These emails have been called “the nail in the coffin” of global warming hysteria.

I wish that were true.

Check out the sites where the Chicken Little`s still thrive. About the hacked emails, The Huffington Post says “this criminal activity has created fodder for right-wing groups to promote their own agenda that global warming is not real.” And, after admitting he was “deeply shaken” by the emails, a Guardian columnist adds that “To bury man-made climate change, a far wider conspiracy would have to be revealed.”

Really?

For fun: imagine if these leaked emails weren’t about global warming, but Gitmo. Or Dick Cheney. Or Sarah Palin’s private life. How fast would Time, Newsweek, and an intensely sweaty Andrew Sullivan be all over them – calling these emails corruption of the highest order?

But they can’t do this here. Because the lie is the lie that the media believed in. It’s their Watergate – so it’s no wonder there’s no “Woodward and Bernstein” to bring it down.

So, where does this leave Al Gore? He’s got his hands all over this leafy Ponzi scheme, and he stands to make buttloads of money off propagated fear. Something tells me he won’t be discussing these emails in Copenhagen. Because as long as the sky keeps falling, his bank account keeps rising.

Tonight:

Michelle Malkin!

Barret Swatek!

Alex Blagg!

Remi Spencer!

and other stuff!

So basically, it’s not going to be a trial, but an “Inside the Actor’s Studio” for terrorists. Just yards from where thousands of innocent Americans perished, we’ll all get to understand the motivations that drove these men to do what they did. I mean, since we know they’re not going to deny their guilt– it’ no longer about justice. It’s just about “why, why, why.” We’ll learn exciting things about their childhood, their dreams of martyrdom, and how evil America is. It will be a show trial, without the “trial” part.

God, if only someone could have seen this coming.

Oh, wait…we all saw this coming. The only people who didn’t? Those who let it happen.

There are three reasons for that:

-One, those people are stupid.

-Two. There’s a belief shared by the “why do they hate us” faction of America that we are equally responsible for the terror attack. . If we were just better people – you know: nicer, less successful and less “American” – no one would try to kill us! Replacing Bush with Obama was supposed to help with all that. It didn’t.

-Three, we’ve elected people consumed by the idea of root causes – a pseudo-intellectual exercise that prevents a real understanding of evil actions. Every culprit can tell a story, but by listening to that story, you insult each and every one of his victims. But to abort any argument based on root causes, simply say, “there are plenty of unhappy people who don’t fly planes into buildings.” Of course that’s just too sensible for the best and the brightest.

My solution for this upcoming trial? A nationwide “shaming.” Don’t report, don’t decide. If we all agree to act as if the trial does not exist, then we can at least corral the poison that these people wish to spread. Our government may have given them the soapbox, but we can kick it out from under them.

Tonight, what a great line-up!

the return of Carrie Keagan!

Ambassador John Bolton!

Dr. Michael Baden

Diana Falzone

and…Jim Norton. 

Whew!

So apparently Sarah Palin sold over three hundred thousand copies of her book in one day – and as you can guess – they were all purchased by racists.

At least, that’s what the sociology professors over at MSNBC Community College believe. Check out Hardball guest Norah O’Donnell, impersonating a talking puffin…

“This is a largely white — almost no minorities in this crowd. And they`re here because they love Sarah Palin. I think it`s an emotional connection, Chris because they feel, too, that they`ve been beat up on, whether it`s the economy or they feel like outcasts. They like the outsider, if you will, in Sarah Palin. And that`s why people have been willing to wait, 1,500 of them, since 7:00 AM this morning to just get a glimpse of Sarah Palin.”

So let me get this straight: people appreciate Palin because they’ve been picked on by a big bully. It makes me wonder if Norah ever psycho-analyzed Obama supporters this closely… or called them “largely black.”

But hey, I guess that’s better than calling them a tribe or something. Chris?

“I think there is a tribal aspect to this thing, in other words, white vs. other people. I think she is very smart about this. Here she is on the issue of — of what happened down at Fort Hood, obviously, an ethnic issue, as many people see it..”

So, imagine for a moment, if during an Obama rally, Matthews described it as “tribal.” How fast would he be fired, and then ending up on Oprah issuing a tearful apology?

Boogla moogla, I might say.

Which is Greg-lingo, for “pretty fast.”

But here’s the real issue: I used to think this race-baiting tactic was a political ploy. But now I believe they mean it. They do think that if you’re against the policies of Obama, you must be racist. And that’s because in their profession, they don’t know anyone who’s against the policies of Obama! Surrounded by like-minded lackeys, they’re convinced that everyone beyond the tinted windows of their black cars must be card-carrying members of the Aryan Book Club.

The real truth: Whether it’s Norah O’Donnell or Chris Matthews – they’re just too scared to question a black man over policy.

And that’s authentic bigotry.

But what can you expect from a bunch of white people?

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight, another great lineup!

Andrew W.K.

Steven Crowder

Kimberly Guilfoyle

my mom!

Check out the winner.

–

Look, there’s a bottomless pit of creepiness going on here – but none of it should surprise anyone familiar with leftist propaganda. But here`s a quick summary of the ad, anyway: if you don`t bend over for Obama, you`re going to kill these kids.

