Greg Gutfeld is a television personality, journalist, magazine editor, and blogger. He hosts an irreverent, surreal chat show called “Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld” on the FoxNews Channel. He’s written three books, and currently in the middle of a fourth, to be published January 2010. He’s been the top editor of many men’s magazines, including Men’s Health, Stuff, and Maxim UK. He also writes for other publications while helming his website, Dailygut.com.
Greg Gutfeld
Daily Gut: Sarah Palin’s Books Sales Prove We’re All Racists (Again)
by Greg Gutfeld
So apparently Sarah Palin sold over three hundred thousand copies of her book in one day – and as you can guess – they were all purchased by racists.
At least, that’s what the sociology professors over at MSNBC Community College believe. Check out Hardball guest Norah O’Donnell, impersonating a talking puffin…
“This is a largely white — almost no minorities in this crowd. And they`re here because they love Sarah Palin. I think it`s an emotional connection, Chris because they feel, too, that they`ve been beat up on, whether it`s the economy or they feel like outcasts. They like the outsider, if you will, in Sarah Palin. And that`s why people have been willing to wait, 1,500 of them, since 7:00 AM this morning to just get a glimpse of Sarah Palin.”
So let me get this straight: people appreciate Palin because they’ve been picked on by a big bully. It makes me wonder if Norah ever psycho-analyzed Obama supporters this closely… or called them “largely black.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: ObamaCare Opponents Are All Child Killers
by Greg GutfeldSo “Organizing for America,” which used to be called “Obama for America,” held a contest to create an ad for health care reform. And they asked “you,” to contribute your ideas. Of course, when they said “you,” they really didn`t mean YOU. They meant the typical left-wing artist they enlisted to film the ads for them! That`s why it`s called propaganda, not art.
Check out the winner.
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Look, there’s a bottomless pit of creepiness going on here – but none of it should surprise anyone familiar with leftist propaganda. But here`s a quick summary of the ad, anyway: if you don`t bend over for Obama, you`re going to kill these kids.
Which is yucky, I guess – but underneath this lie is an even more outlandish one: that these artists actually give a crap about kids. What they care about, really, is sucking up to Obama – and the adorable brats are just props to serve that end. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Publicly Shaming Your Carbon Footprint
by Greg GutfeldSo yesterday, the British magazine The New Scientist published an article titled, “How Reputation Could Save the Earth.” In it, the writers argue that information about your carbon footprint should be made public – because knowledge of your misdeeds might change your ways. They ask, “Would you want your neighbors, friends, or colleagues to think of you as a free rider, harming the environment while benefiting from the restraint of others?”
This is an excellent question, for it exposes the real motivation behind most, if not all, climate change apostles: to allow these gasbags the superior pleasure of shaming you. It’s all about denigrating your reputation in order to elevate theirs – a self-satisfied reward for their sheep-like devotion to climate change hysteria. They’re such needy little twerps – the kind who take part in charity fun runs just so they can wear the t-shirt the next day at work. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Fall of Wall All About Obama
by Greg GutfeldSo President Obama says he’d like to visit Hiroshima and Nagasaki – something no sitting U.S. president has ever done. Of course, there’s a reason they haven’t: it could be seen as criticism of a painful decision that ended the bloodiest war in history.
Now, I don’t mind if Obama wants to go, and it’s probably presumptuous of me to criticize him for what he might say there, since he hasn’t gone yet.
But if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have a Gregalogue, and that’s not fair to me, or to those delightful unicorn voices in my head.
And besides, I can pretty much go by what I’ve seen of Obama already. Fact is, whenever he’s overseas, he tends to translate American success into past arrogance. Plus, I don’t think he’ll go to Hiroshima and say, “We did it to save lives,” because that undermines his whole point about nuclear weapons being evil. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Backlash Against the Backlash
by Greg GutfeldAnd that’s the drill: concern over crimes that have never happened, as opposed to the terror that has.
