Still, every now and then some elitist hack with a degree from the right college and the proper connections gets a job at a failing weekly magazine and decides to take a shot at you and your profession, feeling they are qualified to judge this art form because they know how to laugh and talk. This is rarely if ever done with other art forms. Seriously folks, when is the last time you saw an article about actors who can’t act, dancers who can’t dance, painters who can’t paint or pointless “performance artists.” Yet, about every six months some “critic” declares a number of famous comics “not funny.”   

Ms. Sarah Ball of the soon defunct Newsweek is the latest to declare some great comics “not funny.” In her article she lists 12 acts and gives snarky put downs of their talents. I found it interesting that Ms. Ball’s list is mostly west coast, politically conservative/moderate comics. Apparently if you are from New York and ultra-liberal Ms. Ball finds you hilarious!

Topping her list is every elitist favorite comedy punching bag Larry the Cable Guy. Larry’s sin seems to be he is a little too lowbrow for Ms. Ball, whom I am sure worships at the altar of urinator Larry David, and christophobe Sarah Silverman. There are a couple of folks working at the top of the intellectual chart. When talking about Dane Cook (I admit, not my favorite) she heaps praise on Louis C.K. (a guy I happen to also enjoy) who also tends towards the scatological for his humor.

Here is another thing that annoys me worst than Barney Frank, several times Ms. Ball demeans comics for being less than original and yet in her writing she uses a number of “stock” lines, clichés and banal comments. She also works for a magazine which recently selected a cover picture of Sarah Palin that was borrowed from a shoot for another magazine and used without contextual reference.

Ms. Ball also apparently hasn’t seen some of the comics she lists in some time. For Emo Phillips she uses an outdated photo, (again Newsweek using a photo out of context!) and critiques the vocal and delivery style he was using in the 90’s. Artists grow and change Ms. Ball; you might want to catch Bob Goldthwaite sometime this century too!  Her total critique of Jeff Dunham is that he is a ventriloquist, a comedy form she declared “went out of vogue in the Eisenhower era.” So did unbiased journalism and accurate reporting, Ms. Ball, but I’ll save that for another blog. Ventriloquism is experiencing a great revival outside elitist circles with Ronn Lucas and Terry Fator being two of the top draws in Las Vegas. While Jay Johnson, Jeff Dunham and Dan Horn wow audiences across the country. It might do Ms. Ball good to get out of Manhattan once in awhile and see what us rubes are doing out here in Flyoverland.

There are a lot of comics who I don’t find funny but I realize that my taste in comedy is skewered by my values, faith, politics and a number of other factors. I would never declare Bill Maher “not funny.” Though I find his drug addled ramblings repulsive at times, I realize that a number of equally intelligent folks find him hysterical. I might say I find his humor “baffling” or call him an “alleged” comedian but to declare him “not funny” isn’t fair to Bill or his fans.

People like different things, that’s why they put numbers on horses at the track. I would expect an open and fair minded progressive person like Ms. Ball to be a little more…what’s that word? Tolerant!

During his campaign for the White House President Obama said, “We have seen Afghanistan worsen, deteriorate. We need more troops there. We need more resources there… I would send two to three additional brigades to Afghanistan.”

He promised to send another ten to fifteen thousand troops to help those already there. He also declared that the war in Afghanistan was the proper front in the war against terror. Now that he is Commander-in-Chief, his vision seems to be less clear.

The military commanders gave the President four troop deployment options earlier this week but he refused all four. Not for military reasons but because of some hooey about the corruption of the government in Kabul and their inability to run a fair election. Mr. President, if our support for governments was based on whether they are corrupt or not and could run a fair election, we would have pulled federal funding from Chicago years ago. The problem with pulling out of Afghanistan, or Chicago for that matter, is that they would fall into violent anarchy. We have already seen that happen in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.

Current thinking on what to do in Afghanistan is based on two faulty assumptions:

The first is that wars are clear and concise events with specific outcomes and easy to find exit points. When John McCain told us the truth about how long we might be in Iraq, we didn’t want to hear it. We have been in Japan and Germany for over sixty years and in the Philippines for much longer. I wonder if back during the Spanish- American War leftist were telling the President that the Philippines were tribal islands and would never be able to be organized into a stable democratic government?

The second faulty assumption is that if we walk away from Afghanistan, simply pull all of our troops out, the war it then over. How long would it be before the Taliban was running things again and Al Qaeda was using it as a base of operations?  We will be fighting the same people again in the future, perhaps armed with nuclear weapons from Iran or Pakistan. Our national attention span has shortened to Twitter-like dimensions while our enemies think in terms of centuries.

