Born Aug. 2,1959 in Miami, Florida, Victoria was raised in a Bible-believing, piano-playing, gymnastic home with no TV. Her dad was a gym coach, so she competed in gymnastics from ages 5-18.
Cheerleader.. homecoming queen.. attended Florida Bible College; received a gymnastic scholarship to Furman University, attended Auburn University one year, and ended up in Hollywood, CA via summer stock in Alabama, where she met Johnny Crawford (The Rifleman) who promptly put her in his night club act and sent her a one-way ticket to the show-biz capital.
Supporting herself as a cigarette girl, a typist at the American Cancer Society, and a waitress at a retirement hotel, she performed stand up comedy for two years until "The Tonight Show" starring Johnny Carson put her act (which consisted of her doing a handstand while reciting poetry) on national TV. Following her 20 appearances with Johnny, she starred in many movies and TV shows, most notably six seasons on "Saturday Night Live."
In 1991 she re-united with her high school sweetheart, Paul, who’s a police helicopter pilot. Victoria sill appears on-stage and on camera. She also drives Aubrey to ninth grade and cheer practice while awaiting her first grandchild from Scarlet & Brandon. ;)
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Well, I'd feel like we didn't really connect if I didn't tell you about what I really feel is important. I am a genuine true blue believer...not in Kaballah...not in Scientology...not in the New Age movement...not in Mormonism...not in Buddism...not in Hinduism...not in Catholicism...not in Protestantism...but in Jesus Christ. I've studied all those other religions...and as a cynic, and a free spirit...I personally decided to put my faith in Jesus. I've read the Bible all the way through....and I believe it is the Truth...the Word of God. Read John 3:l6, Ephesians 2:8,9, Romans 3:23, and Romans 6:23 and tell me what you think. What do you think? Jesus claimed to be "the Lord"...He was the "Lord," a liar, or a lunatic. Tell me what you think and why. After all, none of us has died and come back to tell....so we all have our faith in something. What is your faith in? I'm eager to listen and discuss.
For more, visit victoriajackson.com.
Victoria Jackson
I QUIT POLITICS
by Victoria JacksonI quit politics.
For one thing, I can’t sleep because I absent-mindedly forgot to include three of my favorite Freedom Fighters in my Truth Tellers list, Levin, Malkin and Coulter. I love them. If they ever find out that I forgot to mention them in my last blog, they will forever not know how much I respect/honor them. This is giving me a headache, and making me chew off all of my new fake fingernails. I can’t even enjoy my rented DVD Season Two Compilation of “Mad Men.” Oh, and I love Stossel, Gallagher, Stein and Morris too!
Okay, then I find out Gingrich is pal-ing up with Pelosi about Global Warming! Eww! Defector! Oh man! Strike him off my list. Now! He’s off!
Picking leaders is painful. Voting. If you put their name up on your car, or in your yard or tattoo it to your face, you are suddenly responsible for every move they make and every word they say. Too much pressure.
Thirdly, I cannot bear the hatred of the Left. Their comments. The look on their faces in my rear view mirror when I see them noticing my “Fox News: Truth” bumper sticker, or my “Glenn Beck” bumper sticker, or my “Okay, joke’s over. Bring back the Constitution” bumper sticker. Their snide glances and snaps of disgust. I can’t take it anymore. Hatred hurts. (more…)
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A LOVE LETTER (To Glenn Beck)
by Victoria JacksonI think of you often.
I’m getting my fake fingernails put on and I’m thinking of you. I have a pitch meeting at Pie Town tomorrow and I chewed all my real fingernails off last night watching Anita Dunn express her admiration for Mao Tse Tung. Thank you for exposing yet another enemy of our freedom. You are so passionate and curious and smart and real. Sigh. I look at my Vietnamese manicurist and pedicurist and smile. I ask them their names. Katie. Kathy. Hmm. I glance around the nail salon. The decor is Greek columns with 1920’s lamps in between. There is a 1970’s Disco Bar in the middle of the room with a 1930’s Art Deco Chandelier in the center. There is a Faux Greek Mural and then Post Modern New Age Sterile Minimalist Lights sprinkled in between. It’s “Psychedelic International.” Just like the New America. I ask Katie and Kathy what their real names are. They look at me suspiciously. Hang and Gnoc. Okay. (more…)
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If I Were A Guest on the New Joy Behar Show
by Victoria Jackson
(Applause. The air is titillating. The mood rambunctious. The atmosphere tense. Over the loud speaker we hear, “3, 2, 1 and …”)
Joy: Hello, Victoria. So, I hear you’re a Tea Partier! (Sarcastic smile. Eyes roll.)