So, denying the role militant Islam played in the Fort Hood atrocity is like staring at a shark bite and thinking, “bicycle.”
When a fundamentalist kills thirteen innocent people while shouting “allahu akbar,” Islam isn’t just a small player – it’s got a starring role. And now that U.S. intelligence admits Hasan tried to contact al Qaeda, it should make it increasingly hard for anyone to say otherwise.
I say it “should,” but it won’t.
Look at the news.
Over at Time, thoughtful types speculate over a “secondary trauma” that could have driven Hasan to kill. Never mind terror – one news network tells us we should focus more on “a backlash against Muslim soldiers.” On a major website, they want us to ponder the “next McVeigh.” And our very own Homeland Security secretary says she’s hard at work preventing “a possible wave of anti-Muslim sentiment.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: Where are Roland Emmerich’s Balls?
by Greg GutfeldSo Roland Emmerich’s new movie is called “2012,” but it should be titled “Dude, Where’s my Balls.”
In the flick, the director enlists every CGI trick in the book to destroy various religious icons– including the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s Basilica and the Christ the Redeemer statue. And for those of you who worship at the altar of Obama, the White House gets nailed as well.
But there was one thing missing among the carnage: an Islamic target.
Emmerich at his London home.
According to Sci Fi Wire, by way of Cinematical.com, this was no accident. In an interview, the director said he hoped to destroy the Kaaba, an Islamic holy site, but his fellow screenwriter Harald Kloser persuaded him not to.
Here’s what the hack had to say about crushing the Kaaba:
“Well, I wanted to do that… but my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. … We have to all … in the Western world … think about this. You can actually … let … Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with [an] Arab symbol, you would have … a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it’s just something which I kind of didn’t [think] was [an] important element anyway in the film, so I kind of left it out.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: Tenure
by Greg GutfeldSo over at Depaul University – allegedly a college – students and faculty are up in hairy arms over the denial of tenure to Melissa Bradshaw, a professor of “women’s and gender studies.” In case you don’t know what tenure is, it’s a guaranteed lifetime job. And in case you don’t know what “women’s and gender studies” are, join the club – neither do I.
And here we have a magnificent collision of two idiotic practices: tenure, which relieves professors of trying altogether, allowing them instead to pursue ideas that would fail miserably in a world of measurable achievement; and gender studies, a fuzzy field where earnest types angrily analyze the “phenomenon of gender.” Usually while wearing underwear made from hemp.
First, let’s tackle gender studies. The gist: being female is a social construct, internal sex organs be damned. The relationship between men and women is not about love, but power – a struggle between the powerless female against evil patriarchal man. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Murder Needs No Footnote
by Greg GutfeldPresident Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act, which by some weird circumstance also includes hate crime legislation.
Now, I’m no fan of hate. Hate in all forms is ugly, even when performed by beautiful people (that’s a shout out to Stephanie Von Pratt, who turned me down for my senior prom). But here’s what I don’t get: If I kill someone, I’m a killer. But hate crime law says that I also broke a new law, one that has to do with my thoughts when I committed said crime.
So it’s a thought crime more than a hate crime. Which begs the question: How can a thought be against the law?
Now I can barely read, so I don’t want to get too deep into this, but if I were to kill my co-host Bill Schulz, whether I hated him or not, that’s a crime. But, if we find out later that he was a sequential hermaphrodite, one might say it could be a hate crime.
I don’t get that at all. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Valerie Jarrett’s B.S.
by Greg GutfeldSo Valerie Jarrett was interviewed by CNN’s delightful Campbell Brown at something called “the Women’s Conference.” There Jarrett rags on Fox News for distortions, which is her word for “bringing up stuff that we wish you wouldn’t bring up.”
Now VJ could have listed some of these false statements, but instead she barked a lazy “of course they’re biased”– a statement you’d expect from a pierced Greenpeace volunteer, not a White House adviser.
