In his 30 years as a stand-up comic, Jeffrey Jena has appeared on over thirty five national television show, including “The Dennis Miller Show,” HBO, "Comics Unleashed," and many other bad cable shows.
As an actor he has been seen on “Murder, She Wrote,” “Hunter,” appeared in shows with Jenny McCarthy and Weird Al Yankovic and in several films including "Raising the Dead" with Allison Eastwood.
Jeff is also a frequent radio guest on the nationally syndicated “Bob and Tom Show” and has appeared live at almost every dive in America.
He is the founder of The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and blogs about all things right wing at jeffreyjena.wordpress.com and about comedy at myspace.com/jeffjena.
Jeff is married, has one son, and makes his home in a small town in Ohio. For more information, go to jeffreyjena.com.
Jeffrey Jena
‘Newsweek’s’ Snobbish Stand-Up Slam
by Jeffrey JenaStand-up comedy is the least respected of all the performing arts. As if being a stand-up comic weren’t hard enough; the years of being judged by every person who owns a liquor license and a microphone, driving six hours to a non-existent gig, begging moronic agents and managers who are looking for a “new, original and exciting” talent to come out to see your show only to be asked why you aren’t more “Seinfeld-ish.” On top of that it takes years to develop an act and find your voice on stage. There are child actors, child musicians, tiny dancers and even I would guess a few very young working writers, but no child comics. Why? Because stand-up comedy is the only experiential-based art form. Kids can tell “jokes” but they can’t do stand-up. Stand-up comedy, really good stand-up comedy has evolved from joke telling into a personal narrative dialogue with the audience.
Still, every now and then some elitist hack with a degree from the right college and the proper connections gets a job at a failing weekly magazine and decides to take a shot at you and your profession, feeling they are qualified to judge this art form because they know how to laugh and talk. This is rarely if ever done with other art forms. Seriously folks, when is the last time you saw an article about actors who can’t act, dancers who can’t dance, painters who can’t paint or pointless “performance artists.” Yet, about every six months some “critic” declares a number of famous comics “not funny.” (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Dithering on Afghanistan
by Jeffrey JenaThe situation in Afghanistan is like a poker game. There are only three options for action: raise, call or fold. The President seems to be unable to pick one that doesn’t have Americans on both sides of the debate pulling out their hair.
During his campaign for the White House President Obama said, “We have seen Afghanistan worsen, deteriorate. We need more troops there. We need more resources there… I would send two to three additional brigades to Afghanistan.”
He promised to send another ten to fifteen thousand troops to help those already there. He also declared that the war in Afghanistan was the proper front in the war against terror. Now that he is Commander-in-Chief, his vision seems to be less clear.
The military commanders gave the President four troop deployment options earlier this week but he refused all four. Not for military reasons but because of some hooey about the corruption of the government in Kabul and their inability to run a fair election. Mr. President, if our support for governments was based on whether they are corrupt or not and could run a fair election, we would have pulled federal funding from Chicago years ago. The problem with pulling out of Afghanistan, or Chicago for that matter, is that they would fall into violent anarchy. We have already seen that happen in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Fallen Heroes and Terrorists
by Jeffrey JenaAs I was driving to Wisconsin on Thursday a disturbing report came on the news. A mass shooting had taken place at Fort Hood in Texas. The details were unclear, at first report there were several shooters and seven dead. Several thoughts crossed my mind, solders suffering from PTSD, disgruntled civilian employees and of course a terrorist attack.
As details became clearer the death toll rose and the attack seemed to be the work of a single shooter, Major Nidal Malik Hasan, a devout Muslim. As the day wore on it became clear that Major Hasan held radical beliefs concerning United States foreign policy and had shared those beliefs not with just a few close friend but with just about anyone who would listen.
Then it was announced that the President was going to speak about the shootings. I expected to hear a calming voice that would honor those slain and get to the heart of the matter: We have a serious problem in this country with domestic terrorists both in and out of the military and we need to do something about it. (more…)
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Exclusive: Behind the ‘V’ Controversy
by Jeffrey JenaI missed the series premiere of “V,” but not the ongoing flap afterwards. The remake of the 1984 sci-fi classic seems to have hit a lot of nerves on the left and found an audience on the right. Left-wing media types are outraged that the series “degrades” the Obama administration, and some on the right are wondering if a Hollywood talent has been dismissed from his job for political reasons. As I write this, I’m watching O’Reilly go on about “the writers taking shots at President Obama.”
