Dave Konig is a three-time Emmy Award winning comedian. He hosted his own late-night HBO comedy series (the infamous “Hardcore TV”), wrote, produced, and starred in the cult hit talk show parody “The Dave Konig Show” on USA Network, and won all his Emmys for the hilarious Konig Underground segments on Metro (NY) TV's “Subway Q & A.” Konig is a headlining stand-up comic and starred on Broadway as Vince Fontaine in the '90's revival of “Grease.” For two years he co-hosted, with his wife author Susan Konig, a daily morning radio show on Sirius, and he's a regular contributor to National Review Online. Dave Konig is generally regarded to be America's Most Beloved, Living, Entertainer.
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Dave Konig
Mourning Celebrities
by Dave KonigWhat exactly is the proper response to the news that the most famous and most talented accused-child molester in America has died? Talk about mixed emotions.
Like most shallow, self centered knuckleheads in show business, I place an inordinate importance on talent. I love talent! It’s the one thing I wish dearly I had more of (and, on many nights, comedy club audiences throughout the tri-state area have wished the same…)
I’m a great audience member. I laugh easily, I applaud heartily. I’m always impressed with performers who can do things I can’t (which is why I’m impressed with most performers). Show me the hackiest ventriloquist act in the business, and I’m just amazed they can talk with their mouth closed. I once sang and danced in a Broadway musical (I played Vince Fontaine, the libidinous deejay, in the 90’s revival of Grease – ramma lamma lamma ka dingidy ding da dong…). I can’t sing or dance. I love people who can, even those who can’t do it very well. (more…)
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Shephard Smith and Janet Napolitano Sitting in a Tree
by Dave Konig
I was in the Friars Club gym yesterday pretending to work out. The Friars Club gym is great for the ego because no matter what time of day or night you’re in there, you’re always the youngest guy by 30 years.
As I reclined on the stationary bike, my feet up on the handle bars, watching TV (the preferred Friars Club method of exercising) I saw something on FOX News that got my blood pumping harder than anything I would be doing in my workout. Shephard Smith was doing a report on the Octogenarian Neo Nazi (OctoNazi?) who opened fire at the Holocaust Museum. In a breathtakingly oddball blizzard of profundity Shephard: (more…)
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Think Pink
by Dave Konig
YouTube Dave Konig Roasts George Takei
As usual, Dick Cheney is right and Barack Obama is wrong.
It’s time to wave the pink flag and drop opposition to gay marriage.
I’ve changed my thinking on this one. Personally, I admit my opposition to gay marriage has always been on the same level as my opposition to the death penalty: I understand and appreciate the arguments against both intellectually – but in actual practice, I simply don’t lose any sleep over either. With the death penalty, I sympathize with moral opposition – but when a Ted Bundy takes that final ride on “Old Sparky” (or that final big sleep on “Old Lethal Injectiony”), my only real objection is that it isn’t televised. (more…)
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Terror Plot: A Bronx Tale
by Dave KonigOn the same day that President Obama gave his Guantanamo speech excoriating the Bush administration (will somebody tell this guy he won the election – as the great political philosopher Dean Martin would say; “What are you hollering for? You got the job!”) the FBI rounded up a gang of knucklehead terrorists bent on a) killing Jews in the Bronx and b) killing our soldiers at Stewart Air Base in Newburgh, NY.
On the same day we were being told the Gitmo must go, that we can just absorb all those unfortunate Al Queda types into our regular prison system, guess where our Bronx Bombers were introduced to, and indoctrinated into, radical Islamic terrorism? Our regular prison system.
Timing is everything, aint it? (more…)
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Republican Date Night
by Dave KonigNewt Gingrich is much taller in person than he is on TV. The lovely Bride of Konig (author of I Wear The Maternity Pants In This Family – www.susankonig.com) and I were invited to a screening of the Newt and Callista Gingrich – produced documentary Ronald Reagan Rendezvous With Destiny the other night, and we got to meet the former Speaker of the House. For some reason I always thought he was on the short, roly poly side. TV’s short, roly poly is, in person, tall, barrel chested and imposing. This is, oddly, the exact opposite of me. On TV I am tall and thin, in person I’m short and fat.
Reagan, Judy Garland, Henry Fonda, Boris Karloff, Gene Kelly
This rare date night out without the various Spawn of Konig, naturally coincided with a gig for me: as my wife was settling into the Director’s Guild Screening Room on W. 57th. 72nd street performing a comedy sketch with TV host extraordinaire Bill Boggs in his live show Talk Show Confidential. The cue for my sketch with Bill is the end of his Richard Nixon anecdote. Boggs tells a very funny story of being a teen-aged intern in the 1960s on a talk show, and the guest is Richard Nixon. Boggs is assigned to Nixon, to make sure Nixon gets to the set on time. En route, Nixon makes a pit stop. Young Boggs is then confronted with his first major, television talk show crisis: how to tell the imposing former Vice President that he’s not only about to go on camera with his fly open, but it’s a “Grand Mal Unzipping,” the kind where your shirt tail is hanging out of the fly. (more…)
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Outrageous Celebs Not Worthy of Outrage
by Dave KonigI’ve been in show business my entire life. I started as an obnoxious young child actor. I’ve been around actors my whole life. For the most part, they’re wonderful, sweet people. Some are very, very talented. Most are well meaning.
The truth is though: acting isn’t rocket science. And most actors, myself very much included, are not, as the saying goes, rocket scientists.