But let’s focus on what she really said:
She claims America doesn’t have time for such “distortions.” Replace “distortions” with “debate,” and you’ve got the real truth. The administration wanted to push health care reform like a hot knife through butter, but the public wised up and said, “hold on there, pal.” Jarrett also said Americans should be allowed to reach their own judgment – which is odd since it was the Dems, not Fox News, who were trying to preempt the conversation. I mean, let’s not also forget their take on the global warming debate: the debate is over! But you can bet when the debate does start over the climate change bill –VJ will blame Fox News for preventing the debate!
By starting it!
You follow?
Cuz I sure don’t! (more…)
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J-School Rappers Rhyme Against Fox News
by Greg GutfeldNormally I don’t like making fun of Columbia journalism students, because it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, if the barrel were full of Columbia journalism students.
And that would be very wrong.
But when I saw this video, I couldn’t resist. It’s of a panel, in which students are pointing out how predictable cover letters won’t help you get a job in the post j-school world. So what would? How about a rap?
And so it begins, as one student unleashes his inner Jay-Z, listing in all earnestness a lengthy promise of his many qualifications.
Roll tape, roll-tapers:
So, no surprise: the student raps benign pap that his professors and like-minded dorm-rats would applaud – from railing against complacency, to never losing touch with “his humanity.” But I’ll repeat the part the kid really wanted them to hear:
“There’s no need to hear crazy, or create a false sense of parity, like Fox News and Hannity.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: Transgender and Terror
by Greg GutfeldSo a dude at the UN named Martin Scheinin filed a report calling for a trashing of our current counter-terrorism policies. The new plan, he believes, should “abandon the ‘war paradigm’” and “enshrine the principles of gender-equality and non-discrimination…”
Among his odder proposals: rethinking security checks that “focus attention on male bombers who may be dressing as females to avoid scrutiny [and] make transgender persons” – who might also be cross-dressing – “susceptible to increased harassment and suspicion.”
Martin Scheinin
Translation: checking for dudes who conceal bombs via cross-dressing hurts the feelings of men who cross-dress as a lifestyle choice.
Okay.
I can’t figure out if this is the worst story ever, or THE GREATEST STORY EVER. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Rebels, Eccentrics and Berkeley
by Greg GutfeldSo last Saturday I spoke at UC Berkeley, my alma mater. The city itself is as delightful as ever – a mix of fall leaves, bright sun and tramp feces. And with that combination of serene elements, I can’t think of a better starting point for my Gregalogue.
See, when I arrived at Berkeley as a freshman some 25 years ago, the city not only helped to transform my political self, but reinforced a cynicism already brewing inside me concerning the meaning of true rebellion. I was a punk in high school, for sure, and embraced generic left wing dogma – for it impressed teachers and even won extra credit in various classes. As a teenager, it also gave me what I craved: attention, some relevance, and a chance to get lucky with hippie chicks. That last desire was never achieved – because I had attended an all boy high school. But no matter, I practiced on the drama students. (more…)
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Daily Gut: CNN Perplexed By Talk Radio
by Greg GutfeldSo, fresh from their previous idiocy analyzing Saturday Night Live, CNN has now turned their goofy gaze toward talk radio, in a series of segments designed to examine the psychology behind a phenomenon that gives them fits. In short, they just can’t figure out why conservatives rule talk radio, and why the left is left out in the cold.
Now, only CNN could do this with a straight face. According to the network, some say talk radio is “viciously partisan,” without of course defining “some,” as “people who work at CNN.” And so the segment began, with CNN using a shrink to examine the typical listener, as though he belonged to a rare breed of lizard that dines only on feces.
Check it out, check-it-outers.
(more…)
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Daily Gut: Why the White House Hates Fox News
by Greg GutfeldSo the White House is ticked off at Fox News. So much so, they’re saying bad things about us behind our back. Last night, after work, I found a bag of soiled underpants in my locker, and for once, it didn’t belong to me. It was a novelty g-string, so I’m assuming it belongs to Gibbs.