As it happens, I’m acquainted with Scott Peters who developed and wrote the remake of “V” for ABC. Mr. Peters was also the creator and executive producer of “The 4400” and a writer for “The Outer Limits.” As far as I know Mr. Peters has only made one mistake in his career and that was directing me in the low-budget film “Don: Plain and Tall” back in 2003. It was the story of my friend comedian Don McMillan’s life as a comic. I played myself in the film and the part was horribly miscast.
When I started reading some of the rumors and theories about Mr. Peters’ latest show and the behind-the-scenes politics, I laughed out loud. Let me try to shed some light on the “V” controversy. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Facebook Comment to Folks in the News
by Jeffrey Jena
Like millions of other Americans I have been caught up in the Facebook/social networking craze. I believe that Facebook is like a near-death experience except your life passes before your eyes one friend request at a time. I have been trying to “friend” a lot of people in the news, without much success. There’s been no acceptance of my friend requests from President Obama, Dede Scozzafava, Jeremiah Wright and a host of others. So in order to reach them with some timely advice I am posting some comments here. If you are on their Facebook friend list maybe you could pass them along.
@ Dede Scozzafava – When you try to stand in the middle of the road you get run over. Thanks for showing where you stand when the heat was on. Go stand in the “has-been” line behind Arlen Specter.
@ Barack Obama - Mr. President, if the trip to Dover wasn’t a photo-op or political why take a photographer along? (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Admit It, Conservatives Are Racist
by Jeffrey JenaFellow conservatives, the time has come to drop the facade and come clean with the American public! Let’s admit that Carter, Clinton, Maher, Garofalo and a host of others are right and that we are just a bunch of low IQ, knuckle dragging, mouth-breathing, inbred, sheet wearing racists.
There I said it. I feel better already. It’s time to fess up that it isn’t about our beliefs or principles, or morality or the Constitution. It’s all about race. We conservatives have feigned our approval of Michael Steele, Condi Rice, Clarence Thomas, Walter Williams, Thomas Sowell, Larry Elder and a host of other Black conservatives for far too long. We reject Ward Connerly, Niger Innis, Shelby Steele, Armstrong Williams and Kenneth Blackwell. Who needs them!
The leftist are correct: (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Boycotting the NFL
by Jeffrey JenaThere was a time when the National Football League ownership ranks were filled with hard hitting men. Guys who had played the game and knew how to take a hit. Now it is full of preening prima donnas who would rather play politics than football. Many of them are frustrated athletes or dilettantes whose daddies left them a football team in their wills. These armchair quarterbacks have proved their football and business ineptitude by fielding “professional” teams that go season after season with fewer wins than the fingers on the hand of an inept shop teacher.
Recently, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was asked to bring his considerable financial help to a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams in order to keep the team in St. Louis. Rush is a Missouri native and a huge fan of the game, so it seemed like a natural fit. Rush was to be a minority partner in the group. He wouldn’t be picking in the draft or calling plays, just putting his money up and perhaps switching his allegiance from his beloved Steelers to the lowly Rams. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: My Nobel Prize, Please!
by Jeffrey JenaI am one conservative who is happy the President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. First, the 1.4 million will help level our negative trade deficit with Scandinavia. All those Saabs and Volvos add up. Secondly, it shows what a joke the Nobel Peace Prize has become just in case you weren’t convinced when the greatest con man in recent history, Al “Carbon” Gore won.
Three times this century the Peace Prize has been given to someone for the simple reason they are not George W. Bush. Perhaps they should rename the Noble Peace Prize the “At Least He’s Not George W. Bush Prize.” Maybe the “Liberal Socialist of the Year Prize,” might be better.
Let’s look at some recent winners and see how they have brought peace to the planet. Al Gore (2007) and Wangari Maathai (2004) both scored the “peace” prize for environmental work. I won’t get into the science behind so-called “global warming,” (AKA: “climate change,” and here in the Midwest “the weather”). Nice and very touchy-feely, but exactly how does that help bring world peace? (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Janeane Is Off Her Meds and Other Stories
by Jeffrey JenaI happened to see some clips of alleged Janeane Garofalo on the Bill Maher show the other night. I have a warning for anyone who sees her in person or is near her: Janeane is off her meds again and the voices in her head have taken control.
She is already on record as believing that anyone who does not worship at the Church of Radical Leftism is a “straight up racist.” Beside not understanding the English translation of her argot “straight up,” I am sure that anyone who is even a little bit clear headed can imagine a world where people who thought Condi was dandy and helped Michael Steele get to the helm of the GOP might not take race as the deciding factor with Obama. Be that as it may, Ms. Garofalo assured us that not only were right-wingers racists, but the GOP has been the bastion of White Supremacy since the 1950’s.
