On the other hand, the five worst movies of 2011 all lack the insight and smarts that was so evident in the ten best movies. The subjects of these five films may be sophomoric, but these stories had potential and wasted it. The screenwriters often chose complacency over competence and made inferior films because of it.  Let’s hope that none of these clunkers ever receives a sequel.

5.) “Our Idiot Brother“: Paul Rudd is wasted in this inane comedy about a stupid sibling who ultimately brings his family together. If you think watching a stupid character meander through life isn’t a waste of time, this film could be for you. Otherwise, avoid “Our Idiot Brother” like the family in this film should have avoided their own sibling. Click here for my full review.

4.) “The Change-Up“: Using a formula that has worked before isn’t enough to merit a bad rating. Abusing that formula with tasteless and crude humor is, though. In this body-switching comedy, the screenwriters decided that the two men at the heart of the story (Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman) should have their bodies switched after they both urinate in a public fountain together. And the story doesn’t improve from there.

3.) “Shark Night 3D“: Some people may think I pick on horror films because I often include them on my five worst list. “Piranha 3D,” however, showed that a formula like “Shark Night” could work. Both movies focus on a group of people who are attacked and killed by a group of underwater monsters. “Piranha 3D” was fun and engaging, but “Night” was neither of those things. With boring characters and ridiculous action scenes (one of which includes a one-armed man fighting a shark), this was a night worth forgetting. Click here for my full review.

2.) “New Year’s Eve“: This movie was just plain lazy. Did it have a cast that could bring audiences to the theater? Yes. Did it have a quality director at the helm? Yes. Did it have a script that created any interesting characters or anything that actually felt “real?” Nope. “New Year’s Eve” is all about starting over. That’s what the producers should have done after seeing the script for this lame by-the-numbers comedy. Click here for my full review.

1.) “Creature“: I think I was one of the few people who actually saw this movie in theaters. That’s a good thing. This horror flick about a monster that chases after teenagers in the woods was badly filmed and terribly acted. It was also disgusting to watch with its incestuous back story and its sick premise. By far, this was the worst movie of 2011.

Dishonorable mention: “Transformers: Dark of the Moon“

This was aptly if unwittingly demonstrated in the 2010 movie “Country Strong” in which traditionalist Garrett Hedlund mocked country-pop princess Leighton Meester’s songs, then went onstage and sang songs that sounded just like them.

The gist of the argument usually seems to be: “’Real country’ is what I like; ‘fake country’ is what you like.”

So, while any sort of a “top albums” list is going to be highly subjective, to make a list of one’s favorite country albums may be downright dangerous. Nevertheless, I’ve taken the plunge. Here’s my list of what I see as the best of 2011. And all of it—from the 39th studio album by a 59-year-old veteran, to the first album by the new teenager on the block—is real, honest-to-goodness country. Because I said so.

5. “Here for a Good Time,” George Strait

They don’t call him “King George” for nothing. At 59, Strait is going stronger than ever with this Grammy-nominated album, a perfect showcase for both his well-seasoned voice and his new found songwriting skills (only recently has he begun co-writing many of his own tunes). While the title song is all about having fun with the brief time we’re given, other songs on the album offer a poignant look back at a fruitful life and career. Strait and his wife, Norma, just celebrated their 40th anniversary, but the most memorable song here, “I’ll Always Remember You,” describes a different kind of romance. It paints a picture of a decades-long affair between a singer and his audience and promises that they’ll always be together in spirit. Don’t listen without a tissue.

4. “Hell on Heels,” Pistol Annies

Miranda Lambert jokes that she did things backwards. Some singers start in a band and then go solo; Lambert achieved stardom by herself, then launched a trio with fellow singer/songwriters Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley, leading to the release of this critically acclaimed, chart-topping album. With a sound that’s both earthy and ethereal, the group brings a wry feminine twist to some of country music’s favorite tropes. Their songs include “The Hunter’s Wife” (“It’s like I’m married to a shotgun-carryin’, tobacco-chewin’, no good blue tick hound”), and the title track, in which they portray sassy, determined gold-diggers. Though Lambert will continue to devote the bulk of her time to her solo career, she’s promised that Pistol Annies are here to stay. That’s great news for country fans.

3. “Hunter Hayes,” Hunter Hayes

When Hunter Hayes was four years old, he was playing the accordion onstage with Hank Williams, Jr. When he was six, he was appearing in “The Apostle” with Robert Duvall. So perhaps it’s not so remarkable that he released his debut album at 19 — or that he co-produced it, co-wrote all the songs and plays every instrument on it. What is remarkable is that Hayes, despite his youthful voice and appearance, is making music that appeals to more than just the preteen set. His album is full of catchy tunes and strong lyrics (with his first single, “Storm Warning,” the English major in me delights in how he keeps the weather metaphor going without making it seem hokey or overdone). This kid, who sings about things like the joys of listening to Johnny Cash—on vinyl, yet!—shows glimmers of taste and maturity well beyond his years.