Victoria: Oh, well…
Joy: I suppose you like Sarah Palin! (Sarcastic smile. Eyes roll.)
Victoria: Oh, well, I love her, she is so…
Joy: She is so dumb! (Sarcastic smile. Eyes roll.)
Victoria: No, I don’t think that…
Joy: Just like George Bush. He was an idiot! (Sarcastic smile. Eyes roll.) (more…)
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‘HELP!’
by Victoria JacksonI remember three images from September 11, 2001:
1) People jumping from burning buildings.
2) Congress standing outside, humbly bowing their heads, and praying.
This was a shocking sight.
3) The pews of my church completely full of people…and for several months after.
![congress praying[1]](http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/files/2009/09/congress-praying1.jpg "congress praying[1]")
It’s human nature to remember God when we’re in big trouble. Even agnostics offered up a prayer that day. We needed super human help from a higher power to defeat the Enemy Without.
God answered our prayers, and along with the excellent leadership of Bush, Cheney, our fantastic military, and superb FBI and CIA, we have been safe for eight years. Thank you. (more…)
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Bibles
by Victoria JacksonLiberalism is Communism is Atheism
“A rose by any other name is still a rose.”
Liz is driving me to the 9-12 Westwood Tea Party. I’m biting my fake fingernails because I’m one of the speakers and I don’t have a speech yet.
Liz: Do you have your speech all ready?
Me: No…I’m kinda nervous. I mean, where do I start? Should I talk about:
1) Obama’s last speech where he lied 13 times? Not even little sneaky lies you have to research, but big, bold, blatant lies! ”My plan will not fund abortions, or insure illegals!” Lie, lie, lie.
2) The former Liberally-Biased Mainstream Media that is now a completed, fully-functioning Progressive Propaganda Machine? Ignoring the Acorn tapes, and the Van Jones story! That’s called the lie of omission!
3) Or, …hey, you know what I read? I was flipping around in the Bible and since it’s 9 -12 I just flipped to Psalm 12 and it said the most perfect thing…about lying in the government!
Liz: Really? Did you see Glenn Beck today?
Me: The protest sign in the Washinton D.C. crowd that said Ephesians 6:12?
Liz: Yeah! (more…)
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LIES
by Victoria JacksonI’m lying in my Tiffany blue bedroom, in the dark, listening to the President tell lies. He’s so good at it, that he is smiling and lots of people are clapping.
He says, “Public Option. No one will have to change, if they like their present situation.” LIE.
He says, “My plan will not add one dime to the deficit.” LIE.
(Congressional Budget Committee speak up!)
He says that if we don’t act now, the country will fall apart. LIE.
He says that quality of health care won’t suffer. LIE
He says that there won’t be rationing and those that say there will be are liars. LIE.
He says that the Republicans have no solutions to offer up. LIE
(Several of them lift papers into the air.)
He says that this is not socialism. LIE
He says this is the “moral” thing to do! LIE
(Take money from the middle class and give it to the non-taxpayers and illegals?!)
He says this won’t insure the illegals! LIE….
And then, wait, I choke on my caffeine-free Diet Coke… Like a voice from above, I think I just heard someone shout out, just what I was thinking, ”LIE!”
I can’t believe it! Someone used the real word, not the politically correct word, “Disingenuous!” Nancy Pelosi’s big, arrogant smile suddenly drops and she looks over to the Republican side of the room with the mean glare of a stern librarian! This is fantastic theatre! (more…)
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Cheetos (Poor People Need Fathers Not Government Programs)
by Victoria JacksonI’m sitting in a waiting room. I’m waiting for my auditioning squad to execute me. I’m wearing my black and red plaid, $1400 St. John audition outfit. I’ve worn it to every audition for six years. It has a small hole in it. I hope they don’t notice. I have time to kill so I’m trying to crawl inside the head of a liberal.