Which is yucky, I guess – but underneath this lie is an even more outlandish one: that these artists actually give a crap about kids. What they care about, really, is sucking up to Obama – and the adorable brats are just props to serve that end.

Even more, it takes a special kind of filmmaker to get a child to utter, “I`m going to die of leukemia in two years.” And it has to make parents of authentically sick kids feel great, watching a child play “let`s pretend!” with their suffering.

But these kids in the video are just acting, after all. Which means their biggest threat isn`t illness, but unscrupulous parents who rent them out as tools for pathetic videos.

I predict raging crystal meth habits for all of them, in ten years.

And if you disagree with me, you`re probably a racist.

Tonight we’ve got Rick Folbaum, actress Barrett Switak, Tucker Carlson, and JP Hasson!

This is an excellent question, for it exposes the real motivation behind most, if not all, climate change apostles: to allow these gasbags the superior pleasure of shaming you. It’s all about denigrating your reputation in order to elevate theirs – a self-satisfied reward for their sheep-like devotion to climate change hysteria. They’re such needy little twerps – the kind who take part in charity fun runs just so they can wear the t-shirt the next day at work.

Now, mind you, I’m all for shame. I think it’s a forgotten art -something that might be useful in curtailing some of the more disgraceful elements of American culture. I speak mainly of any show on VH1 that involves an elimination round, and of course, John Mayer.

But this enviro-shaming isn’t even close to that. It’s not like they’re actually condemning you for authentic, immoral behavior. Nope – rather than shaming an Islamic radical for killing innocent people, they’d rather go after those of us who didn’t bring a reusable hemp shopping bag when visiting the local Whole Foods.

And that’s a real shame. These simps are manufacturing phony righteousness when, these days, real righteousness is so desperately needed. And for that, I’d happily recycle my foot in their ass.

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight we have the hilarious Jim Norton, the delicious Reshma Shetty, the cogent Ron Geraci, and Dinesh D’Souza (talking about his new book, Life After Death)

Now, I don’t mind if Obama wants to go, and it’s probably presumptuous of me to criticize him for what he might say there, since he hasn’t gone yet.

But if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have a Gregalogue, and that’s not fair to me, or to those delightful unicorn voices in my head.

And besides, I can pretty much go by what I’ve seen of Obama already. Fact is, whenever he’s overseas, he tends to translate American success into past arrogance. Plus, I don’t think he’ll go to Hiroshima and say, “We did it to save lives,” because that undermines his whole point about nuclear weapons being evil.

And look at the fall of the Berlin Wall – the most important positive event in our lifetimes – unleashing a march of countries toward freedom. Obama didn’t even go to that shindig. Instead, he offered a video – the kind of thing Britney Spears does when she can’t accept the trophy for best U.T.I. at the MTV awards.

Still, Obama’s speech wasn’t bad. He championed freedom and stuff.

But then, he couldn’t resist:

“Few would have foreseen … that a united Germany would be led by a woman from Brandenburg or that their American ally would be led by a man of African descent. But human destiny is what human beings make of it.”

So, no mention of Reagan or Thatcher – yet he brings up himself?

Maybe staying home isn’t so bad.

And if you disagree with me, you’re probably a racist!

Tonight, a delightful line-up!

Carrie Prejean!

Allison Brie from Mad Men!

Lance Reddick from Fringe!

Trace Gallagher!

Andrea Tantaros!

So, denying the role militant Islam played in the Fort Hood atrocity is like staring at a shark bite and thinking, “bicycle.”

When a fundamentalist kills thirteen innocent people while shouting “allahu akbar,” Islam isn’t just a small player – it’s got a starring role. And now that U.S. intelligence admits Hasan tried to contact al Qaeda, it should make it increasingly hard for anyone to say otherwise.

I say it “should,” but it won’t.

Look at the news.

Over at Time, thoughtful types speculate over a “secondary trauma” that could have driven Hasan to kill. Never mind terror – one news network tells us we should focus more on “a backlash against Muslim soldiers.” On a major website, they want us to ponder the “next McVeigh.” And our very own Homeland Security secretary says she’s hard at work preventing “a possible wave of anti-Muslim sentiment.”

And that’s the drill: concern over crimes that have never happened, as opposed to the terror that has. When Americans are murdered in cold blood, the first step in our screwed-up world is to chant, “backlash.” Never mind that backlash concerns may have allowed this massacre to occur in the first place. Hasan exhibited more signs than a horoscope – yet fears over appearing politically incorrect kept him around.

The fact is, in mosques all over the world, the desire to destroy the west continues – and our administration still worries about what you might do. The PC thing? Avoid “connecting the dots,” but stick to the “square peg in round hole” equation: a troubled man feeling hopeless in a weird world, suddenly snaps and kills people.

But it’s more than that. The defiant Muslim living in America has contempt for modern life, your lifestyle, your beliefs. Add to this a rejection of female equality, which pretty much eliminates any chance for a hook-up – and you’ve got a madman on a mission.