2. “Edens Edge,” Edens Edge

I’m cheating a bit with this one—it’s actually an EP, not a full-length album. But it’s simply too good to leave off the list, especially as it features my favorite single of the year, “Amen.” Arkansas natives Hannah Blaylock, Cherrill Green and Dean Berner combine elements of bluegrass, country, and folk to create a uniquely gorgeous sound. Blaylock can’t be much more than five feet tall in her high heels, but to see her leading the group in concert, as I recently did in Silver Spring, Md., is to be bowled over by the titanic force of her personality, not to mention what has to be one of the loveliest voices in music today. And Green and Berner provide plenty of star quality as well, playing multiple instruments each and supplying some striking vocals of their own. I’ve been compulsively listening to their EP since it was released, and can hardly wait for their debut full-length album that’s due out in 2012.

1. “Neon,” Chris Young

Chris Young has had a banner year. Coming off four number one hits in a row and a Grammy nomination, he released his third album, which has been widely hailed as a breakthrough. Young’s soulful baritone and warm, traditional sound have ensured that he’s had plenty of fans from the beginning, but now he’s breaking into the ranks of the big stars, and for good reason. From playful love songs to anguished ballads to heartfelt tributes to family, there’s not a dud on this album. The video for his current single, “You,” has some fun with his good looks and effect on the ladies, but don’t think he’s just another lady-killing musician: Young recently made news when he threw a man out of one of his concerts for hitting a woman. “Sorry for swearing and kicking someone out, but a dude pushing a girl in the face is not cool,” he later apologized on Twitter. As several fans (including Lambert) quickly assured him, no apology necessary.

In the final analysis, “real country” isn’t just a sound or a demographic, it’s an attitude. And though these five acts may all be very different from each other, it’s pretty clear that they’ve all got it.

But 99.5 percent of terrible movies are just … terrible. That’s especially evident with the following five features, a quintet which cost millions to produce and yielded very little in return.

Dishonorable mentions include “The Change Up,” “Green Lantern,” “Larry Crowne,” “Sucker Punch” and “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.” But these five movies went above and beyond the call of duty in draining precious hours from our lives.

1. “Just Go With It” – Wow. Just wow. The laziest comedy in who knows how long wastes not only the talents of stars Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston but also bit players Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews. Sandler can challenge us (“Punch Drunk Love”), make us smile (“The Wedding Singer”) and even give us some grand guilty pleasures (“You Don’t Mess with the Zohan”). But with this sorry remake of “Cactus Flower” shows he can arrive on a movie set, recite dialogue less thought out than a Mad Libs sheet and call it a day without doing some rigorous soul searching.
2. “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night” – Insert your own Superman crashes back to Earth gag here. Poor Brandon Routh received precious little career buzz from his underrated work in the 2006 Man of Steel reboot. Five years later, he’s reduced to starring in this wannabe horror comedy about an undead hunter trying to … well, is there any point reciting such a sorry excuse for a plot?
3. “Your Highness” – Danny McBride is not a movie star, James Franco isn’t the next Steve Martin and Natalie Portman should know better than to appear in a fifth-rate “Monty Python” sketch stretched beyond the breaking point. Best suited for teenage boys jazzed to see their first R-rated movie no matter how painful the experience may be.
4. “The Human Centipede – Full Sequence” – “Fear Factor” contestants should be forced to watch this on an IMAX screen. Every criticism unfairly lobbed at the first “Centipede” hits the mark in this gross and mindless affair. The concept – a “Centipede” fan wants to emulate his favorite movie – might have worked had writer/director Tom Six not decided to eschew the storytelling prowess he flashed in the grisly original.
5. “Apollo 18” – It’s amazing how many scares Hollywood has wrung out of the found footage genre, from “The Blair Witch Project” to three chilling “Paranormal Activity” films. That means we were bound to endure a mega-bomb like this outer space claptrap.

* Note: My schedule did not allow me to view other potential clunkers like “Jack and Jill,” “Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star” and “Dream House.”

To be fair, I’m not Christian nor was I raised in a Christian household. I enjoy singing Christmas carols and appreciate the cheer and goodwill of the season, even if I watch askance at the capitalist excess and fist fights at Black Friday sales. A holiday about a so-called Prince of Peace subverted by a battle to get the best, the coolest, the “stuff” that says “yes, I’m a loving parent”?

