Parcbench does not profess to be like most other publications, although we have derived much inspiration from Big Hollywood and its founder, Andrew Breitbart, who has agreed to join our Board of Advisors.  And we believe that we share a common mission.  Specifically, we strive to bring people pop-culture that reflects mainstream America.  

While we intend to deliver a fair share of policy and political coverage as well, we will focus on the culture that makes our nation the richest and most diversified in the world.  We will do it not just through parcbench.com but in person, in your town, on your college campus, and without the liberal spin that one finds in virtually every other cultural media outlet.  

Our magazine will feature stories on current events, television, music, celebrities, movies, fashion, style, art, architecture, health, food, books, sports, and the military.  We aspire to promote a brand that explores everything and cultivates a following that is intensely curious and patriotic.  

Most importantly, Parcbench is beholden to no one.  We owe no allegiance to any corporations or politicians.  We will tell it like it is, including who and what is threatening America, and who and what is preserving it.  And we will do it with your help.  Because we believe that Parcbench is fundamentally a grassroots American experiment. 

Although we live in tumultuous times, we believe that hope is not a new feature of the American landscape, but a fundamental part of our ethos.  Parcbench will reflect that hope, optimism, love of country, and American sense of entrepreneurship.  And best of all, Parcbench will be fun, something that is all too easy to forget these days. 

Brett Joshpe is co-author of the book Why You’re Wrong About the Right: Behind the Myths: The Surprising Truth About Conservatives (Simon & Schuster). He graduated from Harvard Law School and is currently General Counsel of The American Civics Exchange.

Nonetheless, human rights groups and fashionable Darfur activists are heralding the development as a breakthrough.  And although I have yet to read any statements from actor George Clooney, he must be beaming with pride given his secret meeting with President Obama several weeks ago to discuss this issue.  While we do not know the exact contents of the Obama-Clooney discussion, al-Bashir’s indictment led me to speculate on how that conversation might have unfolded. 

Clooney: Mr President, it is truly an honor to see you again.  You are one of us, one of the good guys.  Thank you for having me here today to discuss the crucially important issue of Darfur with you. 

Obama: My pleasure, George.  Thank you to you, and to Sean [Penn], and to Tim [Robbins] and to Susan [Sarandon] for the work you are doing on this and other issues. 

Clooney: The pleasure is ours.  We feel like America is back.  Any-who, there is a serious situation in Darfur. 

Obama: Yes, I know. 

Clooney: Yeah, it’s bad.  Like, lots of people are being murdered and displaced and stuff. 

Obama: Yes, I know.  We’ve known about this for some time now.  We are very concerned.  

Clooney: Yeah, well so are we.  The situation is what I would describe as “urgent.”  And I just wanted to, you know, express our concern to you and to make sure you know that we know that this is an important and serious issue. 

Obama: Oh, we know. 

Clooney:  Good, good.  Well, that’s what really matters is that you know that we know.  You know, I actually have a “Save Darfur” bumper-sticker on my SUV.  I’m thinking about doing a documentary or something like that also.  I want to raise awareness.  I think that’s the most important thing at this point.  

Obama: That’s great.  You’re really doing great work, George.  

Clooney: Don’t be silly; it’s not just me.  It’s all the guys out in Hollywood.  We really care about this issue.  Speaking of which, is there a plan to address the situation on the ground over there? 

Obama: Well, we are looking at all of the options.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re not going to go in there with troops or anything like my predecessor did in…(coughing, mumbled, sounded like Iraq).  But we’re looking at almost all of the options.  I think that a Security Council resolution is unlikely given China’s relationship with Sudan, but the ICC might issue an indictment soon, which would be huge.  It will send the world the unmistakable message that we do not tolerate genocide, or war crimes, or whatever the indictment will actually read once it goes through the ICC’s approval process and press office.  We also might set up a commission to investigate and report on the situation over there. 

Clooney: Oh, that’s great news.  Sounds like we’re really making progress then.  You know, it’s so great to know that once again someone inhabits this Office who realizes that you don’t solve every problem with brute force.  You cooperate; you talk to allies; you go through the legal and diplomatic channels to get things done. 

