Looking over my list of the ten best movies of 2011, they all seem to have one quality in common: intelligence. Those films may have focused on a variety of subjects– ranging from Marilyn Monroe and “Moneyball” to politics and Paris– but they all were smart about the their own subjects.

On the other hand, the five worst movies of 2011 all lack the insight and smarts that was so evident in the ten best movies. The subjects of these five films may be sophomoric, but these stories had potential and wasted it. The screenwriters often chose complacency over competence and made inferior films because of it.  Let’s hope that none of these clunkers ever receives a sequel.

5.) “Our Idiot Brother“: Paul Rudd is wasted in this inane comedy about a stupid sibling who ultimately brings his family together. If you think watching a stupid character meander through life isn’t a waste of time, this film could be for you. Otherwise, avoid “Our Idiot Brother” like the family in this film should have avoided their own sibling. Click here for my full review.

(more…)

To be a country music fan these days is to be part of a quarrelsome bunch. The consensus seems to be that “real country” is the only kind worth listening to—yet no one can seem to agree on what “real country” is.

This was aptly if unwittingly demonstrated in the 2010 movie “Country Strong” in which traditionalist Garrett Hedlund mocked country-pop princess Leighton Meester’s songs, then went onstage and sang songs that sounded just like them.

The gist of the argument usually seems to be: “’Real country’ is what I like; ‘fake country’ is what you like.”

So, while any sort of a “top albums” list is going to be highly subjective, to make a list of one’s favorite country albums may be downright dangerous. Nevertheless, I’ve taken the plunge. Here’s my list of what I see as the best of 2011. And all of it—from the 39th studio album by a 59-year-old veteran, to the first album by the new teenager on the block—is real, honest-to-goodness country. Because I said so.

(more…)

“Troll 2″ is a movie so bad it’s great.  The same holds true for “Plan 9 From Outer Space” and “Showgirls.”

But 99.5 percent of terrible movies are just … terrible. That’s especially evident with the following five features, a quintet which cost millions to produce and yielded very little in return.

Dishonorable mentions include “The Change Up,” “Green Lantern,” “Larry Crowne,” “Sucker Punch” and “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.” But these five movies went above and beyond the call of duty in draining precious hours from our lives.

(more…)

I love old movies, but even the first time I saw It’s A Wonderful Life I gagged on the sappy, daft storyline and banal message. Yes, the world’s a better place because you’re in it, dear reader, but really? This has become the go-to film for Christmas? Can I stop yawning now?

To be fair, I’m not Christian nor was I raised in a Christian household. I enjoy singing Christmas carols and appreciate the cheer and goodwill of the season, even if I watch askance at the capitalist excess and fist fights at Black Friday sales. A holiday about a so-called Prince of Peace subverted by a battle to get the best, the coolest, the “stuff” that says “yes, I’m a loving parent”?

That’s the backstory. When Big Hollywood asked me about my favorite Christmas films I balked, predictably, and said “not so much.” Instead, my list of five films that even us non-Christian, non-Christmas celebrating movie fans can enjoy…

The Hebrew Hammer (2003)

What, you want serious? Oy! Here’s the story: Mordechai Jefferson Carver (Adam Goldberg) is The Hebrew Hammer, an orthodox Jew who is on a mission to save Hanukkah from Santa Claus’s evil son Damien (Andy Dick), who has killed his dad after Santa got overly liberal. Now Damien is on a campaign to get rid of the Jewish holiday altogether. That’s okay; the Hebrew Hammer joins forces with the Jewish Justice League and the Kwanzaa Liberation Front to kill Damien and save Hanukkah. Hurray! (more…)

Poor Thanksgiving; it certainly doesn’t generate as much holiday ruckus in Hollywood as Halloween or Christmas do. While it may not be Tinseltown’s favorite holiday, there are still several television shows and films that center on Turkey Day.

As you prepare to fill up on stuffing, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie, I’ve whipped up a short list of favorite Thanksgiving moments on screen.

10. “The Mouse and the Mayflower” – I watched this made-for-TV movie growing up, and it’s probably my all-time favorite Thanksgiving story. The score really sets it apart from the rest, with original songs “November” and “Mayflower,” which my family and I always associate with the holiday. Families will love it for the cutesy mice and the fun little story about how Thanksgiving came to be.

—-

9. “Pieces of April” - Before she was Mrs. Cruise, Katie Holmes starred as April, the family oddball who is stressed about preparing Thanksgiving dinner for her entire clan in her small apartment with a broken oven. If anything, it’s kind of a hoot to see Holmes dressed in punk clothes. (more…)

So, because you all enjoyed that list so much, and because I apparently have a death wish, it’s time for another: The Top 10 Most Overrated Actors/Actresses of All Time.