That’s the backstory. When Big Hollywood asked me about my favorite Christmas films I balked, predictably, and said “not so much.” Instead, my list of five films that even us non-Christian, non-Christmas celebrating movie fans can enjoy…

The Hebrew Hammer (2003)

What, you want serious? Oy! Here’s the story: Mordechai Jefferson Carver (Adam Goldberg) is The Hebrew Hammer, an orthodox Jew who is on a mission to save Hanukkah from Santa Claus’s evil son Damien (Andy Dick), who has killed his dad after Santa got overly liberal. Now Damien is on a campaign to get rid of the Jewish holiday altogether. That’s okay; the Hebrew Hammer joins forces with the Jewish Justice League and the Kwanzaa Liberation Front to kill Damien and save Hanukkah. Hurray!

Jack Frost (1997)

A killer snowman terrorizes a small town during Christmas. Turns out he’s a reincarnated serial killer! Hair dryers, use your hair dryers! I mean, really, how can you not like a holiday B-movie with the tagline “He’s Chillin… and Killin!”

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

A fascinating and innovative stop-motion animated film produced by Tim Burton, the movie tells the tale of Jack Skellington (voice of Chris Sarandon), the pumpkin king of Halloween Town, who stumbles into Christmas Town and is startled by the idea of a positive, happy holiday. He tries to get the residents of Halloween Town to put on a Christmas celebration, but they can’t quite seem to get it right…

Trading Places (1983)

See that homeless guy? Yeah, let’s bet money that the rich guy can’t swap places with him and survive. The rich guy is Louis Winthorpe III (Dan Aykroyd) and the wiseass homeless guy is Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy, in one of his best roles), and they’ve become the victims of a cruel holiday season bet by a pair of callous millionaires. While there are a lot of laughs in this irreverent film, there’s also a thoughtful undertone about how we are products of our environment, particularly when Billy Ray first walks through his palatial new digs.

Holiday Inn (1942)

Bing Crosby. Fred Astaire. Virginia Dale. How can you go wrong, especially when you throw in music by Irving Berlin, including the mainstay “White Christmas” and the, well, rather dated musical number “Abraham”? The storyline: Jim (Crosby) and Ted (Astaire) are vaudeville performers who work at an inn that only opens on holidays and vie for the affection of beautiful Virginia (Dixon). Fun, fluffy, inoffensive, and way better than It’s a Wonderful Life. Trust me on this.

And a few to avoid…

Other than the obvious cloying Christmas movies, here are a few that I’ll just mention in passing as films I’ll switch off — or flip to the Home Shopping Network for relief — rather than watch: Christmas with the Kranks, Elf, Fred Claus, Miracle on 34th Street, The Polar Express and Silent Night Deadly Night.

Bah, humbug. Where’s my DVD collection when I need it?

As you prepare to fill up on stuffing, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie, I’ve whipped up a short list of favorite Thanksgiving moments on screen.

10. “The Mouse and the Mayflower” – I watched this made-for-TV movie growing up, and it’s probably my all-time favorite Thanksgiving story. The score really sets it apart from the rest, with original songs “November” and “Mayflower,” which my family and I always associate with the holiday. Families will love it for the cutesy mice and the fun little story about how Thanksgiving came to be.

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9. “Pieces of April” - Before she was Mrs. Cruise, Katie Holmes starred as April, the family oddball who is stressed about preparing Thanksgiving dinner for her entire clan in her small apartment with a broken oven. If anything, it’s kind of a hoot to see Holmes dressed in punk clothes.

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8. “Everybody Loves Raymond” – Debra tries to get everyone to eat Tofurkey (tofu turkey) because its healthier for them, and, needless to say, it doesn’t go over well.

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7. “South Park” - The kids have to perform in “Helen Keller” for their Thanksgiving Extravaganza, so of course they replace Helen Keller’s dog with a pet turkey. Absolutely hilarious. Plus, who wouldn’t be intrigued by “Helen Keller: The Musical”?

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6. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” - In the episode “Pangs,” Angel returns, Willow’s upset, Xander get a syphilis scare, Buffy makes a bear when really she’s trying to make dinner and Spike gives us hilarious insight to Thanksgiving. “I just can’t take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians. You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That’s what conquering nations do. That’s what Caesar did, and he’s not going around saying, ‘I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.’ The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.”

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5. “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” – Who doesn’t love this TV special? Charlie, Linus, Woodstock and Snoopy throw together a last-minute dinner that Peppermint Patty happily invites herself over to. A classic holiday special for all ages.

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4. “Friends” - A series known for its popular, guest-laden Thanksgiving episodes offers up some of the most hilarious plots around turkey time. One episode in particular, “The One with the Rumor,” guest stars Jennifer Aniston’s then-beau Brad Pitt as the former President of the “I Hate Rachel Green Club” from high school. Pure genius on the writers’ part and an all-around goofy dinner scene.

