Celebutard of the Week: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals: (George Clooney Edition)
by Andrea PeyserWhat’s next? Brad Pitt’s sweat socks on eBay? Britney’s backwash at a yard sale?
The dead-serious jokesters who run Hollywood’s favorite terrorist organization, PETA, whose members are known to toss red paint on women wearing perfectly good fur coats, and enforcing punishing vegan diets on healthy carnivores through a disinformation campaign (meat is cruel! It’ll kill you!) unseen since the days of the Soviet Union or the Clinton administration, are back at it.
And they’re even more hypocritical and weird than Madonna, who pushed a dairy-free diet (no ice-cream for Lourdes, Rocco and little David!) while importing 1,000 pheasants to her British estate for the purpose of allowing rich guests to shoot the poor birds to death.
That’s why the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is Celebutard of the Week, in keeping with my book, Celebutards, the Hollywood Hacks, Limousine Liberals and Pandering Politicians Who Are Destroying America (Kensington).
Last week, PETA’s strange president, Ingrid Newkirk, wrote to George Clooney asking that the star allow a vial of his perspiration – essence apparently taken from a gym towel swiped by a crazed stalker during Clooney’s recent visit to Washington – to be used as seasoning for the bland foodstuff tofu. It would be marketed as “CloFu.” PETA’s scientists were quick to assure all those now retching that the stuff would taste delicious. I could not make this up on a very large bet.
Wrote the Newkirk to the Clooney: “The technology actually exists to take your perspiration and make it into George Clooney-flavored tofu. We could do that and give the tofu away.
“Of course, your fans would swoon at the idea of eating CloFu, but what interests us most is that we would attract many people who don’t try tofu because they worry that it would be bland or that they wouldn’t know how to cook it. CloFu will help people be healthier and more environmentally friendly and will spare animals from being killed for the table.”
Proving that clinical insanity is contagious, PETA spokeswoman Amanda Schinke said, “We believe CloFu would be delicious on its own or served over rice with a light soy sauce and sauteed collards, in a casserole with melted vegan cheese and olives, or perhaps pressed with vegan pesto in a panini.”
Mmmkay….
Clooney’s response was not terribly encouraging to PETA. The card-carrying celebutard, whose love of Darfur is trumped only by his hatred of America (see his anti-U.S. conspiracy flick Syriana) proved he nonetheless still has two brain cells to rub together when it comes to insane vegetarians.
“As a mammal, I’m offended,” quoth Clooney.
Clooney’s perspiration apparently was harvested during his post-inauguration trip to D.C., in which he privately bent President Obama’s ear on the bleak situation in Darfur. I guess they didn’t want CloFu there, either. Anne Curry, who traveled to the region with Clooney, also can’t subsist on an all-Clooney diet. Pity. Osama bin Laden would lap up the stuff.
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70 Comments
Poor George. For once, one feels for the Hollywood lunkhead… of all the lefty loons in LA he is at least a comitted liberal idologue who is very issue oriented. Folk who have met him admit to his basic decency, unlike the dark souls who generally inhabit this universe. The complete ridiliculousness of sweaty Clooney tofu is something that even he can't abide. His parents were very active leftists and he reflects the atmosphere in which he was raised. However, one suspects he might ultimately be salvageable; common sense and utopian (dystopian?) leftist fantasy are irreconcilable, as even he is starting to find out…
If PETA wants tofu to taste better, they should make it taste like chicken. DOH!
Isn't Clofu a bit cannabilistic?
I think I just threw up in my mouth. How, GROSS, PETA you people are insane. Do you hear us INSANE!
Oh my god, you cannot make this stuff up. I always say the best way to expose these idiots to the general public is through their own words and actions.
Most people like the idea of PETA (who actually wants to hurt animals), but they don't look any further into their ideals. I love nothing more then shocking these people with a few facts about PETA (they don't believe in pets, even in guide dogs etc). Of course no one believes me, I tell them to do some research and the next time I see them they are SHOCKED, duh!
As a former lab animal technician I have intense hatred for PETA and the ALF which they are the financial backers of. If this doesn't get people to wake up and realize how completely whack-a-do these people are I don't know what will. PETA needs a treament of their own medicine. They should all be locked in cages and starved to death.
Gag me. Another example of people with too much time (and money) on their hands and not enough brain cells.
http://the100mostannoyingthings.blogspot.com/
It's funny how organizions like PETA are so worried about animals but could care less about HUMAN embryos. They fight tooth and nail for animals and do the same for pro abortionists. What's wrong with that picture.
My comment is a link to a cartoon I drew about this very subject:
http://www.rightnation.us/forums/index.php?autoco...
