Greg Gutfeld is a television personality, journalist, magazine editor, and blogger. He hosts an irreverent, surreal chat show called “Red Eye w/Greg Gutfeld” on the FoxNews Channel. He’s written three books, and currently in the middle of a fourth, to be published January 2010. He’s been the top editor of many men’s magazines, including Men’s Health, Stuff, and Maxim UK. He also writes for other publications while helming his website, Dailygut.com.

Greg Gutfeld
Daily Gut: Obama’s Coffin/T-Shirt ‘Moment’
by Greg GutfeldOkay.
The video I’m about to show you is like a parking garage of creepiness: wrong on every damn level.
It’s President Obama at a Washington fundraiser last week. He’s soaring high on health care rhetoric, when he brings up a dead campaign worker. Well, actually he brings up himself. Pay attention, not just to him, but how the audience responds. If you’re a cow, it’ll turn all four of your stomachs.
It takes a lot to give me the willies. But you know what? That gave me the willies. And also scurvy, rickets and the bird flu.
Sometimes you come across something a politician says that is so beyond comprehension, you start wondering if he might be losing it. Now, I’ve never said that about Obama. Unlike the jeering libs who regularly devoured George Bush over his stuttering syntax, I always chose to focus on what Obama says, instead of how he says it. (more…)
Daily Gut Video: Shuster Responds to Red Eye, Robot Responds to Shuster!
by Greg Gutfeld
Tonight, a delightful show for our third anniversary! (more…)
Daily Gut: Stewart vs. O’Reilly
by Greg GutfeldSo Bill O’Reilly had Jon Stewart on his program last night, and as expected, tempers flared. Roll Tape.
Yep, it was an entertaining spectacle, with Stewart and O’Reilly both scoring legitimate points. However, I take issue with one thing Stewart said.
Sorry, I mean everything.

First, he made a big deal about Fox News laying off President Bush, while now it lays into Obama.This, friends, is nuttier than squirrel poop.
While Bush was president, he was trashed by a left wing posse who delighted in military defeat, for it meant their side was winning. To them, “dissent was patriotic,” even if it meant dead troops. Fox wasn’t ignoring Bush’s actions, it was reacting to that – what I would later call the “patriotic terrorist.” I witnessed a fully realized anti-American lynch mob, who would rather win an election than a war – and that made me more of a conservative than 9/11, my life at Berkeley, or all those head injuries combined. (more…)
Daily Gut: Celebrities Who Make Kids Sick
by Greg GutfeldSo the Lancet, a British medical journal named after a really sharp object, retracted a horrible study attempting to link measle vaccines to autism.
Now this would really be great news, if the study had not come out, oh, 12 years ago. It’s really scary that it took a medical journal over a decade to admit what nearly everyone else with a working brain knew: the study had more gaping holes in it than Tom Sizemore’s septum.

But sadly, although the study author has also been discredited for this harmful crud, it doesn’t matter. People who believe in junk science will continue to believe in junk science, because their egos won’t allow any other option. And so they will continue preaching to parents a dangerous and false belief that ends up killing kids.
I speak of Jenny McCarthy, Jim Carrey, and all the saps at the Huffington Post who by their own earnest idiocy, misled the public into skipping vaccinations. The potential result: measles outbreaks all over the globe – and ultimately, dead kids.
It’s hard to make jokes about that, so I won’t. (more…)
Daily Gut: Celebs Go Cuckoo For Hugo
by Greg GutfeldSo here’s a fun quiz!
What do celebrities like Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Benecio Del Toro, Danny Glover, Naomi Campbell and Oliver Stone all have in common?
Was it sex with Punxsutawney Phil?
No, but you’re close.