Rocket scientists, on the other hand, are very, very smart. Ever talk to one? I have. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. He was all “aeroelasticity” this and “avionics” that, and I just stood there for twenty minutes nodding my head as if I knew what he was talking about. Which I didn’t because, as I’ve stated above, I’m an actor. Which means I’m no rocket scientist.
Now, take every single interview with every single actor you have ever heard on radio, saw on television, or read in the learned journals of People or Us or Tiger Beat. How many times in your life have you ever walked away saying (for example): “Wow, I knew Tony Danza was a delightful and engaging television personality, but I had no idea he was so smart! Clearly, much smarter than I could ever hope to be! Who’s the boss? You, super smart Tony Danza, that’s who!” (more…)
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Everybody Lay Off Tom Shillue!
by Dave Konig
I like him. And yes, he is funny. If you’re irritated with him for his most recent column defending Janeane Garofalo, you’re going to have to take my word for it.
Tom posted a column the other day about Garofalo. It was shocking, controversial, outrageous – and maybe a little misunderstood. Tom’s point was essentially this: why get mad at Janeane Garofalo for saying on TV what every liberal already thinks, that anyone who opposes Barack Obama’s policies is only doing so because they are – wait for it! – racist? Getting outraged at liberals who think Republicans are racist is pretty much the equivalent of (God help me as I reach for the most tired, over-used, movie metaphor in the columnist’s bag o’ tricks…) Captain Renault being – wait for it! – shocked, shocked that there was gambling going on in the back of Rick’s Café. (more…)
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A Comedian In The New York Guard
by Dave KonigLast Friday night at 11:30 PM, I was on stage at the Broadway Comedy Club in New York City “eating the check spot.” Six hours later, at “oh-dark-thirty” I was humping the hills of a local Army post, being fired upon by elements of the Fighting 69th Infantry Division.
For both the comedy club audience and myself, the latter was a hell of a lot more fun than the former.
Since 9/11, I have been a volunteer citizen-soldier in the New York Guard , the State’s official state defense force. The New York Guard is made up of hundreds of great guys and gals, about half military veterans and half – like myself – getting the opportunity to serve in the military for the first time a little late in life. We drill once a month and a week in the summer, training to assist the National Guard in stateside, non-combat missions. We are a “force multiplier,” trained and ready to respond to augment NY National Guard units on the chemical / biological / nuclear decontamination team, military emergency radio network communications, search and rescue teams (for lost campers in the Adirondacks, for example), medical and legal services, and a whole host of other missions. It’s a great way to serve and help the National Guard, and it accepts all kinds or people – rabbis, dentists, truck drivers, school teachers – even Emmy Award winning comedians. (more…)
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Fidel – Happy At Last!
by Dave KonigOne day Hugo Chavez calls upon President Obama to join a great, global socialist revolution, the next Obama moves towards normalizing relations with Cuba. It’s good to see the U.S. listening to other world leaders again!
It’s been two years since Fidel Castro retired, and not much has been heard from him. What exactly does an all-powerful, all-knowing, great and glorious communist revolutionary leader do in retirement? Like most things in communist Cuba, Fidel’s retirement has been shrouded in secrecy. Until now. As a Breitbart columnist it is my responsibility to bring you, the reader, the truth as uncovered by my world-wide network of investigative reporters, spies, finks and stoolies. (more…)
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Actors On Strike – Take Two!
by Dave Konig
Dumb
With the ongoing struggle within SAG between the strike faction and the anti-strike faction, and with the upcoming commercial actor’s contract negotiations looming, it is time to address the big issue behind the union’s difficulties. No, it’s not the economy, new technology, or the explosion of reality television. Those are just messy details. The big picture reason why the Screen Actors Guild is a mess? It’s run by actors. Actors shouldn’t be running unions. Because actors are dumb. I know – I’ve been an actor all my life, I’ve been around actors all my life. Let’s face it – if life is one big SAT test, we actors are still in the hallway tying our shoes.
(Case in point: that last metaphor. What does that even mean? Just dumb.) (more…)
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Sarah Silverman Crowd: Too Cool For The Catskills
by Dave KonigThe other night I did a show at the New York Friars Club. The Friars do a lot of shows for a lot of good causes: to raise school tuition for underprivileged kids in the arts, for charities that help disabled kids, for our returning heroes from Iraq and Afghanistan in the Wounded Warriors Project. I recently had the tremendous honor of performing my stand up act for United States Marines in the Wounded Warrior Battalion at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. Apparently my act is very motivational – one lance corporal told me afterwards that during my act several marines actually left the theater and volunteered to go back to combat.
The show we did at the club the other night was for an equally momentous, but slightly less altruistic, purpose: it was Mickey Freeman’s birthday. Mickey is an octogenarian, possibly nonagenarian, borscht belt comedian, forever beloved as Private Zimmerman on Phil Silver’s old “Sgt Bilko” show. Mickey is a delightful little guy, if he’s even five foot tall he’s a very short five foot tall, and he can still reel off the rapid-fire classic one liners like a comedy machine (”I worked one hotel that was such a dump, the beds were unmade on the postcard!”). Everybody loves Mickey, and the show was a classic Friars affair: great older comics (like Eddie Lawrence, The Ol’ Philosopher: “What’s the matter, Bunky? Life getting you down?”) mixed in with comics like Ross Bennett, Jackie the Jokeman Martling, and those like me who are, if not quite young, are at least younger. With the younger Friars, our prostates are only slightly enlarged. (more…)
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