Carl Kozlowski

Book Excerpt: ‘Seize the Day Job’ — Part 1

by Carl Kozlowski

As much as I love writing about film and politics, my first and biggest love lies in writing humor pieces of all types: jokes for my own and others’ stand-up acts, screenplays and TV scripts that admittedly haven’t sold yet, plus “SNL”-style sketches for Chicago’s legendary Second City theater. But my proudest accomplishment in humor writing came with the book “Seize the Day Job! The Humor Book Al-Qaeda Kept You from Reading,” which I co-wrote with Chicago comic Tim Joyce. 

It was a spoof of self-help advice books and offers rants and essays about the crazy world we’re living in, mainly focusing on most of society’s utter lack of manners and common sense. And because Tim and I are on COMPLETELY opposite sides of the fence politically, that dynamic made the writing crisper, funnier, edgier and a whole lot of fun to read. 

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We first teamed up with a book called “Life: The Final Frontier”, which came out in Aug. 2001 and was doing well until 9/11 came along and we had 55 radio interviews canceled because the nation understandably went into mourning. But last year, we decided to try again in the true American can-do, bounce-back spirit and we got the rights to “Life” back, added 60 percent new material and re-released it through an indie publisher called Razor 7, with glowing cover endorsements from such comic and writing luminaries as Comedy Central superstar Carlos Mencia, Esquire editor and two-time national best selling humorist AJ Jacobs, and Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada.  (more…)

Alfonzo Rachel

ZoNation: Defending Palin, Calling Out Liberals

by Alfonzo Rachel

Double Dosage!!! Sorry, I got a bit behind on Shhhtuff, so I hope I can do a lil’ catch up with ya! Here’s me lookin’ out for my womens like Sarah Palin, and a vid lookin’ at naughty Nidal after the jump.


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Leo Grin

For Conservative Movie Lovers: John Ford, John Wayne, and ‘They Were Expendable’ Part 6

by Leo Grin

The casting of Robert Montgomery (1904–1981) in They Were Expendable was uncommonly appropriate. The suave, handsome actor made his name in debonair romantic comedies throughout the 1930s, but like John Ford he didn’t wait until America was dragged into war before enlisting. In 1940, fired up by the life-and-death struggles raging in Europe, he abandoned his M-G-M contract, went to France, and volunteered as an ambulance driver. Only a few weeks went by before he had it shot out from under him — one film magazine of the era reported (or perhaps exaggerated) that he narrowly avoided capture with the help of a French priest, and escaped the country mere hours before it fell to the Germans.

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Back in the states he enlisted in the U.S. Navy Reserve, and over the next three years served in many capacities before finding his way to the Pacific theater, where he met John Bulkeley and became his executive officer. Montgomery commanded a PT boat in many battles, and eventually headed up to Normandy as an operations officer for a destroyer squadron. While preparing for D-Day, he remembered later, “I saw Bulkeley on his PT Boat and waved to him. There was another man on the bridge with him. I had no idea then it was Jack Ford.” (more…)

Batton Lash

Steve Ditko’s ‘The Ever Unreachable’

by Batton Lash

For comic book readers, Steve Ditko is a name to be reckoned with. In a career spanning more than five decades, Ditko has drawn countless pages in every genre for every major publisher. Ditko has created scores of original characters and is probably best known for co-creating The Amazing Spider-Man. Ditko is also the author of many non-fiction essays on topics that range from the popular culture to metaphysics.

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Several months ago, Big Hollywood posted Steve Ditko’s provocative essay, “Toyland”. It was a powerfully written piece on creativity, philosophy, heroism and the disturbing trend towards nihilism in the culture.  As a result, “Toyland” got some interesting comments and Ditko has prepared the following as a response.