All of these stars have had their pictures taken and/or partied with Hugo Chavez: their happy faces cheek to mottled cheek with the latest trend in socialist splendor.
He is after all, proof that it can happen! The third way! A new Castro! An anti-capitalist David, taking down that Yankee Goliath!
Being around him, means you’re more than just an overpaid movie star, you’re an overpaid movie star who matters. (more…)
Daily Gut: When Climate Change Experts Are Not Experts
by Greg GutfeldSo every day another embarrassing revelation exposes climate change experts as confused bumble-heads. The latest? Apparently the UN panel on climate change based recent conclusions regarding vanishing ice from mountain tops on anecdotes found in a “mountaineering” magazine.

Now, this would be hilarious, if it wasn’t for the fact that quadrillions of dollars are at stake. (And just so you know: quadrillions can buy a lot of unicorn porn.) I’m not going to use this latest revelation to hammer these “experts,” even though they’d do that to a “skeptic” like me, if they had the chance. I just want to nail two key points:
*this news shows exactly why climate change researchers must release data and reveal methods. If they have nothing to hide, then their work’s credibility will only increase. The fact that they’re trying to avoid that makes me think they’re basing their data on articles from Cosmo. FYI: global warming can and does make it harder to find your g-spot, says Darla, age 23, data analyst. (more…)
Daily Gut: Osama’s Green Plan!
by Greg GutfeldSo what happens when the world’s worst person agrees with you on a contentious issue?
Well, it should make you reconsider your view, on said contentious issue.
You’d think that, anyway.

Take Osama bin Laden, who, in a very eloquent and articulate message just released on audiotape, warns us of the dangers of global warming – blaming the US and other industrialized countries for rising temperatures. He says, the only way to stop climate change, is to employ drastic solutions to help bring our economy to a halt. He added that the world should boycott American products, and have more sex with goats. (more…)
Daily Gut: Obama’s Afterschool Assembly
by Greg GutfeldSo, everyone had a State of the Union drinking game. Mine? Once Obama started talking, I drank.
See, to me, the speech came and went like one of those “serious” high school assemblies: you know, when a teacher finds out about a student defacing a locker with unicorn stickers, she decides we all need to sit in a humid gym for an hour and be told “it’s okay to be different.”

But in case you missed the speech, here’s my summary:
“We face challenges, IT’S NOT MY FAULT – but that’s what makes us great.”
Try that on a losing football team.
The point is, even though he never mentioned GWB, he more than alluded to the poor guy, constantly reminding us how Obie inherited this mess. Sorry dude, it’s been a year – it’s your mess now, and you’re making it messier. (more…)
Daily Gut: Media Matters — Weekend Weasals
by Greg GutfeldIf you’re like me, and congratulations if you are, then you try to enjoy your weekends. For example, I spent last Saturday in bed, watching my favorite soaps, eating donut holes basted in Nyquil. I call them happy holes – after seven of them, you think you’re an Angoran rabbit.

And this leads me to a key life lesson: Nyquil rules. But also: you know you’ve truly succeeded in life when your adversaries aren’t having fun on their weekends. When someone who hates you spends their Saturdays consumed by hating you, then you can safely say, you’ve won – without even raising a finger.
I mention this because I received a press release, on Saturday…yes, on Saturday…from none other than Media Matters. Yep. Instead of playing t-ball with their kids (or their ferrets dressed as kids), this outlet of internal misery just had to publish a press release about Fox News’s coverage of Haiti. Yep, while everyone else tries to do actual stuff – Media Matters is still using the earthquake to hammer its number-one enemy/one true love. (more…)
Daily Gut: Gun Sights, Bible Quotes, and CAIR…
by Greg GutfeldSo apparently a Michigan defense contractor has pissed off Muslim groups, by inscribing coded Biblical references on rifles it sells to the American military. The Washington-based Council on American-Islamic Relations claims these religious references send a “negative message” to the Muslim world.
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To quote Dolly Parton, here we go again. Groups like CAIR rarely have their priorities in place -they’re always “reacting angrily” to perceived slights or hypothetical backlashes – when they really should be reacting angrily to those who commit atrocities in the name of Islam.
But you know who really gets my gopher? Mikey Weinstein, president of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation. He says the gun sights not only give our enemies a propaganda tool, but adds, “I don’t have to wonder … how the American public would react if citations from the Koran were being inscribed onto these U.S. armed forces gun sights instead.” (more…)
Daily Gut: Blotting Out the Fort Hood Dots
by Greg GutfeldSo while Republicans rejoiced over a huge victory in Massachusetts, a far bigger win took place at the Pentagon. The winner, sadly, was political correctness – that infectious mist of brainlessness that turns normal men into Jell-O. A bastard child of identity politics and the self-esteem movement, political correctness is an ideology based on avoidance of hurt feelings – and its ability to render humans into thoughtless automatons makes “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” look like “Mamma Mia.”

