ABC has relented to objections from the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and cancelled the unbelievably bad comedy “Work It” after only two episodes.

It’s my guess that with the protests from GLAAD gearing up, ABC felt it would be hopeless to try and defend (note to Canada, you can probably take Detroit).

It also bespeaks a certain prejudice inside of GLAAD who has never said a word about Tyler Perry, Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy (who was once known to be quite transvestite-friendly despite his transvestite comedy). Of course, GLAAD has never been terribly courageous about confronting the black community. Political correctness forbids crossing racial lines.

This might reveal a hint as to why GLAAD felt empowered to attack “Work It.” The plot revolved around two men who are forced into women’s clothing just to get a job. Don’t they know that only women are discriminated against in the workplace (and only make three-fourths of a man’s salary)? Perhaps the writers’ ignorance of Women’s Studies 101 made GLAAD think it had been written by conservatives. (more…)

According to a recent article, $1.5 million of federal stimulus money went to produce Internet videos. The money was earmarked to get inner city residents online by creating programming that would appeal to them. Of that, $230,000 went to producer Robert Townsend, and $700,000 to other vendors to produce “Diary of a Single Mom,” an online soap opera about a growing up in poverty. This is just a part of a $28 million Commerce Department grant which created One Economy, a project intended to wire the inner cities to the Internet.

It is the most ridiculous idea I’ve heard of since a friend suggested that his Solitaire playing during work hours was a way of familiarizing himself with how to use a computer mouse.

The idea that there is nothing on the Internet that appeals to people in the inner city is ridiculous. It’s based on a faulty premise that somehow inner-city people are different than others; that TV dramas about fabulously rich people, attractive lawyers, and doctors who never get messy are only appealing to white suburbanites; that people living in poverty want to see a story about living in poverty. If this were true, comic books wouldn’t be about superheroes; they would all be about pimply fat boys with thick glasses who get beat up on the way to school. (more…)

Being a conservative in Hollywood is much like getting your face tattooed in college; it’s a lot of fun if you never want a career.

Throughout the three-year history of this space, we’ve posted countless stories about the Hollywood blacklist. In the American capital of free speech and tolerance, conservative leanings are tantamount to career suicide.

We know most Hollywood conservatives keep it in the closet, but it turns out there is one secret far more dangerous — a secret so closely guarded among the trade unions, a lawsuit was filed to prevent a website from leaking the data. That big secret is actors’ real birth dates.

As movie audiences have become younger, movie roles for the elderly have become quite sparse. Being a Hollywood star is a really sweet gig, kinda like being a rock star in normal clothes. Who would ever want to give it up just because Father Time is sounding the gong? It’s a lot like the new film ‘In Time,’ where you’re dead at twenty six unless you have enough money to fix yourself.

Through the use of computer graphics, actors can still be action heroes long after receiving their AARP cards, and thanks to high-tech plastic surgery, actresses who should be eating brunch with a host of ladies in red hats can still work nude. So when IMDB started publishing birth dates on the Internet, well, you can just imagine the chaos that ensued.

In a town where a woman like Cher (born May 20, 1946) still wants to play a single mom, revealing birth dates can be tragic.

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“I‘m glad they didn’t nominate [New Jersey Gov. Chris] Christie,” my friend Louis (whose Acme Comedy Company is about to celebrate twenty years in the business) said. “A lot of comedy clubs will not survive 2012; Christie would put the final nail their coffins.”

He was really concerned that with President Barack Obama’s dismal approval ratings the Republican primaries would become a winner-take-all contest, with the popular Christie making it all the way to the White House.

Louis believes that political satire is the finest form of the comedic arts, and he has seen it die twice over the last two decades. When the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal broke, every hack in America became a political comic just by appending Bill Clinton to their favorite oral sex gag. As we moved into the new millennium, comics who specialized in blonde jokes could call themselves political just by substituting President George W. Bush into the punchline.

With this new administration, political humor became very tricky, and only a few comics will attempt to make fun of the President. Heck, even the guys who did those “What if a Brother ever got into the White House?” routines were forced to write some original material or abandon the political arena altogether. Louis believes that the political edge of his club is part of what has kept him afloat three years into a recession. (more…)

So here we are into the first year of the Chevy Volt, and President Obama’s prediction of selling 15,000 vehicles by the end of the year, is still about 12,000 short. It’s not a good start for the Administration who expects to have a million plug-in vehicles on the road by 2015. So Hollywood is ramping up the propaganda machine.

