I was doing a little channel surfing a few weeks ago and happened across some sort of music awards show. I believe it was The American Music Awards but judging from the level of the performances it could have been some sort of reality show. What caused me to stop for a moment was seeing who I thought was Madonna doing a little dance number in combat boots.

Madonna is famous for, among other things, reinventing herself. “Reinventing” is show business talk for falling to a new level of depravity. You never see the Hollywood press praising someone for finding faith or cleaning up their act but if they demean Christian values or morality, they get raves. So I was interested to see if this was some sort of political or religious statement or just the latest fashion craze.

So I watched the performance for a few moments. The woman who was the focus to the number then moved to a piano inside a glass case which later ignited in flames. I started to suspect that this wasn’t Madonna because to the best of my knowledge she doesn’t play the piano and is old enough to remember that the late Michael Jackson set himself on fire awhile back. At the end of the song the woman leaned back with outstretched arms as if to say I have exhausted myself as an artist by dancing and lip syncing for three minutes.

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I’ve noticed a lot of my brothers and sisters on the right are up in arms at Law & Order: SVU after last week’s episode. I did not see the whole episode in question but did see a clip where a character played by John Larroquette mentions three well know conservative talk show hosts and calls them a cancer on the land.

Before I get rolling, in the spirit of full disclosure I will admit to being a Law & Order junkie. My DVR is full of my favorite Law & Order: Criminal Intent episodes, which is by far the strongest of the three series. I will also admit that in my mind Law & Order: SVU is to the Law & Order brand what Deep Space Nine was to the Star Trek brand. It is a weak cousin that may have been spreading the brand a little too thin. (more…)

When President Obama was just Candidate Obama and tossing promises to us like Mardi Gras beads to shirtless women, he made a few that we all liked. The two things even we of the far-right wing nut-job persuasion hoped might be true were that he was going to change the way things were done in Washington and there was going to be a new transparency in government. Even though I am at times jaded and a bit cynical, I have never given up hoping. I wasn’t holding my breath, but if the President held up his word I was willing to give him credit.

Ohio Sen. Sherrod Brown, candidate Barack Obama and Gov. Ted Strickland

The poster boy for these two broken promises is Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. If you’ve never heard of Senator Brown he is probably most famous for being mistaken for an African-American by Rush Limbaugh because of his name. He is actually a child of privilege who was raised in Northeastern Ohio. Senator Brown has never had a “real” job.  After graduating from Yale, Senator Brown entered politics taking a short break to go back to college for an advanced degree. Despite the fact Senator Brown has never worked in the private sector much less gotten his hands dirty with physical labor, he likes to see himself as a common man. What rich, well connected politician doesn’t? The Senator has been in Washington so long he has come to think he is employed by the Democrat Party and not the people of Ohio. (more…)

I like finding examples of left-wing media bias as much as the next guy but I suppose that guy would have to be another right-wing nut job like me in order to enjoy it as much as I do. Anyway, over the weekend I was watching all the hype for the big Obama Afghanistan announcement on Tuesday when I saw a little gem of a news story on Headline News. There she was, the former darling of the left-wing press — Ms. Anti-War herself — Cindy Sheehan, leading a huge war protest in front of Travis Air Force Base outside of Sacramento, CA.

Except Ms. Sheehan’s protest really wasn’t all that huge. It looked like Cindy and about seven or eight of her aging hipster friends had gotten some gas money together, made a few signs and a rented U Haul truck for a trip from the Bay Area up to Sacto. I sometimes confuse Cindy’s pals in Code Pink with the pink hats my mother’s old friends in the Red Hat Society wore. Except the Red Hat ladies are out for fun and the Code Pink gals seem to have gotten out of bed on the wrong side. To be honest, I felt a little sad for Cindy. I think I could get more people over to my house for an Amway meeting. I didn’t see how less than a dozen people doing anything would rate national news time. However, Ms. Cindy was getting more airtime on HLN than the entire 9/12 weekend demonstration did, and though we may disagree about how many folks were there, I think we can all agree it was a little more than twelve. (more…)

Some days it’s tough to find things to write about and other days the floodgates open and there are just tons of people begging for a little mocking. Last night I was in a hotel in Fort Lauderdale searching for something to write about and finally gave up and watched the Bears drop another game. I went to sleep fearing the bleakness of the next day. Then this morning the morons started jumping out of the trees. Two great ideas just showed up.