Written especially for Big Hollywood, here is Steve Ditko’s “The Ever Unreachable.” (more…)

Big Hollywood

Open Thread Saturday

by Big Hollywood

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NewsBusters

NewsBusted: What Makes Sammy White?

by NewsBusters


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Andrew Klavan

Conservatives, It’s Time to Listen to Our Friends in the Mainstream Media

by Andrew Klavan


Greg Gutfeld

Daily Gut: Sarah Palin’s Books Sales Prove We’re All Racists (Again)

by Greg Gutfeld

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So apparently Sarah Palin sold over three hundred thousand copies of her book in one day – and as you can guess – they were all purchased by racists.

At least, that’s what the sociology professors over at MSNBC Community College believe. Check out Hardball guest Norah O’Donnell, impersonating a talking puffin…

“This is a largely white — almost no minorities in this crowd. And they`re here because they love Sarah Palin. I think it`s an emotional connection, Chris because they feel, too, that they`ve been beat up on, whether it`s the economy or they feel like outcasts. They like the outsider, if you will, in Sarah Palin. And that`s why people have been willing to wait, 1,500 of them, since 7:00 AM this morning to just get a glimpse of Sarah Palin.”

So let me get this straight: people appreciate Palin because they’ve been picked on by a big bully. It makes me wonder if Norah ever psycho-analyzed Obama supporters this closely… or called them “largely black.” (more…)

Adam Baldwin

Pledge of Allegiance to Dissent: An Intolerant ‘Excess of Liberty’?

by Adam Baldwin

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands: one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”  

An Arkansas fifth-grader made news recently by claiming there is no “liberty and justice for all” in America as his reason for refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance during his school’s daily patriotic exercises. 

Red Skelton could’ve taught him a thing or two:


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Of course, the Supreme Court ruled in 1943 that as long as such dissent is practiced in a non-disruptive manner a student is acting well within his Constitutional rights — his faulty reasoning for the dissent being irrelevant — and he may not be compelled to participate by either the school, or the state. 

Teachers and administrators are strictly prohibited from singling out such peaceful dissent for discipline, admonishment or public ridicule.  (more…)

Gary Graham

It’s Morning-After In America

by Gary Graham

I awoke this morning with a splitting headache.  As I staggered to the bathroom I blew past the mirror without a glance, fearful of the report.  I hadn’t felt this awful since I can’t remember when.  Though memory eluded me as to the details, I was certain that I had tied on the Mother of All Benders.  As I stared blearily into the commode bowl, I studied it disinterestedly for any and all evidence my stomach contents may have divulged as to just what the hell had happened the previous night.   

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Nothing came to me but more questions.  Satisfied that no further gastric contributions could tell the tale, I rose from the bathroom floor, shrugged unconvincingly and hit the flusher.   What a perfect way to end unseemly encounters.  Flush them. 

I proceeded to weave an unsteady trail down the hallway in the general direction of a coffee pot.  My daughter had arisen before me and FOX News was already drifting in from the other room; Bill Hemmer recounting the latest on the decision to move the admitted 911 terrorists to NYC for trial. 

And then it struck me like a wet trout.  (more…)

Jeffrey Jena

‘Newsweek’s’ Snobbish Stand-Up Slam

by Jeffrey Jena

Stand-up comedy is the least respected of all the performing arts. As if being a stand-up comic weren’t hard enough; the years of being judged by every person who owns a liquor license and a microphone, driving six hours to a non-existent gig, begging moronic agents and managers who are looking for a “new, original and exciting” talent to come out to see your show only to be asked why you aren’t more “Seinfeld-ish.” On top of that it takes years to develop an act and find your voice on stage. There are child actors, child musicians, tiny dancers and even I would guess a few very young working writers, but no child comics. Why? Because stand-up comedy is the only experiential-based art form. Kids can tell “jokes” but they can’t do stand-up. Stand-up comedy, really good stand-up comedy has evolved from joke telling into a personal narrative dialogue with the audience.