I suppose saying all this makes me a right-wing hate monger. But that’s the point. When a man kills Americans in the name of Allah – and you become a bad guy for pointing that out – then it’s time to be the bad guy.

It’s far better than moaning “why do they hate us.”

tonight, Jim Norton (fun!), S.E. Cupp (yum!), Jonathan Hoenig (rich!) and, other stuff!

In the flick, the director enlists every CGI trick in the book to destroy various religious icons– including the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Basilica and the Christ the Redeemer statue. And for those of you who worship at the altar of Obama, the White House gets nailed as well.

But there was one thing missing among the carnage: an Islamic target.

Emmerich at his London home.

According to Sci Fi Wire, by way of Cinematical.com, this was no accident. In an interview, the director said he hoped to destroy the Kaaba, an Islamic holy site, but his fellow screenwriter Harald Kloser persuaded him not to.

Here’s what the hack had to say about crushing the Kaaba:

“Well, I wanted to do that… but my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. … We have to all … in the Western world … think about this. You can actually … let … Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with [an] Arab symbol, you would have … a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it’s just something which I kind of didn’t [think] was [an] important element anyway in the film, so I kind of left it out.”

And so, he echoes what I said nearly two years ago on this show: Hollywood screws with Christians because Christians don’t behead people. But tweak Islam, and you could end up like director Theo van Gogh – dead on a street with a flag impaled on your chest. Roland picks the safe target because he’d rather live, and by “live,” I mean “beat our brains to death with yet more effects-laden dreck.” As my guinea pig, Captain Whiskers might say, “All hail the dependable cowardice of our film industry!”

He might say that, if he could talk.

Anyway, the difference between good and evil is pretty clear. Good people might annoy you about having prayer in schools; evil people throw acid in girls’ faces if they wish to go to school. Trashing the former, while ignoring the latter – proves that Roland has the gonads of a shrimp.

(Note: I haven’t actually seen gonads on a shrimp, but I imagine they’re really small.)

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight we have Annabelle Gurewitch, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Andrew Breitbart, and Damian Abraham of F*cked Up.

Later!

And here we have a magnificent collision of two idiotic practices: tenure, which relieves professors of trying altogether, allowing them instead to pursue ideas that would fail miserably in a world of measurable achievement; and gender studies, a fuzzy field where earnest types angrily analyze the “phenomenon of gender.” Usually while wearing underwear made from hemp.

First, let’s tackle gender studies. The gist: being female is a social construct, internal sex organs be damned. The relationship between men and women is not about love, but power – a struggle between the powerless female against evil patriarchal man.

In short, I could have just said, “moogiebloogietoogie,” and it would have made more sense. I see gender studies as the post-modern dance of educational disciplines. People only enroll in it, in the end, to teach it. In that sense, gender studies is more like joining Amway, but without the delightful products cluttering up your garage. Because gender studies isn’t something that helps you do anything else but teach gender studies, it’s understandable why tenure is so vital here. What else are you going to do once people find you out?

The sad thing is, the world really needs gender studies – a truly literal version of it, however. Men don’t get women, and women don’t get men – and rather than spending so much time deconstructing phallic fantasies – we should be teaching the sexes how to respect each other during our daily lives. Do that, and you don’t just deserve tenure, you deserve some excellent toiletries.

If you’d like me to stop by, I have some anti-aging creams and serums I’d love to show you. You’ll like them so much, I bet you’ll want to sell them yourself!

And if you disagree with me, you’re probably a racist.

Tonight we’ve got Jim Norton, Jeffrey Ross, Jonah Goldberg, John Devore and a newcomer: Nicole Petallides from Fox Business Channel!

Now, I’m no fan of hate. Hate in all forms is ugly, even when performed by beautiful people (that’s a shout out to Stephanie Von Pratt, who turned me down for my senior prom). But here’s what I don’t get: If I kill someone, I’m a killer. But hate crime law says that I also broke a new law, one that has to do with my thoughts when I committed said crime.

So it’s a thought crime more than a hate crime. Which begs the question: How can a thought be against the law?

Now I can barely read, so I don’t want to get too deep into this, but if I were to kill my co-host Bill Schulz, whether I hated him or not, that’s a crime. But, if we find out later that he was a sequential hermaphrodite, one might say it could be a hate crime.

I don’t get that at all.

What of terrorists? Does the fact that they hate us make their crimes worse? Not to them; punishment is meaningless. Which is the real truth about hate, anyway: Hate crime laws won’t stop hate or crime. It’s an after-the-fact gesture that does nothing to stop evil.

Even more, focusing on the killer’s outlook diminishes the victim. It’s no longer Bill Schulz is dead, but “Bill Schulz, the sequential hermaphrodite, is dead.”

Humanity should come before identity. We need to see people as people, not as part of groups. We know bigotry is bad. But murder in any form is so substantially worse, that it needs no footnote.

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably racist.

Tonight we’ve got a humdinger of a show!

-Courtney Friel (in costume)

-S.E. Cupp (not sure)

-Ron Geraci

-Dr. Michael Baden (a special Halloween edition)

-my mom!