The first was right there in the USA Today outside my room door. Seems the ultra-liberal mayor of Mexico City is cleaning up the town. No, he’s not stopping the rampant drug trade, chasing down murderers or the organized kidnapping rings. Mayor Marcelo Ebrard is hellbent on putting an end to whistling at women on the streets and gum chewers who spit their gum on the sidewalk!  I say “bravo” Mr. Mayor. There is no insult greater than being whistled at by a construction worker while being bundled into the trunk of a kidnapper’s car. Woe unto you if while you were kicking around in there some was gum on the bottom of your shoe! (more…)

Stand-up comedy is the least respected of all the performing arts. As if being a stand-up comic weren’t hard enough; the years of being judged by every person who owns a liquor license and a microphone, driving six hours to a non-existent gig, begging moronic agents and managers who are looking for a “new, original and exciting” talent to come out to see your show only to be asked why you aren’t more “Seinfeld-ish.” On top of that it takes years to develop an act and find your voice on stage. There are child actors, child musicians, tiny dancers and even I would guess a few very young working writers, but no child comics. Why? Because stand-up comedy is the only experiential-based art form. Kids can tell “jokes” but they can’t do stand-up. Stand-up comedy, really good stand-up comedy has evolved from joke telling into a personal narrative dialogue with the audience.

Still, every now and then some elitist hack with a degree from the right college and the proper connections gets a job at a failing weekly magazine and decides to take a shot at you and your profession, feeling they are qualified to judge this art form because they know how to laugh and talk. This is rarely if ever done with other art forms. Seriously folks, when is the last time you saw an article about actors who can’t act, dancers who can’t dance, painters who can’t paint or pointless “performance artists.” Yet, about every six months some “critic” declares a number of famous comics “not funny.”    (more…)

The situation in Afghanistan is like a poker game. There are only three options for action: raise, call or fold.  The President seems to be unable to pick one that doesn’t have Americans on both sides of the debate pulling out their hair.

During his campaign for the White House President Obama said, “We have seen Afghanistan worsen, deteriorate. We need more troops there. We need more resources there… I would send two to three additional brigades to Afghanistan.”

He promised to send another ten to fifteen thousand troops to help those already there. He also declared that the war in Afghanistan was the proper front in the war against terror. Now that he is Commander-in-Chief, his vision seems to be less clear.

The military commanders gave the President four troop deployment options earlier this week but he refused all four. Not for military reasons but because of some hooey about the corruption of the government in Kabul and their inability to run a fair election. Mr. President, if our support for governments was based on whether they are corrupt or not and could run a fair election, we would have pulled federal funding from Chicago years ago. The problem with pulling out of Afghanistan, or Chicago for that matter, is that they would fall into violent anarchy. We have already seen that happen in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. (more…)

As I was driving to Wisconsin on Thursday a disturbing report came on the news. A mass shooting had taken place at Fort Hood in Texas. The details were unclear, at first report there were several shooters and seven dead. Several thoughts crossed my mind, solders suffering from PTSD, disgruntled civilian employees and of course a terrorist attack.

As details became clearer the death toll rose and the attack seemed to be the work of a single shooter, Major Nidal Malik Hasan, a devout Muslim. As the day wore on it became clear that Major Hasan held radical beliefs concerning United States foreign policy and had shared those beliefs not with just a few close friend but with just about anyone who would listen.

Then it was announced that the President was going to speak about the shootings. I expected to hear a calming voice that would honor those slain and get to the heart of the matter: We have a serious problem in this country with domestic terrorists both in and out of the military and we need to do something about it.    (more…)

I missed the series premiere of “V,” but not the ongoing flap afterwards. The remake of the 1984 sci-fi classic seems to have hit a lot of nerves on the left and found an audience on the right. Left-wing media types are outraged that the series “degrades” the Obama administration, and some on the right are wondering if a Hollywood talent has been dismissed from his job for political reasons. As I write this, I’m watching O’Reilly go on about “the writers taking shots at President Obama.” 

As it happens, I’m acquainted with Scott Peters who developed and wrote the remake of “V” for ABC.  Mr. Peters was also the creator and executive producer of “The 4400” and a writer for “The Outer Limits.” As far as I know Mr. Peters has only made one mistake in his career and that was directing me in the low-budget film “Don: Plain and Tall” back in 2003. It was the story of my friend comedian Don McMillan’s life as a comic. I played myself in the film and the part was horribly miscast. 

