Promising Pre-Med Wins Nobel Prize in Medicine
by Andrew LeighSeptember 10, 2010
The Nobel Prize Committee announced today that it is awarding the Prize in Medicine to Jimmy Duncan, a senior at Horace Greeley High School in Chappaqua, New York, for getting a 97 on his bio-chem final.
“The Committee felt that Master Duncan has shown great promise with his outstanding grades,” said Dr. Leif Quisling, chairperson of the Nobel Prize Committee. “It is our fervent hope that this award encourages him to do great things in the future, such as find a cure for cancer.”
The committee was first alerted to Jimmy Duncan when they came across a YouTube clip of Duncan’s class presentation on his career goals.
“We were particularly struck by his unbridled optimism,” said Dr. Quisling. “Duncan closed his passionate talk with these inspiring words: ’And we can end cancer in our lifetimes if we all work together really, really hard!’ It is exactly those kind of empty platitudes that impress this committee. Far more so than anything so gauche as actual achievement.”
Mr. Duncan was somewhat blase’ about the news. “I was lying in bed playing a little X-Box before heading off to school when my mom yelled, ‘Jimmy, you’ve got a phone call from Stockholm!’ It was pretty cool, yeah.”
Dr. Quisling acknowledged that the committee was inspired to award prizes prematurely after giving President Barack Obama a Nobel Peace Prize the year before, despite the fact that nominations had been closed only 11 days after he entered office.
“In Barack Obama’s case, we figured that if the American people were willing to hand over the U.S. presidency to someone who hasn’t accomplished much, why not give him the Nobel Peace Prize before he’s done anything, either?” Dr. Quisling said.
As for Jimmy Duncan, 17, he says he’s “psyched” about the Nobel Prize. “I should be a shoo-in now to get into Harvard,” he said.
“By the way, I’m not going pre-med anymore,” Duncan volunteered. ”Now that I’ve got the Nobel in Medicine, why bother? I’ll just invest my prize money in a diversified fund and I never have to work another day in my life. In fact, I may just skip Harvard and go to a party school. Arizona State, here I come!”
We contacted Dr. Quisling’s office for a comment on Duncan’s change in plans. Nobody returned our calls by press time.
Related stories:
UC Berkeley takes cue from Nobel committee, teachers award grades based on students’ hopes, not results
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80 Comments
Hope not results. Well you nailed that one. That is the Doofus presidency in one sentence. Sad, but true.
So, the Nobel Prize has gone to Carter, Gore, and Obama…
Seeing that Billy C wanted it more than just about anybody, goldarnit, and given the circumstances deserved it FAR more than Barry, he must be mega P.O.'d.
How'd you like to be a fly on the wall of the Clinton residence yesterday? It might've gonle like this:
"Damn, Hillary, I brokered a peace agreement and Stinkin' Arafat gets the Prize. Now Obama gets one just because he ain't Bush…"
"Taint fair!"
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Broadus. Broadus said: Promising Pre-Med Wins Nobel Prize in Medicine: http://bit.ly/1XKacm . I wonder if I can get an Oscar for my potential in film? #fb [...]
I have a cousin who got really high SAT scores. She's never done anything since. Seems like having the potential for achievement is the same as, you know, actual achievement these days.
Okay, I splurted water on my screen reading this. What about the rest of the categories? There's gotta be more hope out there!
Everybody gets a trophy for showing up- especially the slow guy in the White House, because all the Your-a- peein's feel real badly that they keep dissing him- but it IS just soooooo much fun. But they will give him a consolation prize, as they take our country, and our dignity, and anything else that isn't nailed down.
Now, that's some Change.
I wish I had of known this last Thursday. I would have filled out my score card before I teed off . I know for sure I would have set a new course record.
The award to BHO was in reality a Nobel Peace Bribe!
I love Big Hollywood!
As I understand it, the President is also a shoe-in for Oscars for best actor and actress, best supporting actor and actress, best screen play, best edit, best director and best movie!
Don't laugh. My Olympic Gold Medal in weightlifting encouraged me to get off the sofa and start working out.
But then the beer in the fridge encouraged me otherwise.
enjoy your new green jacket. Tiger doesn't need any more anyway and he should be glad to spread the wealth around. actual achievement is so last century….
Our president is one of the most scurrilous individiduals I've ever known. The dumb masses on CNN and elsewhere characterize him as "pragmatic." Pragmatic, my WFA. He's an ideologue from Hell.
This could be the end. Just as Mark Steyn says: When these huge programs are enacted, they are instantly entrenched in the national fabric. Thereafter the Conservative politicians are reduced to claiming they are better qualified than the Liberals to administer the socialist program under discussion.