In a Hollywood Reporter article, Hollywood plans to help their favorite President, by making the electric car cool. That is, if you really think Hollywood has that much power. It’s a classic chicken and egg story: is smoking cool because Humphrey Bogart did it; or was Humphrey Bogart cool because he smoked? Perhaps now that they’ve made comic book conventions cool, Hollywood believes it has gained super-powers.

Chris Paine, known for his documentary “Who Killed the Electric Car?” is now working alongside his former nemesis, with “The Revenge of the Electric Car.” If current lackluster Volt sales continue, Chris Paine might someday be the star of a third picture, “Who Killed GM?”

Unfortunately I can’t see anything ever making electric cars or Hybrids cool. My nephew Joey informs me that high school kids refer to the Prius with an affectionate name, more commonly used for feminine hygiene products. It’s like trying to sell Christian Rock: if the kids don’t think it’s cool, nobody ever will.

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It should be no surprise. People who actually want to help others don’t put on tight leather pants and play guitars for screaming women. They usually go into quieter professions like medicine, social work, or ministry. So when a Rockstar actually claims that he wants to be an altruist, his motivations are usually as phoney as his hair plugs.

I understand where it comes from. Musicians usually become Rockstars by appealing to the common man. When they become rich and famous, they have to find ways to appeal to the demographic they abandoned. So they take up causes. Sheryl Crow feigns concern about the environment, for example, even though the energy required for just one tour could satisfy the energy needs of a small American city.

When Bruce Springsteen started singing about blue-collar teenage angst, he was an angry blue-collar guy, barely out of his teens. His jeans would fade from hauling amps, just like any other working stiff. A billion dollars later, he has to work hard to remember the old days; and like most Grammy winning musicians, has a Guatemalan sweatshop put holes in his jeans.

Unlike the other European Rockstars of the eighties (who are forgotten, but for their haircuts), U2 frontman Bono has been able to keep himself relevant for a generation with his Saint Bono routine. He is not just a champion of the working class, he is the superhero for the impoverished and oppressed peoples of the world. He has met with presidents and dictators, leaders of every political and religious stripe, and set up programs where you can still be a commercialist with a conscience by buying a Red™ iPod. He successfully petitioned 23 nations to forgive Third World debt; debt that will eventually have to be picked up by the taxpayers of those 23 nations. (more…)

The Presidential race is on. We’ve already seen the first Presidential Debate, and political comics are chomping on the bit. For the past three years, political correctness has forbidden Presidential humor, so when Fox News announced the first Republican debate, “Saturday Night Live couldn’t” resist the urge to satire.

Unfortunately, their enthusiasm might have caused them to jump the gun. Since last Thursday’s GOP debate was devoid of A-list candidates, “Saturday Night Live” didn’t have any solid characters to parody. So rather than make the late night ensemble work, the writers just fictionalized a debate between the more famous undeclared candidates; using characters they will probably be able to recycle during the upcoming campaign.

It was like watching a focus group, each actor trying out catch phrases they hope to use over the next year and a half. They even had Keenan Thompson resurrect his Jimmy “Rents 2 Damn High” McMillan character (personally I would think they could have gotten the real Jimmy McMillan, at or below AFTRA rates, which would have had the added bonus of making the skit funny). (more…)

***UPDATE for the humor-impaired: Some hyper-alert political opponents have noticed that I make reference to Birth of a Nation in this article, and have  suggested that I am denigrating the American Military. I actually meant that Hollywood has always loved the last minute rescue, regardless of who it was riding over the horizon. (Most often, it was the Aryan White Cowboys rescuing frontier maidens from Jews dressed up like Native Americans). I did not mean to compare that ridiculous scene in an offensive silent movie to our brave men (and I hope at least one women sharpshooter) who gave Usama his 72. — TS

It is a strange turn in American history. Fueled in part by an administration that has given his supporters little to cheer about since November of 2008, there is suddenly an appreciation of the American Military in Left-wing outposts like Hollywood and Washington DC. It is a moment unparalleled. The news of Usama’s death was greeted by cheering throngs of bureaucrats filling Pennsylvania Avenue, ecstatic that Hope finally got something right. As details about Usama bin Laden’s compound leak out, even the most strident Liberals in Hollywood can get on board, since it has now been revealed that Usama burned his garbage on site, rather than recycling.