I am speaking of the Fort Hood Report, which the U.S. military’s just released, detailing the shooting that left 13 dead. In the 86 page thingy, here’s what you won’t find: the name of the killer, or his Muslim faith. The dudes who did the review argue that those pieces of information aren’t important – their concern is more with “actions and effects, not…with motivations.”
Here in Sanity Village, we call this “super duper crazy talk.” (more…)
Daily Gut: ‘Teabaggers’ Tuesday Triumph
by Greg Gutfeld
Remember how ridiculously funny the whole “teabagging” thing was? Those other networks really got into it – and there was no one better at denigrating those silly folks with signs, than that classy lady Rachel Maddow.
(pause for gleeful Maddow saying teabag back in April.)
She got a kick out of that. Now, fast forward to last night – where we have more uproarious footage of Rachel.
(pause for miserable Maddow glumly reporting that Scott Brown won).
Sorry, I guess “uproarious” isn’t the right word. “Downroarious?” Yeah, she’s definitely “downroarious.”
Anyway, I might quote Morrissey, and say the joke isn’t funny anymore, but that would be wrong. The joke, I’m thinking, is just getting started. (more…)
Daily Gut: Dan’s the Man
by Greg GutfeldSo the White House has a new communications director, and he’s just as adorably misguided as the previous one. During an interview with The New York Times’ The Caucus blog – whatever that is – Dan Pfeiffer (no relation to Michelle, darn it, she has my sweater), explained his revolutionary point of view toward FNC.
“I have the same view of Fox that Anita [Dunn] had, which is that Fox is not a traditional news organization. They have a point of view. That point of view pervades the entire network both the opinion shows… but also through the newscasts during the day,” Pfeiffer said.

The man who refuses to learn from history, continued on with his cogent analysis…
“We don’t feel an obligation to treat them like we would treat a CNN or an ABC or an NBC or a traditional news organization. But there are times when it would make sense to communicate with them and appear on the network.”
Well, thanks for that. Glad to know “there are times” when the White House might drop Fox News a line about upcoming Easter egg hunts and what not. (more…)
Daily Gut: Tenured Tools
by Greg GutfeldSo in the Monday New York Times, there’s a thoughtful piece trying to explain, quote, “the overwhelmingly liberal tilt of university professors.” Their shocker of a conclusion: It’s not about an obvious discrimination against conservatives – rather it’s just a silly, wrongheaded case of type-casting!

Yeah, it turns out that conservatives don’t want to be professors, the same way that men don’t want to become nurses. Righties abhor tweed and pipes the way dudes reject Dansko scuff proof clogs. One researcher calls this political typecasting – and includes journalism, art, fashion and therapy as other areas where conservatives refuse to draw a paycheck. Instead, conservatives head toward medicine, law enforcement, dentistry, the military and late night tv shows about unicorns. (more…)
Daily Gut: Danny Glover Is a Tool
by Greg GutfeldThe fact that Danny Glover is a monumental chucklehead should surprise no one. He’s been spouting batpoop crazy nonsense for years. But now, he’s even topped himself, as the washed-up actor blames the Haiti earthquake on the response to the climate change conference. Check it out, check it outers.
What a tool. Now this guy is supposed to be an expert or something- but instead of identifying the obvious – that areas rife with political corruption and its resulting poverty often experience more devastation after a natural disaster – he blames it all on our justifiably cynical response to Copenhagen. Clearly, global warming has infected his brain so severely, that he cannot think straight. This could also explain why he did Saw V.