This is sickening and frightening, all at once.
i'm wondering, is there some sort of international committee of satirists that could, in a good turn, give the Nobel Peace Prize committee some sort of award of their very own? i mean, this whole affair is the political humorists' full employment act.
and speaking personally, it doesn't piss me off at all. it is the bold faced, italicized, underlined, with a cherry on top, absolutely perfect demonstration of the undeniable fact that BHO is the ultimate celebrity who is only famous for being famous. Paris Hilton has got nothing on this guy. the Nobel displayed his utter lack of actual accomplishment in blazing neon for the entire world to see- and i'm lovin' every minute of it. hell, i hope he wins it every year from here on out, just to demonstrate what a pointless, petty little exercise in irrelevance it is.
i heard obama is a shoe in for survivor, and also wins american idol. next year he is trying out for the hot dog contest in coney island.
I recon you would have had Rush or Beck win the peace prize? Can't you be happy for the USA?
Billy C wanted it more than just about anybody
I think you misunderstood him. He wanted "a piece". Not the same thing.
BREAKING NEWS: Nobel Peace Prize Committee just file for intellectual bankruptcy.
mmmm-mmm-mmmhh Barack Hussien Obama. Sing it Mama!
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening thing". I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of leader of the USA. This is the Eurotrash giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being liberal.
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening thing". I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of leader of the USA. This is some Euro giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being liberal. What happened to the days when you had to accomplish something to be recognized for it? This "prize" proves that doesn't exist in today's enlightened world.
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening thing". I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of leader of the USA. This is some Euro giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being…liberal. What happened to the days when you had to accomplish something to be recognized for it? This "prize" proves that doesn't exist in today's enlightened world.
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening". I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of being leader of the USA. This is some Euro giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being…liberal. What happened to the days when you had to accomplish something to be recognized for it? This "prize" proves that doesn't exist in today's enlightened world.
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening". I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of being leader of the USA. This is some liberal Euro committee giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being…liberal. What happened to the days when you had to accomplish something to be recognized for it? This "prize" proves that doesn't exist in today's enlightened world.
Mr. Leigh, I could barely get past the headline and first sentence. That was funny. Nice job.
Don't despair–I believe that the more ridiculous fawning events and medals that come the president's way, the more people will wake up and start paying attention. Mark Steyn's latest column had a great line: "There's something almost quaintly vieux chapeau about the Nobel decision, as if the hopeychangey bumper stickers were shipped surface mail to Oslo and only arrived last week. Everywhere else they're peeling them off." Loved it.
Why do you think this is a good thing for the USA? People around the world are laughing at this as a joke–awarding him the Nobel Peace Prize for something he hasn't even begun, never mind accomplished, makes our president look ridiculous. It's so over the top that even the majority of the left are embarrassed and trying to figure out how to spin this as a good thing. I also think that it's very interesting that you think Rush or Beck is the equal counterweight to President Obama.
Ya know and with all due respect to Teddy Roosevelt and not really any respect to Woody Wilson, the other sitting U.S. presidents to be awarded this prize (Carter's was a consolation prize, to *keep him* in his golden years) Roosevelt managed to engineer an outcome of the Russo-Japanese War that embittered the Japanese and put them on the path to Pearl Harbor, and Wilson's League of Nations was NEVER ratified by the U.S. Congress and "outlawed war" (ya, that worked Japan and others were suddenly in ~border skirmishes~) and Wilson stood by while a angry France and England tried to exact their pound pf flesh out of Germany leading to the rise of Hitler and WWII. Wow, great precedents to *success* for Obambi. He could START WWIII and get a second NPP!
Thanks so much for replying.
Mark Steyn is a favorite of mine. I've been meaning to visit his website, but haven't gotten around to it. When he fills in for Rush Limbaugh, he seems (to me) the most natural-sounding host, completely in a comfort zone behind the microphone, superbly qualified to talk on these important topics.
Neither Limbaugh nor Beck deserve the prize, and not a person in here would say they do. However, given that they don't deserve it at all, they're still just as deserving of it as is ThuggObama.
The US Military has caused more peace than any other institution in history, making it more eligible than any single individual we might nominate.
If this keeps up (Obama usurping "Cankles" Clinton) the main bodily threat to Obama may not be a Gomer with chewing *tabacky* in his teeth, but rather a ~scorned~ and angry Hillary. If she starts *private* marksman training WATCH OUT!
Besides which, it isn't in this case, actually a prize. It's a strongly-stated amonishment to BHO that he needs to keep on with his plan to give away America's remaining wealth to whomever is more deserving, foreign or domestic.
They shouldn't worry. If he's allowed to ruin us, he will.
I know her/him…my *contact* lives at his Mom's (he's 49) and only emerges from his bedroom when lighting interupts the cable feed to his T.V. and P.C. and NO it's not me!