So why is this happening? I’ll tell you, if you just calm down.
The White House is focusing on Fox News because there is no one else around to mess with. I mean, aside from Rush, and perhaps a reunited version of April Wine – they got nobody. The Republicans are hanging back, somewhere, waiting for their moment, which may never come. The Dems, however, have everything – the Houses, the President, the media, the international community of dimwitted Norwegians- but they can’t get their crap together.
So, whose fault is it? Fox News. (more…)
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Daily Gut: The Al Sharpton History Minute
by Greg Gutfeld
So sometimes, these Gregalogues write themselves.
I speak tonight of Al Sharpton, who just attacked Rush Limbaugh’s attempt to buy the St. Louis Rams (I believe it’s tetherball), sending a letter to commissioner Roger Goodell, saying the wildly popular conservative host has been “divisive.”
Divisive.
Now, I made a decision late in my odd career that any time Al Sharpton would enter the fray and make a charge like that, I would act as a one-man “Al Sharpton Historian.” My role: to give you background as to why there is no one on the planet less mentally or morally fit to make a statement about race (or anything, for that matter) than Al. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Thongs, Not Bombs
by Greg GutfeldSo on an ABC webcast, Charlie Gibson tossed to a U.S. intelligence report that suggests global warming is helping the Taliban and al Qaeda. The logic: temperatures rise, droughts continue, folks are desperate – and lo and behold, they become suicide bombers.
This is nothing new, of course. Global warming is the Kevin Bacon of root causes: you can link everything back to it, including “Hollow Man.” Hilariously, you can even blame terror on global warming, even if the current science suggests the globe may be cooling!
But you know what’s causing global cooling?
Global warming.
But you knew that. (more…)
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Daily Gut: It’s All About Him, Not Us
by Greg GutfeldSo President Barack Obama said he was surprised that he won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize – making him the only person on earth who was surprised that he won the 2009 Nobel Peace prize.
I’d like to say that I’m really happy for him…. but isn’t that what this is all about? Being happy for “him?”
Wasn’t that what the Olympics were about? Rooting for “him?”
Wasn’t that what the last presidential election was about? Electing “him?”
It’s never about us. Or the U.S. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Wolf’s Confusion, Fred’s Misery
by Greg GutfeldIt amounted to breaking news for CNN`s Wolf Blitzer: Saturday Night Live doing a skit, in which they skewer Barack Obama. It was a concept so profoundly distasteful, that it left Wolf incredulous – worse than when he was humiliated on Jeopardy.
At any rate, this first ever comprehensive fact-check of an SNL skit might be the strangest piece of media analysis I’ve ever seen.
Check it out, check-it-outers. (ROLL TAPE)
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Now, wouldn`t you know, according to CNN`s analysis, the skit “missed the mark.” This is a not a fair portrayal, they whine – which is not surprising, coming from a network blinded by the President`s pocket lint. But forgive me for being both flabbered and gasted, but have you ever seen a news network review a comedy sketch for fairness? Did CNN ever do this when SNL went after Bush, Palin, or any other Republican? (more…)
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Daily Gut: An Olympic Fail
by Greg GutfeldSo while chuckleheads like Jesse Jackson and Senator Roland Burris hilariously blame George Bush for Chicago losing the 2016 Olympics, whiny columnists like Mike Lupica are up in arms that conservatives might be gloating over President Obama’s big screw-up. Apparently laughing at all this is somehow anti-American, because Obama is our President, and he was doing this for all of us.
You know… kind of like when Bush was trying win a war in Iraq – and all those left wingers stood behind him.