When I started reading some of the rumors and theories about Mr. Peters’ latest show and the behind-the-scenes politics, I laughed out loud.  Let me try to shed some light on the “V” controversy. (more…)

Like millions of other Americans I have been caught up in the Facebook/social networking craze. I believe that Facebook is like a near-death experience except your life passes before your eyes one friend request at a time. I have  been trying to “friend” a lot of people in the news, without much success. There’s been no acceptance of my friend requests from President Obama, Dede Scozzafava, Jeremiah Wright and a host of others. So in order to reach them with some timely advice I am posting some comments here. If you are on their Facebook friend list maybe you could pass them along. 

@ Dede Scozzafava – When you try to stand in the middle of the road you get run over. Thanks for showing where you stand when the heat was on. Go stand in the “has-been” line behind Arlen Specter.

@ Barack Obama - Mr. President, if the trip to Dover wasn’t a photo-op or political why take a photographer along? (more…)

Fellow conservatives, the time has come to drop the facade and come clean with the American public! Let’s admit that Carter, Clinton, Maher, Garofalo and a host of others are right and that we are just a bunch of low IQ, knuckle dragging, mouth-breathing, inbred, sheet wearing racists.

There I said it. I feel better already. It’s time to fess up that it isn’t about our beliefs or principles, or morality or the Constitution.  It’s all about race. We conservatives have feigned our approval of Michael Steele, Condi Rice, Clarence Thomas, Walter Williams, Thomas Sowell, Larry Elder and a host of other Black conservatives for far too long.  We reject Ward Connerly, Niger Innis, Shelby Steele, Armstrong Williams and Kenneth Blackwell. Who needs them!

The leftist are correct: (more…)

There was a time when the National Football League ownership ranks were filled with hard hitting men.  Guys who had played the game and knew how to take a hit. Now it is full of preening prima donnas who would rather play politics than football. Many of them are frustrated athletes or dilettantes whose daddies left them a football team in their wills. These armchair quarterbacks have proved their football and business ineptitude by fielding “professional” teams that go season after season with fewer wins than the fingers on the hand of an inept shop teacher. 

Recently, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was asked to bring his considerable financial help to a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams in order to keep the team in St. Louis. Rush is a Missouri native and a huge fan of the game, so it seemed like a natural fit. Rush was to be a minority partner in the group. He wouldn’t be picking in the draft or calling plays, just putting his money up and perhaps switching his allegiance from his beloved Steelers to the lowly Rams. (more…)

I am one conservative who is happy the President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. First, the 1.4 million will help level our negative trade deficit with Scandinavia. All those Saabs and Volvos add up. Secondly, it shows what a joke the Nobel Peace Prize has become just in case you weren’t convinced when the greatest con man in recent history, Al “Carbon” Gore won.

Three times this century the Peace Prize has been given to someone for the simple reason they are not George W. Bush. Perhaps they should rename the Noble Peace Prize the “At Least He’s Not George W. Bush Prize.” Maybe the “Liberal Socialist of the Year Prize,” might be better.

Let’s look at some recent winners and see how they have brought peace to the planet. Al Gore (2007) and Wangari Maathai (2004) both scored the “peace” prize for environmental work. I won’t get into the science behind so-called “global warming,” (AKA: “climate change,” and here in the Midwest “the weather”). Nice and very touchy-feely, but exactly how does that help bring world peace? (more…)

I happened to see some clips of alleged Janeane Garofalo on the Bill Maher show the other night. I have a warning for anyone who sees her in person or is near her: Janeane is off her meds again and the voices in her head have taken control.

She is already on record as believing that anyone who does not worship at the Church of Radical Leftism is a “straight up racist.” Beside not understanding the English translation of her argot “straight up,” I am sure that anyone who is even a little bit clear headed can imagine a world where people who thought Condi was dandy and helped Michael Steele get to the helm of the GOP might not take race as the deciding factor with Obama. Be that as it may, Ms. Garofalo assured us that not only were right-wingers racists, but the GOP has been the bastion of White Supremacy since the 1950’s.

