People Magazine’s Pathetic Predictability
by Alexander MarlowIn the 1984 NBA draft, the Portland Trail Blazers used the second pick to select University of Kentucky star Sam Bowie over then 21-year-old Michael Jordan, marking the greatest oversight in our nation’s history. Until now. On newsstands today you’ll find People Magazine’s “100 Most Beautiful” edition. Anyone modestly attentive to American culture will notice the conspicuous absence of the flyest honey ever to rep the GOP on the national stage: Sarah Palin.
This error would be egregious even without context, but wait until you hear who actually made the list:
There is an entire spread called “Barack’s Beauties” featuring seven Obama staffers who are among the USA’s finest 100–easily the highest number of executive branch hotties since the Coolidge administration.
White House Director of Speechwriting Jon Favreau was one of those selected; he is the boy who gave the memorable metaphoric “f*ck you” to the 18 million people who voted for Hillary in the primaries by groping a cardboard likeness of the New York Senator during the campaign (we’re still waiting for the feminist reaction to this one…).
Tim Geithner, a human incarnation of Beavis, was in there too. Geithner is about as ill suited for a “Beautiful Peoples” list as he is for his job as Treasury Secretary.
The great Sam Kass, White House Chef (you read that right, not “Chief”)–a true Adonis if I have ever seen one—is on the list, along with Michelle Obama and three others who mark their business address 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
Of course Tina Fey was among the anointed, and she arguably has her “Palin as bozo” SNL character to thank. I wonder if Ms. Fey would have objected to the Palin snub? In her own words: “I’ll tell you, that lady [Palin] is five times better-looking than I am.” People Magazine did the worst vetting since the Obama cabinet appointments.
Katie Couric, who used her interview with Sarah Palin to stave off irrelevancy, was named one of People’s breathtaking beauties. Is there a person on earth who watched that interview and thought “Palin’s alright, but that Couric babe! Hubba Hubba!”? I wonder if People selected Ms. Couric before or after she went to Zac Efron’s hairstylist? It’s a good look for him.
A “Most Beautiful People” list without Sarah Palin is like an Obama Speech without a teleprompter. The guy who prepares Obama’s spinach and feta quiches for his brunch with Ben Affleck, Don Cheadle, and that homeless-looking guy from the Black Eyed Peas…gorgeous! The guy who felt-up a Hillary cut-out like a chick he met at a Black Eyed Peas concert…dazzling! The tax-cheat with the Artist Formally Known as Prince haircut (no offense, Prince, “When Doves Cry” is fabulous)…delicious! Pretend Sarah Palin…divine! Real Sarah Palin…?
People can’t even make the case that this is about inner beauty, as Kim Kardashian managed to make People’s roll despite the fact that she achieved her fame by releasing a homemade porno she made with irrelevant hip-hop-opotamus Ray J. This type of behavior is deemed acceptable for “Beautiful People,” but holding traditional values is not. More evidence: Miss USA, whom not a single one of you can name…in. Miss California Carrie Prejean…out.
Sarah Palin is the most impressive beauty in American public life. There is no close second. She is feminism personified and she was trumped by a bunch of lefties who could never look as good as she does, let alone pull off a beehive. I’d say I was outraged, but People’s pathetic predictability makes this oversight no surprise.
Yet, we can still take solace in this fact: while People may snub our woman from their bogus list, they can never take away our Palin pin-up calendars. Which reminds me, it’s May now…time to turn the page. Oooooooo…bear trim…classy…
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