Gary Graham was born in Long Beach, California and grew up in and around Orange County. The son of a medical doctor, he too aspired to a career in medicine. However, despite showing prowess in the medical sciences, Gary left pre-med to study theater arts at the University of California, Irvine, in the early seventies.
His first feature film role opposite George C. Scott in “Hardcore.” Since that time Gary has appeared in numerous feature films such as “Robot Jox,” “The Last Warrior,” “Man Trouble,” and “Hollywood Knights,” many TV movies and series. From 1990 to 1996, he starred as Matt Sikes in FOX TV's “Alien Nation.” More recently he was seen in recurring roles as Capt. Ingles on “J.A.G.” and as Ambassador Soval in “Star Trek: Enterprise."
Still active in the film business, Gary now is a producer for the new reality TV show, “The Ultimate Shooter,” and is working with Jace Hall and HD FILMS at Warner Brothers writing and producing the new internet webseries, “What If..?” He also stars in the popular webseries “Dead End City,” on Strike.TV.
He lives in a small town outside of Los Angeles where he enjoys spending time with his family, working weekends as a volunteer Ski Patroller, golfing, and flying.
Gary Graham
Letters From Haiti: When Mountains Moved
by Gary GrahamThe piercing roar of the C-17 jet engines rattled my skull as it went to full throttle and lifted off into the amber sky back towards Miami. The awesome machine had just delivered its precious payload of relief supplies to the earthquake-ravaged people of Haiti.
On the tarmac of the Port-au-Prince airport I stood beside the 737 jet that Eric Haymes had donated for the relief effort through his Air Lift Haiti organization. He’d just delivered a bunch of medical professionals who were there to relieve another bunch of medical workers, some of whom had been there for weeks.
The sight at the airport was not to be believed. The activity…the sense of urgency…the cooperation — amazing. It was organization without organization. Someone would yell “Hey over here — unload!” And a hundred people would move en masse forming an impromptu ‘bucket brigade’ line — and within a half-hour tons of desperately needed supplies were off-loaded from a jet’s underside. With little spoken except for whoops of exhilaration. The mood on the tarmac…a mixture of selfless abandon, determined purpose…and yes, love. For a longtime skeptic of basic human nature…it was cathartic…and beautiful. (more…)
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ONE YEAR GONE: The Death of Class
by Gary GrahamPresident George W. Bush left office a year ago today. The occasion was marked for me, not so much as the grand event of inaugurating our first black President, as it was a societal harbinger of ominous times ahead. Mr. Bush congratulated Mr. Obama warmly, embracing him with the camaraderie reserved for that elite membership of U.S. presidents. The accompanying catcalls and boo’s cast a pall upon what was heretofore a somber, and joyous occasion; but now colored a sick patina as the true vitriol and hateful venom rose with cruel and vindictive openness. The taunting jeers, the rude remarks, the derision of contempt. Well…there goes the neighborhood, I thought to myself.
It seemed that occasion marked another milestone in America: the death of class.
And long before the new politics of Chicago-style thuggery became evident in the new administration, I was appalled at the sheer intensity of hatred for President Bush. Bush Derangement Syndrome became a pandemic. I was expecting the CDC to announce immediate inoculation centers opening up to stem the outbreak. Bush bashing became our new favorite national pastime, celebrated in the press and codified on college campuses everywhere. (more…)
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It’s A Wonderful… Lie
by Gary GrahamOn this, the one-year anniversary of Big Hollywood, it is fitting that ‘One Pissed Off Dude’ should mark it with a proper lambasting of one of America’s favorite films ever: “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I’ve intentionally held off until after the holidays. I didn’t want to be a Grinch Who Attempted to Steal Christmas…or a Scrooge Who Wallowed in Contrariness… or worse, a Reid-Pelosi Christmas Eve Douchebag.
I am a huge fan of Frank Capra. And whereas it pains me to do so, I must call a proper spade a spade. In my (what I presume will be ‘lonely’) opinion…this single movie has done more to undermine America than any other in memory.
And yes, I realize I’m about to infuriate both the Left and the Right… Christians and Atheists… Socialists and the ACLU… Jimmy Stewart fans, movie buffs, my entire readership, and my mother…but I have to say it: There is an insidious lie placed smack dab within the heart of this otherwise exquisite movie. And the strange thing is – along with hundreds of millions of people worldwide — it is still one of my favorite movies of all time. And therein lies the rub.