Keeping in mind one of the favorite saying of my friend Larry Elder, “Facts are like kryptonite to toe-tag liberals.” (Mr. Elder defines liberals as “toe-tag” if they believe in government intrusion in our lives from birth until they put the tag on your toe in the morgue.) I will present a few facts to try to bring Janeane back into the real world. (more…)

President Obama has made the rehabilitation of the reputation of our country one of his top priorities. He wants to be the Sally Field of the international politics and know that other nations like us!  They really, really like us. To achieve that end he has apologized for just about every action of the Bush Administration and yet at the UN this past week several of the people the President has been trying to win over still seemed a bit distant. His new BFF Hugo Chavez did give him a nice “smells like hope” compliment, but several other still haven’t gotten the message.

President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.

This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States. (more…)

President Obama has shown his commitment to the green movement by giving a speech which contained 100% recycled material. Here’s the deal, if you call a big special meeting and invite all the press, a bunch of Senators and Congressman… if you make Ms. Nancy fly her Gulfstream off to get a new pantsuit and a Botox shot or two and ask 300 million Americans to tune in, you should say something we haven’t heard before.

There was a lot of leftover campaign rhetoric about bringing us together. The old “I’m bipartisan as long as you are willing to agree with what I want,” was in there. We got a shot of McCain smiling haplessly like he did when he suspended his campaign to go to Washington and get the financial crisis straightened out. President Obama hit all the talking points about what is and isn’t in a piece of legislation that really isn’t even written yet. Hey, who doesn’t like a little magic? At the end there was even a little recycled Kennedy too. (more…)

I am sure that Congress has a lot more important things to do right now but when we get around to looking at immigration can we get an investigation into how an alleged comic named Russell Brand got a green card.

I’m no expert on immigration law but I think in order to come here to work you have to demonstrate you have some special skills or talent that no American has. This rule prevents big multi-national companies from bringing in a bunch of cheap unskilled labor to take American jobs. For example, let’s say you are a bricklayer and you live in Poland. You may be a good bricklayer but if you want to come to the United States to live you need to go through a long process and show you have some skill that no American bricklayer possesses — unless you are a person who can sneak across the southern border,  in which case you are welcome to come and take an American’s job and pick up some free health care and education. That’s another issue and I have been ADD-ing pretty badly recently so I need to get back to the topic at hand: (more…)

A lot of my progressive friends are having a hard time understanding why folks on the other side of the aisle are so angry and behaving like, well like leftists.

Last week I went to a town hall held by Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. Since the Senate went on recess I’ve been blogging, calling the senator’s office and writing opinion pieces for my local paper asking him to have a public meeting in my county. At first the Senator was having stealth get-togethers with supporters and then went back announcing them on his website as “public forums.”

At one of his stealth meetings on the Ohio State campus in Columbus, a few conservatives got wind of the meeting and tried to get in but were told the Senator wasn’t holding town halls. This was documented on video here.

The Senator was so afraid to face conservative voices he went to Afghanistan. While I fully support him visiting out troops he has never been a supporter of the war or given our troops what they need to win in Iraq or Afghanistan.  It’s a strange kind of guy who would rather face bullets from the Taliban than a few harsh comments from conservative voters. (more…)

There is no doubt the State of Ohio, like many others, is in a financial mess. If you looked at the history of our economy you would notice that there have always been ups and downs. Individuals seem to understand this and plan for times of lean and times of plenty. Governments and our elected officials seem to have missed that day in Economics 101. Governments always seem to be shocked when the economy goes south for a while.

Our Governor Tom Strickland has a plan to balance the Ohio budget. Here it is in a nutshell: “Let’s gamble our way to prosperity!” As a comic my natural instinct is to ridicule this idea and to highlight the fact the Governor is ignoring that four times in the last twenty years the voters, by a wide margin, have refused casino gambling. (more…)

I was at a friend’s house a few nights ago for a little informal gathering. When we were chatting he had his iPod providing some background music.  One of the songs that came on was from the “Woodstock” soundtrack. So there I was in a kitchen full of conservative upper middle class Midwesterners who were suddenly waxing poetic about how great Woodstock was.

What happened next was the kind of thing I do that keeps me off the party circuit.  I said something to the effect that Woodstock was an unmitigated disaster and a perfect metaphor for the Obama administration. If it were technically possible this is the point where we would have heard a needle scratching across the album and dead silence while the folks stared at me in disbelief. (more…)