VIDEO REVIEW: ‘Avatar’ the Worst Blue Movie I’ve Ever Seen (NSFW)
by Big HollywoodThat genius from Milwaukee with the creepy basement who put the final stake in the heart of “The Phantom Menace” now turns to “Avatar.”
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Part two is here.
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96 Comments
oh i laughed, oh yes i did.
All the effort to make the movie in 3-D and they left the characters in 1-D. Perfect summary.
exposing the hackery of James Cameron ain't hard…
But it's still pretty funny. 'Avatar' is going to be an object of controversy for some time longer- then it, too, will fade from memory. But bad storytelling with wooden, cliche'd characters is forever. And, so will this film be in the pantheon of filmmaking.
Big hit? Undeniably. But like Irwin Allen was in the 60's and 70's ('Poseiden Adventure;, 'Towering Inferno') so is JimCameron today. Ed Wood with techie chops…
Agree with Paul… the Star Wars Menace review is pure genius! This one is excellent as well… A great laugh over a movie I won't be seeing. Love the methodical deconstruction and satirical style. I give it three snaps!
I'm actually concerned that answering machine joke will give someone in washington an idea…
(You know there's some out there that wish that was their job – call around and remind people to feel guilty)
Liked this review WAYYYY more than the Phantom Menace one, and that's saying something.
Fantastic and well made. This guy has created a whole new genre of movie reviews.
Loved the line about the sympathy scientists from (bleep) University.
If you are a Trek fan, definitely check out is next gen reviews, they are his best material. Particularly part four of his Nemesis Review.
This man needs to enjoy the fruits of the capitalist system, someone hire him. I guess that would raise issues with copyright infringement if it isn't no prof…
There should be an "Avatar II", where we see that the corporation responsible for the Pandoran atrocity fires it's exo-mining operations head and starts an internal investigation into how its private security force was allowed to irretrievably screw up what might have been a very lucrative mining operation and a cultural exchange opportunity. The US government does not bail out this corporation, but allows it to fail when its stock plummets and business dries up.
This guy is a freaking genius. He should have his own show.
Aww this guy just didn't like that guilt trip. It's so interesting how this movie seems to piss off so many people that don't like being reminded of our sordid past.
Too bad.
It's a great movie dude, oh, an loved your Phantom Menace review. Spot on with that one, sorry Avatar made you feel grumpy.
Maybe have the human force return to Earth and have them recount about how bad the Na'vi are, have a much larger scale human force return for revenge, and then while the bigger & better armed humans are engaged in a far more kill'em all approach to the Na'vi, a 3rd unseen force shows up and the humans & Na'vi have to band together to fight it?
I love that he sounds like Larry Flynt.
This guy is great. You learn a lot about film making from his reviews. Puts to words the feelings one experienced watching Lucas blow it. Can't wait to check this one out.
How about this for "Avatar II": The human going native catches a disease from drinking water contaminated with Nav'i fesces. Because he is living among primatives with no access to antibiotics he dies a slow and painful death.
Makes more sense and is more entertaining than the film.
In-fucking-crediable……….I loved his review of the Star Wars prequel and he nailed Cameron to a tee.
Such a funny guy, actually witty. Why isn't he writing film scripts?
Avatar II: An alien fleet comes for the magic ore, but has enough sense to deal with the locals via high orbit bombardment.
HEY LOOK! I found someone who hasn't seen Avatar!!! There he is!!! Wierd….
Oh my God… Soros pockets must be deep to keep paying this guy to troll Bighollywood & other conservative sites. Thomas2k2 the naysayer.
Our sordid past…. as opposed to Russia's sordid past, the Chinese, the Mayans, the Germans, the French, the Zulu nation, the Islamic regimes of the Ottomans, the Persions,…. its OUR SORDID PAST, he reminds us.
God I loved those, but I was so hoping he'd say, "prota-gone-ist" again. Kills me very time.
Be gentle. 2K2 means he was born in 2002. That means he is 7 or 8 years old. See? Everything make sense now.
Excellent point about movies turning into mere theme park rides. "You wouldn´t bitch about the plot of The Star Trek Experience"
The absolute best and most honest review of Avatar yet. Spot on.