The most dangerous and injurious of falsehoods is the one that is shuffled in with the Truth. (more…)
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The War of Words — Why We’re Losing
by Gary GrahamHe who defines the rules controls the game. And we’re letting them define the rules.
Jobs. Health care. Economic justice. Working families. Income redistribution. Fairness.
Words mean things. Very specific things. We on the Right tend to forget that. By following the lead from the Left, we abdicate our arguments without even knowing it. By using their terms, and in so doing, tacitly allowing their outrageous assertions to stand unchallenged, we surrender ground – one step, one phrase, one election at a time.
We are told the main issue on Americans’ minds in these perilous economic times, is ‘Jobs’. The main problem is putting people back to work, dontcha know. ‘Creating more jobs’. And of course, this is a classic example of the cart before the horse. It’s a tried-and-true ploy of the Collectivist to frame the problem as that which affects ‘the masses’ alongside the solution, which involves the central government. (The people need jobs! We’ve got to create more jobs!) As if…in a free republic the purpose of government is to provide each citizen with a job. As if…a job is merely this mystical anomaly that suddenly appears by fiat of a benevolent and elegant president. As if…the very economic policies of the new administration aren’t doing everything they can to retard the growth of the economy and hence hamper and defeat the expansion of the work force. As if…it’s not the stifling regulation, punitive taxation, and restriction of movement on business that prevents business from hiring new employees. (more…)
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It’s Morning-After In America
by Gary GrahamI awoke this morning with a splitting headache. As I staggered to the bathroom I blew past the mirror without a glance, fearful of the report. I hadn’t felt this awful since I can’t remember when. Though memory eluded me as to the details, I was certain that I had tied on the Mother of All Benders. As I stared blearily into the commode bowl, I studied it disinterestedly for any and all evidence my stomach contents may have divulged as to just what the hell had happened the previous night.
Nothing came to me but more questions. Satisfied that no further gastric contributions could tell the tale, I rose from the bathroom floor, shrugged unconvincingly and hit the flusher. What a perfect way to end unseemly encounters. Flush them.
I proceeded to weave an unsteady trail down the hallway in the general direction of a coffee pot. My daughter had arisen before me and FOX News was already drifting in from the other room; Bill Hemmer recounting the latest on the decision to move the admitted 911 terrorists to NYC for trial.
And then it struck me like a wet trout. (more…)
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PelosiCare: Liars, Luddites and Leprechauns
by Gary GrahamNancy Pelosi, having renamed the Public Option, the ‘Consumer Option,’ triumphantly trotted out this morning the Hose version of the Health Care Reform Bill, now called The Affordable American Health Care Bill. (“Affordable” – what does that mean, exactly? Affordable to whom?) But then Steny Hoyer proclaimed the process of crafting the bill the most open, transparent process he’s seen in over thirty years in Congress. (Really??) And finally, the President followed up on Teleprompters to announce that finally we have a bill that will cover the 36 million uninsured, not cost the taxpayers anything extra, improve the quality of our health-care system, and bring down the costs of health care. Speaker Pelosi assured us that this bill represents the principles of “…opportunity, choice, competition, and innovation.”
How can you tell when they’re lying? Their lips are moving.
They think you’re stupid. It’s understandable that they should think that, because though they may on occasion listen to you, they never really hear you. Hence, the only frame of reference for feedback on their incredibly absurd redistributive ideas, tax-and-spend proposals and unprecedented treasury-busting health care take-over bills…comes from their own constituents, the Democrats. Whoops and hollers, cheers and laughter, nods, smiles, enthusiastic ‘yes-we-cans!’… as they serve up yet another heaping portion of socialist slop you’ll be expected to grab your ankles and pay for. They think you’re stupid.
As the entire Democratic Party has now been fully commandeered by the hard Left, I wrestle daily with the following quandary: Are they evil? Or merely dense? (more…)
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Art is Stuff …and Stuff Happens
by Gary GrahamThis stuff doesn’t happen on its own. Somebody must create it. Art is the product of conscious action. But art cannot be considered ‘art’…until it is named. It must be called ‘art.’ And it seems today that regardless of the number of dissenters from that designation, if one person decides that something is art – it’s art, dammit. End of discussion. For to impugn its veracity would be to malign someone’s character. It might even get you called ‘racist.’ To tell an artist that what he or she has produced is not ‘art’ would be spewing hate speech just as though you’d burned a cross on their lawn or dipped a crucifix in urine. (Oh wait…that’s been done. And come to think of it…that was called art. Ahhh…I am beginning to see many disparities and conflicts in the rational line here.)