But Glover pales in comparison to Media Matters. While people struggle to come to terms with horrifying human suffering, what does this pathetic “media watchdog group” do? They release a “study” focusing on the amount of coverage Fox News devoted to the quake. Which, again, shows what happens when ideology pickles your brain. Rather than come to terms with real suffering – all they see is…. Fox News. And all they want to see, is Fox News.
Let me quote Eric Burns, Captain of Twerps R Us. (more…)
Daily Gut: Obama’s Sally Field Diplomacy
by Greg GutfeldSo a recent article posted on the White House website claims that President Obama’s “steady diplomacy” has given America a renewed moral authority.
So what’s the recipe for their self-proclaimed success? Obama’s clumsy and misguided attempt to close Gitmo. According to Ben Rhodes, deputy national security advisor for strategic communications (nice title), “By prohibiting torture and working to close the prison…we are denying Al-Queda a recruiting tool.”

So lets analysis this theory for a moment. If Gitmo is a great tool for the bad guys to recruit more bad guys, it means the place must be upsetting enough to turn men toward jihad. Translation: the very idea of it ruins their day. Gitmo represents treating terrorists like enemies, using every tool to extract information from them, and using that info to destroy their cause. So it’s not waterboarding that pisses them off, but the fact that we’re trying to beat them.
And this upsets them, much in the way Leno pisses off Conan, Nicole Ritchie irked Paris Hilton, or the troubling way in which Hulk Hogan undermined the Ultimate Warrior. But even more so, I think. (more…)
Daily Gut: Women — The Next Endangered Species
by Greg Gutfeld
There`s nothing I love more than female celebrities helping out troubled beasts or endangered species. You`ve got Pam Anderson worrying about the polar bears, Doris Day fretting over abandoned cats and dogs – and of course, Sheryl Crow passionately fighting for wild horses currently roaming our country. Apparently, Crow`s mad at the government for trying to remove 25,000 mustangs from the range, in an effort to send them to greener pastures.
I feel her mane.
But as much as I admire all their work protecting those who can`t protect themselves, it makes me wonder: would they do the same thing if they were the ones who became endangered?
I`m talking about women. (more…)
Daily Gut: Oliver Stone Wants Us to Understand Hitler
by Greg GutfeldIt’s something we so desperately need right now – a show that will finally put Adolf Hitler in the context he deserves. Seriously – it was just the other day I was sitting around with my Aryan Youth Group/Pilates class, discussing how deeply reviled Hitler has been over the years. “If only someone could get into poor Adolf’s size 7 loafers and understand where the poor guy is coming from,” I wondered aloud – and shirtless, to get my point across.

Well thank the Devil for Oliver Stone, for he’s revealed that his upcoming Showtime miniseries “Secret History of America” will help put mass murderers such as Hitler and Stalin “in context.”
“Stalin, Hitler, Mao, McCarthy — these people have been vilified pretty thoroughly by history,” he told reporters during a press tour, managing to slip non-killer Joe McCarthy into the mix, without causing a murmur. (more…)
Daily Gut: The Dots Connect Upward to Obama
by Greg GutfeldSo as the underpants bomber is about to get arraigned, a new Rasmussen Poll reveals that nearly 60 percent favor ethnic profiling for airline security. This, on the heels of President Obama finally accepting responsibility for the major F-up on Christmas Day. Our Prez admitted that the “buck” stopped with him, and he’s right: it was his fault. Completely. And he deserves the full heaping pile of blame that comes with it.