Keeping in mind one of the favorite saying of my friend Larry Elder, “Facts are like kryptonite to toe-tag liberals.” (Mr. Elder defines liberals as “toe-tag” if they believe in government intrusion in our lives from birth until they put the tag on your toe in the morgue.) I will present a few facts to try to bring Janeane back into the real world. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Obama Announces New Apology Tour
by Jeffrey JenaPresident Obama has made the rehabilitation of the reputation of our country one of his top priorities. He wants to be the Sally Field of the international politics and know that other nations like us! They really, really like us. To achieve that end he has apologized for just about every action of the Bush Administration and yet at the UN this past week several of the people the President has been trying to win over still seemed a bit distant. His new BFF Hugo Chavez did give him a nice “smells like hope” compliment, but several other still haven’t gotten the message.
President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.
This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Obama’s Recycled Speech
by Jeffrey JenaPresident Obama has shown his commitment to the green movement by giving a speech which contained 100% recycled material. Here’s the deal, if you call a big special meeting and invite all the press, a bunch of Senators and Congressman… if you make Ms. Nancy fly her Gulfstream off to get a new pantsuit and a Botox shot or two and ask 300 million Americans to tune in, you should say something we haven’t heard before.
There was a lot of leftover campaign rhetoric about bringing us together. The old “I’m bipartisan as long as you are willing to agree with what I want,” was in there. We got a shot of McCain smiling haplessly like he did when he suspended his campaign to go to Washington and get the financial crisis straightened out. President Obama hit all the talking points about what is and isn’t in a piece of legislation that really isn’t even written yet. Hey, who doesn’t like a little magic? At the end there was even a little recycled Kennedy too. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: How Did Russell Brand Get a Green Card?
by Jeffrey JenaI am sure that Congress has a lot more important things to do right now but when we get around to looking at immigration can we get an investigation into how an alleged comic named Russell Brand got a green card.
I’m no expert on immigration law but I think in order to come here to work you have to demonstrate you have some special skills or talent that no American has. This rule prevents big multi-national companies from bringing in a bunch of cheap unskilled labor to take American jobs. For example, let’s say you are a bricklayer and you live in Poland. You may be a good bricklayer but if you want to come to the United States to live you need to go through a long process and show you have some skill that no American bricklayer possesses — unless you are a person who can sneak across the southern border, in which case you are welcome to come and take an American’s job and pick up some free health care and education. That’s another issue and I have been ADD-ing pretty badly recently so I need to get back to the topic at hand: (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Sen. Sherrod Brown is Why We’re Angry, My Liberal Friends
by Jeffrey JenaA lot of my progressive friends are having a hard time understanding why folks on the other side of the aisle are so angry and behaving like, well like leftists.
Last week I went to a town hall held by Ohio Senator Sherrod Brown. Since the Senate went on recess I’ve been blogging, calling the senator’s office and writing opinion pieces for my local paper asking him to have a public meeting in my county. At first the Senator was having stealth get-togethers with supporters and then went back announcing them on his website as “public forums.”
At one of his stealth meetings on the Ohio State campus in Columbus, a few conservatives got wind of the meeting and tried to get in but were told the Senator wasn’t holding town halls. This was documented on video here.
The Senator was so afraid to face conservative voices he went to Afghanistan. While I fully support him visiting out troops he has never been a supporter of the war or given our troops what they need to win in Iraq or Afghanistan. It’s a strange kind of guy who would rather face bullets from the Taliban than a few harsh comments from conservative voters. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Vice — Legalize It!
by Jeffrey JenaThere is no doubt the State of Ohio, like many others, is in a financial mess. If you looked at the history of our economy you would notice that there have always been ups and downs. Individuals seem to understand this and plan for times of lean and times of plenty. Governments and our elected officials seem to have missed that day in Economics 101. Governments always seem to be shocked when the economy goes south for a while.
Our Governor Tom Strickland has a plan to balance the Ohio budget. Here it is in a nutshell: “Let’s gamble our way to prosperity!” As a comic my natural instinct is to ridicule this idea and to highlight the fact the Governor is ignoring that four times in the last twenty years the voters, by a wide margin, have refused casino gambling. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Woodstock Revisited Revisited
by Jeffrey JenaI was at a friend’s house a few nights ago for a little informal gathering. When we were chatting he had his iPod providing some background music. One of the songs that came on was from the “Woodstock” soundtrack. So there I was in a kitchen full of conservative upper middle class Midwesterners who were suddenly waxing poetic about how great Woodstock was.