The real problem for President Obama is that is if he deploys more troops and commits to staying, Afghanistan is no longer Bush’s war but his. Not even a year into his term and he is already worried about his legacy rather than doing what is best for the country. He is worried that his presidency will get bogged down in the battle for liberty instead of being able to focus on strengthening ACORN and the SEIU.

The left doesn’t mind waging long, costly, and non-winnable wars, so long as they are they start them themselves. Look at the war on poverty and the war on drugs. Our cities are littered with the lives ruined by those wars. We have thrown enough money into those two rat holes to finance Iraq and Afghanistan for the next fifty years and toss in twenty years of free government health care to boot. Do we have an exit strategy from the Welfare State, Mr. President?

As details became clearer the death toll rose and the attack seemed to be the work of a single shooter, Major Nidal Malik Hasan, a devout Muslim. As the day wore on it became clear that Major Hasan held radical beliefs concerning United States foreign policy and had shared those beliefs not with just a few close friend but with just about anyone who would listen.

Then it was announced that the President was going to speak about the shootings. I expected to hear a calming voice that would honor those slain and get to the heart of the matter: We have a serious problem in this country with domestic terrorists both in and out of the military and we need to do something about it.   

Since I had been in the car all day and listening to news/talk radio I knew the President was at a meeting of American Indian tribal leaders. When he came on the radio his first remarks were not about Fort Hood but about the conference. His tone wasn’t serious but he jokingly made comments about the conference. I don’t want to try to read too much into this but usually when we speak we talk about the most important things first and then move to the trivial. He complimented the Secretary of the Interior for a great day and gave a “shout out” to a conference attendee. He then continued for another 150 words until he got to the shootings. The most important thing he said in reference to the shootings was,

“We will make sure that we get answers to every single question about this horrible incident…”

That is what I wanted to hear! The consequences be damned, we are going to get to the bottom of this. Great! However, before the weekend was over we were being assured, by the President, the Attorney General and the Director of Homeland Security and by any other administration official who could get their mug in front of a camera that this was not an act of terrorism. How could they know? Did they have all the facts? It reminded me of President Obama’s reaction to another much less important incident when his friend was arrested after lipping off to a cop. He said something about not wanting to jump to conclusions but the police acted stupidly.

Why isn’t Major Hasan being considered a terrorist by the White House? Is it because he acted alone? Is it because he used a gun instead of a belt of explosives? Is it because he wasn’t part of a larger group? Is it because he may have been mentally unbalanced?

There have been a number of attacks in this country in recent years that have been dismissed rather than being looked at as acts of terror. Meanwhile some folks are quick to be labeled terrorists. The shooter of an abortion doctor, a lone gunman at the National Holocaust Museum and a bomber at the Olympic Games were all quickly branded terrorists. These were similar to the Fort Hood shooting in that all were done by a single person acting outside any organized group and two of the used firearms rather than explosives. The difference? Major Hasan and others who have committed acts of terror that were not labeled as such were Muslims. Why are we hesitant to label acts of violence by Muslim-Americans “terror?”

Before you go ballistic and claim that I am branding an entire religion as terrorists I want to say I believe that 99.9% of Muslim-Americans are loyal citizens who see their religion as a peaceful one. That being said there are approximately 5000 Muslims serving in the military today. If just .1% of them believe, like Major Hasan, that acts of terror are justified then there are four more guys just like him waiting for their chance.

As it happens, I’m acquainted with Scott Peters who developed and wrote the remake of “V” for ABC.  Mr. Peters was also the creator and executive producer of “The 4400” and a writer for “The Outer Limits.” As far as I know Mr. Peters has only made one mistake in his career and that was directing me in the low-budget film “Don: Plain and Tall” back in 2003. It was the story of my friend comedian Don McMillan’s life as a comic. I played myself in the film and the part was horribly miscast. 

When I started reading some of the rumors and theories about Mr. Peters’ latest show and the behind-the-scenes politics, I laughed out loud.  Let me try to shed some light on the “V” controversy.