Help me along — I am apparently a bit slow. Something is ‘art’ if the ‘artist’ says it is art. Even if the viewer of said art is highly offended and appalled by this so-called art. Then it’s his or her problem… get over it…go back to Wasilla and blow up a moose.
But should you dare suggest that it might not be the best use of public funds to bankroll exhibitions that the majority of Americans consider to be highly offensive and even pornographic — well…then you obviously must be a hate-filled, intolerant, racist homophobe, and you are to be minimalized as a right-wing fringe kook. (more…)
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Let Them Eat Kale
by Gary GrahamSo I guess it’s the schoolyard chivalry I was raised on that taught me you never beat up on the girl. Thus, I have held my tongue in regards to the good First Lady, Michelle Obama. But now it has become too much to bear. And the tipping point: Kale — yes, a leafy green vegetable.
It had to happen, it was inevitable, I suppose. She slid past us with her, “For the first time, I am proud to be an American” proclamation…and we even looked the other way when she and her husband spent hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars on a fun-filled New York City getaway of Broadways shows, dining and shopping. (Sure, they may have used their own personal cash, but I doubt they ponied up out-of-pocket for the myriad of security vehicles, the legion of secret service agents, the bomb-sniffing dogs, etc, etc. (more…)
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Honoring September 11th: Friend From Foe
by Gary GrahamIt wasn’t a ‘disaster.’ Hurricanes, tsunami’s, earthquakes and famines are disasters. It wasn’t a ‘tragedy.’ Accidental drownings, poisonings, SIDS, freak accidents….those are tragedies. This was an evil, premeditated attack. The worst, most deadly and devastating attack ever carried off against the United States. And on our own ground – smack in the middle of the greatest city in the world, New York City.
Nearly three thousand souls perished. Not combatants on a battlefield, but average everyday citizens like you and me, starting their days like any other, working to earn a living to feed their families. Along with them were hundreds of valiant firemen and policemen rushing in to the buildings to save lives.
The images of those New Yorkers the next few days wandering the streets around Ground Zero with pictures of their missing loved ones, hoping beyond hope that perhaps it was a simple bump on the head and temporary amnesia that kept them from phoning home to tell them they were okay… These thoughts suck the wind from my soul. (more…)
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The Adventures of Bunky and Biggo
by Gary Graham
FADE IN:
Biggo slips quietly into the ornate den. Seagulls can be heard amidst the distant crash of waves. Three security men stand about the room, in attentive, professional bearing. A silver-haired, bloated old man lies on the couch
Biggo enters the room and sits in a chair beside the couch. He smiles at the man.
Biggo – “Bunky…so wonderful to see you.”
Bunky – “And so great to see you, sir.”
Biggo - “How are you feeling, my old friend?”
Bunky – “Never better. Feel on top of the world.”
Biggo – “Your health is my only concern.” (more…)
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Yes We Canadian! — The Public Option
by Gary GrahamI love words. And, fancying myself a bit of a wordsmith, I pay particular attention to things like sentence construction, grammar, artful phrasing and syntax. Not to mention euphemisms and/or outright verbal distortion.
We have been hearing a lot lately about a key ingredient to the President’s proposed National Health Care bill – the ‘public option.’ Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi stated adamantly in the press last week that passing a health care bill without a public option…is not an option.
Maybe I’m being paranoid, but it almost sounded like a threat.
This appears to be the lynch-pin for the president’s proposed health care package. And though Health & Human Services Secretary Sebelius hinted that the administration was not necessarily married to the notion of the public option, she swiftly recanted her statement after having returned from the woodshed. Apparently annoyed that people were actually paying attention to administration members’ statements, and under the cover of self-righteous snark, Ms. Sebelius flung a swipe at the media with, “…must’ve been a slow news day,” and proclaimed that there was no change in the president’s policy. The public option was still prominently a part of the plan. We were obviously brainless douchebags for thinking otherwise. (more…)
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The Great Beer Summit of 2009
by Gary GrahamEvent in progress…we go LIVE to Washington, D.C.
