And in education:  After ignoring developments in Washington and not studying various legislative proposals, Bizarro World Wildlife Fund’s all-volunteer Directors of Board am decided to endorse repeal of the Bizarro Marine Mammal Protection Act. Revocation of the BMMPA, according to organization’s official website, “will deliver on key priorities for us been fighting for.”

Moving on to sports:  After ignoring developments in Washington and not studying various legislative proposals, Bizarro AARP’s all-volunteer Directors of Board am decided to endorse proposed $400 billion cut to Medicare as well as termination of federal funding for Medicare Advantage Plans, which benefit over 25% of their membership. The proposed cuts, according to the organization’s official website, “will deliver on key priorities for us been fighting for.”

Wait!

Me am getting update!

Bizarro needs to correct final story. It am not Bizarro AARP that slash benefits to members, but AARP on Earth!

Now Bizarro am confused!

Am Earthlings becoming Bizarros?

This am disaster for Bizarro culture. Bizarros am opposite of all things Earthling. Planet Earth am round; Planet Bizarro, square.  Only one Superman on Earth.  On Planet Bizarro, everyone am Superman! If Earthlings act like Bizarros, then Bizarros am forced to behave opposite of Earthlings and not be Bizarros, but Earthlings am!

Aaaarrrrrgh! Me head aches!

Wait! Do not panic! This just not in…

AARP Directors of Board am not normal Earthlings but liberal shills for White House who put own socialist political dogma ahead of members’ best interests.

Whew…

And coming up at eleventy o’clock: Bizarro Nancy Pelosi tells truth that health reform bill am too much expensive and 1,900 pages are smoke screen to hide true objective which am single-payer system! Will she use legislative nuclear option to ram through fiscally responsible G.O.P. Plan that includes long overdue reforms to Bizarro health care system?  Many say, “Yes,” but some say, “Yes.”

Bad evening and do not remember, Bizarro am #1!

In comparison to “real” businesses, I think I can say from personal experience inside and outside the bubble that Hollywood is the most systemically ruthless, amoral, deceitful, cruel and thuggish enterprise outside of Mexican drug cartels and (possibly) D.C. Politics.  For all its self-proclaimed “progressiveness,” compared to the daily operations of corporations in the real world, management practices in Hollywood exhibit all the “compassion” of a mid-19th century Dickensian sweatshop.

When I first “broke in” (note that the very term for initiating one’s career in entertainment is synonymous with criminal trespass), I was shocked at how terrified everyone seemed to act. It was as if the whole machine was lubricated with a mix of adrenline and flop-sweat.

For example, early in my career, on location, I accidentally spilled a full 16 ounce cup of lemonade on one of the supporting actors. Before I could blurt an apology, the poor man, aware that I was a producer, shouted, “It’s okay! Really! It was all my fault!” As he staggered toward the costume trailer, frantically waving off a swarm of angry (possibly Africanized) bees attracted by his newfound lemony-fresh scent, I just stood there, flabbergasted, wondering, “Huh…?”

Then there were the P.A.’s and various assistants, all of whom seemed to deal with me as if I was a.) a hair-trigger homicidal psychopath; b.) a road-side I.E.D.; or c.) a rabid, meth-crazed pit-bull. It was as if they were frightened I would fly into a rage and fire them at the slightest provocation.

At first, I wondered whether I was putting out some kind of serial-killer vibe.  Eventually, I realized their terror had nothing to do with me, but with others they’d worked for in the past–the screaming, telephone-hurling, profanity-spewing, tantrum-throwing, raging monster sociopaths that are more a rule than an exception in this wonderful business–jerk-sticks that would be tolerated for exactly five minutes in any other line of work.

But in Hollywood, not only are these trolls tolerated, but celebrated. Operatically crude, nasty, cruel behavior simply “adds to the legend” in a town where notoriety is routinely granted greater cache than talent. After all, who is more likely to command respect in a classroom full of ill-mannered children: The juvenile delinquent or the math-whiz?

Meanwhile, for the last quarter-century in the “real world,” contemporary management techniques have stressed the carrot over the whip. Companies have found that productivity is inexorably tied to employee morale. Furthermore, happy employees incur fewer sick-days, injuries and lawsuits. Low or no-cost incentives such as a clean working environment that encourages creativity, independence and mutual respect are the hallmarks of the modern corporate success-story.