Remember, during the 2008 campaign, he rarely mentioned terror – because “change” meant so much more than safety. And it was then that Obama revealed two major blind spots: one that missed the greatest threat to America in recent times, and another that missed the biggest threat to his own presidency. See, any idiot – and I mean myself, specifically – could have told him that even if health care reform or global warming rank as priorities in your life, they all slide off the front pages once a terror attack takes place. Your concerns become piffle when a plane goes down. (more…)
Daily Gut: Fun With Marriage
by Greg GutfeldSo according to a French psychologist, the key to a healthy marriage is to cheat on your spouse. In her new book, “I’m A Chick in Glasses Who’s Completely Given Up,” Maryse Vallamt says that men shouldn’t be punished for cheating, and that women might find their mate’s infidelity “liberating.”
She also says men don’t cheat because they stopped loving their wives, but because they just need room to breathe – making me think the book must have been ghost written by Bill Clinton or Tiger Woods.

Anyway, she adds that forty percent of French men cheat (sometimes with cheese) and that infidelity is “inevitable.” In a beret-shaped nutshell – against such odds, why bother? The secret to a good marriage, is to make it a bad marriage!
Now, we need to put this in perspective. The author is French, so we know she has a funny accent. Also, she probably hasn’t seen a good film in years. But I wonder how she’d feel if I applied the logic to making French bread – and said that sometimes the dough doesn’t have to rise to make it edible. That makes the exact same sense as advocating pro-adultery marriage. It’s the product of relativism: remove standards, masquerade failure as success, and success will always be yours! As for those idiots left to defend monogamy, you only open yourself up for accusations of hypocrisy once you inevitably screw up. Come on: just say you never meant to be faithful, and you’re fine. (more…)
Daily Gut: School Spirit
by Greg GutfeldSo whenever I see someone wearing a t-shirt with an edgy message on it, I always wonder why the person never wears it where it truly matters. Fact is, a hipster never dons his stupid Che shirt in places where it might cost him teeth.
Which brings me to this shirt, created by some teens at Edsel Ford High School, in Dearborn Michigan.
Here, take a look at it:

Apparently, the students belong to the 2011 class, and the number is said to resemble two buildings, with the school’s mascot – a thunderbird – flying toward them. Printed beneath the image are the words, “You can’t bring us down.”
Now that’s school spirit! Go flying terrorists! (more…)
Daily Gut: Being a Trailblazer Sucks
by Greg GutfeldSo Amanda Simpson, America’s first transgender presidential appointee (or at least the first to openly say so), is a little peeved. She’s worried over the perception that she may have been hired for her sexual identity rather than her qualifications. “Being the first sucks,” she says, adding that she hopes to “always win people over with who I am and what I can do.”

Amanda Simpson
Me too. After all, I’m also a trailblazer – as the world’s first gnome to host a news program, I feel a lot of pressure from the woodland creature community to succeed. If I do, then who knows who might follow in my footsteps: centaurs, minotaurs, fawns, succubi, hags, ogres, tree-people, trolls, marsh-wiggles, People of the Toadstools (don’t call them “toads”), and finally, one day: Robert Reich. (more…)
Daily Gut: Crushing Poverty vs. Crushing Stupidity
by Greg GutfeldSo, Osama bin Laden must be giggling like a school girl in his soiled diapers. While we flounder over the basics of terror prevention, my guess is the turbaned turd has already moved on, thinking it’s hilarious we’re still taking baby steps against bombers. Turning B.V.D’s into I.E.D’s? That’s sooo last decade. If anything, radical Islam has already set their sights on far bigger fish – why kill a thousand, when you can kill hundreds of thousands? And even if it takes them another decade or two to get nukes – no matter. They’ve got an eternity. Meanwhile, I hung up on Time Warner Cable after being put on hold for five minutes.

Worse, how can our government acknowledge a larger, more apocalyptic threat, when they’re troubled acknowledging the current, manageable one?
Look at Flight 253. By ignoring basic principles of profiling, they let the guy through. And when he was caught, rather than call him a wartime combatant, he’s referred to as a lone extremist. And now he’s being lawyered up, to be tried as a basic criminal. (more…)
Daily Gut: America’s Gifts to the World
by Greg GutfeldThe climate change conference is long gone, but with Christmas just around the corner, I figured there had to be a connection. Also, I’m writing this after a holiday party, so I’m drunk.
As President Obama says, let’s be clear: that comical Copenhagen conference wasn’t about science, it was about wealth transfer. The gist: because of America’s “hyper-industrialization,” we need to pay off poor countries for all the harm we’ve caused in the world. That’s the real green in the green movement: It’s cash, not grass.