Ewwww! Ick! This is what I imagine evil would taste like.
PETA continues to astound in their marketing endeavors. Clooney sweat? I should think it might taste like patchouli – (I really can't stand that stuff), or maybe essence of skunk
The ALF is probably the most dangerous and radical Marxist terrorist organiztion in the US; Our domestic security apparati rate them just behind Al Qaeda- just a hair behind- in violent activities. And, as one might suspect, animals are only a peripheral interest. Back in the 80's the KGB started a UFO group in the US just to be able to use the Freedom of Information act; the ALF uses 'animal rights' (what is that, anyway? can a chicken actually sue Colonel Sanders for wrongful imprisonment and death? just asking…) to do what the enemies of our way of life want most- radical change- a poorer, powerless collective. One of these days they'll actually put an animal on the witness stand… it'll be the 9th District, too, of course.
"If God didn't want man to eat animals, He wouldn't have made 'em out of meat."
These people are so self-possessed that they can not even hear the mocking laughter. Maybe I'll have a Sea Kitten salad sandwich for lunch.
I have a great idea for PETA members! Every time you are sick or injured do NOT use medication/therapy developed in some way by animal research. If it was an older medication tested only in humans, remember it has most likely been tested in an animal model later, therefore you are supporting the torture of animals if you use medication (also note the gelatin/animal bones that make up any capsule form of medication). I think you guys should just take one for the team (the animal one) and follow my advice.
All that needs to be said about PETA:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0exLa6saV9o
Clooney is a loony. Lets hope PETA are seen for the fools that they are.
PETA's founding brain-trust (Prof. Peter Singer) on the 'cruelty' of bestiality:
"sex with animals, he reasons, should not be singled out as a forbidden offense. Singer also argues that since humans themselves are animals, humans engaging in sex with other animals should not be considered especially bizarre:
http://www.discoverthenetworks.org/individualProf...
**
Animal cruelty?!
This is just a way to test market their new line of celebutard flavored Soylent Green. On the conatiner they will have a picture of Clooney with a cartoon balloon of him saying "Eat Me!".
There has been recent scientific evidence published that a vegetarian diet causes brain shrinkage.
Things like this, tend to prove the theory.
Are these the same folks who were fellating vegetables for a Super Bowl ad ? Sounds perfect. Wonder what their kids will look like ?
Well, born green worked for Martians.
Isn't Clooney brave to talk back to these kooks ? Somebody will be hocking into his soup………..
For PETA, eating human DNA is just fine, but eating animals is a crime. The more they speak the more they make themselves look absolutly nuts. I say we give them a platform and watch them self-destruct.
Hey wait a minute! Maybe they've got something. Wouldn't this mean that Clooney is gonna have to sweat full time? There must be a little bit of Clooney in each bite, right? So, then he would be busy all the time sweating and not making stupid films that denigrate our country! Everyone following me? As long as I don't have to eat it, lets give PETA a list of other tofu flavors we want – Penn-fu, Garafolo-fu, and even Obama-fu (that one should sell big time!) – that ought to keep these fools busy for a while…
I think I'll pass on the immortal truth, however I think I"ll treat myself to a nosh on the dollar menu. If that's alright with you.
These people are malnourished or they have serious eating disorders.
A while back when they were pushing human breast milk ice cream, I assumed they were using shock tactics to to make us question the concept of ice cream completely.
But now with the George Clooney tofu, I'm wondering if they really DO want to eat human breast milk ice cream. Goodness knows what else their deprived systems now dream of eating.
This is deranged and sadistic thinking. They want to punish, humilate and play mind games with the human race for simply daring to exist.
That's hilarious…
My own personal favorite take on animal-rights is this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmK0bZl4ILM
Wonderful idea, as far as it goes…
Psst, don't tell anyone…we want to let these microencephalatics sink huge amounts of money in this…then wait until the product hit the markets and sic the FDA on them for intentionally adulterating and corrupting a food product. Stick some domestic terrorism charges in there…
I would really like to destroy these people's revenue stream, and sue everyone involved…
One of PETA's higher-ups is a medically controlled diabetic. I forget what stupid excuse she utilizes to justify her use of insulin, which as I understand is usually derived from sheep.
Non-sequitur. Your statement is uncoordinated.
God's animals are extremely violent against each other. How do you intend to resolve this inconsistency to make your first statement true?
PS: I've never met a Religion Troll. You are quite entertaining.
just as many celebrities have their own clothing lines and perfumes, this is the next step. clooney needs the money after his last five movies bombed. i'll take a plate of kate bekinsale.