Avatar II: Sully belatedly finds out about the painful initiation rite and the beautiful glowing intestinal parasites.
Yes hollywoodron. OUR sordid past. If you think you can make a movie about Russia's or China's or Mayans, or Germans… actually ex that. Germans have been done to death latley, or the French, or the Zulu's etc etc please feel free to actually do so.
OUR sordid past? Damn I feel really left out, I haven't shot an Indian or raped the land yet. Guess I need to get out there and club some baby seals at the very least.
"Take your prozac and get back in the toll booth."
Perfect sentiment!
Cameron is working on a sequel. If he has even two functioning brain cells left it'll address the same issues you just did.
My sordid past? Fuck you, man, my ancestors didn't even get here until about 1902 — they didn't exactly have the opportunity to own slaves. And like most immigrants of the period, they arrived flat broke, so they didn't exactly have a say in what the Evil Land-Raping Corporations of the day were doing.
I don't know about you, but I haven't oppressed anyone lately.
Well, that's just par for the course….
I think mine got here later.
"I don't know about you, but I haven't oppressed anyone lately. "
Oh! Well that's great then! You should have no problem with watching Avatar! Good luck!
Sorry- if he couldn't be bothered to get it right the 1st time, I'm not going to spend another $15 in a few years to see a degenerate sequel, or Avatar 1.1 "We fixed the gaping plot holes".
Child, you don't even own a toothbrush.
You gotta do some owning first before you can own….still waiting.
Wow another idiot. Thomas if any of us WHITE folk had anything to be guilty of its allowing guilty white folk like you to have a podium to spew your stupidity. I am trying to see something in my ancestors past that I'd be guilty about..hmmm Viking pillagers..nope, Austrian Farmers….nope, Welsh immigrants..nope…pioneers to Colorado..nope…WW2 vet..freeing people from Dachau…nope…so your point is tool? Go take care of the guilt you carry for still living in Mommy's basement and running Junior Mints out of inventory…as well as Chester Cheetah.
Yeah, movies about millions of people being starved to death by their own governments (China, Russia, Armenia) don't do well at the Oscars.
Freakin brilliant!!! He nails every cliche and subterfuge and the deadpan delivery is perfect.
For some reason this made me think of a story called "The Ultimate Melody" from Arthur C. Clarke's great short-story collection entitled "Tales from the White Hart." In that story a scientist distills the essential elements of all of the world's most beloved music into one perfect tune. The problem is that once you hear it you can't hear anything else and are reduced to a catatonic state with the "ultimate melody" endlessly looping through your mind. I think that this is what Cameron is going after in his movies. One perfectly polished, lab-tested and scientifically-devised cinematic experience that contains all of the images, cliches, themes and tropes from every successful film ever made. The audience will be reduced to unmoving husks endlessly replaying the "Ultimate Movie" in their mind. Cameron and his alien allies can then suck our brains out. What – You think they just wanted our money?
How is that even supposed to be an insult?
It's like me saying "Child, you don't even get a glass of milk before bed."
OOOOOooohhh!!!!
You're too stupid to know when you've been insulted.
"had anything to be guilty of its allowing guilty white folk like you to have a podium to spew your stupidity."
It's interesting when you choose to invoke the need to defend your "freedoms" and when you choose to forgo them in wanting to take a course or action.
"I am trying to see something in my ancestors past that I'd be guilty about..
It's not really that which I am talking about. I don't think you need to feel guilty, I think you need to have the capacity to feel sorry for what's happened in our past. So yeah. A little guilt I guess. But even then. It's about understanding what went down. And when you see allegories linked to our sordid past, you should not get angry but understand the meaning behind them.
For some reason you cannot do this and are afraid of "feeling" anything. So you fight against it. This makes me think your reaction is because you do not want to feel guilt, because you know deep down in your heart the things you support are not wholly correct or true or even right.
And you need to do more reading. IE not just this article. But hey, don't want to hurt your head too much.
The comments on youtube are quiet assine and anti-western like ""we Americans raped the natives land and now the were doing it again in the Middle East"" and that "mankind is evil" you know crap like that. Of course the people that are writing these comments are from Eruope. I can see now why they are all screwed up. If they hate humanity then they need do us all a favor and kill themselves. The world don't need anymore people like those anti-western and anti-human freakshows!