Unlike last time, I will claim that these are objective facts, not subjective opinions, so that all my critics may have full liberty to attack me (To those same critics who claimed last time that I phrased my opinions in an “objective” manner, this is called being facetious. That means I’m kidding. Also, seriously? That was your criticism?).

Here are my criteria: are they considered great actors/actresses? If not, they can’t make the list (sorry, Rob Schneider). Are they actually great actors? If so, they can’t make the list (sorry, Laurence Olivier). Only those who are considered great actors but are not, in fact, great actors can make this list. Even then, I’m not claiming that these are bad actors unless I explicitly say that I am.

So, here we go. In the words of Han Solo, I’ve got a bad feeling about this …

10. George Clooney: Not a great actor. Not a good actor. Not really an actor. If you’ve ever seen a movie with Clooney where you didn’t say to yourself, “Hey, I’m watching George Clooney” every thirty seconds or so, you haven’t seen a George Clooney movie. You’re mixing him up with Kate Winslet. He’s a D actor. Dull in “Michael Clayton.” Dreary in “Up In The Air.” Dreadful in “Syriana.” Dismal in “Batman and Robin.” He’s not a low-rent Cary Grant. He’s an affordable-housing Robert Wagner.

9. Dustin Hoffman: He turned in some tremendous performances in his early days (most notably “Papillon,” “Kramer vs. Kramer,” and “Tootsie”), then became a caricature of himself. He has not done anything worthwhile since “Tootsie,” in fact. Even in his better performances, he is a bit too mannered for my taste, perhaps an effect of his method acting. Laurence Olivier thought the same thing. When they were working on “Marathon Man” together, Hoffman showed up on set after having not slept for several days in order to get “in character.” Olivier took one look at him and said, “Dear boy, it’s called acting.” (more…)

It’s Halloween, and that means it’s time to trick-or-treat or attend costume parties or seek out a local haunted house.  But for me, it’s hard to find a better haunted house than my plasma TV.

I was a bit of a fraidy-cat when I was a kid.  I used to sleepwalk after seeing scary movies, or if that didn’t happen, I would awake-walk into my parents’ room for a hug from Mom.   In order to confront that embarrassing—if amusing—childhood demon, I became a bit of a horror buff.  Hopefully my pain is your gain.

Five Movies to Watch This Halloween

“Return of the Living Dead” (1985)
In this “cult classic,” a group of punk rock-loving teens venture out to pick up a friend from his job at a medical supply shop in Louisville, Kentucky.  When a foreman opens up a military drum that was accidentally sent to the shop—which, oh-by-the-way has an UNDEAD BODY IN IT!!—all zombie-hell breaks loose.

The film is genuinely funny, has a couple of good scares, and a rockin’ soundtrack, but it also injected life into the genre because all the zombies run (fast!) and most of them talk.  Like this one:

Doesn’t she look familiar?  Check out this zombie from “The Walking Dead.”

The B-plot, featuring an Army Colonel on a mysterious, tedious, yet seemingly extremely important mission, is tied up brilliantly in the frightening, apocalyptic conclusion.

But what really puts this film over the top is that it features the best zombie of all time, Tarman.  Gruesome, evil, and with just the right amount of camp, the zombie that first exclaimed “BRRAAAAAIIIIINNNNSS!!” before chowing down on the cerebral cortex of some young punk deserves a place in cinematic lore. (more…)

Admittedly, I try to avoid bad movies like the plague. Spending ten dollars on a movie that wastes my time isn’t my idea of a good time. However, there are some films that had potential but wasted it.

Therefore, my list of the worst five films of the year is composed of films that had the potential to be good but were ultimately an absolute waste. These stories aren’t worthy a ticket to the multiplex. They aren’t even worthy a rental. They are simply worthy of scorn and derision.

1.) The Virginity Hit: The worst movie of 2010 is this despicable and repulsive comedy. “The Virginity Hit,” which had the potential to be a solid but funny knockoff of “American Pie,” features some of the meanest characters on screen this year. I’m not sure why producers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay were involved in this project but it’s a terrible movie that was forgotten almost as soon as it hit theaters.

YouTube

—–

(more…)

Though my pretty wife would never put up with the long winters and those extended periods where the sun refuses to rise, Alaska has always intrigued me and felt like my kind of place. There’s a sense of self-reliance about the people, a remoteness which is especially appealing to a wannabe hermit like yours truly, and I absolutely love cold weather. As far as those times when the sun won’t rise, I’m firmly on record as being in favor of anything that cuts down the glare on my plasma TV.

