Daniel Kalder was born in Fife, Scotland in 1974. After gaining a degree in English Literature from Edinburgh University he worked briefly in the British government’s Mad Cow Crisis unit before escaping to Moscow in 1997 in pursuit of radical experiences and psychic disorientation. For ten years he lived and worked in Russia and the former Soviet Union, applying himself to several trades, although he never sold arms or human organs.
Styling himself as an anti-tourist, Kalder takes pleasure in visiting all the places people in their right minds usually avoid — ranging from a city dedicated to chess in Kalmykia, Russia, to a Siberian mountain village where the inhabitants worship a former soviet traffic cop turned Messiah named Vissarion Christ. Coming from the middle of nowhere himself, he is dedicated to uncovering the secret beauty and hidden strangeness of wastelands and voids. So far his travels have resulted in two highly unusual, critically acclaimed books Lost Cosmonaut and Strange Telescopes.
In 2006 Kalder decided it was time for a change and relocated from Moscow to Texas. Since then he has drunk deep of the local culture and Texans now recognize him as a ‘true Texan’ in spite of his foreign roots and accent. He regards this as a compliment.
Visit him online at http://www.danielkalder.com.
Daniel Kalder
Rammstein: Teutonic Metal Gods Conquer America?
by Daniel KalderFor most non-Teutons the idea of German rock is not very appealing. The fatherland of Bach and Beethoven may well have produced many interesting experimental groups (Kraftwerk, Einstürzende Neubauten etc) but on a global, top 40 level it’s an entirely different matter. Consider:
1) The Scorpions- hair metal popular in the 80s, approximately as good as Winger.
2) KMFDM- plodding industrial metal from the late 80s/early90s.
3) That Nena chick of ‘99 luftballons’ fame.
In short, a roster of acts so unnecessary that we could safely consign them to the same dark abyss as Croatian thrash or Russian hip hop and the human race would be none the poorer for it. And yet fortunately for the glory of popular Deustche musik this is not the end of the story- for in the mid 90s what rough beast slouched towards Germany to be born? Breathing flames and reveling in death and all manner of deviancy, its name was Rammstein.
Formed in the early 1990s by veterans of several crap East German groups, Rammstein consisted of six men in their 30s who had grown up under communism. They took their name from Ramstein, a US military base where a terrible disaster had occurred during an air show in 1988, adding an extra ‘m’ to dislocate it slightly. With the Berlin Wall fallen, the band was now liberated to steal as many sounds and ideas as they desired. These included elements of classic heavy metal, industrial metal and gothic synth pop such as Depeche Mode; not to mention liberal appropriations from Laibach, a Slovenian group fascinated by the links between mass culture, pop music and totalitarianism. (If you have a few minutes I recommend you watch Laibach’s reinterpretations of Queen’s One Vision and Opus’ Life is Life: the originals will never sound the same again.) (more…)
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Hilary Swank: I Allow a Six Year-Old to See Me Nude
by Daniel KalderOne day a few years ago, back in Scotland, my brother and his friend Kenny were reminiscing about the knocks and scrapes of growing up. It was all fairly normal stuff until Kenny suddenly blurted out:
‘Yeah, it’s like the first time you win a square go with your dad!’
Now for those among you who did not grow up in West Fife let me explain the meaning of ‘a square go.’ This is a game that requires you to take turns punching your opponent in the face as hard as you can, until one of you passes out or begs the other to stop.
Naturally my brother looked at Kenny in shock. And for the first time in his life Kenny began to suspect that smacking your dad really hard in the face and vice versa was not necessarily a universal bonding experience. (more…)
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The Mystery of David Letterman
by Daniel KalderDavid Letterman has been much in the news lately due to his fondness for the flesh of young female staffers, and the alleged blackmail plot regarding his exploits in that direction. It seems that old Dave is a bit of a lech who — like many powerful and wealthy individuals — uses his high social status to gain access to the sexual organs of women who would not look at him twice were he not so illustrious a figure. And so the furious debate rages in the papers, online and on cable news — will Dave survive the scandal? Will his audience follow him? The mystery for me however is much simpler — how did Letterman ever achieve the status he enjoys today?
Allow me to explain. I’m not from around these parts. I grew up in Scotland, spent a decade in Russia, and arrived in the US three years ago. As something of a night owl I soon found myself confronted with America’s strange, televisual dream-world of nocturnal gibberish, and the even more perplexing national obsession with the personalities, rivalries and ratings battles that played out between the competing purveyors of this gibberish. The big one of course was Leno vs. Letterman, but who could forget the death struggle for comedic dominance between Conan and Craig Ferguson? Then there was the mystery of Jimmy Kimmel, floating around like some moth that had lost sight of the moon, detached from these wars as if no one expected him to succeed anyway. And lurking in the deep, deep darkness was the awful horror that is Carson Daly: charmless, entirely unfunny and visibly drowning in his own misery. (more…)
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