Is it, then, any wonder why marriages between major entertainment conglomerates and modern tech-based companies are often acrimonious and doomed?  Trying to wed contemporary corporate culture with old Hollywood is like introducing a trickle of fresh water into a vast stagnant open sewer.  Sure, it may smell a little better, but I sure wouldn’t drink from it.

And then there’s the lying! Not just little, inconsequential lies, but big, bold, beefy, I-don’t-care-if-you-know-I’m-lying-I’m-gonna-lie-anyway lies.

In the corporate world, I found that honesty–at least a reputation for honesty–is a critical asset to a company if it wants to build a clientele. Dishonesty was fairly rare, and usually assumed the form of omissions or misleading statements. Hollywood-style bald-faced deception was virtually non-existent and was considered very bad form. A former corporate colleague of mine once put it succinctly when we discovered we were lied to by a marketing representative: “It’s not just that he lied, but I was able to expose it with one lousy phone-call!”

In Hollywood, such is the corruption that being openly lied to is not only tolerated, but welcome, often with a smile from the recipient. Because in Hollywood, being addressed with honesty and directness is the surest sign that one’s career is dead. As a writer friend groaned after being fired by his agent, “I can’t believe it! The sonofabitch didn’t even respect me enough to lie to me!”

I’ve also been stunned by the prevalence of corporate misconduct that blithely continues in Hollywood as if the last thirty-five years had never happened. Nepotism; discrimination; ageism; sexual harassment; retaliation and the practice of blackballing have been largely vanquished from the “real world” by the risk of expensive lawsuits and fines.

But Hollywood’s culture of fear has effectively inoculated it against legal recourse. How often have we all heard an aggrieved industry colleague threaten to sue, only to met by others with the hushed admonition, “Are you crazy? Don’t you want to work again?”

I long wondered why Hollywood is so crooked. My personal theory is that it was built on a foundation of larceny.  In order to cheat Thomas Edison out of royalties on his Kinetograph, the original moguls placed a continent between themselves and the Wizard of Menlo Park’s fancy-pants east-coast lawyers.

As a crooked foundation inevitably gives rise to a crooked house, I believe Hollywood’s corruption is as unfixable as it is immutable. So thorough is its baseness that one could argue that it cannot be further debased–after all, a cancer cell cannot contract cancer.

But despite the fact that I’m a “when-in-Rome” pragmatist when it comes to playing in the Hollywood sandbox, accepting Weinstein’s statement that Hollywood has “the best moral compass” to judge a man who drugged and raped a 13-year-old is a little too much like going for thirds at the all-you-can-eat irony buffet—even for this grizzled hack.

To Harvey, to you and to myself, I say. “Shut up and keep living the dream.”

And I quote: “It’s time for us as a group of artists, producers, promoters, organizers, influencers, marketers, tastemakers, leaders or just plain cool people to join together…”

I’m a producer and an artist.  I’m even a leader at times.  And anyone who’s ever had one of my patented kick-ass margaritas (SeizureRitas®) can attest to my tastemaking abilities!  Just to prove my worth to the cause, I’d like to submit the below painting, an homage to German artist Hubert Lanzinger, I call “Obama, the Standard Bearer.”

During the call, of course, Yosi Sergant includes himself in the mix, as is evident when he opens with “It’s time for us.”  Because Yosi must be one of us, right?  Let’s see…

According to his bio in Wikipedia, Yosi got his degree in World Arts and Culture from UCLA.  I guess that makes him an arts aficionado, if not an actual artist.  He’s worked in “marketing, public relations, brand management and business development for over 10 years.”  So I guess that places him in the “promoter/organizer” class.

Oh, but wait!  According his entry in IMDB, he’s a producer, too!  He’s responsible for that incredible film, “Bacon Wagon.”  Haven’t heard of it?  Well, according to the one user comment, “Bacon Wagon” rates a robust ten stars.  And I quote:

“We could all learn a thing or two from The Bacon Wagon Man. This movie was filled with fabulous dark comedy and great production design. He’s got a live pig–I believe his name is Wiggles.”

And just who wrote this glowing review?  I can’t be sure, but that breathless style is almost as good as a fingerprint.  Could it be that Yosi is a film critic as well as a P.R. flack?

Why… that would make him a “tastemaker.”

Still, my Wikipedia entry is about twice as long as Yosi’s.  Plus, his IMDB credits are a veritable pimple on the ass of my IMDB credits.   So why, Yosi?  Why no invitation for Big X?