…reporting live on this historic occasion. A crisis of epic proportions may have been averted…by an invitation from the White House to simply sit down …and have a beer. This creatively innovative and charmingly elegant President has thrown the old book out and is writing his own. It’s the audacity of hope and change we can believe in. It’s a new deal and a new dawning of how business gets done today – over beers. It has been hinted by White House sources that if today’s summit goes well, possibly other summits may be in the offing. My source in the Administration said a possible Vodka Fest with Vladimir Putin, a Hookah Pipe Sit-Down with Ahmadinejad, and even a Sake/Mao-tai/RiceCake pow wow with Kim Jong-Il are being floated as of this broadcast with the State Department, Keith Olbermann and Oprah Winfrey.
And now, the President’s helicopter has landed. The President’s contingent of roughly three thousand security personnel are assuming their perimeters, extension perimeters and contingency perimeters.
Sgt. Crowley and Professor Gates await the President beside the picnic table arranged for this seminal benchmark in race relations in America.
The beer is on ice – a large keg bearing the Presidential Seal. (more…)
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Obama Wants to Buck Us Up
by Gary GrahamIn speaking to the American Nurse Association in the Rose Garden today, Mr. Obama, speaking of the urgent need to pass his hugely exorbitant and grossly ineffective health care bill, said, “”We need to buck up people here,” Obama said. “That’s what nurses do. It’s time for us to buck up the Congress. We need to get this done…”
And I agree – that the President is doing his level best to buck this country up.
His bucked-up foreign policy has signaled weakness to our detractors and encouraged aggression from those who would destroy us.
He bucked up our financial institutions by taking control of over 600 banks. He bucked up the automotive industry with at first his bail-outs with strings, and firing CEO’s, and placing stipulations, regulations and mandates on formerly private companies. (more…)
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Obama-Care Can Kill You
by Gary GrahamI went to the post office today. I know, there was no way to avoid it, I’d rather have a root canal, but I had to mail this very large package. So I’m standing in this long line…watching as the three pleasant but weary postal workers attended, very slowly, to the customers. Each new customer was greeted with a forced-pleasant, “Hi, how are you?” and then attended to the customer’s request. This one had three odd-sized packages. That one wanted to buy some of those new stamps. Another wanted to send a registered letter. The line slowly moved along.
On the up side, it gave me a chance to study all the people in line. An occupational habit, I study people wherever I go, particularly when I’m a captive to some long, slow-moving queue. The line moved so slowly, in fact, that I had the opportunity to memorize what all 32 line-standers were wearing, the color of their hair, the shape of their faces, my best guess at their ethnicity, their height….and as I was starting to indulge myself with guessing each person’s weight and how I would do working at a carnival, my thoughts began to wander. (Did I mention the line in the post office moved very slowly?) (more…)
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Troopathon 2009: Because They Serve
by Gary GrahamHer thumbs danced over the tiny keyboard of her cell phone, glumly texting a friend. I reached over and, uncharacteristically, snapped it shut. Gently, but firm.
“Not today, hon.”
With a loud sigh of disgust she slammed the phone back into her purse and sat there in the fold-out chair and sulked. My wife’s look to me of indignant expectation (You going to put up with that?) was met by my practiced calm of everything-will-be-fine (She’s a teenager, that’s what they do).
Hoping against hope that my doubting Thomas wife was wrong and that I was right, I settled in to listen to the Memorial Day program at the Los Angeles National Cemetery. It was May 30, 2009, and as we sat there on the lawn that cloudy morning, our little family was a whirl of dysfunction. It had been building for some time; petty problems had ruined our peace, and small arguments and squabbling set my wife and my 16-yr-old daughter at mutual odds. I sat there amidst the several thousand gathered feeling alone, distant, isolated. And completely alienated from my family. How could three so close seem suddenly so distant? (more…)
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Terrorists and Tyrants Go Straight to Hell
by Gary GrahamAt the risk of earning my place in The Masters of the Obvious Hall of Fame… I gotta say it. They’re not ‘freedom fighters’, they’re not ‘brave Jihad warriors’, they’re not ‘overseas contingency operators’…they’re terrorists. And they’re evil. True, they are going to ‘meet their destiny’ but it’s not going to be what they think. There are going to be some very disappointed souls who come to find that everything they believed in, indeed, so strongly that they sacrificed their short, pathetic, deluded lives for…was a total lie. They have an appointment with eternity waiting for them, but there won’t be 72 virgins for them to defile forever. Or even for an hour and a half. Nah, none of that. Ain’t gonna happen. (And as Dennis Miller once said, “Hey, 72 virgins? I can see it for a while, but after seven or eight of them…I’m gonna want to call in a pro.”)
