This got me wondering: how long, exactly, is our Constitution?  How many pages did it take our country’s founders to lay out the structure and functions of our Federal Government? 

Easy to answer.  I found the Constitution online and copied it into a Word document, in Times New Roman 12 point type. So how long is it? 

Including the preamble, all signatures and all 27 amendments, it’s 20 pages. 

Without the signatures and amendments, it’s 11 pages. 

Think about that.  The entire foundation of our country – the complete design for our entire government — is clearly explained in only 11 pages. 

No single Amendment is a full page.  Many are only a single sentence. 

Yet the bill that was passed on June 26, 2009 by 219 of our elected representatives — people to whom we’ve entrusted our Constitution, men and women who have sworn an oath to uphold it – was more than 1200 pages long.  That’s over 100 times longer than the U.S. Constitution!  And not one member of Congress, NOT ONE, read the whole thing!  

A word comes to my mind to describe this: “INSANE.” 

I cannot believe that this type of legislation and legislative behavior is what the signers of our Constitution intended when they invented Congress. 

Therefore, I am respectfully proposing a 28th Amendment to our Constitution.  I call it the Brevity Act. 

No law, bill, resolution or any act of Congress shall exceed 2000 words, including all footnotes, amendments and signatures.  Congress shall not vote on any item longer than that.  Each item requiring a vote shall be read aloud in its entirety in session to a majority of members.  Those not in attendance may not vote on the item.   

2000 words is about 5 single spaced pages in a 12 point Word document.  If it’s longer than that, then it’s too complicated to be a single law or bill, so it must either be cut or turned into multiple bills, each requiring a separate vote.  

Furthermore, a Brevity Act should be part of every State Constitution, County Charter and City Charter. 

To those who would oppose this Act because it would require Legislatures to vote separately on every single item in the budget, I say, it’s about time! 

And to all challengers to the 219 Congressional morons who voted to pass a bill which they never read, here’s your campaign speech: 

My opponent voted for a Bill he/she never read.  Only an idiot would do that.  Would you walk into a voting booth with a blindfold on and just push some buttons?  Or would you read and consider what you’re voting on before you vote?  I promise I will not vote for anything I haven’t read in its entirety. 

Let the debate begin!

I’ve never robbed a house.  Nor trashed one.  And I don’t plan to take up breaking and entering as a second career.  But as a screenwriter, with an active imagination, I always have an excuse to do a “what if…” 

So, what if there are two houses next to each other.  Fairly similar in size.  In the first driveway is a Prius with a bumper sticker “War is not the answer.”  In the second is a Ford Explorer SUV with a gun rack and a bumper sticker “Proud Member NRA.”  

Which house would I rob, pillage and trash? 

Duh. 

To me, all you great people in our military are the equivalent of having that SUV with the gun rack in the driveway of the U.S. of A.  With the manpower and the guns and the skill and the smarts to do whatever’s necessary when the time comes.  And that includes going after the bad guys where they live so they don’t ever come breaking and entering into our house again. 

I thank you for being there, and for doing the most important job there is: protecting freedom.  Thanks to you guys and gals, all the people in that house – including me — get to sleep comfortably at night.  

Thank you.  From the bottom of my heart.  I am truly grateful. 

Oh, and that first house?  I think it’s called France or something.  

Bob Gale

This, to me, is a basic principle of civilized life: “If you want something from me, I get to make the rules.”  I’ve heard this ever since I started getting an allowance from my father.  Its variation is stated simply, “beggars can’t be choosers.” 

If you want a paying job from me, you have to show up at work at the time I decide, and do what I require for the amount of time I choose.  In return for that, I will pay you a sum which I’ve decided is what the job is worth.  In addition, I have the right to set other rules, such as “employees have to wear shirts and can’t wear flip-flops.”  If you don’t like my rules, then don’t take my job or the money that goes with it.  No worries, I’ll get somebody else.  

If you want to borrow money from me to buy a house or a car or an appliance on time, I get to decide your payments, your payment schedule and your penalties for not paying.  If you don’t like my rules, don’t take my money. 

That’s the way life works. 

So President Obama gets my props for attaching strings to these government handouts. 

But I think we need to expand this principle so that it applies to EVERYONE who is taking tax dollars, not just big companies. 

Do you want Food Stamps so that you’ll have enough to eat?  Then I say there should be certain things you can’t use them for, such as junk food.  No potato chips, no frozen pizza, no soda, no popcorn.  You’ve got to be thrifty with them.  No steaks.  No crab or lobster or shrimp – those items are way too expensive.  I say you have to buy the generic brand of macaroni instead of expensive imported pasta.  In fact, maybe you should only be able to use food stamps for red beans and rice.  After all, millions of people all over the world survive on red beans and rice, day in and day out.  It’s cheap and nutritious enough to keep you going.   You don’t like those rules?  Then don’t take food stamps. 

Do you want government money so that you can live?  Well, there should be strings attached.  You don’t get to go out to eat any more.  No more concerts, no more going to the movies, no more going to paid sporting events.  And no more booze or cigarettes – not on my dime.  Get rid of the cable TV.  You can live a perfectly good life without cable.  In fact, you can live a perfectly good life without TV.  Ever hear of the Public Library?  Lots of great entertainment available – free.  Have you got a fancy cell phone with an expensive plan?  Sorry, you don’t need that either.  Sure, you need a phone, but get the cheap one, with the prepaid minutes.  If you need clothes, you’ll be shopping in the secondhand stores.  Learn to sew so you can patch the holes in those pants.  No more air conditioning.  If it’s hot, sweat it out, just like billions of people do all over the world.  And in the winter?  The thermostat doesn’t go higher than 60.  Too cold for you?  Wear a coat.  What’s that, you say — all of these restrictions are an affront to your dignity?  Sorry, pal, I’ll pay to help you live because you’re having a rough time right now, but if you’re taking MY money and not doing anything to earn it, you don’t have any dignity.  “Beggars can’t be choosers.” 

President Obama thinks every American should have government paid healthcare.  I strongly disagree, but if we go there, I think there should be some serious strings attached.  Let’s start with these:   If you smoke, you’re not eligible.  If you drink, you’re not eligible.  If you’re overweight, you’re not eligible.  There should be dietary restrictions.  No junk food.  Lose the salt.  No more cheese.  Eat those seven servings of vegetables and fruits.  And no more sitting around on your butt watching TV — you’ve got to exercise regularly and get preventative checkups.  After all, there is no reason why my fellow taxpayers and I should subsidize any of your bad habits that will lead to increased medical costs down the road.  We want you to be healthy so you don’t incur those medical costs.  What’s that, you say – I’m taking away your freedom to live as you choose?   No, I’m only taking your freedom IF you take my money.   However, if you live independently of government money, then you have complete freedom to eat, drink, smoke, sleep and spend YOUR money the way you choose. 

If we’re going to apply this basic “strings attached” principle to white collar executives – as we should — I can only hope that President Obama will apply this principle to ALL who receive my tax dollars.