Even more peculiar, The Internets are all a twitter about a movie depicting the killing of Usama bin Laden. There is no doubt in my mind that at least several of these films will be made. In fact, the White House has already scripted the crucial moment, the big scene when His fist comes down on the desk and He demands the mission be launched in the most mannish voice he can muster: “It’s A Go”

Of course, the sixteen hours he took to sleep on it, will probably be deleted by Hollywood. Maybe it might be rewritten to include a scene where he goes off into the White House Garden and prays for guidance, while his advisors did the sleeping.

Since the passing of John Wayne, Hollywood has found it difficult to make any heroic war pictures. Most of the pictures since “The Green Berets” have portrayed the American troops as either the bad guys, mentally ill, or both. Even in the great WWII tributes by Tom Hanks, American soldiers were depicted more as crying boys, than heroic men.

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So an entertaining film comes out about a woman who bucks up against societal norms in the early seventies, puts career over family, and still comes out a winner — sounds like someone’s flirting with Oscar! Strangely, it doesn’t earn a single nomination.

“Secretariat,” a movie about the horse who won more awards than Al Gore, will not be in the starting gate at the Oscars, February 27. What could be the problem? It opened the weekend after the “Social Network,” so it wasn’t like the Academy of ADHD Artists had time to forget about it. It wasn’t that it didn’t have a good enough campaign team working behind it either. Disney pitched it right alongside “Toy Story 3,” a long-shot which actually made it into the Best Picture category, a rare occurrence for a cartoon.

Diane Lane put in an undeniably Oscar-worthy performance that recalls some of the most glamorous actresses of a Hollywood’s golden age. She played Secretariat’s owner, Penny Tweedy, with the poise of Grace Kelly, the brash of Katherine Hepburn, and the warmth of Donna Reid. John Malkovich should have been a shoe-in, with one of his quirkiest characters to date, as the trainer Lucien Laurin; a role that recalled some of the greater comedic sidekicks from the heyday of Disney like Don Knotts, Tim Conway, and Buddy Hackett

Perhaps the PG rating made it into a film that no one in the Academy bothered to watch. After “The Blind Side” took two nominations last year, the members of the Academy became aware of the disturbing trend of solidly entertaining family pictures that are uplifting and not vulgar. Perhaps a few more jokes about cleaning out the stables could have won a PG-13 rating and a couple seats in the Kodak Theater. (more…)

In movies like Fahrenheit 451 and 1984, neighbors inform the police about serious crimes against the State like subversion and book possession. In real America, people call 911 because McDonald’s has run out of McNuggets.

We’ve grown accustomed to hearing about people using police to rectify situations that used to be done with simple human interaction. So we shouldn’t be surprised, when a daughter of America’s most prominent conservative advances to the finals of a dance contest and some people petition the government for a redress of jitterbug. Though no action was taken by the government, according to a Smoking Gun article there were numerous emails and letters sent to the Federal Communications Commission regarding the move of Bristol into the final round of Dancing With The Stars.

The FCC grew out of the FRC, which was established in 1927 only to assign radio frequencies and licenses. But giving the Federal Government a little authority is like giving a gremlin a snack after midnight. Since then, the FCC has moved into a much more powerful position, determining what content can be transmitted on the “public” airwaves, and insuring that the voices heard are as diverse as an NPR Kwanzaa Party.

With the assorted class action suit commercials advertised on late night TV, people today are encouraged to collect settlements on damages they didn’t even realize they incurred. A recent law was passed  turning down the volume of commercials, an arduous task that heretofore required reaching all the way over to the coffee table and picking up the remote. So why wouldn’t Leftists appeal to the FCC to handle their dirty work against Bristol Palin and others?  