Nope. Not saying I’ve consulted the Creator, but…I have it on good authority that that virgin-in-paradise thingie is just a cheap, bucket-o-baloney BS recruiting tool.
Psych!
So all you would-be jihadist bombers with a hard-on to plant the IED’s that are designed to kill our brave servicemen… hey, find something else to do with your hard-on, Sparky, instead of waiting to use it on those 72 clueless virtual babettes. If you’re that lonely and pathetic and worthless, hop on the ubiquitous 25-hour Internet porn sites, take tool in hand, and work out three minutes of your destiny right there in the privacy of your mud hovel. Keep the explosives at home! Your imagined glory doesn’t give a sh*t about you and you blowing up an American G.I. won’t keep you from an eternity of teeth gnashing and anal herpes, so get your head out of your poo-hole, and go get a real job – like maybe something that helps people instead of kills them. Just a thought. (more…)
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From the Vast Business Mind of President Obama
by Gary GrahamBarack Obama yesterday announced that auto giant General Motors has failed to take the restructuring steps necessary to remain viable and solvent. They will enter into chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Don’t we wish we’d seen that coming before we loaned them 70 billion)?
The President sited his vast experience in business management and corporate restructuring. He pointed to the fact that he has built twelve companies from the ground up, managed seventeen others, and brought them out of the red into profitability, and…and…
Oh wait – wrong Obama. I’m thinking of Fred Obama… out of Connecticut. Inventor of Cheez-Whiz, Fruit Loops, colorable place mats, and Boog-Stop, the pocket nose-hair trimmer. Fred Obama… of the Connecticut Obama’s.
Oops — my bad. (more…)
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Another ‘Transformational Moment’ — The Cyber-Czar is Born!
by Gary GrahamCall me paranoid, but…
I was wondering when the government was going to make its move on the Internet. There’s a whole lot of commerce going on, a lot of communication, a lot of people talking to each other, building their businesses and enjoying their lives.
So naturally, they’re going to want to tax it.
Apparently, we have another crisis afoot. Our digital networks and computer systems are at risk. (Well, duh – where has the President been for the past decade?) And of course, the Obama administration’s answer to this serious threat…is to consolidate more central power by creating a new department and appointing a ‘cyber-czar.’ Man, I feel safer already. My chest swells with pride. A thrill runs up my leg. (more…)
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Waterboard Pelosi — Let’s Get to the Truth!
by Gary GrahamNancy Pelosi this morning let the floodgates open. In a ‘frank and open’ press conference she waffled and redirected. She explained, rationalized, dodged and obfuscated. She bobbed and weaved. She danced the Paso Doble. It was a masterful exhibition of Terpsichore, with lovely grand jete’s, loop-de-loops and chicanery.
I haven’t seen such tap dancing since last year’s So You Think Ya Can Dance auditions.
Looking and sounding very shaky and rattled, she maintained that she had no idea the Enhanced Interview Techniques used on suspected terrorists to get vital life-saving information from them included waterboarding. Misremembering expertly, Ms. Pelosi said in her briefing, she was told that waterboarding techniques “were…not…being…employed.” (It apparently is a useful technique with politicians interested in convincing you of the sincerity and impeccable veracity of their statements …to…slow…down…and… …emphasize…each…word. As in, “I…did…not…have…sex…with that woman…Miss Lewinsky….”)
How…stupid…do…you…think…we…are? (more…)
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All-American Girl
by Gary Graham
All right, it’s a press conference about a beauty contest. It’s not a world summit – it’s a beauty contest! Should it really garner this sort of press coverage, this sort of media scrutiny, this sort of public attention?
Well, yeah. It should.
Aside from affording us a chance to gaze for long moments at a dazzling woman, the runner-up to the Miss U.S.A beauty contest, Miss California, Carrie Prejean; there actually was great import revealed at this morning’s Trump Trump, Donald Trump, The Donald, Trump-Trump-Ta-Trump news conference. (I’m not sure I mentioned that it was a DONALD TRUMP news conference?) (more…)
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The Party of ‘No’
by Gary Graham
Are we the party of ‘NO’?
Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Dianne Feinstein, et al, have gone on record to call the Republican Party ‘The Party of No’.