Obama: Yep, well as I said during the campaign, I will restore America’s image in the world’s eyes.  I know China appreciates our deliberateness.  

Clooney: No doubt, Mr. President.  Hopefully this will lead to the cessation of brutal killings in Darfur too.  

Obama: Yes, we can only hope.  One step at a time. 

Clooney: Well, thanks again for your time today, Mr. President. 

Obama: George, anytime.  Say hi to Sean [Penn] for me and tell him not to forget that I’m still opposed to gay marriage (wink).  

Brett Joshpe is co-author of the book Why You’re Wrong About the Right: Behind the Myths: The Surprising Truth About Conservatives (Simon & Schuster). He graduated from Harvard Law School and is currently General Counsel of The American Civics Exchange.

I have an idea…now that Guantanamo Bay is being closed within the year, maybe Southeren California can help find a home for people like Khalid Sheikh Mahammed.  I know Sean Penn could make them feel right at home.

While you should hear Barack Obama’s name more than once tonight, here are a few things you probably won’t hear spoken:

• “Did you know that Harvey Milk was a Republican?”
• “How about Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight?  What an overrated performance!”
• “Thank you to President Bush for keeping us safe the last seven years.”
• “I dedicate this award to the brave men and women who keep my idiotic, ungrateful Hollywood cronies and me safe.” 
• “Wasn’t Rendition just the worst movie you’ve ever seen?”
• “Why the hell wasn’t Gran Torino nominated for best picture?!”
• “And the award goes for Best Actor goes to Mickey Rourke…thank God…Sean Penn is such an ass!”  

I digress. Tonight is the night that we celebrate the uniquely American invention of Hollywood–and all the American values that Hollywood embodies, such as drug overdoses, extravagantly overpriced clothes, and completely green-friendly entourages.  

Here are some preliminary predictions:

• Mickey Rourke’s ill-timed expression of gratitude towards President Bush will cost him the feel-good, comeback story of the year, as the Best Actor Award will instead go to Sean Penn for playing a gay Republican legislator.  Plus, a friend of Hugo Chavey is a friend of Hollywood’s.
• The Academy will just pretend that Clint Eastwood never made that dreadfully, spectacular movie Gran Torino, which is far too conservative and far too Americana for the Age of Environmentally Friendly Awards Ceremonies.
• Slumdog Millionairre will win Best Picture (obviously), whose cast will thankfully add a touch of humility to the otherwise self-important evening. 

I will be posting more throughout the evening.  Thanks for reading.

-Brett Joshpe, www.brettjoshpe.com

To make that reminder more poignant, a recent U.S. Joint Forces Command report warns of a “rapid and sudden collapse” in Mexico because “the government, its politicians, police and judicial infrastructure are all under sustained assault…by criminal gangs and drug cartels.”  In other words-to cut through the political correctness-America has a third world nation on its southern border that is compromised by corruption and violence and an implosion would likely cause teams of illegal immigrants streaming into southern U.S. states.  

Officials estimate that there are approximately 12 million illegal immigrants already in the U.S.  Although many immigrants add richness and diversity to our society-and provide economically valuable services-illegal immigration costs taxpayers billions of dollars annually for healthcare, education, criminal enforcement and incarceration.  The Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR) approximated that the cost to California alone is $10.5 billion per year.  

While the economics can be debated, perhaps far more disturbing about America’s immigration problem is the refusal of governments-federal and certain local-to protect Americans’ safety.  The federal government under the Bush administration did not take border security particularly seriously, and although erection of a fence along the U.S.-Mexican border is in progress, the pace reveals little urgency.  Amnesty advocates argue that the security fears are overblown, as there are no “known” terrorists who have entered the U.S. across the southern border.  

Security goes far beyond terrorism, however, and the fear that certain illegal immigrant gangs have instilled in their communities and the reluctance of particular locales to cooperate with federal officials in reporting illegal immigrant criminals is inexcusable.  In a 2004 article for the Manhattan Institute’s City Journal, Heather MacDonald reported that a staggering 95 percent of all outstanding homicide warrants in Los Angeles and two-thirds of fugitive felony warrants target illegal immigrants.  The Justice Department’s National Gang Intelligence Center conducted a study that concludes gangs-which are mostly comprised of illegal immigrants-are responsible for up to 80 percent of crime in America.   