There have been numerous calls for the FCC to suspend the licenses of Rush Limbaugh and Fox News, two entities that do not require FCC licenses. The Party who thinks requiring proof of US citizenship in order to vote qualifies as a constitutional violation wants FCC licenses for Americans exercising their First Amendment rights. (more…)

I recently read John Nolte’s piece on Sam Kinison, and it really struck a chord. He asks if a young comic today could get away with some of Sam’s material.

I was a young comic, barely breaking in my comedy teeth when I got to work with Sam. I was booked at Yuk-Yuks in Rochester NY, when Sam did a string of dates around the franchise, in early 1986. I was already booked at the Rochester Yuks all week, and Sam came in for two nights of that tour. I not only got to see his show twice, I was privileged to hang with him late in to the evening at the condo that first night.

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It was a week that changed my entire perspective on the art of comedy. I like most other beginners had a pretty simple act, just trying to get people to laugh. I was looking for the funny in pop culture references, maybe making fun of a television commercial, or the new practice of putting missing kids pictures on the sides of milk cartons. I was just another happy eighties comic with a skinny tie, open collar and my blazer sleeves pushed up to my elbows.

Sam did something I had never seen on a comedy stage before. He took real issues and dissected them with a comedy scalpel. On second thought, make that a chainsaw. He tore through the status quo with the subtly of a Pete Townsend power chord, wailing like a heavy metal priest. His act was an hour stream of consciousness, alternating between calm rationality and the battle of the id. He was Speed Metal to the Billy Joel pop that was passing for comedy in those days

Something few people know is that Sam never actually screamed while he was on stage. What he did was raise the pitch of his voice to sound like he was screaming, and turned the mike way up to compensate for the missing volume. It was an elocutionary device he learned from his days as an evangelist preacher. (more…)

Finding a conservative voice on HBO is like looking for a stable fiscal policy in Zimbabwe. That is until Friday night, when Dennis Miller made his triumphant return to the premium channel bandwidth, putting down a little heavyweight comedy on the conservative side of the fulcrum, which was hitherto leaning just a little to the left. Little. Like Heather McCartney, with a broken spike heel, on the top floor of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Taped at the Barclay Theater in Irvine CA  just a couple weeks ago,“The Big Speech” was timed perfectly for a victory lap in the wake of the November election:

“Democrats got their asses handed to them like somebody getting outpatient liposuction surgery. Paybacks are a Behar.”

The elation I felt watching the show, was probably how Leftists must feel after an episode of Bill Maher, only with punchlines.

The owner of the Funny Bone in Pittsburgh used to insult a comedian who had a bad set by congratulating him on a giving a “really good speech.”  I’m guessing that Dennis calling his first special in four years “The Big Speech” was him signifying a lack of confidence in his comedy chops; that perhaps, his absence from the standup stage has left a void in his once visceral comedic abilities. Dennis has nothing to fear. He was on top of his game and as funny as ever. His time spent on tv and radio have done nothing to diminish his mastery of the craft. (more…)

***UPDATE: Because it might not be the most up-to-date, the photo of the comparison crowd shot has been removed and replaced.

I can think of a lot of rough jobs for a cameraman. Despite being the dream job of every adolescent boy, I imagine that working on an adult film can get quite tedious, (and often disgusting).  Working for C-SPAN has to be difficult, fighting to stay awake during long Congressional procedures. On the other hand, if I had to shoot an episode of the new NBC comedy “Outsourced,” I would envy the cameraman working for C-SPAN, if only for his job security. But I think the roughest camera job of last weekend had to be working behind the lens at the “Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear.”

I can only imagine some of the screaming that was going on in the wireless earpieces from the directors van: “You idiot, that’s Sarah Palin in a Hitler costume, find something else!” or: “Pull it  in, you’re showing too much green space!” and the inevitable: “Find another black person, we’ve shown her three times already!”

This was probably the roughest order. Finding diversity at the rally, was like looking to for clams in the chowder at a discount seafood buffet: nothing but potatoes, cream, and crackers. I kept wondering when the director would slip backstage, and ask some of the musicians to wander out into the crowd, so they could get a couple shots.