Until Governor Palin and family decided to take us on a tour of their beloved home state, the only way I knew of to get a feel for Alaska was through the movies, the medium that taught me most everything (which some would say explains a lot). So if you’re looking for something to tide you over until tomorrow night’s debut of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” on TLC, here are five pretty memorable films set in the, uh, Upper One. Considering how few films actually take place in Alaska, this is a pretty impressive list.

1. North to Alaska (1960) – One of those raucous John Wayne films that’s far from a classic but impossible not to like. Ernie Kovacs, Stewart Granger, Fabian, and the gorgeous Capucine provide excellent support for the Duke, who’s in fine comedic form in a beautifully photographed widescreen color production that probably got no closer to Alaska than I ever will. And of course there’s also the great Johnny Horton’s unforgettable title song.

(more…)

We’ve all watched well-known, highly regarded actors for the umpteenth time on screen — perhaps even raucously enjoying both their performance and the movie — and thought about how painfully derivative and self-referential they’ve become. Somewhere along the way, over a period of many years, these talented thespians stopped surprising us. They ceased bringing to life fleshed out individuals and  began using and reusing tired sets of predictable quirks and tics.

Mind you, they’re still charismatic and entertaining to watch, but in an almost clownish way. We now go to see them not to be wowed by their acting, but to be entertained by their chewing the scenery and hamming it up. Whereas in the past they lost themselves in a part, now their well-known, theatrically overblown personalities overwhelm everything else on screen.

Who are the worst offenders? My own Top 5 list was compiled with two ground rules: each candidate had to be alive (so James Dean and Marlon Brando each get a reprieve), and they have to have won at least one Academy Award for acting (which spares modern, less-laurelled hams such as Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp, Woody Allen, Jeff Goldblum and Mel Gibson.) Again, the following actors are not necessarily unpleasant to watch — raw charisma goes a long way — but they have become predictably one-note parodies of themselves. (more…)

Food and television go hand in hand.  Those who doubt this fact need only look at the correlation between the proliferation of cable television by year then compare it with the obesity rate.  The two seem to be related.  The more wide spread cable became, the fatter we got.  It should be no surprise that food has been almost as big a part of television for the various shows as it has been for the audience.  A number of programs have created (or stumbled accidentally upon) signature dishes that became part of the shows and the pop-culture consciousness as well.  Below are my top five television foods and recipes.

—–

5.   The Screaming Viking from “Cheers”: 

The Screaming Viking comes from the first episode of Cheers to feature Kirstie Alley in her roll of Rebecca Howe.  Sam (Ted Danson), trying to purge anything that was associated with former flame, Diane (Shelly Long), out of his life, sold the bar, bought a boat, and planned on circumnavigating the globe.  The problem was that Sam was about as good at being a sailor as he was at being a MLB pitcher.  He sank the boat and returned to Cheers, penniless and looking for a job.  New manager, Rebecca Howe, hires him but must make room by either firing longtime Cheers assistant bartender, Woody (Woody Harrelson), or a new, but extremely talented bartender she had hired.  The new guy claimed he knew ever drink known to man, and made a bet that if a customer asked for a drink he was unfamiliar with, he would quit.  After some conspiring between the Cheers regulars, the fictional drink the Screaming Viking was born.  Obviously the new guy didn’t know what this concoction was, and left in disgrace.

After the defeated bartender leaves, everyone who had ordered the Screaming Viking spits it out.  This is probably the appropriate reaction to this drink.  The ingredients are vodka, dry vermouth, celery, lime juice, and a cucumber (bruised). 

This drink doesn’t make the (more…)

In the Age of the Hollywood Sucker Punch, betting your time and dollars on movies and TV is more perilous than ever.

As often as not, you can expect to fork over $20-$40 at the theater expecting to laugh, cry, and be entertained. . .

. . . only to find yourself trapped in a widescreen, 3D, surround sound, stadium-seated liberal indoctrination chamber.

With TV, you can dedicate months and years to becoming a dedicated fan of a series. . .

. . . only to suddenly start getting lectured on what creeps you and your family are by dint of your politics/religion/gender/race/fill-in-the-blank.

Closing in on two years patrolling the mean streets, Big Hollywood already has dozens of posts that document these lies, cheap shots, and propaganda in grim detail. Amidst the cultural carnage conservatives step ever more gingerly, sifting through the rubble for scraps worth investing in.