The script was not written as a roman a clef or allegory for the Obama administration. The script was written by Mr. Peters during the Bush administration and started before Mr. Obama clinched the nomination. The author, Mr. Peters, is not some evil sleeper right-winger/Obama hater. Mr. Peters, besides being a talented writer and director is a gay man, legally married in California, very liberal politically and a dedicated supporter of the President’s campaign. If he’s a mole for some right-wing conspiracy he may be the most committed spy ever. Mr. Peters, who was born in Canada, recently became an American citizen; a process he tried to expedite so he could vote for Mr. Obama, a deadline he missed by two days.

Unfortunately for Mr. Peters, this isn’t the first time in his career that fans or critics saw things in his work he didn’t intend. Some fans of “The 4400” saw hidden meaning in those episodes too. At first, Mr. Peters would try to respond, but eventually he had to quit paying attention as the theories got more and more bizarre.

Mr. Peters’ replacement as showrunner by Scott Rosenbaum isn’t due to some political move at ABC. From reports I’ve received from informed sources, Peters is well-liked by the network. The show’s being produced at Warner Brothers and there appears to be some friction between the network’s vision for the show and Warner Brother’s. Mr. Peters’ replacement was being worked on well before the show aired and became a hit.

Sometimes we all, left and right, get it wrong. So next week just try to enjoy the show because to paraphrase Sigmund Freud, sometimes a TV show is just a TV show.

[Editor: This post was updated to correct a factual mistake. Mr. Peters did not donate to Barack Obama's campaign before becoming a U.S. citizen.]

Like millions of other Americans I have been caught up in the Facebook/social networking craze. I believe that Facebook is like a near-death experience except your life passes before your eyes one friend request at a time. I have  been trying to “friend” a lot of people in the news, without much success. There’s been no acceptance of my friend requests from President Obama, Dede Scozzafava, Jeremiah Wright and a host of others. So in order to reach them with some timely advice I am posting some comments here. If you are on their Facebook friend list maybe you could pass them along. 

@ Dede Scozzafava – When you try to stand in the middle of the road you get run over. Thanks for showing where you stand when the heat was on. Go stand in the “has-been” line behind Arlen Specter.

@ Barack Obama - Mr. President, if the trip to Dover wasn’t a photo-op or political why take a photographer along?

@ John Boehner – Nice play backing the person in the NY 23rd who ended up supporting the Democrat.  It’s about values, not party, Mr. Speaker. BTW, let your office staff know I am still waiting for a reply to my two e-mails and phone calls.

@ Newt - See message to Boehner. I don’t know what your number is, but it is not 2012.

@ Jon Corzine - Monster.com or Career Builders. Too bad one of the jobs BHO “saved” wasn’t yours.

@ Kevin Jennings – If you really what to help the Prez- one word: Quit!

@Larry David – Picking on Christians is easy because they are forgiving. It’s not edgy because it has been done to death. If you want to go out on a limb pick on Muslims, you may like the Salman Rushdie lifestyle.

@ Trevor Keezer – You’re 23, you want to serve your country, enlist. You want to serve Christ, enter a seminary or volunteer at a soup kitchen. You want to work at Home Depot, do as you’re told.

@ Sarah Palin – Well done being ahead of the curve in the NY 23rd. Let’s hope folks remember who started this thing in 2012.

@ David Axelrod – Pick a date for- Action in Afghanistan, don’t ask, Gitmo, when you are responsible for the economy and when you stop blaming Bush.

@ Fred Thompson – You are not the evil Spock, please shave! 

Use the comments to add your own Facebook message to the news-maker of your choice.

There I said it. I feel better already. It’s time to fess up that it isn’t about our beliefs or principles, or morality or the Constitution.  It’s all about race. We conservatives have feigned our approval of Michael Steele, Condi Rice, Clarence Thomas, Walter Williams, Thomas Sowell, Larry Elder and a host of other Black conservatives for far too long.  We reject Ward Connerly, Niger Innis, Shelby Steele, Armstrong Williams and Kenneth Blackwell. Who needs them!

The leftist are correct:

If Obama were a white guy we would all be in favor of a government takeover of our health care system and happy to stand in the government line and take whatever medical care the left deemed sufficient to dole out to us. We would favor “Cap and Trade” and be happy to kick in a bunch more dough for our heating oil to keep our kids warm in the winter. We would believe in global warming and wouldn’t mind that Al Gore has made more money off of carbon than all the coal mines in West Virginia.

If Obama were a white guy we would be in favor of turning our Constitution over to the United Nations; love it when our President bows to the King of Saudi Arabia and makes nice with minor dictators like Castro and Chavez; be in favor of the government takeover of GM and regulating private sector pay checks; happy to walk away from the war on terror; support getting the Gitmo detainees into this country and making all illegal aliens citizens tomorrow…

If Obama were a white guy we would even be happy to quote from the Little Red Book.