Because the lack of color did not go unnoticed. During the Rally, John Stewart even said, “if you have too many white people at a rally, your cause is racist.” Who was he referring to?  I’ve known many hard-core Stewart fans, and they all point to the monochromatic nature of the the Tea Party as proof of the underlying racism. Stewart himself once referred to the Tea Party as being “Thousands of disgruntled people of non-color taking to the streets.” (Yet polls demonstrate that the tea party is only around 79% white.) (more…)

Aging pop star Morrissey has decided to pile on with the rest of the world, and engage in a little China bashing. With his recent remark he has taken the hate to a new level, by declaring Chinese people a “sub-species.”

If you’re young enough to fit into the limited sizes available at Aéropostale®, you might not even remember who Morrisey is: he was the front man for The Smiths, the band almost single-handedly responsible for the music now called “Alternative.“ The Smiths put out several gloomy pop albums in the late eighties and early nineties; before the band members hit a streak of sobriety, suddenly realized they couldn’t stand each other, and went their separate ways.

At the close of the century, Morrissey’s solo career fizzled. His gloomy songs were full of the self-importance and introspection that most Gen-X kids outgrew, by the time the millennium bug was all the rage. Today he frantically grasps for relevance, in a world that found his suicidal-girl tantrums tiresome a generation ago. He recently almost appeared at the Coachella music festival before the gross smell of cooked meat made him gag so hard he had to leave. Morrissey is now the darling of PETA, a group second only to Fundamentalist Islam for their ability to grab headlines and attract social misfit youths.

Morrissey declared the Chinese a sub-species for their mistreatment of animals. Which is kind of strange since China is home to Buddhism, the original vegetarian cult. China also invented soy and noodles and just about every other foodstuff that vegetarians require to keep themselves alive. They invented paper and were producing works of literature when Morrissey’s ancestors were living in caves and sharpening rocks for the hunt. (more…)

I think Craig Ferguson is the funniest, smartest most innovative host on any of the big three networks today. To me he has clearly been the star of  Late Night talk for a number of years. What those of you with day jobs may not realize: he is also an unapologetic American. 

In the entire gaggle of Late Night Hosts, I believe that Craig is the only one who comes close to filling the big empty shoes left behind when Johnny retired. While Leno and Letterman each have some of Carson’s characteristics, Ferguson is able to capture both sides of his genius. He is warm and goofy like Leno, but he’s also cool and sophisticated like Letterman. Like Johnny, he can handle a shy guest with disarming charm; hold his own against a tough guest; then put on the buck-teeth, the big fake ears, and do an impression of Prince Charles that is both ridiculously silly, and satirically eviscerating.

Craig Ferguson’s latest book is entitled “American on Purpose.” It’ spans his career  from the beginning as an alcoholic punk rock drummer, to becoming one of Late Night’s brightest stars. There are some marvelous insights about what it’s really like growing up in Europe, from a person who has seen the side that the tour buses usually avoid.

He grew up in one of the bleak concrete housing projects that popped up all over Europe in the wake of World War II. (You’d think a continent so ravaged by central planning, would have lost their affection for it.) Craig talks about his longing to be an American from the time he was very young, and made his first trip abroad; admiring the Americans for their beautiful straight teeth. Because he isn’t here by accident of birth, he is the only network talk host who recognizes American Exceptionalism. (He is also quite visibly the only host who actually had to pass a test on the U.S .Constitution.). (more…)

A recent article from Big Hollywood’s Jeffrey Jena alerted me to an article in the American Prospect where Paul Waldman is recycling the meme that there is nothing funny about the current President. Utter nonsense. Every human is fallible, and from those flaws the funny gushes; flowing like the effluence of a major national disaster, under an incompetent Administration.

To say there’s nothing funny about this President is elevating him to the level of a deity, the way leaders are looked at in some third world totalitarian state. I’m quite certain that North Koreans cannot see anything funny about Kim Jong, Il, although the majority of the world thinks he is as entertaining as a circus midget. Ditto for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Paul Waldman’s piece is just another apology for the inability of the American Humor Industry to construct a proper satire on this President; a topic as ripe for satire as November apples. It’s such a shame, too.  Epic ineptitude has been a comedic staple since before the Three Stooges, all the way through to the era of Tim Allen. When Moe Larry and Curly are accidently mistaken for plumbers, you just know there’s going to be a flood. (more…)

I have to admit I never cared for the action films back in the eighties. They seemed silly and mindless. The two biggest stars of the genre, Schwarzenegger and Stallone were barely capable of English; and the plots were as predictable as the wigs on a metal band.