There are horror stories like the one that prompted the proposed “Jamiel’s Law,” named after a 19 year old from Los Angeles who was murdered by an illegal immigrant gang member who had already served prison time for a handgun violation but was back on the streets rather than turned over to federal authorities and deported.  The Los Angeles City Council refused even to debate “Jamiel’s Law,” which would have denied illegal immigrants amnesty and required enforcement of existing federal law.  However, cities like Los Angeles, Houston, Washington D.C., and New York-often referred to as “sanctuary cities”-not only refuse to enforce federal law, they actively flaunt it, prohibiting city officials from cooperating with federal officials or revealing illegal immigrant status.  

Amnesty advocates raise a host of red-herrings in arguing for why sanctuaries are necessary, such as encouraging cooperation by illegal immigrants with police.  They argue that attempts to secure the borders, enforce the law, and crack down on illegal immigration are racist.  While conservatives should not push for a massive federal round-up of millions of illegal immigrants, which would cost far too much money and entail too great an administrative burden, ensuring a secure border and instituting deportation proceedings for all illegal criminals should be conservative prerequisites for immigration reform, and voters are likely to agree. 

A 2005 Zogby poll found that Democrats, blacks, women, and households with less than $75,000 in income are most opposed to illegal immigration.  This is the kind of law and order policy, similar to the crackdown on crime in the 1980’s, that could enable conservatives to establish a pro-active social agenda in the new Democratic government and attract new voters to the conservative cause. 

Politics aside, however, securing the border and enforcing the rule of law entails promoting one of the most important conservative principles of all: defending the American identity and all that it means.  It is no surprise that Hollywood would devalue that message.

But heck, Hollywood, good for you guys.  You have finally realized that you are Americans too, and you can once again attend overseas premieres with pride, rather than the shame of citizenship under the Bush administration.  While you are at it, maybe you could pledge to make Khalid Sheikh Mohammed smile and love more too.  That guy could use a hug and an environmentally friendly toilet.  And since you are looking to pitch in now and to “turn the lights off,” “trade in your obnoxious car and buy a hybrid,” and “drive slower,” I have a few other ideas for how you might be able to help.  Please, forgive me if these suggestions may seem a little punitive, perhaps counter-productive, but this is a time for sacrifice and a time to embrace the collective, selfless philosophy of Democrats and The One.   

Until Republicans acted this week, the Senate was actually prepared to bestow hundreds of millions of dollars of stimulation for Hollywood.  The “Hollywood clause” would have given movie studios special tax breaks and enabled them to depreciate the costs of production equipment at a quicker rate.  Perhaps, however, Congress should consider reinserting that provision.  Doing so would give us the perfect excuse to impose the types of compensation controls on the movie industry that President Obama is now demanding of other industries who receive federal help. 

Unlike the greedy Wall Street executives though, who have torpedoed our economy by allowing federal bureaucrats to bludgeon them into making bad loans, Hollywood would surely understand the merit of pay caps.  After all, it would enable the entertainment world to fulfill its pledge “to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.”  (Cut for laughter and gagging and take two!)

But seriously, for the people who are leading the environmental movement and spearheading efforts to turn the Academy Awards green, cut back on the number of SUV’s in their entourage, and demonstrate frugality to Al Gore, this is such a great opportunity to demonstrate restraint and help out the new President.  What better way to show solidarity with Democrats who want to impose a command and control economy and to confiscate wealth from the rich.  Especially since everyone needs to make sacrifices right now.  Not to worry though, Steven Spielberg and crew, it will feel patriotic.

As such, we should cap the compensation that movie studios and Silver Screen stars make, particularly given the wealth disparities between the actors and actresses and the grips, stagehands, and extras.  While there will be times for profits, this is not that time, especially when people are losing jobs and the Golden State’s $40 billion budget deficit is bigger than most countries’ total economic GDP.

It so refreshing to see Hollywood stars embracing this new America.  They are just in time to put their dollars where their mouths are and to start fulfilling their pledge.