supported the
Liberals love announcing to the world their P.C. soundbite views, hence the liberal propensity to litter their car bumpers with stickers (the crappier the car, the more stickers). What cracks me up are the ones who have bromides like “Hate is not a family value” or “Coexist” or “Celebrate Diversity” (preferably in rainbow colors) right alongside “I Hated Bush Before It Was Cool,” “Buck Fush,” and “Doing My Part To Pi$$ Off The Religious Right.” Of course they see no contradiction at all.
sorry, I hit “Submit” by accident.
…suppported the war to begin with. But I also think Obama is showing an intelligence and openness and wisdom that we haven’t seen in Washington for quite some time, and I think we owe it to ourselves to recognize that and give him a chance.
Charles,
I think this was a brilliant essay about a subject that is in our faces – literally – all the time. I don’t think that your essay is bitter or angry in the least. On the other hand, people who get so upset about opposing opinions that they feel they must leave personal attack comments can’t be particularly happy. As for Tibet, yes, free Tibet. Why not. How would we do it?
Karen
SPOT ON, SPOT ON SPOT ON!!
Look closely at that treehuggers licence plate..for all the “love” that her bumper is supposedly spewing her plate says otherwise. It’s a code word for azzhole. 4 is an A, 5 is an S, 3 at the end is an E.
[...] Big Hollywood – Platitudes are not Healthy for Children and Other Living Things Obama reaped all the rewards Martin Luther King Jr. never got a chance to, without doing any of the work. And the Blackberry generation got its civil rights lite. Perfect. [...]
Thank you DRIEFROMSEATTLE, my point exactly!
K
XX
The bumper sticker on my Miata reads “Not all men are fools, some are bachelors.”
I wonder if anyone out there commenting about the Free Tibet bumper sticker understands the genesis of that movement, from a CIA-backed Cold War operation personally authorized by President Eisenhower, to today’s ongoing human rights struggle. My guess is probably not. One of my late friends, Howard Bane, was the CIA’s representative to the Tibetans beginning shortly after the Dalai Lama’s 1959 exile. The struggle to free Tibet has had many champions, from men like Howard, a legendary CIA “street man” to the poet Allen Ginsburgh to celebrities like Richard Gere. I am sure there was a time when people in London sneered that “taxation without representation is tyrnayy” was a mere platitude. So don’t make light of that Free Tibet bumper sticker. It symbolizes an ongoing, fifty-year long struggle that the forces of democracy will one day win.
John Roberts
FreeingTibet.com
Did anyone else notice that the plate says ASS HOLE? Move a few inches back and look at it! In PA you can't have offensive plates, they really watch it. Nobody noticed when she applied for it.
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