Recently, conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was asked to bring his considerable financial help to a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams in order to keep the team in St. Louis. Rush is a Missouri native and a huge fan of the game, so it seemed like a natural fit. Rush was to be a minority partner in the group. He wouldn’t be picking in the draft or calling plays, just putting his money up and perhaps switching his allegiance from his beloved Steelers to the lowly Rams.

The mention of Rush’s name is like nails on a chalkboard to some liberal elements in America. No opportunity to try to reduce his stature or influence on the political discussion is ignored. Any chance to stop anything Rush does is seen as a political statement. There is a far left-wing in the Democrat party that hates him and what he stands for so deeply that I think if Rush really wanted to stop the government takeover of health care all he would have to do is say that he supports it and those folks would assume it to be evil and walk away from their plans.  

So when Rush was mentioned as a part of the group bidding to take over the Rams, the call was sounded on the far left.  The usual suspects hurried to get in front of the cameras and denounce Mr. Limbaugh with lies and misquotes. Under political pressure, the NFL owners folded like the Lions’ defense and chose anti-Semites and race pimps for their new minority partners rather than a man who worked for his money. The excuse given was that Rush was too divisive a figure to be involved with the NFL. As if having Keith “Overbearing” Olbermann on the sidelines or the press box as an official part of the game isn’t enough to make a large percentage of NFL fans consider switching over to the figure skating on another network. There seems to be a bit of bias against conservatives in the NFL, and even though a number of RINO’s and country club Republicans own teams. Not a single owner spoke up for Rush, not one.

Don’t misunderstand, I believe it is the NFL owners’ proverbial ball and they are free to do as they wish. They want to pick appeasing the left over allowing Rush a few shares of a team, that’s their business. I won’t even get into the people that already own teams or parts of teams and what their backgrounds may be.

However, the next time they come to me and ask for my support to buy a ticket, watch a game or vote for a bond issue for a stadium, they can ask someone else. As of today, for me, the NFL no longer exists. I am thinking that there are a lot of folks who feel the same way. This past Sunday I watched no NFL football. You know what?  I’m still alive! Next Sunday I don’t know what I’ll be doing but it will be something besides watching the NFL.

Join me if you wish and maybe we can show the owners how capitalism works.

Three times this century the Peace Prize has been given to someone for the simple reason they are not George W. Bush. Perhaps they should rename the Noble Peace Prize the “At Least He’s Not George W. Bush Prize.” Maybe the “Liberal Socialist of the Year Prize,” might be better.

Let’s look at some recent winners and see how they have brought peace to the planet. Al Gore (2007) and Wangari Maathai (2004) both scored the “peace” prize for environmental work. I won’t get into the science behind so-called “global warming,” (AKA: “climate change,” and here in the Midwest “the weather”). Nice and very touchy-feely, but exactly how does that help bring world peace?

Perhaps the biggest joke of all was the awarding of the 2001 prize to the U.N. and Kofi “The Embezzler” Annan. This was followed by the 2005 award to the IAEA and Mohamed ElBaradei for stopping the spread of nuclear weapons.

The most important reason I am happy that Mr. Obama won the Nobel is that it shows I am not out of the running for next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics. I would like to send the following announcement to the Nobel Committee: In the next four years I intend to write a unified field theory, explain the nature of all sub-atomic particles and produce endless free energy from cold fusion.

The fact that I have said I intend to do these things makes me as qualified to win the Physics prize as Obama was to win the Peace Prize. In fact, time may show that I am more qualified to win my prize because in the next three years and one half years I will do nothing to set the world of physics back. Can President Obama make the same claim in relation to world peace?

Here’s the problem with good intentions: they don’t accomplish anything. This has been, thus far, the legacy of the Obama Administration. Last week he stood before the folks gathered in Washington D.C. for the gay rights rally and pledged to end “Don’t ask don’t tell.” The only thing is you can’t ask him when he will do this because he can’t tell you!

The President said he would do many things and has done very little except to continue the irrational policy of George W.  — that if you spend enough money people will like you. History has shown us that if you throw money at people the only thing they will do is want it to continue.