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3. “The Ice Storm” – Set on Thanksgiving weekend of 1973, “The Ice Storm” focuses on a wealthy Connecticut family who seems to be living the dream, when really all the characters’ lives are falling apart. Beautifully acted by a stellar cast including a young Tobey Maguire, Elijah Wood and Christina Ricci, the film marks director Ang Lee’s American debut.

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2. “Miracle on 34^th Street” – Yes, the film is more associated with a different holiday, but the premise of “34th Street” revolves around the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in NYC. The film remains a sentimental classic.

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1. “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” -Steve Martin and John Candy are a comedic match made in heaven. This is the ultimate Thanksgiving movie where Martin is struggling to make it home in time for the holiday and encounters problems along the way – including several dysfunctional means of transportation. Candy, an obnoxious shower curtain ring salesman, eventually becomes Martin’s travel companion since they are both trying to get to Chicago. Hilarious and ultimately heartwarming, “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” is one of the season’s best.

So, because you all enjoyed that list so much, and because I apparently have a death wish, it’s time for another: The Top 10 Most Overrated Actors/Actresses of All Time.

Unlike last time, I will claim that these are objective facts, not subjective opinions, so that all my critics may have full liberty to attack me (To those same critics who claimed last time that I phrased my opinions in an “objective” manner, this is called being facetious. That means I’m kidding. Also, seriously? That was your criticism?).

Here are my criteria: are they considered great actors/actresses? If not, they can’t make the list (sorry, Rob Schneider). Are they actually great actors? If so, they can’t make the list (sorry, Laurence Olivier). Only those who are considered great actors but are not, in fact, great actors can make this list. Even then, I’m not claiming that these are bad actors unless I explicitly say that I am.

So, here we go. In the words of Han Solo, I’ve got a bad feeling about this …

10. George Clooney: Not a great actor. Not a good actor. Not really an actor. If you’ve ever seen a movie with Clooney where you didn’t say to yourself, “Hey, I’m watching George Clooney” every thirty seconds or so, you haven’t seen a George Clooney movie. You’re mixing him up with Kate Winslet. He’s a D actor. Dull in “Michael Clayton.” Dreary in “Up In The Air.” Dreadful in “Syriana.” Dismal in “Batman and Robin.” He’s not a low-rent Cary Grant. He’s an affordable-housing Robert Wagner.

9. Dustin Hoffman: He turned in some tremendous performances in his early days (most notably “Papillon,” “Kramer vs. Kramer,” and “Tootsie”), then became a caricature of himself. He has not done anything worthwhile since “Tootsie,” in fact. Even in his better performances, he is a bit too mannered for my taste, perhaps an effect of his method acting. Laurence Olivier thought the same thing. When they were working on “Marathon Man” together, Hoffman showed up on set after having not slept for several days in order to get “in character.” Olivier took one look at him and said, “Dear boy, it’s called acting.”

8. Spencer Tracy: He’s immensely likable on screen, but he’s not a great actor by any stretch of the imagination. Light comedy is his forte (watch the original “Father of the Bride” or “Adam’s Rib”), but he’s too stolid in heavy drama like “Bad Day at Black Rock.” He’s always Spencer Tracy, no matter what he’s in. That’s more a characteristic of older actors who were movie stars rather than actors (see John Wayne, Cary Grant, Clark Gable, etc.), but those actors are rarely listed among the best of all time. Tracy routinely is.

7. Katharine Hepburn: Overwrought, overhyped, and overblown. Hepburn is the same in virtually all of her films, save “The Rainmaker,” “Long Day’s Journey Into Night,” and “On Golden Pond.” She tends to chew the scenery, and she never inhabits a part; she insists that the part inhabits her. Her films with Tracy are just as formulaic as Hope and Crosby (and no one ever called Hope and Crosby great actors). Many critics loved her because she wasn’t afraid to lose her femininity at the door, but that made her a hard actress to love onscreen.

6. Gregory Peck: Atticus Finch is supposed to have a Southern accent. Joseph Mengele is supposed to have a German accent. And characters are supposed to be different from each other. Philip Green in “Gentleman’s Agreement” is not supposed to be the same character as Joe Bradley in “Roman Holiday” or Captain Ahab in “Moby Dick.” Peck could not play pathos, could not play vulnerability, and could not play real anger. Like Tracy, the best word to describe him would be stolid.