One way most of us navigate this minefield is by discerning which actors — big, well-known, picture-opening actors — are worth trusting on name alone. No one has a perfect record, but the best gain our confidence by routinely choosing projects that hew to some modicum of quality, decency, and fair play. You may not agree with the underlying message or political slant of their movies, but that’s not the point — it’s completely possible for conservatives to love great liberal movies and vice versa. Rather, these actors convince us over the course of their careers that they aren’t likely to sucker punch their fans, or to embarrass their country, profession, or family by allowing politics and prejudices to tarnish their public reputations and filmed entertainments. (more…)

A good argument can be made that the period 2000-2009 was the single worst decade for movies in Hollywood history. Unfortunately, judging by what we’ve seen so far in 2010, the next decade could conceivably dip even lower into mediocrity. Over just the next three months, theaters are set to debut yet more anti-conservative rewritings of history, yet more anti Prop-8 propaganda masquerading as entertainment for the masses, yet more heaping piles of torture and snuff porn, and much else that looks eminently skip-worthy.

So what’s left for those of us looking for things like stirring heroism, rousing action, and solid family-friendly entertainment? If you had to pick five films appearing between now and the end of the year that look decent enough to take a chance on, what would they be? Here’s my shortlist, sorted by release date:

______

YouTube -- click here to watch in full-screen

Red (October 15)

A blissfully silly, cartoonishly hyper-violent trailer. A formidable array of talent seeming to have the time of their lives as they chew up the scenery, with normally stately and self-serious Oscar-winners like Helen Mirren and Morgan Freeman hamming it up next to Bruce Willis and John Malkovich. A premise that sounds something like Spy Kids for adults. Sounds good to me. (more…)

If you’re not interested in having Will Ferrell lecture you on the evils of capitalism this coming weekend and would instead prefer to cozy up at home before the warm glow of plasma with a cold one in one hand a Redbox receipt in the other, here are five fairly new-to-DVD flicks that won’t leave you feeling sucker punched.

1. The Road: Director John Hillcoat’s adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize winner was unforgivably snubbed for Oscar consideration last year, as was leading man Viggo Mortensen for his heart-wrenching work as a widowed father leading his adolescent son across a dangerous, barren  post-apocalyptic America. Muted, heartbreaking, and yet hopeful, this is a story about a father teaching his son about what it takes to survive at any cost other than losing your humanity. Perfectly acted, beautifully directed and paced in such a way that casts an hypnotic spell, “The Road” is part Christian allegory, part zombie movie, and boasts an unforgettable cameo by Robert Duvall. (more…)

5. Ratatouille (2007): Nikki Finke severely underestimated the commercial possibilities of a movie with a rat named Remy as the main character, opining that it would be difficult for Disney to sell the accompanying barrage of toys. Rats aren’t cute. Turns out, director Brad Bird knows this and never attempts to make Remy cute at all. 

The production design of the kitchen where Remy works his magic is amazing. A trademark of the Pixar movies is the set pieces and action sequences which are fluid, efficient, and move the story along as opposed to stopping it for the sake of action. Bird expertly introduces a theme — anyone can do anything if they just try — that I don’t think he completely believes. In this case, that anything is, of course, cooking. At best, I’m left believing that Bird believes that anyone can cook but it takes a special talent to excel at cooking. (more…)

These may not be the best known or most famous of WWII films, but they deserve to be. Keep an eye out. You’ll be glad you did.

1. Command Decision (1948) – Made just after WWII, this Air Force drama set in 1943 when the outcome of the war was still in doubt, is one of the most intelligent examinations of the burden of command ever put on film. Clark Gable is absolutely outstanding as Casey, a Brigadier General forced to give orders that on their face appear cold and even monstrous, but in truth are just the opposite. Caught between the Washington brass who have a war to sell and the men under him who see only a General ordering their comrades to certain death, Casey is a leader willing to be hated and even lose his command in order to do the greater good. What Casey cares about before anything is saving American lives. That means winning the war as quickly as possible, something which can only be accomplished if unspeakable sacrifices are made in the here and now. (more…)

It is difficult to overstate just how bad the upcoming movie with Brendan Fraser, Furry Vengeance is going to be if the trailer is any indication. 

“Welcome to Rocky Springs,” says the narrator, “home to the greenest community ever built.”  Brendan Fraser plays a construction expert who is attacked by animals bent on keeping their pristine nature home free of the grubby man-hands of the developers.  Fraser’s son sums up the movie: “Dad, you’re building on a nature preserve, and nature’s ticked off … I think the animals are out for revenge.”  