She is already on record as believing that anyone who does not worship at the Church of Radical Leftism is a “straight up racist.” Beside not understanding the English translation of her argot “straight up,” I am sure that anyone who is even a little bit clear headed can imagine a world where people who thought Condi was dandy and helped Michael Steele get to the helm of the GOP might not take race as the deciding factor with Obama. Be that as it may, Ms. Garofalo assured us that not only were right-wingers racists, but the GOP has been the bastion of White Supremacy since the 1950’s.

Keeping in mind one of the favorite saying of my friend Larry Elder, “Facts are like kryptonite to toe-tag liberals.” (Mr. Elder defines liberals as “toe-tag” if they believe in government intrusion in our lives from birth until they put the tag on your toe in the morgue.) I will present a few facts to try to bring Janeane back into the real world.

***

President Eisenhower backed and signed the first two pieces of significant civil rights legislation in America in 1956 and 1960. He also appointed Republican judges in the south who moved Brown vs. The Board of Education to the Supreme Court. President Eisenhower was… say it with me… A Republican.

The landmark 1964 Civil Rights Act was back by 82% of Republicans in Congress while only 62 % of Democrats supported the measure. Opposition to the bill was led by Robert Byrd… Democrat! These other well know Senators also voted against the bill: Albert Gore Sr., William Fulbright, Richard Russell, and James Eastland–all Democrats! Two other well know historical figures were prominent in the segregation movement: George Wallace and Orval Faubus, both tried to block black students from attending “white” schools, both were Democrats. It is also interesting to note that both Faubus and Fulbright were counted as mentors by… anyone? William J. Clinton, who I believe was also a Democrat.

***

David Letterman is a total scumbag, who would have thought it! Seems Dave has been having sex with the help over at CBS. I wonder if CBS will make him sit through some sensitivity training on sexual harassment. Here is another surprise, Dave is just another progressive who talks one game and plays another. I am glad to see he has some morality, when a guy who knew what he was up to tried to blackmail him he drew a line in the sand. At least we know what he really cares about–his money.

Whoopi Goldberg also gave us a lesson in Hollywood morality last week when she defended pedophile and child pornographer Roman Polanski: “It wasn’t rape-rape,” she said on The View commenting about the capture of the Polish film director. Seems thinks its okay to: A) Drug a 13-year-old and then have sex with her, and B) After you’re convicted, skip bail and flaunt your lifestyle in Europe.

What’s more, he wants to return to the US for the same reason David Letterman fessed up: America is where the money is and Polanski wants more that he can make in socialist Europe. He has been trying to get his conviction overturned and recently had one of his lawyers claim that even the LA court didn’t care that he had skipped. Wrong!

Bigwig producer Harvey Weinstein put out a petition to support Mr. Polanski which was signed by moral pillar Woody Allen. Maybe he is trying to get O.J., Robert Blake and Phil Spector to sign too!

***

Finally, a last word about Congressman Joe Wilson. In case you have been in a coma for the last month, Wilson yelled “you lie!” at the President during a speech to a joint session of Congress. Congressman Wilson apologized, as he should have, more than a few times for being rude and breaking the decorum of the House. A lot of folks got on him for being uncivil, but I don’t think anyone said he was wrong. In fact, last week Democrats blocked language which would have codified the pledge by Obama that his health care plan would not be open to illegals. Things that make you go Hummmmm…

President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.

This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States.

The President is planning a public World Apology Tour for the interventions, imperialism and mistakes the United States has made in the past. The President believes that only then will everyone hold hands with us and join in a rousing chorus of “Kumbaya.”

The Tour Schedule

November 1st – The President will travel to Berlin, Germany to make amends to the German people for our interference in domestic European politics during the First and Second World Wars. Our nation building efforts were unwarranted and resulted in unforeseen liberty and economic development. The President will recommend the return of Poland and France to German control in reparation.

November 4th – The President will stop in Pyongyang, North Korea to offer our apologies to Kim Jong-il for getting involved in what was basically a civil war. The unintended consequence of this action left half of the Korean people living a comfortable and successful lifestyle while their country stole untold millions of car sales from the Japanese.

November 5th - In Tokyo the President will announce the return of the Philippines and Hawaii to the Japanese for our unwanted interference in Asian-Pacific affairs in the 1940s.

November 11th – Set to coincide with Veteran’s Day celebrations, the President will travel to Appomattox, Virginia to apologize to the former Southern states for the Civil War.  He will apologize to the South for imposing the morality of the North and imposing their Judeo-Christian view of slavery on Southern plantation owners.

TBA - Trip to France for apology for taking advantage of them during the Louisiana Purchase.  Date for apology to the British for the American Revolution…