I guess I’m not “just plain cool” enough.

In a brazen and inept attempt to “relate” (as in “pander”) to his church-going audience, the President accused opponents of “bearing false witness” against his plans.  I suppose by that he meant his critics are lying.  True, bearing false witness is a specific type of lie, but it’s very difficult to do against an abstract object.  Usually, false witness is borne against a person.  Like Sarah Palin, for instance… 

But, I digress. 

During the meeting, Obama debunked “disinformation” alleging that illegal aliens would be eligible for the proposed plan.  “That’s not true,” he objected, “There’s a specific provision in the bill that does not provide health insurance for those individuals.” 

Let’s take a look at the text, shall we?  The provision he cited is located on page 143 and reads as follows: 

SEC. 246. NO FEDERAL PAYMENT FOR UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS 

Wow.  Can’t get much clearer than that!  It looks like the Big O is right: Undocumented aliens are excluded from collecting benefits under the plan 

But… hey, wait a cotton-pickin’ minute!

On page 50, SEC. 152 explicitly prohibits discrimination under the act with “regard to personal characteristics extraneous to the provision of high quality health care or related services.” 

In other words, undocumented aliens are not only eligible for ObamaCare, but their coverage is mandated.

So what’s up, Big O?  Quit jacking us around!  Are they covered or not? 

A further reading of Section 246 reveals that the plan only disallows “Federal payments for affordability credits on behalf of individuals who are not lawfully present in the United States.” 

“Affordability credits” are federal subsidies that offset the cost of monthly health plan premiums for low income earners. 

So, in short, undocumented aliens are eligible for the plan under Section 152, but ineligible for premium subsidies. 

Now, let’s do the math:

1. Though illegal aliens will be prohibited from receiving Federal premium subsidies, they are not prohibited from participating in the plan.
2. Every benefit dollar received by the participant in excess of premium paid represents a deficit against the plan; and…
3. The plan is funded by tax dollars and benefits are paid by the Fed.

Gee… either the President doesn’t understand the eligibility guidelines of the Public Option, or he is deliberately lying.

This is a very misleading aspect of the bill, one likely to be quoted by Democrats and frothing moonbats over the next few months to bolster their charges of us “uninformed evil mongerers” spreading “disinformation.” 

So next time some know-it-all Kool-Aid-drinker arrogantly bleats that illegal aliens aren’t covered under ObamaCare, tell them they are incorrect (or “full of shit,” if you prefer).  SEC. 246 only forbids the payment of Federal premium subsidies to illegals.  It does not deny their eligibility to participate and/or collect reimbursement for medical charges under the plan.

As a matter of fact, under SEC. 152, the plan is explicitly prohibited against denying coverage to illegal aliens. 

Big X, out!

January 17, 2010 (Pasadena, California) The Fox Network kicked off its Winter Press Tour session at the Ritz-Carlton Huntington Hotel in Pasadena, California today with the announcement of its new reality series, “Deal or Die,” an eight-episode competition that features multiple terminal patients and their surviving families working together as teams to win medical treatments excluded by the National Treatment Review Board (NTRB).

Network Reality Programming V.P. Chip Saperstein explained, “Our new series ‘Deal or Die’ takes a close look at one of the most complex and volatile of all relationships — between the Federal Government, terminally ill patients, and their families — in a highly competitive and stressful situation.”

In round one, each team advocates for their terminal loved one before a panel of celebrity judges.  The expense of the treatment will then be weighed against a number of objective measures, including the contestant’s age, chances of recovery, and value to society as well as more subjective factors.  According to Saperstein, judges will be able to consider factors such as the patient’s positive attitude, creativity and sense of humor “as well as that special little indefinable something I like to refer to as ’spunk.’”

Round Two commences once the judges have chosen a winning team.  The family is offered a variety of prizes or a cash settlement equal to half the cost of the course of treatment.  In the pilot presentation, for instance, the patient, Fern Beaumont, suffering from inoperable lung cancer, won a course of erlotinib, which could extend her life up to six years.  At $4,000 a month, the value of her treatment was $288,000.  She was then offered cash and/or prizes worth $144,000 to forgo the hard-won medical treatment.

Saperstein opined, “This is where we see some real drama.  Is the patient going to continue care at the expense of their family, or are they going to take the money and run?  Things get very heated and we find out how everybody really feels about each other — if there are any past slights or buried resentment, believe me, this is where they bubble to the surface.  It’s unbelievable, completely unpredictable and incredibly entertaining while thought-provoking!”