If this sounds like your type of movie, you are either a relative of the writer or Van Jones. 

Which got me to thinking – what are the five worst environmentalist movies of all time?  I’ll exclude documentaries here, since An Inconvenient Truth is perhaps the worst thing ever put on film; it’s as though Satan had explosive diarrhea on camera, and then the diarrhea talked at you for two hours (and don’t get me started on Winged Migration, which was literally pictures of birds, and which moved so slowly that time actually began moving backwards – the movie was released in 2001 and after watching it, you found yourself back in 1955).  (more…)

Film blogger and sometimes Turner Classic Movies’ programmer,The Self-Styled Siren, came up with a terrific idea for a movie list: That which we love in filmdom that puts our cool credentials into question (And yes, I do have Cool Credentials. My mother keeps them with my badminton trophies). Siren describes the criteria for the list this way: 

“As always, it’s best to define terms. By uncool, the Siren doesn’t mean “slightly offbeat” or “quirky” or “underrated.” She means “courting hoots of derision from critical colleagues.” Picking a lesser work of a widely admired auteur doesn’t cut it, because after all, even late Hawks is still Hawks. And picking a film that was once lambasted, but is no longer, is also not exactly what the Siren had in mind.”

I would also add that there are certain uncool films that are now cool to like. The work of Ed Wood, for instance. Those choices shouldn’t count, either. We have to go for what’s embarrassing to admit to, and lucky for you there’s plenty to clean out of my uncool closet.

1. Fox Musicals: Everyone loves those big lavish MGM musicals of the forties and fifties, and those triumphs do represent for me the highest level of  artistic achievement we will ever see on film. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the hell out of the musicals Darryl Zanuck’s 20th Century-Fox produced to help Americans through a Great Depression. The name of the game was “simple”; simple stories, simple tunes… And not one true classic film emerged from the bunch. These films weren’t about that. They were about innocent, joyful escapism and to help you along were such stars as Sonja Henie, Carmen Miranda, Betty Grable, John Payne, Edward Everett Horton, Billy Gilbert, Charlotte Greenwood, Alice Faye, Don Ameche, and Cesar Romero. (more…)

Judging from the reaction a couple weeks back to my Happy Birthday open thread, there aren’t many Big Hollywood readers out there who share my hero worship of Muhammad Ali. When Breitbart starts Big Boxing, I’ll explain all of that but know that one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life occurred on October 2nd, 1980, as I watched my 38 year-old idol and shadow of his former self come out of a two-year retirement and take a terrible and humiliating beating at the hands of Heavyweight Champ Larry Holmes.

At that point Ali was beyond past his prime and had absolutely no business being in the ring with any heavyweight much less the Champion of the World.  It was hubris and the lure of a quick payday and believing in his own press that caused The Greatest to embarrass himself in front of millions – which brings me to what it feels like to watch the latest theatrical releases* from these five (in order of my personal disappointment). (more…)

Other than “The Sopranos,” scripted television and I parted ways many, many years ago, and it was an ugly break up, as well. When someone has only three reasons to live and one of them is prematurely yanked off the air you have to expect he’ll take it a little personal. (My two remaining reasons are none of your business but rest assure they’re just as shallow and one involves chocolate jimmies.)

“24” lured me back for a few seasons but the epic double standard of watching the same industry that uses three weekly “Law & Order” primetime hours to demonize Christians subsequently air a “Muslims Aren’t Bad Guys” PSA made my stomach hurt to the point to where I’ve been psychologically conditioned to no longer watch.  Everyone tells me television is where the best writing and acting is these days, at least compared to theatrical films (there’s a low bar), and that’s probably true. But God invented my DVD-purchasing addiction and Turner Classic Movies for a reason, right?

Which isn’t to say I never watch television. My “Sanford and Son” DVD collection is on regular rotation. As a matter of fact I’m watching “The Greatest American Hero” right now. On regular DVR rotation, though, is the growing list of documentary true-crime series that air constantly on, among others, the Bio, Tru, and Discovery channels.

My decade-long attraction/addiction to these programs has nothing to do with the grisly details involved in the various violent crimes (and I no longer need tips on how to plot, execute and get away with the perfect murder).  If your goal is to wallow in crime’s ugliness there’s a series called “I Survived” where victims go into great detail about their abuse at the hands of murderers and rapists. There’s also MSNBC’s awful off-hours “Lock Up” series. Both programs make you want to take a shower. Both are unwatchable. (more…)