5. Leonardo DiCaprio: He shows flashes of brilliance, then subsumes them in gigantic waves of mannerisms. When he burst onto the scene with “Titanic,” I thought he was going to be one of the great ones – for someone that age to turn in a performance that good in a movie that bad is worth noting. But watch him in “Gangs of New York,” and you find yourself laughing out loud at the notion that this whiny nobody is supposed to be the tough guy. Watch him in “The Man in the Iron Mask,” and he can’t even decide whether to pronounce Athos as “Aaathos” or “Aye-thos.” Watch him in “The Departed” – well, don’t bother to watch him in “The Departed.” Somebody has been whispering in his ear that great acting is about being showy. It isn’t. It’s about being subtle. We can only hope he heeds that warning before he ends up like Dustin Hoffman.

4. Bill Murray: Great in comedy (see “Tootsie” and “Groundhog Day”), laughably awful in everything else. He turned in what may be the single worst performance in the history of film in the remake of “The Razor’s Edge.” It is a wonder that the director of that film did not somehow mix up Murray and a block of wood during the shoot. It is unthinkable that he was nominated for an Academy Award for the most boring movie of all time, “Lost In Translation;” sitting around mumbling does not make for great acting. Here’s the thing about emotion on film; we should actually see it. I understand the idea of allowing things to simmer beneath the surface. But that doesn’t mean your performance style should invariably mirror a Tiki mask.

3. Tom Hanks: Bill Murray with a touch more emotion, Robin Williams with a touch less. Light comedy is fine (“Big”), everything else borders on the maudlin. “Castaway” is unintentionally hilarious (rent it and do bits on it), he’s a hole in the screen in “Saving Private Ryan,” and his performance in “Forrest Gump” is one-note. He’s not a bad actor, but he’s certainly not a great one. He is a great producer, though – for “Band of Brothers” alone, he should be enshrined among the best.

2. Meryl Streep: Undoubtedly I will be hung by my toenails for this pick. She is a marvel technically, but she’s always cold. I can’t think of a single film in which she has reached me emotionally. I always get the feeling while watching her movies that I’m watching a documentary about acting for a master class; I never get the feeling that her characters are real. On this one, I agree with Katharine Hepburn, who couldn’t stand Streep’s acting: “Click, click, click,” she once said, talking about the gears you can see turning inside Streep’s head.

1. Jack Nicholson: He sucks in everything. It’s that simple. Anyone who considers him a great actor ought to get his/her head examined. I understand that he’s a hero to the ‘60s generation because he did drugs and got murdered for psychedelic “freedom” in “Easy Rider.” That doesn’t excuse him for cursing film with his presence for the next forty years. He has no versatility whatsoever. He is always a cynical/menacing fellow with “reserves of depth” (unless he has no “reserves of depth”). He is the worst case of miscasting in movie history in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” (McMurphy is supposed to be a huge red-headed Irishman, not a 5’10” counterculture weasel), a glaring problem in a film that is otherwise impeccably cast (Brad Dourif as Billy is one of the great overlooked performances in the annals of film). Nicholson over Peter Fonda in “1997″ is a cosmic injustice. He is boring, predictable, and what’s more, he’s pretentious and annoying. 12 Oscar nominations for this hack testifies to the idiocy of the Baby Boomer generation that made him famous.

I was a bit of a fraidy-cat when I was a kid.  I used to sleepwalk after seeing scary movies, or if that didn’t happen, I would awake-walk into my parents’ room for a hug from Mom.   In order to confront that embarrassing—if amusing—childhood demon, I became a bit of a horror buff.  Hopefully my pain is your gain.

Five Movies to Watch This Halloween

“Return of the Living Dead” (1985)
In this “cult classic,” a group of punk rock-loving teens venture out to pick up a friend from his job at a medical supply shop in Louisville, Kentucky.  When a foreman opens up a military drum that was accidentally sent to the shop—which, oh-by-the-way has an UNDEAD BODY IN IT!!—all zombie-hell breaks loose.

The film is genuinely funny, has a couple of good scares, and a rockin’ soundtrack, but it also injected life into the genre because all the zombies run (fast!) and most of them talk.  Like this one:

Doesn’t she look familiar?  Check out this zombie from “The Walking Dead.”

The B-plot, featuring an Army Colonel on a mysterious, tedious, yet seemingly extremely important mission, is tied up brilliantly in the frightening, apocalyptic conclusion.

But what really puts this film over the top is that it features the best zombie of all time, Tarman.  Gruesome, evil, and with just the right amount of camp, the zombie that first exclaimed “BRRAAAAAIIIIINNNNSS!!” before chowing down on the cerebral cortex of some young punk deserves a place in cinematic lore.

One of the least scary on this list, “Return of the Living Dead” is good for non-horror fans.

“Let the Right One In” (2008)
One of the best vampire films of all time.  It’s a coming-of-age love story—imagine a Swedish pre-teen “Twilight” with a lot less sparkles and a lot more blood-sucking—that has become more relevant today thanks to the left’s obsession with bullying.  Unlike Hollywood celebrities who think whiny PSAs and hate-crime legislation are the ways to snuff out bullies, “Let the Right One In” takes a slightly different approach: fight back with all you have.  I guarantee your jaw hits the floor when the bad guys get their comeuppance.