A funny piece, but what was the Nobel committee doing in Stockholm?
Bulls-eye!
sorry, that was when yasir arafat won, or was it carter, or gore??
They were doing what they always do — award all of the Nobels except for the Peace Prize (the one exception, which is administered by Norway and awarded in Oslo).
if anyone would know about "taint" it would be billy c.
Hey, now!
Don't forget: we've got a write-in campaign going for Barack Hussein Obama (Mmm mmm mmm) to win this year's Heisman.
"a piece," now that is TOO funny, I wish I thought of it. I cannot imagine what Hill & Billy were thinking when they heard the NObel PP announcement!!!
Oh, I bet we all know some of those guys still living in the basement with their moms making them snacks. I used to be a high school teacher. Some of my best students went on to do absolutely nothing. They were the big fish in a little pond and when they got out into the big, bad world they couldn't cope. What kills me is that I run into a couple of them from time to time and you wouldn't believe how smug they act. And I didn't think for a minute that that guy was you! LOL!
You make a good point concerning Paris Hilton. Perhaps if she prevails in stopping a catfight in nightclub before the year is out, she should be up for a nomination for next year. That is if B0 doesn't repeat.
[...] Big Hollywood.com [...]
We need to have some kind of law against sarcasm. There are gullible people out there who are going to believe this farce. Quick, get Barney Frank on the job.
Otherwise, this was a laughriot.
Ok conservatives when are we going to have our own awards?!
Little Jimmy Duncan is probably more deserving than Barry, Jimmy’s worthless and seventeen, what’s Barry’s excuse?
Dick Morris wrote an interesting observation on this Peace Bribe scenario…you may have already read but in case you haven't
http://www.dickmorris.com/blog/2009/10/09/the-nob...
If the Nobel committee had given every U.S. citizen a check for 1.4 million, then I would say yes, the U.S. could be happy. As it is, Obama spent that amount of money on the interest for the debt in about 20 minutes!
I'm going to do something tonight I have not done in many, many years. I am going to watch SNL. If they do not manage something really good from the fodder they had to work with this week, then there is just no hope at all for them.
And for this Kanye West stays in his seat?
And for this Kanye West stays in his seat? He should jump up, take the Nobel from Barrack Obama and give it to Taylor Swift.
So, the Nobel Prize has gone to Carter, Gore, and Obama…
Seeing that Billy C wanted it more than just about anybody, goldarnit, and given the circumstances deserved it FAR more than Barry, he must be mega P.O.'d.
How'd you like to be a fly on the wall of the Clinton residence yesterday? It might've gone like this:
"Damn, Hillary, I brokered a peace agreement and Stinkin' Arafat gets the Prize. Now Obama gets one just because he ain't Bush…"
"Taint fair!"
The Nobel Committee awarded the World Series championship to the Minnesota Twins. They had to play an extra game to advance to the postseason. That extra effort should be recognized.
Caught this on the UK Times website:
Rocco Tool wrote:
In a similar vein, the NFL has awarded the Super Bowl to the Detroit Lions. They praised their "extraordinary efforts in trying to win games" and decided to award them with the title for 2010. The coach said it was an affirmation on behalf of all the teams.
Covers it rather neatly, don't you think?
What does that mean? It's not a USA thing. It's an "I did something that actually resulted in something happening" thing. I understand liberalism is all about intentions and not results. This "prize" wasn't given to Obama for doing anything other than being born and not being Bush. This "prize" is a "me" prize to Obama. It's not given to him in great celebration of being leader of the great USA, which we are. This is some liberal Euro committee giving a liberal leader their stamp of approval for being…liberal. What happened to the days when you had to accomplish something before being recognized for it? This "prize" proves that doesn't exist in today's enlightened, flowery world.
That's not breaking. But as fast as the MSM got on the Acorn and Van Jones stuff. It could be considered breaking.
Ya know, and with all due respect to Teddy Roosevelt and not really any respect to Woody Wilson, the other sitting U.S. presidents to be awarded this prize (Carter's was a consolation prize, to *keep him* in his golden years) Roosevelt managed to engineer an outcome of the Russo-Japanese War that embittered the Japanese and put them on the path to Pearl Harbor, and Wilson's League of Nations was NEVER ratified by the U.S. Congress and "outlawed war" (ya, that worked, Japan and others were suddenly in ~border skirmishes~) and Wilson stood by while an angry France and England tried to exact their pound of flesh from Germany leading to the rise of Hitler and WWII. Wow, great precedent to *success* for Obambi. He could START WWIII and get a second NPP!
Actually the biggest surprise is I found out I was the runner up for the Nobel. The committe told me I had put forth the same effort to achieve world peace as Obama and it was considered a toss up but then the scandal broke out. They found I had served in the military and had made statements expressing pride in America which is frowned upon by the committe. Damn so close!