How about FUObama? That name has something for everyone…
It does not sound like Clooney was in the least Celebutardish. Calling Ingred Newkirk a celebutard is a compliment.
Very Soylent Greenesque.
It's amazing how ridiculous and hypocritical these morons from PETA, Greenpeace, Hollywood, etc. are with their constant whining and misinformation (ok, just plain lies) that promote their cause du jour. It's clear to me that if they weren't paid trainloads of money to play-act and/or hobnob with the other crazy liberals, they'd be reduced to yelling at traffic on the street corners.
Remember the "hall monitors" in junior high? The kids who thought that an armband gave them some sort of real power? Well, these folks have now come to power. We can't get rid of them but we can sure try to mock and ridicule their insanity by simply giving their ideas as much exposure as possible and then asking the simple question "Do you believe this nonsense?" The sanitizing light of the truth will relegate these 'hall monitors" to the recycle bin. Shine the light on them!
Good morning Ellen, Good morning Lucy. Daddy loves you!
Andrea Peyser has written a very humourous article here, I got a good laugh reading it, and the blog posts are hysterical too … great job all! Andrea, I'll be looking for your written words!
Who needs Clooney? I think PETA's plight to add flavor to tofu is one campaign we conservatives can support. In fact, I'm mailing toenail clippings, ear wax and that mysterious stuff that appears in your belly button with a proposal for Pamela Anderson to appear naked while eating "my" tofu in PETA's next commercial. Ummmm, Yummy!
must go eat double-meat cheese burger chased with a chili-cheese hotdog to get this out of my head…
Oh my, these people are unhinged.
In any event, I'll take a heaping plateful of Rene Zellweger ('ala Bridget Jones Diary) or Diane Lane anytime. Re: PETA. I firmly believe with all my heart in giving animals their proper place in the universe…a place right next to the mashed potatos and gravy.
There was a funny joke on Redeye that asked if Clofu would have a hint of Rosemary.
Not sure that this is really anything new. Seems that for the last 2 years most libs have been eating from Obama's backside. It must taste pretty good, as they are still at the trough…so to speak.
Oh HEAVENS! This is really too "on the nose," dahlinks! The LoonCloon doesn't EVER accept anything that doesn't include his celebutard buddies. For example, Oceans 12 had ALL the Clooney types, and although it successfully attracted over 100 paid views, it somehow failed to sell much product.
So before the big "Glitz Blitz" to sell this crap, how about getting Brad Pitt to throw in a little body product? Get Pitt to wipe his a**, mix it with tofu and call it "PETA PITTS" which is actually catchier than the Loony mess.
Either way, hell of an idea. Hope it….uh….. flies.
I say they go back to masturbating with veggies. At least some men got into that commercial. This, like their usual crap, is sick. I thought they had jumped the proverbial shark when they put on the KKK sheets and protested the Westminister Dog Show. Yes, nothing says horrible like overbred poodles who have their teeth brushed daily and anal glands popped weekly. Those poor dogs! And they even make some of them sleep in mink lined doggie beds! The Horror!
They sell bumper stickers at the marina where I fish- PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) yumm!
My nominee for best PETA-like retort in a Hollywood movie: "Switch" with Ellen Barkin, who plays a womanizing no-good man who is murdered (as Perry King), and as punishment is brought back to life as a woman. She's running around with some hoity-toity girlfriends, one of whom is wearing a full-length chinchilla coat. PETA type hysterically yells "Do you know how many animals it took to make that coat?" Girlfriend responds, "Do you know how many animals I had to f–k to GET this coat?"
I've made it a new goal in my life to ask every vegetarian I meet in the future the following question: "What are you going to do when scientists discover that plants have feelings?" Oh, yes, I will sincerely enjoy the jaw-drop and the burning hatred in their anemic eyes as they curse me to a life of pain.
" Be advised we have zips in the wire". For the record it's my call
Good line, the PETA/ALF ignore that they live well because their hated ones work; they also ignoe that their animals eat other animals(few of their beloved carnivors would vote for PETA or the lefties if they were allowed to vote, polar bears would be appalled by PETA especially). I note that PETA/ALF has never done anything fighting Soviet or any socialist abuse of animals.
It's part of the lefty paranoid schizophrenia. Unable to recognize internal inconsistencies in their own arguments.
Glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read that.
Hilarious.
Poor George. For once, one feels for the Hollywood lunkhead… of all the lefty loons in LA he is at least a committed liberal idologue who is very issue oriented. Folk who have met him admit to his basic decency, unlike the dark souls who generally inhabit this universe. The complete ridiiculousness of sweaty Clooney tofu is something that even he can't abide. His parents were very active leftists and he reflects the atmosphere in which he was raised. However, one suspects he might ultimately be salvageable; common sense and utopian (dystopian?) leftist fantasy are irreconcilable, as even he is starting to find out…
Human breast milk ice cream?