Why? Because we say NO to socialism? NO to racism? NO to weak foreign policy footing, kowtowing to despotic world leaders? Because we say NO to socialized medicine? NO to fomenting class-warfare, NO to raising taxes on the affluent? NO to killing babies in the womb, NO to redefining traditional marriage? NO to calling returning veterans extremist nut-jobs to be placed on a watch-list? NO to thinking we can spend and tax our way back to prosperity by saddling our grandkids with a Mt. Everest sized debt? (more…)
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The Crisis of Crises
by Gary GrahamNow it’s the swine flu. People are running in the streets, scared, screaming, in total panic. Oh, no, wait – sorry, that was downtown New York City the other day when the President’s Air Force One 747 buzzed Manhattan and set off a wave of urban terror amongst city-dwellers; who well remember the true calamity of that September morning seven-and-a-half years ago. But it was a beautiful day for a $328 thousand dollar photo-op for the President’s website. So New Yorkers should understand and be tolerant; even though the citizens on the ground weren’t alerted in advance of the stunt, not even Mayor Bloomberg.
Hey, stuff happens. Yes we can.
No, it’s the Swine Flu which is the new crisis-in-the-making and it’s quickly becoming the Crisis du Jour. Texas Governor Rick Perry declared ‘a Disaster’ in his state after a two-yr-old boy tragically died after returning from Mexico. Seems a bit of an overreaction, but maybe not. It’s shaping up to be a pandemic of epic proportions, for as of this writing, ninety-one cases of Swine Flu have already been diagnosed in this country. Ninety-one. At this rate, in a week, there may be, literally, several hundred outbreaks reported.
In a nation of 300 million. (more…)
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Planet Dumbassnotion
by Gary Graham
The City of Riverside, California today announced a new plan, in light of the high volume of foreclosed homes, that it was going to start buying foreclosed home, fix them up, and resell them to ‘the needy’. Isn’t that nice? The city government in that lovely southern California town is going to do something to ‘make a difference’. Using tax payers dollars, they are going to enter the house-flipping industry in the midst of possibly the most disastrous housing market on record.
Uh…say what??
Okay. Here again I find myself having awakened on the parallel-universe planet of Dumbassnotion – a delightful world where reason and logic are turned upside-down and everything you know is completely wrong. (more…)
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Sympathy Vote
by Gary GrahamI was going to let this one go. I like the story, I was a fan, and it made me smile and yeah, (sniff) warmed my heart, too. But after a week-long worldwide hoopla, and finally this morning hearing Mike Gallagher gush about this story on his radio show, (plus the fact that I’ve been mysteriously stricken this year with a terminal case of Can’t-Shut-Up Syndrome)…
…I must weigh in.
(Hey you think living with me is fun? Ask my family – I’m insufferable.)
Susan Boyle became an overnight sensation with her rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” on Britain’s Got Talent. A rather frumpy and homely middle-aged woman by today’s beauty standards, she presented an unlikely candidate for singing stardom last week in front of the Celebrity judges, Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden, and Piers Morgan. But as she began to sing, everyone was snapped into shock, so unanticipated was her fine singing voice. The ovation and accolades that followed went straight to YouTube and set Boyle on the road to viral cyberspace superstardom. (more…)
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Everybody Lay Off Dave Konig!
by Gary Graham
I like him. He’s nice guy (or so I’ve heard). If you’re irritated at him defending Tom Shillue defending Janeane Garofalo, you’re just going to have to take my word for it. (Or at least the guy’s word who told me Konig was a nice guy.)
Dave posted a column defending Tom defending Janeane and I just wanted to say there’s merit to go around for everybody! I don’t know what the big deal is, us right wing extremists being tagged as racists. I’ve already admitted I’m a racist coward! (more…)
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Janet – Put on the Coffee
by Gary GrahamI’m your guy. You will want to pay me a visit. You’ll be wanting to sit me down in your offices and have a little chat with me. And if worse comes to worst, I won’t even cost you much at Gitmo (while it still exists); for I require no Koran, no prayer mats, nor would I require any of the bathroom fixtures to be realigned to point toward Mecca. But you are definitely going to want to bring me in. For according to you, Janet Napolitano, Director of the Department of Homeland Security, I am a dangerous threat to the security of America.
Apparently, I am a right wing extremist.
Janet Napolitano
You said this past week that the pro-Life, anti-illegal immigration, returning vets are to be flagged as being possible right-wing extremists. Since I wasn’t in the service, I guess I missed the trifecta. But two-outta-three ain’t bad. In advance of your grilling, I’m sorry… profile interview…I will list some personal information for you so that my incrimination and persecution can go more smoothly.