Absolutely. They are trying to pressure him into getting out of Afghanistan by doing this. Wouldn't want to disappoint his homies in Stockholm.
It´s not as if Obama´s policies will actually promote peace, or progress. A better analogy to Obama winning the peace prize would have the headline:
"Talented Poisoner Wins Nobel Prize in Chemistry"
No worries. Good information to have. I'm obviously not a big fan of the Nobels, and the one that always gets the press is the Peace prize, so the lack of clarity would be understandable.
a little ides of March action there?
Er, hate to break it to you, Old Tom, but I think Mr. Leigh is correct. Most of the Nobel committees meet in Stockholm. It's only the Peace Prize one that meets in Oslo. And if I'm not mistaken, the article clearly refers to the Prize for Medicine.
Yes, I can. IF HE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TO EARN THE AWARD!!!! Now it is nothing more than a joke. A damn unfunny one.
Think of it this way. Imagine if Beck won a news emmy. You'd say, "what did he do to win this?" Same thing.
[...] To Our Readers: AJC no longer endorses candidates The Obama Effect: credibility gone to shit Promising Pre-Med Wins Nobel Prize in Medicine I could be a “promising writer”, could definitely use the money, and Norway likes black [...]
johann
""Can't you be happy for the USA?""'
**
Since I live here, I sure would like to be, but…..with this 'captain' at the tiller I cringe in fear of an inevitable collision.
Also….
The award was not given to an American for representing America, it was given to a Globalist, for dismantling America.
The question that I've been asking is how the Nobel Committee will ever justify giving future Peace Prizes to someone OTHER than Barak Obama? I mean if he won this year based on nine months of gassy sermonizing whatt will the committee do when he has a couple of years of morally uplifting rhetoric in the bank? Clearly they have no choice but to simply mail him the medal and the check every year from here on in.
I just nominated my dogs, Max and Whitey, for the Nobel Peace Prize.
They are the best peacemakers I know. And they will not pick your pockets for taxes to support a run-away burgeoning federal government that seeks to take over every aspect of your life.
It does not bode well for our country that Obama's most enthusiastic congratulations come from Russia and Cuba and his mind-numb Kool-Aid drinkers.
I was the only friend that graduated from high skool (hee hee) and of the drop outs, one is this guy, another was injured but is functional, but always prefered NOT working so it was kind of a *lucky break*, and one is an engineer with Texas Instruments. I'm a ~professional student~ after many years in the car business (which is also like not working if you generally enjoyed as much as did, but whew! I'm glad to be out of it). You never know how the worm will turn.
and MY MOMMY NEVER MAKES ME SNAKES! what? SNACKS! (on weekends, I make my own!)
This was supposed to be Hillary "Cankles" Clinton time and that ruffian from Kenya (or Hawai`i, whatever) RUINED IT!
They bused in people to mess up Iowa as I understand and then Obama, the anti-war candidate becomes a econonmy candidate (like he has a clue) and Cankles got a crappy consolation prize, mediating a war between Conan O'Brien and the mayor of Newark, "great, I left the Senate FOR THIS"!
This was supposed to be Hillary "Cankles" Clinton's time and that ruffian from Kenya (or Hawai`i, whatever) RUINED IT!
They bused in people to mess up Iowa as I understand and then Obama, the anti-war candidate becomes a econonmy candidate (like he has a clue) and Cankles got a crappy consolation prize, mediating a war between Conan O'Brien and the mayor of Newark, "great, I left the Senate FOR THIS"!
This was supposed to be Hillary "Cankles" Clinton's time and that ruffian from Kenya (or Hawai`i, whatever) RUINED IT!
They bused in people to mess up Iowa as I understand and then Obama, the anti-war candidate becomes a economy candidate (like he has a clue) and Cankles got a crappy consolation prize, mediating a war between Conan O'Brien and the mayor of Newark, "great, I left the Senate FOR THIS"!
He won't get it for curing cancer. Now destroying/emasculating/beggaring America? That'll do it.
I still say Hillary tires to get fired so she can run against Obama in 12. Cause in 16, she's too damn old to run.
She can't quit and run, it would look like sour grapes. But if the mean bad black man fires poor little Hillary, she'll get a lot of female voters and start a civil war within the democratic party.
How about Iran. Do you tihink they will amp up production of their nuke now that they see Obama as handcuffed by the Nobel Committee? I can see their president "Whack Job" saying "so what is Obama going to do, BOMB US? He would lose that joke award".
The Nobel Committee just endangered the world with their award of hope.
perhaps he wanted both?
now THAT's funny…
humor aside, there is NO love lost between these two camps…
So praying for world peace doesn't count? Shucks.
thanks – hadn't seen that!
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