And that’s my first point: The right has every right to gloat over Obama’s humiliation, because, thankfully, NO ONE DIED. Unlike, say during the Iraq war, where, whenever there was a roadside bombing, the progressives did their own special victory dance – using the consequences of war to gloat over an embattled president and an unpopular country. I didn’t hear much of the smarmy press calling them out. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Letterman’s Jokebag Has Gotten Smaller
by Greg GutfeldSo David Letterman just admitted on his Thursday show that someone had been blackmailing him for $2 million. That someone apparently claimed he had information on the comic doing “creepy things.” Instead of paying up, however, Letterman set him up – and the blackmailer, a CBS producer, was promptly arrested.
Now, a lot of people are laughing at the sweet irony of it all: a comedian who makes millions poking fun at the predilections of politicians gets nailed for a few of his own (I`m dying to know why he won`t dismiss the adjective “creepy;” whatever he was doing must make Marv Albert blush).
But I`m not one of those people. (more…)
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Daily Gut: The Willingness to Engage
by Greg Gutfeld
So the U.S. and Iran just had what’s been called “significant” talks concerning Tehran’s nuclear plans. The goal for us, was two fold: to get Iran to “shift course,” and to prove President Bush was an idiot for not negotiating with a gentleman who denies the Holocaust and wants to wipe Israel off the map.
So how tough have we been so far?
Well, while administration officials said that gaining access to Iran’s uranium enrichment facility is super important, we sure as heck won’t walk away from the table if they refuse (which they haven’t). And let’s not go too fast on those sanctions either. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Chickenhawks For Polanski
by Greg GutfeldSo Roman Polanski is in hot water, again – but this time it`s not at Jack Nicholson`s house. Instead, he`s in a Swiss jail, and Hollywood is desperately trying to come to his rescue. Woody Allen, Debra Winger and Whoopi Goldberg, among others, have come to his defense – in what can only be described as brave acts of selective anti-feminism.
What is a selective anti-feminist? It is a feminist who turns a blind eye to sexual abuse if it`s done by someone who shares their assumptions about the world (like a creepy film director or a left wing politician with a penchant for opening his front door without his pants on).
In other words, they`re “chickenhawk rapists.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: Obama’s School Plan
by Greg GutfeldNow if you’re like me, you know children are evil. They’re thieving, selfish creatures whose primary agenda includes spreading germs and smearing mucous on your belongings. So naturally you’d think I`d be in favor of President Obama`s plan for longer school days and shorter summer vacations. After all, that means less brats on the streets, defacing my tree fort made from discarded copies of Oui.
But on the contrary – I think Obama is off base, for three reasons:
First: When it comes to education, more doesn’t mean better. When something blows – ordering more of it doesn`t solve the problem. Fact is, we don`t need more school, we need better schools. Sadly, teachers unions have created a lock on jobs for even the most moronically incompetent – and the only way for a teacher to lose a job these days is if she gives one to a student. Worse – for a lot of kids, sending them back for three more hours of daily schooling in places like Chicago or Baltimore is like an academic version of stop-loss. They learn more about running for their lives than reading for enjoyment. (more…)
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Daily Gut: God Bless Vaclav Klaus; Shut Up Kids!
by Greg GutfeldSo, at the opening of the U.N. climate change summit on Tuesday, a hundred or so world leaders (including our own President) were greeted by a thirteen year old girl from India, named Yugratna. Her name might seem complicated to western ears, but her message was simple: we`re just not doing enough to fight global warming. She added, “Please help: Qaddafi asked me to Applebee`s.”
Yugratna
Anyway, here’s a key rule one must know about left-wing propaganda: that once they trot out the kids, you know you`re being fed a pile of crap the size of Al Gore`s houseboat. Using pubescent pawns is based on the successful belief that no one dare question children – because they`re smaller and weaker than adults – and for the most part, sincere. Also: they`re adorable and can make up damaging stories about you if you don’t submit to their fickle wishes. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Dave Matthews
by Greg GutfeldYou may remember when, a few years back, the tour bus belonging to rabid environmentalist/human kazoo Dave Mathews dumped up to 100 gallons of human waste through the grates of a Chicago bridge, drenching folks on a boat below, as well as polluting the river. Well, the chirping goggle-eyed warbler is at it again – this time spewing a load of crap on America, in an interview with CNN.