What’s this have to do with Christmas? Well, I think the world has forgotten that the biggest gift to this planet is America’s industry – and it’s time to remind them where they would be without it.
1. Whenever a horrible disaster hits, they would be dead. Be it an earthquake, a tsunami or a Madonna tour – we’re usually the first and biggest responders – saving the injured, and helping to rebuild. It is because of our tremendous capability to mobilize quickly that makes us a nation of superheroes. It also takes planes, trucks and tractors to do that stuff. Imagine that carbon footprint. (more…)
Daily Gut: Return the Gifts
by Greg GutfeldChristmas always reminds me of the time I discovered there was no Santa Claus. I woke up around 1 a.m., and wandered from my bed into the living room where I found my dad in his pajamas laying out presents under the tree. He told me to go back to bed, and I did – but I was crushed to see the illusion destroyed. So much so, it still bugs me – and it happened ages ago. Well, more like a year, and it really wasn’t my dad – it was a drifter I picked up in a Port Authority restroom – but the story still stands as a metaphor for health care.

Like a make believe Santa, the Democrats came in at 1 a.m., sliding down the chimney with a bag full of crap. Like a phony Santa, the health care bill cannot arrive in broad daylight – or you’ll expose the illusion. The same thing can be said for that “non-binding legal agreement” Obama took with him from Copenhagen. He should have just brought us clogs.
And you know, both examples are a lot like the type of gifts you get from selfish relatives who really wanted the gifts themselves. (more…)
Daily Gut: Lay Off the ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast
by Greg GutfeldSo many in the media are delighting in the stupidity of the “Jersey Shore” cast. Just recently, Jay Leno had them on a quiz bowl, and the audience – buoyed by their own perceived superiority – chortled at their various mistakes.
But I ask: who’s dumber: the “Jersey Shore” cast, or those who call the “Jersey Shore” cast dumb?
The answer is the latter, which I think means “paddlefish.”

First off, when did these kids ever pass themselves off as smart? Did they ever say they were members of Mensa? Of course not: the only pompous jerks who tell you they’re in Mensa – are in Mensa.
Also, it’s not like these kids ever showed up in front of the cameras, clutching their diplomas from Cornell’s agricultural college – like some MSNBC hosts are known to do. No, they’re only proud of their abs. So what. None of that stuff affects you. The fact that they’re honest about their shallowness already puts them on an intellectual level higher than Sean Penn and Gynneth Paltrow, combined. (more…)
Daily Gut: Green–It’s the New Red
by Greg GutfeldEvery circus needs a clown, but sometimes it takes a clown to tell the truth.
And so we have Hugo Chavez, the pockmarked prince of all things petulant – paying a visit to the Climate Change conference to rousing, delirious applause. Check out the human sausage below.
In sum, Chavez is all about ending “imperial dictatorships,” and that “capitalism is the road to hell.” He says, “Let’s fight against capitalism and make it obey us.”

He also said he liked to have sex with goats while Sean Penn watched, but I may have gotten that translation wrong.
Anyway, according to the Herald Sun, all of this was greeted with a standing ovation. And Hugo deserves it – for he’s exposing this crap fest for what it is: a massive transfer of wealth from the west to scumbags like him.
But Chavez wasn’t the only one to lecture America on how evil we are. There was Zimbabwe President, Robert Mugabe, who noted that as “these capitalist gods of carbon…belch their dangerous emissions,” it’s “the lesser mortals of the developing sphere” who die. Yeah, we’re the murderers. Not Mugabe – who delighted in the torture, starvation and killing of his own people, for years. (more…)





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