The people auditioning me will all be liberals. Should I hide my recent, passionate Tea-Bagging activities, if the topic comes up? Why should they hate me? I only want the best for everyone. My beliefs in the Bible, and freedom and capitalism are only ideals that bless people. And, they worked real good from 1776 to 2008…with a hitch in the 60s where immorality, free love, the pill, drugs, divorce, and the breakup of the family started the thread of morality unraveling. You can’t have a great country without the spirit of The Ten Commandments hovering in the hearts of its citizens. (more…)
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From The Front Lines
by Victoria Jackson4:30 p.m. Alhambra Town Hall Health Care Meeting with Congressman Shiff: August 12, 2009
I’m sitting in the parking lot, a poster board and black Sharpie in hand, the radio on Frank Pastori, 99.5 FM. He’s passionately discussing the very current, very urgent Obamacare catastrophe with callers. I am creating my protest poster, trying to zero in on the exact name of this, his latest attempt at World Domination…Nationalized-Universal-Single-Payer-Socialized-Government-Controlled-Health-Care-Insurance-Reform-Thing. I settle on “Obamacare.” I call in to the radio show. My voice is higher than usual and a bit shaky. It takes a lot of energy to protest. All my endorphins are zinging. “Hi Frank…I’m here at the…”
I have a flashback to SNL…adrenaline rushing through my veins, and Steven Tyler just down the hall. My Madonna poster on the wall…I looked at her attitude for inspiration. I told her that once and she said, “…Really?” On a scale of 1 to 10, her exhibitionism is a 150 and mine is a 5. I would have never predicted that in 17 years, I would be sitting in a Honda Civic, head full of super-boring health care facts, watching old people walk by, while squeaking this out on a poster,
“What’s the Rush?” (afraid we’ll read the bill?).
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Fishy
by Victoria JacksonI’m doing standup in Denver. Shelley is driving me from radio to radio to TV as I do the monkey dance at each station promoting the show, selling tickets. I don’t like this part of the job. I must answer the same 10 questions about Saturday Night Live and try to explain where I’ve been for the last fifteen years. All the DJ’s want are some juicy stories about celebrities. I don’t really have that many. I’m booked at two political talk stations, a rock station, a country station, and two local TV shows. I guess that’s my demographic! Everyone! I ask Shelley why I’m booked on the political stations. She shrugs, “Well, we didn’t really know…isn’t that what you are doing now?” The first stop I’m told is a “just right of center” show, so I feel free to share my newest shocking information that the White House is asking us to “snitch’” on our friends and family. To report anything “fishy.” This news is so abhorrent to me that I could barely sleep the night before. I immediately emailed Andrew Breitbart to see if it was true. He said yes. I searched the hotel computer web to see if the big shots, the smart people have gotten on this. They were just starting to fight back. The news was so new. Well, at least this administration is entertaining…in a bad way. I’m watching a horror movie every day.
As I share the shocking information that our Freedom of Speech is being attacked, the radio host across from me, his face, it looks like he just ate a lemon. It’s all scrunched up like…he hates me. He abruptly cuts me off and ends my interview. I’m stupefied at the reaction of people who “just can’t handle the truth.” My driver Shelley is a liberal. She doesn’t say anything. As we get in the car I try to apologize, “Well, he asked me why I was a new political activist. I guess I should just tell jokes.” I mean I have been hired basically to sell tickets to a bar where people will spend lots of money on alcohol. And, I do need to make some money. My husband is a cop. (more…)
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Cockroaches in the Hospital on Your Chest
by Victoria JacksonSince I turn 50 next month, I’m focused on my Bucket List. There are only 2 things left I haven’t accomplished. 1) I’ve always wanted to be “an airhead on a sitcom.” Of all the roles I’ve played, many of which I wasn’t suited for, strangely, this one has eluded me. 2) Attend a weekly Bible study. So, I am now in a Bible study group on Wednesdays and the rest of the week I pursue airhead roles, which basically means I wait…for an audition. I get about one a year. This year I got an audition for American Pie IV, but I turned it down because of the sexual content.