This man is AWESOME! He absolutely nails it with everything that is wrong about this film, about Cameron and especially the whole Hollywood 'pay me for hating you' syndrome. I love this reviewer!
'This movie is in 3D – so why was the plot in 1D?'
'For you people depressed about 'Avatar, just taking your f*cking Prozac and get back to your toll booth.'
'Cameron helps you hate the military by sticking Rednecks in their front row who are obviously going to ride away on their motorcycles and beat up their wives – after having a beer first.'
'If you take 'Na'vi' and rearrange it according to Cameron's mindset, it spells 'Naive'.'
'Cameron's designers got the sympathy vote by giving the Na'vi really big eyes with the nose of a puppy.'
This is pretty cool, but I miss Tio Chano.
OMG that was brilliant!
I don't know, but there's something a little more than creepy about a man who spends 6 or 7 years obsessing about about alien breasts. And why would this guy portray the military in such a terrible way while we have men and women dying in war zones right now? Not to mention, portraying a Marine as a traitor. As someone who was in the Navy for ten years and served alongside Marines, I can tell you…that's just rediculous.
And your implication that people should feel guilty for whatever occurred in the past is also rediculous. You have no right to hold anyone accountable for anything. You don't know anything about anyone here. And the fact of the matter is Cameron's beloved Democrat party is the most racist enterprise in the country's history. It founded the KKK and if anything it should shouldering the guilt.
So take your childish meat and sell it to someone who doesn't know the difference.
Oh Lola, I love Junior Mints. Now I must go to the store and buy some. What a wonderful country we live in that we have Junior Mints.
I would pay to watch this guys reviews. His almost monotone voice over is just BEEEAAAuutiful.
***UPDATE***
I am back from the store. And I am sorry to say that I could not find any Junior Mints. I had to settle for Pearson's Mint Patties. However…they are delicious.
I haven't oppressed anyone lately, but I have a problem with shitty rehashes.
But if you like shallow films. . . so be it. :p
*MissQuinn*
HAHA! Yes El gordo. I was born in 2002. How does it feel to be owned time and time again by a 7 year old. Probably not so good. ;p
There is a difference between declaring something and being something.
You've done nothing but declare…. and ignore people who don't play your game. Then ignore them further when they point out how mindboggingly ignorant you are on something like, oh, the difference between novae and supernovae and how the fossil fuels of a rocky planet have exactly nothing to do with creating new stars.
So what did you dislike about the movie then since you saw it? Can you give me some examples?
Well, that's just par for the course….
…Tommy bloviates something pompous and gets sarcasm in return. How shocking.
The Avatar review was just stupendous. I watched the Star Wars one as well. The guy has a great dark sense of humor. Not only that, but he is very astute about film making. Neither review is a mindless rant. He picks the movies apart very well. I think the best observations he makes are how the opening of A New Hope is just classic movie-making while the opening of Episode I is like . . . boring and pointless. He also does that about the general plot of A New Hope and Episode I. When you see the two side by side, it's obvious how pointless, ludicrous, illogical, etc. the prequels really were.
And the same goes for Avatar. If you can think of 5 different ways a plot could go based on logic rather than something contrived, then the movie sucks.
What is also really disappointing is how Lucas knew that special effects without story meant nothing back in 1977, and somehow he lost that understanding. Such a shame.
"I don't know, but there's something a little more than creepy about a man who spends 6 or 7 years obsessing about about alien breasts."
Source?
"And why would this guy portray the military in such a terrible way while we have men and women dying in war zones right now?"
Allegory.
"Not to mention, portraying a Marine as a traitor."
No, he's not a traitor. He's a hero. A traitor to whom again? TO the company he was paid to protect? No.
"As someone who was in the Navy for ten years and served alongside Marines, I can tell you…that's just rediculous."
I am sure it is. And that has never happened before ever.
"You have no right to hold anyone accountable for anything."
So why fight against something that illustrates the very thing you think we have no right to think accountable? ?
"You don't know anything about anyone here."
I know plenty. I used to be one of you.
"And the fact of the matter is Cameron's beloved Democrat party is the most racist enterprise in this country's history. It founded the KKK and if anything it should be shouldering the guilt of this country's racist, land-raping, slave-owning past."