When the network asked whether the singer agreed with Jimmy Carter, who said America is rife with racism, Matthews said, quote, “Of course it is! I found there’s a fairly blatant racism in America that’s already there, and I don’t think I noticed it when I lived here as a kid. …There’s a good population of people in this country that are terrified of the president only because he’s black, even if they don’t say it. And I think a lot of them, behind closed doors, do say it.” (more…)
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Daily Gut: Aversive Racism
by Greg Gutfeld
So after witnessing the waves of antipathy across the country toward President Obama’s policies, New York Times writer Charles Blow introduces his readers to the term, “aversive racism.” It’s a sinister kind of prejudice, Charles explains, that reveals itself in disagreements based on factors “other than race.”
A simpler definition of aversive racism?
If you say it’s not about race, then it’s really about race.
See: if you’re against socialized medicine, it’s really because our President, who’s for it, is black. If you’re against the redistribution of wealth because it goes against your own beliefs in free markets and individual achievement – it’s because Obama is black. If you’ve done a lot of research on global warming, and decided it’s hypothetical hooey – that belief is now racist, since Obama buys into climate change hysteria. (more…)
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Daily Gut: ACORN: The Movie
by Greg GutfeldSo when two scrappy DC journalists bring down a President, it’s turned into “All the President’s Men,” winning accolades and Oscars. When an unemployed single mother of three takes the fight to an energy giant, it becomes a blockbuster vehicle for Julia Robert’s cleavage. And when a former Vice President exposes man’s inhumanity toward Mother Earth – “An Inconvenient Truth” crowns him the most majestic whistle blower ever.
But when two amateur journalists (in their early twenties, poorly dressed as sex workers, with under two grand in their budget) casually take down a sleazy behomoth that leeches off American taxpayers, you’d think Hollywood and the media would be all over this. I mean, what Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe did to Acorn – leading to the House approving to cut off all their funding – is the whistle blowing film to end ALL whistle blowing films. These two kids did what Michael Moore could never come close to accomplishing: uncovering lurid incompetence, affecting policy, and saving Americans millions of dollars. (more…)
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Daily Gut: Our 600th Show
by Greg GutfeldSo tonight`s show is Red Eye`s 600th.
And that’s kind of amazing. I`ve never done 600 of anything – and that includes reverse tricep curls (which I invented, by the by). But from the day we began, on February 5th, 2007 to tonight –we`ve witnessed some pretty amazing events. And thankfully, Red Eye was there to cover them – when no one else would.
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I mean, who can forget the dog that barked like a cat? It was the story Katie Couric wouldn`t touch – but we were there – covering the dog that barked like a cat.
And what of our in-depth coverage of John McCain`s election sweaters? While everyone else focused on irrelevant issues, we asked the tough questions about those ugly sweaters. (more…)
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Daily Gut: The Man Who Cried
by Greg GutfeldNow, you know a word has lost all meaning when Jimmy Carter finally gets around to saying it.
America’s angriest has-been JUST HAD to weigh in on the Joe Wilson affair, linking it to inherent racism – following in the wispy footsteps of every other lefty blogger.
Check it out, check it outers: (roll tape)
Carter, who I’m now convinced is really Maureen Dowd in a fright mask, seems to ignore the fact that even the White House doesn’t see the racism he sees. This is what Robert Gibbs had to say: (roll tape)
Instead of enjoying the golden years of his life, President Peanut still feels compelled to remind us why he sucked as a leader. He’s just a bitter man who always saw America as part of the problem, never the solution. So even when America elects a black man as President – the act only masks a more sinister urge. (more…)
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