In the case of the Beaumonts, after some debate, Fern selflessly opts to pass on her cancer treatment in order to pay for a Farewell Greek Island Cruise for her extended family.

Celebrity judges in the pilot included Kim Kardashian, Carrot Top, and Dr. Drew Pinsky.  “Deal or Die” is a production of Fox Television Studios. Series is created by and executive produced by Leonard Bellows (“Who Wants to Be the President,” “Last Convict Standing”).

Big X here, broadcasting live to every corner of the globe via satellite from the legendary Peacock Lounge, high atop the mighty Breitbart Tower on Sunset and Cherokee in the heartless heart of Hollywood, U.S.A.!

Yes folks, you heard that right.  Your humble if nattily-dressed servant, Biggus Exxus, is now in possession of his very own Lockheed Martin A2100 communications satellite recently launched into geosynchronous orbit from the Guiana Space Centre on an Ariane 5 rocket!

Now, you might wonder how a mere journalist can afford to purchase a 93.7 million dollar satellite and a big, bee-yutiful 126.3 million dollar European launch vehicle, not to mention the ongoing overhead incurred by a ground-control crew, insurance and miscellaneous costs.

Simple, my friends!

By dedicating a just a minimal smidge of bandwidth to a few hillbillies and hayseeds in “unserved and undeserved areas,” I qualified for a whopping 300 million dollar “grant” from the Broadband Technology Opportunities Program under our Supreme Leader‘s Stimulus Bill!

Hot dog!

My biggest problem these days is figuring out how to spend the rest of dough!  I’ve already bought Mrs. X an Escalade Hybrid from Government Motors, installed enough solar panels on the roof of Casa de X to power an Iranian uranium enrichment plant, made a $250,000 contribution to Obama’s 2012 Inauguration Fund, and… and…

… and Hi-ho Silver!  I still have over 70 million burning a hole in my suddenly very, very deep pockets!

And believe-you-me, if you have a hankering to buy your own satellite, there’s plenty more slop in the trough–exactly 4.4 billion dollars worth, to be exact.  So fire up your Smith-Coronas, write a grant proposal and get to grabbin’ a piece of that sweet, sweet stimulus lucre while the grabbin’s good!

That’s right!  Kick up your heels, folks!  Don’t listen to all those Gloomy Gusses moaning about the economy.  Sure, unemployment and mortgage defaults are skyrocketing!  But that means millions of freshly minted Democrats!

Yes, Mom and Pop, all those formerly apolitical “undecided” boobs foolish enough to buy into the so-called “American Dream” are finally waking up to the cap-and-trade, zero-emission, lean, clean, green, ain’t-it-keen future offered by the Democrat Party!

And speaking of clean and green!  Kudos to our Speaker of the House, Fancy Frisco Pelosi!

Not only is she intelligent, elegant, wise, stylish, articulate, generous, honest, graceful and one of the World’s Great Beauties (move over, Michelle!), but she’s one tough broad as well, ramming the Cap and Trade Bill through the House like Castor-oil through a fat French goose!

Rankled by the overwhelming bipartisan support, Minority Leader, John “Boehner” Boehner, complained that there wasn’t time for members to read the 1,300-plus page bill before voting on it.  What’s the matter, Johnnieboy?  Afraid your lips would get tired?

And since when do Republicans know how to read?!

Don‘t mind the static, folks!  I‘m being told by my voluptuous assistant, the stunning Miss Montenegro, that the clod-busters have suddenly jammed our broadband!  What’s got those rube’s long underpants in a bunch, anyway?

What’s that they’re yammering about, Miss Montenegro?  Shorter growing seasons…?

Holy Moly, it’s certified!  According to the wire, leading climatologists from Russia, Germany and Canada have reported that a cold spell will set in by 2012, leading to a potential mini-Ice Age by 2041 that will last at least fifty years!

That’s right, friends!  Madam Pelosi’s Cap-and-Trade Bill is already working, and it hasn’t even cleared the Senate!

Whoa-nilly!  Better tell our subscribers they’re in for a cold-snap!  And order my commodities broker to buy up orange juice futures.  What?  Al Gore’s already cornered the market?  Drat!

I’m afraid that’s all the time we have, folks. Reporting live via satellite from Filmland, I bid you a fond farewell, and remember, buy Maclean’s Toothpaste!  Did you Maclean your teeth today?