“Let Me In,” the inappropriately titled American remake, is nearly as good as the original.

“Zombieland” (2009)
Much like how marijuana is a “gateway” drug, “Zombieland” is a gateway horror film.  If you have a significant other who is uneasy with monster movies, show her this to win her over to the genre.  Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin journey across America to an amusement park, hilariously slaughtering the undead in the most creative ways possible.  “Zombieland” is the funniest zombie film I’ve ever seen, and unlike “The Walking Dead,” for example, you become emotionally attached to its unique and sympathetic characters.

It also features one of the greatest cameos ever.

“Dawn of the Dead” (2004)
George Romero’s original is perhaps the ultimate zombie director’s best film, but Zack Snyder’s remake may be the scariest living-dead flick.  Though it’s a massive departure from Romero’s classic—Snyder’s version is lighter on social commentary and heavier on gore—the visionary director of “300” and “Watchmen” (and “Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole“) proves there’s clearly more than one way to skin a cat… or reanimate a corpse.

“The Orphanage” (2007)
An ominous, morally sophisticated character study of a woman coping with the sudden disappearance of her young child.  There isn’t much violence beyond a finger being broken in broad daylight (a truly horrifying scene) and there are no cheapo scares, but impeccable direction from first-timer Juan Antonio Bayona, a moving performance from Spanish actress Belén Rueda, and a monstrous boy wearing a gunny-sack mask make “El Orfanato” truly captivating cinema.

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More Scary Movies of Note

“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (1974)
John Nolte’s favorite horror movie, and for good reason.

“28 Days/Weeks Later” (2002/2007)
“28 Days Later” should score points with conservative moviegoers from the very start, when we learn the fastest zombies on two feet are a product of environmental activism gone horribly wrong.  Unfortunately, “Days” squanders that good will in the third act when the military starts trying to rape the women.  The ship is righted with a briskly paced and beautifully shot sequel.  Both are very frightening.

“The Ring” (2002)
The premise of the film sounds gimmicky: teens watch a videotape with a bunch of (really really) creepy images on it, and then they die seven days later.  Stupid… right?  Nuh uh… Start to finish, this is one of the scariest movies ever made.  A never-better Naomi Watts and gorgeously-eerie cinematography make the momentum build to what you think is a satisfying ending, until… what did that creepy little boy just say!?!

“Day of the Dead” (1985)
The third film from the “Godfather of all Zombies” may be a left-wing screed against the military (though a very well done one), but the semi-socialized zombie Bub—who listens to headphones, salutes, and shoots guns—makes “Day” a must-see.  Watch this one after “Return” and let us know whether you think Bub or Tarman is history’s top zombie.

“Gigli“ (2003)
Not a traditional horror film, but this Bennifer vehicle is every bit as ghastly as anything on this list.  There are movies that are so bad that they’re good, there are movies that are so bad that there is no amount of entertainment to be gleaned from them, and then there’s “Gigli.”  Scary.

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One More to Watch… Any Time

In terms of horror/scary/Halloween movies, “The Exorcist” (1973) is in a class by itself.  Not only is it the scariest movie of all time, it’s a clear articulation of what it means to be a Catholic and the power of faith in God.

More than anything, the story is about Father Damien Karras, a Priest struggling with his own faith, who is called to perform an exorcism on a young girl whose body and mind have been inhabited by a demon.  The demon picked this innocent child to make us despair, and it’s only by overcoming his doubts and putting his full trust in God that Damien is able to triumph over pure evil.

As Christians, all of us question our beliefs periodically, and this portrayal of a priest challenges professors and other left-wing intellectuals who largely consider religious people blind dogmatists.  In fact, I’d argue atheists tend to be much more dogmatic than Christians and Jews because they are more frequently than not unwavering in their denial of God.

“The Exorcist” is vulgar, disgusting, and unrelentingly terrifying, and it’s also one of the greatest stories of faith and sacrifice ever portrayed on film.

That’s why any day of the year is an excellent day for an exorcism.

Happy Halloween!

Therefore, my list of the worst five films of the year is composed of films that had the potential to be good but were ultimately an absolute waste. These stories aren’t worthy a ticket to the multiplex. They aren’t even worthy a rental. They are simply worthy of scorn and derision.

1.) The Virginity Hit: The worst movie of 2010 is this despicable and repulsive comedy. “The Virginity Hit,” which had the potential to be a solid but funny knockoff of “American Pie,” features some of the meanest characters on screen this year. I’m not sure why producers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were involved in this project but it’s a terrible movie that was forgotten almost as soon as it hit theaters.