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Still, every now and then some elitist hack with a degree from the right college and the proper connections gets a job at a failing weekly magazine and decides to take a shot at you and your profession, feeling they are qualified to judge this art form because they know how to laugh and talk. This is rarely if ever done with other art forms. Seriously folks, when is the last time you saw an article about actors who can’t act, dancers who can’t dance, painters who can’t paint or pointless “performance artists.” Yet, about every six months some “critic” declares a number of famous comics “not funny.”    (more…)

John Nolte

NBC’s ObamaVision: ‘30 Rock’ Offers Up An Appealing Al Gore

by John Nolte

Last night, GE-owned NBC pulled out all the propaganda stops on “3o Rock” to help Al Gore, the face of Global Warming Climate Change and all things red green, burnish his image as an appealing everyday guy with a sense of humor about himself.

Don’t be fooled by the self-effacing humor or Gore’s willingness to engage in gentle self-mockery. As the leader and symbol of this socialist-wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing movement, GE/NBC understands that Gore’s popularity can only aid in the passing of legislation beneficial to GE. And Gore’s “30 Rock” enablers also understand that the more appealing he is, the more appealing his leftist ideas seem…

“Gee, why would such a nice guy want to hurt America?” (more…)

Big Hollywood

Watch Joy Behar and George Lopez Trash Sarah Palin’s Family

by Big Hollywood

Out of context, without all the cheap Palin and Palin-family bashing, as Lopez takes his snarky shot at the Governor’s “inexperience,” you’d swear he was talking about Barack Obama. (more…)

John Nolte

Why the Gratuitous Bush-Bash in ‘Blind Side’? — I’ll Tell You Why…

by John Nolte

In another scene, set at one of those dreary government offices where bored civil servants provide occasional slow-motion service to frustrated citizens, Leigh Anne demands to know who is in charge. The clerk points, in a non-sequitur nonpareil, to a portrait of then-president George W. Bush.John Boot in Pajamas Media

You need not work in Hollywood to understand that this is the single most intolerant industry in America today — just watch their product. I wasn’t surprised to learn from Christian Toto that ”The Blind Side” filmmakers couldn’t control themselves. Unless it’s outside the mainstream Hollywood system, a film marketed to traditional American conservatives — much less, Southern Christians! — has to hit us with a leftist sucker punch one way or another. It’s an unwritten rule… 

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Hollywood is high school and if you want to sit at the cool kids’ table (i.e. work) you better fit in, and if you’ve been involved in the writing, directing or producing of a film sympathetic towards the most hated demographic (yes, even more hated than terrorists — again, watch the product) in the 9-0 zip code, you had better inoculate yourself.

And that’s what the gratuitous, unnecessary, jarring, take-you-out-of-the-movie shot at Bush is: an inoculation. The filmmakers want to work again; they want to be invited to all the right parties. But if you’re remembered as the person involved in bringing to life a movie only Glenn Beck could love, no matter how big of a hit, that’s not a good thing on the ole’ resume’. (more…)

Jason Killian Meath

‘So Stoned’ Director’s Health-Care Ad Selected By Obama Celeb Panel

by Jason Killian Meath

A health-care ad, featuring cute little children on a playground reading lines like “I’ll be diagnosed with leukemia and I’ll die,” was winner of a nation-wide competition of ads launched by Obama’s Organizing for America.  The ad was produced and directed by Eric Hurt, a former contestant on the trashy reality show “Temptation Island.”  Hurt’s previous directorial work includes a short film entitled “So Stoned” about 5 drugged-out friends smoking a bong and recounting disgusting stories from their past.  ”So Stoned” suddenly vanished from both Vimeo and FunnyOrDie.com after Obama consultant David Plouffe, announced Hurt’s selection..


The ad was selected out of 1,000 entries, as part of Obama’s “Health Care Reform Video Challenge.”  Ironically, instead of showcasing real people who suffer under the current health-care structure, the judges hand picked an ad that is all showbiz and zero substance.  They chose to go with fake health-care horror stories read by adorable but soppy kid actors — pawns in a political high-stakes game of shocksploitation. These kids obviously don’t have dire health care problems;  they just have showbiz parents who hooked them up with a gig. (more…)

Stage Right

More Proof That America is a Racist Country

by Stage Right

America is an inherently racist country.