Until next time, this is Big X, out!

Big X here, broadcasting live from Celluloid City in the swishy-swishy Peacock Lounge, high atop the mighty Breitbart Tower on Sunset and Cherokee!

Holy cats, what’s next?!

After last week’s spectacular victory over Hard Times with the passage of his trillion-dollar Stimulus Bill, the sour-puss Republican Tycoonocracy was crying in their caviar, throwing a tizzy over the so-called “deficit” and demanding to know who will pay the piper for all those bee-yutiful C-notes!

While any lesser mortal would have rested on his laurels, his name forever embedded like a shining supernova in the historical firmament as the greatest American Commander-In-Chief ever, President Obama gave those sobbing-Sallies an answer:

“You, Mr. Moneybags!”

Yes, it’s certified, Mr. President! For that magnificent one-two punch, I hereby dub thee Barack “Bam-Bam” Obama!

Our waiter, Rodrigo, has been kind enough to bring a Xerograph of the latest Spending Bill, and boy, is it a doozy! Yes, it seems complicated, folks, but don’t panic! Your pal, Big X is here to cut through the bull and boil it down to stew!  And what a savory dish it is!

First off, the good news is that tax rates will actually be dropping for the vast majority of working Americans, even those who don’t make enough scrap to even pay taxes. Yes, you heard me right, Johnnie Q.! Ain’t that a lulu?!

Pass the butter and slop the hogs, ma! I smell money! And it may be spelled R. E. F. U. N. D., but it spends just the same!

Hot-dawg!

But wait a second! How can Uncle Sam hand out a cool trillion with more on the way, and cut taxes? As my good friend Albert Einstein once said while perusing his bar-tab at the Stork Club, “Ach mein Gott! It just don’t add up!”

Oh, but it does…!

Because tax rates will be going up as well, my friends! Way up! But not for you or me, or anyone we know! Unless, that is, your name is Rockefeller and you rub elbows with all the swells and socialites who pull down more than a whopping $250,000 smackers a year!

That’s right, folks! You heard it here, first! The stinking-rich leisure class will finally be forced to cough up their fair share of the U.S. Tax Bill!

What’s that, Rodrigo? Really, that much?! Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…

Ladies and gents, our trusty cocktail-juggler, Rodrigo, has just informed me that between the salary and tips he earns here at the Peacock, and the profit his wife clears from her dress shop downtown, they make a combined income of over $250,000!

Why, that bears some looking into, Rodrigo!  I’m quite certain a situation like yours is scarce as a pen in a Post Office! After all, Obama himself has personally assured us repeatedly that these tax hikes will only impact the wealthiest 2% of Americans!

Luckily, my curvaceous assistant Miss Montenegro is standing by with the latest data from the Internal Revenue Service to tell us exactly what miniscule percentage of Americans make more than a quarter-million clams a year!

What, my dear? The data’s not broken down at the $250,000 point?

Come, now, Miss Montenegro! Don’t be silly! The President of the United States isn’t going to just pull numbers out of a hat! Check again!

What’s that you say? It’s broken at the $200,000 point?! Very well; how many of those are there…?

Seven percent?!

That’s absurd! How could one out of every fourteen American households make so much more dough than I do…?

I’m sorry, ladies and gentlemen. It seems we’ve gotten bogged down in petty technical details. Yes, Miss Montenegro, that will be quite enough. Order us another round of Manhattans, will you?

As our President and every red-blooded American with an ounce of common sense knows, the rich have been bilking the tax-man for decades by retaining shady Hebrew accountants who cook the books to take advantage of arcane loopholes and dubious deductions unavailable to the rest of us Short-Form-filing guys and gals.

Miss Montenegro has just passed me a note that precisely illustrates my point! Get this, folks: The people we were just talking about who clear over $200,000 a year-a full 7% of American households, mind you-pay a measly 6.2% of the total tax bill-

What’s that, Miss Montenegro? That’s a poppy-seed, not a decimal point? By gum, you’re right!

Correction, folks! That’s 62% percent?!

Yes, Rodrigo! That is a shocker. Now freshen up my drink and tell Ernesto not to skimp on the Maraschinos this time! Chop chop!

(Between me and you and Auntie Sue, folks, I think all that filthy lucre is giving our little brown friend a swelled head!)