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2.) Macgruber: When I saw “MacGruber” in May, I hoped that this unfunny comedy based on a “Saturday Night Live” sketch would turn out to be the worst of the year. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Still, this lame movie that made light of abortion is tired and useless. Perhaps one of the best things about “MacGruber” is that it has given people pause about bringing other “SNL” skits to the big screen.  

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3.) The Killers: This Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl film is a terrible action comedy. After finding out that her husband used to be an assassin, Heigl’s character accepts this reality without asking serious questions about his past. Audiences were asked to leave their minds at the theater door before seeing “The Killers.” It’s too bad that the script writers did the same thing before writing this atrocious and unsatisfying story.

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4.) Saw 3D: Take a series of films that outlasted its potential several movies ago and add in the extra cost for 3D glasses. Combined, “Saw 3D” is an awful formulaic gross slasher movie. I was excited to see Cary Elwes return to his role from the original but that was it. The first movie was smart and interesting. The seventh is a waste.

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5.) Lottery Ticket: I typically enjoy Loretta Devine as an actress. However, after she starred in “Lottery Ticket,” “Death at a Funeral” and “For Colored Girls,” I’m starting to question her choice of projects. Of those three poor movies, “Lottery Ticket” stands out as the worst. It’s an unfunny and tasteless story about a young man who wins the lottery and is surrounded by people who want to steal it. The story jumps from bad comedy to soap opera pretty quickly. This is one ticket that isn’t worth the paper the script was printed on.

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Most-Overrated Movies of the Year: Although I didn’t hate these movies, I am shocked that critics loved them as much as they did. They may not qualify as the worst movies of the year but “Winter’s Bone” and “Black Swan” were both disappointing and don’t deserve the critical praise that they have received. As always, if I missed anything on those list, please let me know in the comments.

Until Governor Palin and family decided to take us on a tour of their beloved home state, the only way I knew of to get a feel for Alaska was through the movies, the medium that taught me most everything (which some would say explains a lot). So if you’re looking for something to tide you over until tomorrow night’s debut of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” on TLC, here are five pretty memorable films set in the, uh, Upper One. Considering how few films actually take place in Alaska, this is a pretty impressive list.

1. North to Alaska (1960) – One of those raucous John Wayne films that’s far from a classic but impossible not to like. Ernie Kovacs, Stewart Granger, Fabian, and the gorgeous Capucine provide excellent support for the Duke, who’s in fine comedic form in a beautifully photographed widescreen color production that probably got no closer to Alaska than I ever will. And of course there’s also the great Johnny Horton’s unforgettable title song.

2. Insomnia (2002) – Director Christopher Nolan does the impossible in getting what is likely to be the last great performance out of Al Pacino’s now wildly over-the-top acting career. Another stunningly photographed production that thrusts you deep in the heart of Alaska’s desolate beauty — and there’s a terrific mystery to boot.

3. Never Cry Wolf (1983) – The movie that made me fall in love with Alaska. Charles Martin Smith should have won the Oscar for what I still consider to be one of the finest one man cinematic shows of the last thirty years, but what a great (and true) story. The beauty, the solitude, the opportunity to run around buck naked — how could anyone resist?

4. Runaway Train (1985) - Still the greatest existential action film ever made and what a cast. The Mighty Jon Voight and The Mighty Eric Roberts have never been better in this relentlessly exciting nail biter about a couple of escaped convicts forced to exorcise their demons and discover their own humanity as they hurtle towards an unforgettable climax. Special props go to the vastly underrated John P. Ryan (LexG knows of who I speak) as an obsessed prison warden. He was quite possibly the only actor at the time who could make us believe that he was any kind of worthy opponent to Voight and Roberts.

5. Limbo (1999) – Remember when indie movies didn’t suck like blackholes? Writer/director John Sayles sets a marvelous story in one of those small towns that tells us that Alaska is the place where people go to guard their secrets. The breathtaking and breathtakingly talented Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio plays a damaged lounge singer who’s working overtime to pass that damage on to her daughter until she meets a local handyman played with gentle masculinity by David Strathairn. And just when it seems as though the two of them might save each other, the story takes a wild turn into the wild.

People complain about the ending, but I think it’s perfect. The central story about the three central relationships has been beautifully resolved and therefore the ultimate fate of the characters is meaningless. A big bonus is a touchingly performed soundtrack sung by Mastrantonio that includes unforgettable covers of Tom Waits “(Looking For) the Heart of Saturday Night” and Richard Thompson’s “Dimming of the Day.”

Mind you, they’re still charismatic and entertaining to watch, but in an almost clownish way. We now go to see them not to be wowed by their acting, but to be entertained by their chewing the scenery and hamming it up. Whereas in the past they lost themselves in a part, now their well-known, theatrically overblown personalities overwhelm everything else on screen.