It was the Reagan era, and I wanted no part of it, or it’s popular films. Looking back I realize that I was probably too hard on both the President and the genre. Most of my opposition to Reagan was his crackdown on drugs, and that probably came from his youth. In old Hollywood, it was the communists who tended to be dope fiends, so in his mind there was a correlation. (Come to think of it, most of the dope fiends in MY youth were communists as well.)

Looking back I realize that I agree with much of what Reagan stood for. His opposition to an ever growing government, matches mine; and his love for America’s promises of freedom prosperity and liberty, are things I cherish as well. Today, I can also enjoy a good action film. (more…)

One of the core beliefs this nation was founded on, was equality under the law.  The laws that apply to ordinary citizens, also apply to the ruling class; because if the laws are too strict for them, then perhaps they’re too strict for us. That’s why we get really upset when we learn of a politician caught speeding, or cheating on his taxes. Because if the people who write the laws are finding it difficult to cough up the cash, or keep their foot off the accelerator, perhaps taxes are too high, and the speed limit is too low.

For many, The Global Warming debate has been a similar exercise in hypocrisy. Al Gore has been a big violator. The man who wants to limit our ability to fly coach, needs a private plane when he travels to Hollywood to pick up a trophy he didn’t even win (and a masseuse he couldn’t seduce).

I recently pointed out a similar flaw in the character of Sheryl Crow. While she went around preaching the merits of CFL light bulbs, she prefers the warm glow of incandescents and halogens in her own home. I thought perhaps that Sheryl had grown up a little; the same way a college vegan gets out into the real world, admits that she’s been sneaking meat when nobody was looking, and switches to a less fastidious diet. (more…)

According to Variety, the amount of political money from the entertainment industry is split about 73-27, with the majority going to the Democrats. That is a startling statistic. 27% of showbiz dollars go to REPUBLICANS? Are there really that many of us? Either something screwy is going on, or there are a LOT of Industry Republicans hiding out.

By raw statistics, that would indicate over a quarter of the entertainment business is Republican. Now it could just be that Republicans are more generous.  Democrats are notoriously cheaper than a Barney Frank ferry ride. Al Gore spent more money on harassable masseuses than he gives to charity. Bill Clinton’s idea of charity is giving away used underwear (though in fairness, some of the clothing he soiled is now considered museum quality). Joe Biden spends more on polishing his tooth marks out of his shoes than he routinely gives away.

Democrats are as hypocritical as Leonardo DiCaprio’s private jet. They talk all the time about the uncaring rich not helping the poor, but come tax time, the charitable giving recorded on their Schedule As is dwarfed by their mortgage interest on their luxurious abodes. Democrats think their public service and undying support of a powerful state is tantamount to charity. (more…)

So I’m flipping through a few videos and I come across this treasure [see below]. In a discussion about which vital organs the human body can live without, the writers of Happy Town couldn’t resist inserting a political dig, for no apparent reason. Sure it’s just a joke, but why are these jokes always against Conservatives? Personally, I think the heart of a Conservative gets used a lot more often than the brain of a Liberal. Certainly the “family values” stereotype conservatives own is based on love of family.

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I’m not certain that Liberals really know how to love. They’re pretty good with the hate; in fact I think their politics are based more on their hate of rich people than their love of the poor. The only love I’ve ever seen from a liberal is for their sixteen cats, helpless baby seals, and the cows they refuse to eat.

I also wonder why the producers of Happy Town would do this. Especially in light this new Gallup poll: 42% of Americans now define themselves as Conservative. Inserting a joke like that insults the biggest demographic in American politics seems opposed to the notion of Broadcasting and Making a Profit. Why would television producers pander to the slim 20% of America that considers themselves liberal? (These are the same people who brag at cocktail parties that they NEVER watch television.) Why would you pander to this small minority with little disposable income? What can you sell to people with too many tattoos and piercings to get real jobs? I was not aware that Ramen Noodles was a big advertiser. (more…)