Make them if you feel so empowered.
"So take your meat and sell it to someone who doesn't know the difference. "
Sorry my flava was more potent than your flava.
Crazy like a fox…..stay tuned!!!!!!
I'm so embarrassed. It's my alma mater.
It is funny to check out some of the reviews on his YouTube page — those ideologically committed to the message of "Avatar" react as if they have a stick as big as the Tree of Souls stuck up their arse, and treat the review as if it's actually coming from a dreaded "enemy" site like Big Hollywood, National Review, Fox News or the New York Post.
Cameron's film long-term will be known for its technological innovations, not it's storytelling. A decade down the line, when this sort of technology is cheap enough to the point it's common on direct-to-video releases, "Avatar" is unlikely to be on many people's lists of movies to watch over and over again.
Break it down for me then.
Just hysterical. Loved your review.
[...] [...]
Avatar makes a lot of people who visit this site grumpy. Just look at the response to your comment!
It begs a question though, are they just grumpy people who spotlight something and attack it until they are satisfied with themselves, or are they otherwise "normal" people who attack things that make them grumpy?
Thats an easy answer. Neither, they're idiots!
Since finding this site several weeks ago I have been amazed at the level of ignorance for most of these people. I sit in amazement after having actually seen the movie and then reading and watching all the drek and lies and spin meant to asswage the heard from attending and deciding for themselves.
There are so many people now who will not go and see this very neat film that's capturing people's hearts because of their political beliefs. To me, that's just unacceptable ignorance. To dismiss the allegories as anti-american is a propoganda move. Even if they do for some reason see the movie they will only be seeing the spin now.
The way this movie has been attacked from the right is just pathetic. You see, I used to be right wing. I know what these people are thinking. And I know where they are coming from. It's just they are so very wrong. And for someone who has not even seen the movie to bash it because they read about it on some re re webpage is a travesty.
But I am so thankful so many people are responding rationally and positively to this movie. In just six weeks it attained #1 in the world when it took Titanic 22 weeks. Just like Titanic, Avatar captured peoples hearts.
The right can try to spin spin spin all they want, but ultimately their efforts on pages such as this have failed. No rational thinking person actually takes any of this negative stuff seriously. In the "arena of ideas" Avatar ultimately wins. And thank God for that.
Sounds sorta like Ben Stein…w/ a lip full of Copenhagen. Hilarious…yeesh, are American audiences chuck full o' sheeple or what?!
Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
Ah, recycling the Moby tactic.
You don't know what those on the right are thinking, you only have a caricature and a projection of your own flaws upon those icky 'right' folks.
You also presume that people are as… obsessed about this movie as you are, that it's existence is some all-consuming object of hatred for them. Instead of something they simply looked at the description, comments by the creator and fawning by folks like you and decided not to go see.
Except for a few other threads that you've recently branched out on, most of your postings have been on Avatar threads. Something tells me you might be a wee bit obsessed on this movie and obsessed with anyone who is naughty enough to either not like it or not see it at all. Oh teh horror!
Wow you are an out and out fool.
The one true silver lining of the success of this turd of a film is that it will make Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorp about a Billion Dollars and that money will hopefully go to expanding the reach of his news divisions and the hiring of more people like Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and of course Greg Gutfeld.
I actually think he does, he has some movies on his channel that seemed to be a part of amateur film contests.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by T.J. Fackelman, Big Hollywood, Fernando Colon, Nate S, Michael J Yore and others. Michael J Yore said: VIDEO REVIEW: ‘Avatar’ the Worst Blue Movie I’ve Ever Seen (NSFW) [http://tinyurl.com/y99jkf8] #tcot (via @BigHollywood) [...]
I would sooner watch a remake of My Dinner with Andre for 10 hours straight than to be put through this garbage again! Avatar is a terrible movie $300,000,000.00 ???… Paranormal Activity for $15,000.00 is a hell of a lot better movie.The truth is James Cameron managed to insult every person with an IQ of 90 or more and an Oscar for best director to boot . Although we all know The Hurt Locker should win Best director poor Elizabeth will have to settle for Best Producer, little appeasement from the gutless, toothless Academy…trust me this is how it will turn out I have the inside scoop.
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