Who are the worst offenders? My own Top 5 list was compiled with two ground rules: each candidate had to be alive (so James Dean and Marlon Brando each get a reprieve), and they have to have won at least one Academy Award for acting (which spares modern, less-laurelled hams such as Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp, Woody Allen, Jeff Goldblum and Mel Gibson.) Again, the following actors are not necessarily unpleasant to watch — raw charisma goes a long way — but they have become predictably one-note parodies of themselves.

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5. Tie: Christopher Walken/Robert De Niro

Best Supporting Actor: The Deer Hunter (1979 — Walken), The Godfather, Part II (1974 — De Niro)

Best Actor: Raging Bull (1981 — De Niro)

Insufferable Affectations: unblinking eyes (i.e., The Innsmouth Look), mouth hanging agape and licking lips like a parched salamander, creepy monotone dialogue delivery (Walken); incessant squinting, head cocking, aimless glancing around between lines (De Niro).

When every comedian is doing impressions of you and when Saturday Night Live builds entire skits out of mocking your instantly recognizable mannerisms and vocal intonations, you’ve perhaps become a bit too ossified in your acting range and delivery.

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4. Philip Seymour Hoffman

Best Actor: Capote (2005)

Insufferable Affectations: eternally constipated facial smile/grimace, slothful dialogue delivery, labored mouth-breathing.

Easily my least-favorite actor of the modern age, a sort of monstrous antithesis of everything that once made Hollywood classy, glamorous, and great. Whether mouth-kissing Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights (1997), rutting naked with poor Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (2007), or channeling stomach-churning depression and illness in the incomprehensible and excruciatingly pretentious Synecdoche, New York (2008), he always seems to be hammering us in the solar plexus with premeditated attempts at disgust, ennui, and despair, levied against us for our own good in the name of Art. His winning an Oscar for Capote seemed a fitting capstone to arguably the single worst-ever year for the Academy Awards.

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3. Jack Nicholson

Best Actor: As Good As It Gets (1997), One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1976)

Best Supporting Actor: Terms of Endearment (1984)

Insufferable Affectations: Cheshire cat crap-eating grin, arched eyebrows, overblown temper tantrums.

When a young Christian Slater effortlessly channels you in a movie like Heathers, you know the shtick is worn out. And that was way back in 1989. Like most hams, his later career has been a steady stream of mostly forgettable movies, with few coming close to the fine pictures of his early days.

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2. Al Pacino

Best Actor: Scent of a Woman (1992)

Insufferable Affectations: flamboyant yelling, whiskey-soaked drawl, throwing arms and hands wide open when making points in ego-driven monologues.

I still remember the promo trailer in the theater for Carlito’s Way, where the studio started with a greatest-actor-of-all-time type audio medley of Pacino’s past performances. “Aaaaaaaaticaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaaticaaaaa! . . . .I’d take a flaaaaaaaamethrower to this plaaaaace!” et cetera. What happened to the actor who made Michael Corleone such a measured, quiet, emotionally believable person in the first two Godfathers?

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1. Meryl Streep

Best Actress: Kramer vs. Kramer (1980), Sophie’s Choice (1983)

Insufferable Affectations: ostentatious accents, reading every line as I-M-P-O-R-T-A-N-T.

There isn’t a more soullessly mannered and technique-driven actor working today. Every syllable, every movement is so calculated and consciously performed and projected that it feels more like an impression of the character than the character itself. Far from losing herself in a role, she always glows as bright as possible, ever shooting for that next acting accolade. I can’t think of a single movie where her presence seems calibrated to the story, where she’s an organic part of the movie’s tapestry. Like a diva on stage or a star basketball player hogging the ball, she always demands the spotlight. As a result, she has many individual awards but few if any enduring and beloved classics to her name.

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The following movies, each containing not one but two Top 5 hams in them, should be packaged in DVD cases made out of rye bread:

Doubt (2008 — Streep and Hoffman), Angels in America (2003 — Streep and Pacino), Ironweed (1987 — Streep and Nicholson), Heartburn (1986 — Streep and Nicholson), Heat (1995 — Pacino and De Niro), The Godfather Part II (1974 — Pacino and De Niro, mitigated by the fact that they don’t appear together on screen and both are still in their pre-ham prime), Righteous Kill (2008 — Pacino and De Niro), Scent of a Woman (1992 — Pacino and Hoffman), Gigli (2003 — Pacino and Walken).

And there’s one movie sporting the unholy intersection of an astonishing three members from this list, which must make it the cataclysmic thermonuclear ham movie of all time: The Deer Hunter (Streep, De Niro, Walken).