What happened next was the kind of thing I do that keeps me off the party circuit. I said something to the effect that Woodstock was an unmitigated disaster and a perfect metaphor for the Obama administration. If it were technically possible this is the point where we would have heard a needle scratching across the album and dead silence while the folks stared at me in disbelief. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Sarah Palin for Czar-Czar
by Jeffrey JenaAccording to PolitiFact.com the Obama administration has thus far appointed twenty-eight czars! You may have missed some of these but we now have a Great Lakes Czar, so those lakes stay in line and don’t opt for moving to Canada. Come to think of it, some of the Great Lakes already belong to Canada. I wonder if Canada has their own Great Lakes Czar? If they do and there is a conflict would it be Czar Wars?
We now have a Sudan Czar. I thought they had their own Czar, but hey, if it helps improve our image in the Arab world I am all for loaning them a Czar or two. We have a Health Czar despite the fact we have a Surgeon General and to be honest I’m not sure who’s in charge of health. You might think a Czar would outrank a general but a number of third-world countries with tons of Generals are run by colonels. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Snake on a Plane!
by Jeffrey JenaI don’t want to seem too preoccupied with the past. I don’t want to dwell on old wrongs. I know we have all moved into the age of Obama where we will all cooperate, have bipartisan government and hold hands with Islamic terrorists, (I’m sorry, I meant to say with Islamic manufacturers of man-made disasters) — and the past is forgiven. Unless your name is Bush or Chaney, in which case you need to be made to pay for screwing up the reputation for weakness and capitulation Bill Clinton took eight long years to build.
Which brings me to my subject; did anyone besides me see the irony in sending Bill Clinton, perhaps the most famous serial philanderer of the past two centuries, to pick up two hot Asian girls in North Korea? Was it the ultimate in Asian carry out!
How did that go down? Was Bill sitting in his Laze-E-Boy while Hillary was talking on the phone to the North Koreans? She hangs up and says, “I got the release all worked out. Now ,if I could just find someone who wouldn’t mind sitting on a private jet for twelve hours with two hot Asian women.” Before you can say Paula Flowers, Bill is on his way to the airport with a blue suit and a bottle of Viagra. (more…)
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Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: CARS Program Previews Obamacare
by Jeffrey JenaI do a line in my act that’s often copied about how if you want the government to run health care you need to spend a little more time at the DMV. However the Obama administration has given us a new benchmark in government ineptness. If you’re looking forward to the government running our health care system perhaps you should look over at the CARS program. If you think that a quickly cranked out complex government program is what’s best for the economy or health care check out the so called Cash for Clunkers debacle.
The idea was simple, offer an incentive to get people out of gas guzzlers and help boost lagging car sales. I don’t know why the auto industry was chosen for a big corporate welfare handout instead of the furniture or big screen TV folks. It may have something to do with the government owning a big hunk of the auto industry and therefore being on the hook for future pension and health care costs. Which, if I may offer a quick civics lesson review, means that you and I are now the proud owners of the Old GM obligations. (more…)
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Fat! It’s the New Smoking!
by Jeffrey JenaAs the Most Powerful Community Organizer in the world pushes through his vision for your future healthcare, his minions are hard at work. Myriad press outlets are blaming fat folks for the rise in healthcare costs. In Obamaland, fat is the new smoking! How and what you eat is the next evil behavior to be controlled by law!
Here is the reason: in the future if you do not conform to the health police’s standards you will be denied access to healthcare. You smokers and drinkers, you fatties and stoners, you are a drag on the system. Your behavior is making you cost too much so go to the end of the government rationing line and hope we get to you. You oldsters and people with chronic conditions take a pain pill. You are a bad risk for successful treatment. In fact, why don’t you do us all a favor and take the whole bottle of pills and check out! (more…)
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When a Little ‘Profiling’ Might Be a Good Thing
by Jeffrey JenaIt must be great to be a Harvard professor with a bad attitude and be friend of the President. You might get a cool job in Washington D.C. You can also pop off to a cop and then expect the most powerful community organizer in the world to get your back at his next press conference. If you happen to be an African-American Harvard professor with a bad attitude, you can also scream racism and no one left of John McCain will doubt you’re wrong.
I also wonder what kind of lawyers they’re churning out at Harvard when their most well-know alumnus starts a statement with. “I don’t know all the facts.” and then doesn’t immediately follow that with, “So I have no comment.” Instead, he goes on for two or three paragraphs giving the facts as he was told them by his friend, the Harvard professor with a bad attitude, and then reaches a conclusion that the police acted “stupidly.” (more…)
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