First off, yes, I am PRO-LIFE. This means that I hold human life to be precious, sacrosanct, and worthy of protecting, particularly when it is an innocent baby, either newborn or preborn. And yes, contrary to the intellectual Luddites that comprise the abortion enthusiast ilk…I believe that a preborn infant is a human being. It’s not a dog, it’s not a giraffe, it’s not a tumor, it’s not an “unviable tissue mass”. It’s a human being. (more…)
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The New America – Deja Vu All Over Again
by Gary GrahamThe simple catch-phrase slogans bandied about for the past year were the thing of pop culture legend. Hope. Change We Need. Change We Can Believe In. Yes We Can.
Pabulum to the ‘downtrodden’… manna to the Constitutional deconstructionists… and justification to history revisionists everywhere. But prior to the election these euphemistic phrases were long on emotional incitement and glaringly short on substance. If words can be taken to mean anything…ultimately, they mean nothing.
Or so we thought.
Five months after the election we are starting to see that President Obama meant something very specific with these slogans that helped garner him the election. It just wasn’t quite what any of us Americans thought he meant. (more…)
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To Arms!!!
by Gary GrahamA week ago, a horrendous crime took place in a nursing home in Carthage, North Carolina. Seven innocent lives were taken by an unhinged dirtbag apparently upset at his ex-wife. Fortunately, a brave police officer answered the call, engaged the perpetrator in a gun fight, and though he took three rounds to the legs, managed to deliver a center-mass hit onto said dirtbag, dropping him in his tracks. This courageous officer kept his head, and, with bullets pounding around and into him, kept his muzzle on target long enough to bring to an end a tragedy that may have been a whole lot worse.
A few days ago, an even more egregious travesty upon the innocent occurred in upstate New York. A disgruntled man blocked off the exit to a community service building with his car, then went around front and entered the building firing a high-powered rifle. Before the rampage was done, fourteen souls were gone, including the shooter’s.
Predictably, there surfaced immediately the usual suspects who painted this tragedy as further evidence that more comprehensive and restrictive gun laws are needed, now more than ever. (more…)
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The Bobby-Bash World Cup
by Gary GrahamReporting from the BBC in London…
Good morning, and welcome to the 34th Annual Bobby-Bash in East London, England! Today’s event promises to be ripping with action and a jolly tough competition! As you recall, after yesterday’s bash the Anarchists hold a slight lead over the Bobbies, having yesterday knocked seventeen helmets off policemen’s heads and conked five Bobbies with protest signs and flying bottles; but in the third Over, the Bobbies rallied a strong surge with some fine baton swatting and scored twelve bloody noggins upon the Anarchists. An umpire disallowed three of those, however, in the sixth Over, due to a BPC infringement (or Blatant Posturing for Cameras, i.e., exacerbating of the head wound and rubbing of the blood all over the face), which is clearly against International League Bobby Bashing Association rules.
It’s rumoured by some ILBBA officials that Blatant Posturing by the Anarchists has been steadily on the rise, and that unless something is done to reign in the such over-acting, and what one BBC columnist vehemently decried as, “sympathy sucking”, the spirit of the games “…could be tarnished irrevocably! And therein, I ask you, where lays our…tradition of…” The anonymous columnist was unable to continue his remarks, and, so overcome with emotion was he, that he was forced to retreat to the Ten Bells English Pub and counsel with his awaiting and anonymous three pints of Guinness. (more…)
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Quick!!! While He’s Outta the Country, Let’s Change it Back to ‘America’!!!!!!!
by Gary GrahamThe Prez has flown to England and there’s only one thing to do while he’s gone: Let’s get our country back. Okay, it’s not going to be easy, there are a lot of hurdles. I’m pretty sure I can take Harry Reid, Chris Dodd, Chuck Schumer, Maxine Waters, and that puffball press secretary Gibbs. Multiple adversary bash-a-thon!!! Hai-Yah!!
Barney Frank I ain’t touchin’… I’m not a homophobe; I simply suffer from an irrational childhood fear of Elmer Fudd.
And Nancy Pelosi? I’m sending my friend Andrew Breitbart in to cross-check her hard into the glass. (I know he’s been dyin’ to get the go-ahead.) I am certain that if I confronted her, she would hit me with that death ray from those Neutronium eyeballs of hers…the same ones that hypnotize the Washington press corps into not busting up every time she opens her mouth. (more…)
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