At my Bible study group this week I was sitting between Mavis and her Chihuahua named Pedro, and Sonia, an Iranian who lived five years in Russia, where she waited to receive her legal U.S. citizenship. I asked Pastor Joel “Why does the Bible say Jesus was from the lineage of King David, if he had no blood from his father in him, since he was born of a virgin? Pastor Joel excitedly replied, “Oh, well turn to Matthew 1 and Luke 3! Mary and Joseph were both descendants of David as you can see by these genealogies. So, the Old Testament prophecy was fulfilled that said the Messiah would be from the priestly (through Nathan) and kingly (through Solomon) lineage of David. The blood of Mary which was from David ran through Jesus. Oh. I always wondered about that. (more…)
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Down is Up, Unfair is Fair and Ignorance is Bliss
by Victoria JacksonI woke up in the middle of the night and realized the trick.
You see, evil doesn’t just show up. It disguises itself as something nice; so you’ll let it in. It tricks you.
Murdering babies is called Pro-Choice. Unfair Censorship is called The Fairness Doctrine. Outlandish Taxes and the Death of Freedom is called Cap & Trade. Sounds like Fish & Chips. You gotta figure out the trick.
I’d been wondering why the liberals are so passionate about this Health Care thing. It couldn’t be because they actually care about sick, poor people. If they did, they would visit hospitals, and give ten percent of their gross salaries to Compassion International and World Vision, like us stupid church go-ers do. Biden gave $ 62 to charity last year.
No, there’s gotta be a catch. I guess this question was sitting in my brain and during my sleep, my brain was working on it, because when I suddenly awoke at 3 a.m. I had the answer.
Euthanasia! (more…)
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President Obama and the “C” Word
by Victoria JacksonWell, they are finally starting to use it. I think you might remember I was the first. I bravely spoke it to the Hollywood Congress of Republicans (October, 2008), who put it on the Internet; and then I spoke it on O’Reilly and Hannity. My husband scolded me. He said no one would take me seriously if I was such an alarmist. I got hate mail. I lost friends. I probably lost jobs. I didn’t want to be mean. It really isn’t mean. It’s probably a compliment to the President since he likes to quote his Marxist professors, and by his own words and actions is trying his very best to “change” our country from Capitalist to Communist. I kept repeating, “but Karl Marx wrote the Communist Manifesto, so what’s the difference between Marxist and Communist?” No one had an answer.
I think it has something to do with the McCarthy era, when everyone was using the “C” word, and pointing fingers at everyone and getting everyone in trouble. But it’s different now. Anything goes, and we’re all “tolerant” and “inclusive”, right? I think we can use the word if it fits the situation. Words are just letters and sounds we use to communicate our ideas. Of course, words are powerful and should be used politely and accurately, so I assumed an attitude of kindness, and did my homework. (more…)
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Troopathon 2009: It Means, ‘I Love You’
by Victoria JacksonThe Military
by Victoria Jackson
Thank you for being so unselfish to fight for freedom for me.
I admire your devotion and bravery.
I think of you often and every time I see a flag
I ask God to protect you and then I brag,
“THE U.S.A. HAS THE BEST MILITARY IN THE WORLD!”
Thank you.
Dad on his car (1950).
My Dad was in the army at the end of WWII. He didn’t have to fight. He was lucky, the war was just ending. He was stationed in Japan. He worked on his handstands. He could hand-walk up and down stairs! He must have had a lot of Japanese girlfriends because the only words he remembers are “Watta-kushi-wa Ana-tyo Aishimasu.” (spelled phonetically). It means, “I love you!”
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Why I Walked Out of ‘Year One’ Crying
by Victoria JacksonI had a date with Judd Apatow. It was around 1991 and I was between husbands: the out-of-work-Jewish-Gypsy-fire-eater-musician, and the high-school-sweetheart-Baptist-helicopter-police-pilot. I needed a date to a premiere. I knew the rules of engagement for a Hollywood career, and I tried to follow them. It’s difficult to do this when you carry the burden of ethics around with you, but I tried to do it and stay within the bounds of morality.
1) Go to the right places. I went to the Playboy Mansion to find an agent, and I did. I was 21 and a Baptist virgin, and I found Betty from the William Morris commercial department there. Check.
2) Wear something provocative to a Hollywood premiere so you can get free publicity. I did that. When I was an SNL castmember trying to increase my movie roles, I attended some Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan premiere (go figure – it was a flop!) in a see-through black shirt with a flowered bra underneath. I felt ashamed, but I did get my picture in a few magazines. All press is good press, and press leads to opportunity.
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