…
Actually that doesn't sound so bad. It is better than cow milk, more nutritious, thus it should make for a better ice cream. I'm sure it'd be popular with, ummm… babies and small children, of course, yup, right, just them.
It would be pricey, the providers would have to be paid, with just compensation for the collecting as well as having to live a 24/7 drug-free and reasonably healthy lifestyle. Best to make it locally, US suppliers for US markets, since testing of batches and even individual collections is indicated. And it would be a form of employment and extra income that single mothers and others caring for kids, unable to work otherwise, could do. With a small side benefit, as a rough biological rule, that women who are nursing are unlikely to get pregnant, thus less "unwanted" pregnancies. Money for providers, makers, distributors… maybe less of a need for my taxes going to the government…
Yes! Human Breast Milk Ice Cream NOW! Do it for the ECONOMY! (…and babies and small children, of course…)
The leader of this organization said when she died she wanted her friends to bar-b-que her up and consume her. Perhaps she has some sick hope that she will be seasoned with a little Clooney sweat.
PETA is another prime example of people just needing some organization to belong to so they can feel better about themselves.
They are completely against people using insulin because it comes from pigs yet their second in command is a diabetic that uses insulin from said pigs. I believe she said it was ok because she needed to live to help stop this unethical treatment of animals.
PETA kills animals as well just very secretly. I can't remember the exact numbers but they had put more animals down than some states had. Hypocrisy at it's worst.
PETA People Eating Tasty Animals.
I'm just waiting for PETV People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables. Somebodies got to stand up for all the soy beans being slaughtered.
The whole movie is an underrated gem. I would pay the price of admission again just too see the lead, newly-emerged as a woman, trying to walk normally on five-inch spike heels.
Non-sequitur. Your statement is uncoordinated.
i guess fetal stem cel yogurt is next.
had almost admired PETA's ability to come up with crazy publicity stunts. they are masters at getting attention for their cause. but once you accept their insano premises, it all follows logically. they really mean some of this stuff.
Ewwwwwwwwww…….
(Insert Joke Here)
That poor pug puppy looks like it turning to find a way out of Clooney grasp.
That's hysterical!
It would make Salma Hayek a kind of national food reserve.
http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwe...
Interesting that he's a PETA poster boy when he beat his dog to death with a baseball bat.
Rattlesnakes don't wrap themselves around prey, that's what constrictors do. It is impossible he is telling the truth that his dog was running around with a rattler wrapped around it and it's fangs in the back of it's head. Rattlers strike and release; you've seen it on TV.
Obviously, it would be completely out of character for Clooney to beat his dog to death in a fit of childish pique. He has no history of violent behavior.
" Be advised. We have zips in the wire". For the record it's my call, dump everything you've got left on my pos". " I say again expend all remaining within my perimeter ".
Thanks for the link. Penn & Teller are priceless.
I'm sure this is a part of their shock marketing tactics to keep their name in the media. It worked. The more media coverage, all the better for them. Even those who would normally donate to them are probably watching cash flow, so they have to get more creative to impress their flock. They could care less what we think.
Plus – they're just nuts.
That´s what it is all about. Anti-humanism. The belief that humans are just like animals, they have no special place in creation. Hitler would agree. So would a former acquaintance of mine, art historian, very liberal, who one day told me that she didn´t mind people starving to death because "there are too many people on the planet anyway." That was my first experience with this sort of thinking.
It goes completely against the foundations of Western Civilization and of course the Judeo-Christian values which underpin our civilization. It is a pagan, animist conception of the world which should repulse atheists as much as Christians, but unsurprisingly they often fall for it.
Classical liberals, if they still exist, should must be horrified by this perverse aspect of modern liberalism. Which is why they are conservatives now whether they realize it or not.
Go ahead and start right now.
Here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inducible_Plant_Defe... ) you can read about Induced Defenses of plants, their responses to injury. Yes, plants feel pain. They can even distinguish between a lawnmower and a bug munching on them. From here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alarm_signal#Other_a... ) you can read of one example where plants actually cry out in pain, signaling others about danger, which unharmed plants will respond to and relay the warning. I've read of other examples.
AFAIK, algae doesn't feel pain. Go tell a PETA person to eat pond scum. It's for their own good.
Hmm, so that would justify keeping her locked up, I mean protected, for the good of the nation?
By the looks of that picture, if George Clooney is not a gay man, he is missing a damn good chance to be one.
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