The fact is, it doesn’t matter how much of the bill the hoi polloi covers, they still take unfair advantage of loopholes in the tax code big enough to drive their solid gold, desert-tortoise-squashing, carbon-belching Cadillacs through!

And it’s exactly these very loopholes that will be abolished by our great leader, Bam-Bam Obama, under his new Spending Bill-

For Pete’s sake, what now, Miss Montenegro?!

You say he’s placing a cap on the deduction for charitable contributions? Of course he is! Why shouldn’t the stuffed-shirts pay taxes on money they give to poor people…?!

You think they’ll give less?

Oh, pish-posh, Miss Montenegro!  Such cynicism hardly becomes a lovely creature such as yourself! But even in the extraordinarily unlikely event that what you suggest is true, Team Obama has already set aside additional money in the budget to go to charities and cover any shortfalls!

And rest assured, folks, they won’t be the frivolous non-profits you choose to support, but those carefully vetted and certified by our illustrious Administration!

I’m afraid that’s all the time we have, folks. Reporting live from Filmland, I bid you a fond adieu, and remember, all that glitters is not Papst Blue Ribbon!

Until next time, this is Big X, out!

Big X here, broadcasting live from my regular booth at the swanky Peacock Lounge, high atop the mighty Breitbart Tower on Sunset and Cherokee in the bleeding heart of Tinseltown, U.S.A.!   

Pack up all your tears and woes, listeners.  Hard Times are over!  Our new President, Barack Obama, has leapt from his corner fighting in peak form, delivering a devastating first-round K.O. to the impending economic meltdown with the passage of his Stimulus Package!  Yes, folks, I hear the greenbacks are flying off the presses so fast that workers at the U.S. Mint are crying out to Congress, “Slow down, boys!  You’re spending it faster than we can print it!”  

Hot dog!  Let’s take a look in the goody-bag!  

2.5 billion for broadband grants to rural communities!  Free wireless for sodbusters!  I got two words for that: Yee-haw! 

A 19.9 billion dollar increase in food-stamps!  Mmmm-mm!  Now that’s a lot of mac-and-cheese! 

And what’s this…?  Yikes!  Look out, dead-beats!  Obama’s got your number and it’s a cool 1 billion for Child Support enforcement! 

The anticipated results of this spactaculicious Government spending-spree?  According to Team Obama, 2.5 million jobs will be created in just the first year alone!   Wait… I spoke too soon!

Attention!  Disregard my last report!  Team Obama now projects 3.7 million new jobs!  No!  Wrong again!  Hold on to your hats, folks, I can’t keep up with the teletype!  And… whoa-nilly!  Team Obama has released yet another projection: Over 4 million new jobs!  Yes, ladies and gents, that’s a four followed by six big fat bee-yutiful zeros, a whopping 160% increase since my last paragraph! 

Our waiter, Rodrigo, has been kind enough to bring an adding machine to our table and my lovely assistant, the delightfully buxom Miss Montenegro, is cranking out numbers with the agility and single-minded deliberation of an ancient Roman galley-slave! 

Pull, Miss Montenegro, pull! 

What?  No, my dear, we can’t afford a comptometer!  Folks, her exquisitely manicured digits are a blur over the Bakelite buttons as she punches in the final figures and… here it is!  The tape, please… 

Wait?  Could this possibly be correct?!  Holy-moley, folks, it’s 100% officially certified!  Obama’s new Stimulus Package will create 350,000 new jobs each and every month!  And that’s working from numbers that are a full two paragraphs and one exclamatory aside old; numbers that, by now, may very well have even doubled or, dare I say it… TREBLED??!!

Why, at this rate, by the end of Obama’s fifth term, every true-blue, shovel-ready American guy, gal and tot in all 48 states will be gainfully employed, care of everybody’s favorite rich uncle.

 Yes, lords and ladies, I’m talking about good old Uncle Sam! 

Thank you, Mr. President! 

Hold on!  Miss Montenegro is frantically waving her hand for my attention and… corrections, folks!  That number includes both, jobs created and saved!  I repeat, jobs created and saved. 

What’s that, Miss Montenegro?  How will they keep track of jobs that are saved?  Why… who knows?  More importantly, who cares?  A job saved is a job earned, I say!  Now be a dear, light my Havana and have Rodrigo bring me another one of those yummy Manhattans… 

That’s all the time we have, folks.  Until next time, this is Big X reporting live from Hollywood.  And remember, Picky people pick Peter Pan peanut butter.   

This is Big X, out!