Oh, sure, we elected a black President (or is this our second black President?  That whole Clinton-as-first-black-President thing always confuses me).  And yes, our biggest sports, TV, music and film stars tend to be black.  And sure our past Secretaries of State, National Security Advisers and the current Chairman of the Republican Party are all black.  But this proves nothing, NOTHING!

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If you ever wanted more proof that America is, at its heart a racist society, Universal has provided us with the perfect smoking gun:  They re-designed a film poster for overseas distribution and in re-designing it, they removed two black actors.  I will let the horror of what they did soak in for a moment while you read the report from London’s Daily Mail: (more…)

Big Hollywood

Open Thread Friday

by Big Hollywood

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Steven Crowder

Lonewolf Diaries: Church, State, Jesus and Obama.

by Steven Crowder

It’s no secret that the term “Separation of Church and State” has been bastardized beyond recognition by today’s post-ACLU era. Of course the toolbags of Hollywood have always done their very best to warp its meaning into something more lop-sided than Gary Busy’s left eye-socket. If Thomas Jefferson had known that his private letter would have been the fulcrum to the arguments of liberal propagandists for centuries to come, I doubt that he would have written it.

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Poll after poll, the United States ranks as the most “God-fearing” nation on the planet. Good on us! Whether you believe in God or not, it’s tough to deny the reality of Christian principles being an intricate part of our country’s historical fabric.

One has to ask themselves however, as arguably the last “Christian nation” around, why were our Founders so adamant about keeping the Feds grimy paws out of our churches? (more…)

Burt Prelutsky

Burt’s Eye View: Fox and Foes

by Burt Prelutsky

Whenever I hear people outside the administration prattle on about how evil and biased Fox News is, I know I am listening to a flock of parrots who have never even tuned in. As a conservative myself, I have a number of problems with the network. For one thing, I resent Bill O’Reilly’s ridiculing those who merely ask for documentation that their president was born in the United States, and I also wish he’d stop defending Obama against charges that he’s a Socialist or worse. If it walks, swims and quacks like a duck, Bill, it’s a safe bet that you can pop it in the oven and serve it at Christmastime.

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I’d also appreciate it if Sean Hannity would wake up to the fact that a lot of us change the channel the second that Bob Beckel shows up on the Great American Panel.

On the other hand, I wish that merely as an experiment a dozen or so liberals could be forced to watch Glenn Beck for an entire week. I would be dying to know how they would react after watching videos of Obama, Rahm Emanuel, Cass Sunstein, Anita Dunn, Andy Stern and John Holdren spouting off when they think nobody outside the room will hear about their plans to transform America.  They would have made Dr. Frankenstein blanch but put a smile on Karl Marx’s ugly mug. (more…)

Big Hollywood

Christian Toto: ‘The Blind Side’ — Another Bush Sucker Punch?

by Big Hollywood

Christian Toto:

“The new drama “The Blind Side” tells the story of a homeless black teen who is taken in by a Christian family led by Sandra Bullock.

“It’s a heartwarming story based on the life of NFL lineman Michael Oher.

“So why does the film feel the need to awkwardly squeeze in a slam at former president George W. Bush?” (more…)

Big Hollywood

‘New Moon’ Opens Everywhere Tomorrow

by Big Hollywood

Kyle Smith: (more…)

Greg Gutfeld

Daily Gut: ObamaCare Opponents Are All Child Killers

by Greg Gutfeld

So “Organizing for America,” which used to be called “Obama for America,” held a contest to create an ad for health care reform. And they asked “you,” to contribute your ideas. Of course, when they said “you,” they really didn`t mean YOU. They meant the typical left-wing artist they enlisted to film the ads for them! That`s why it`s called propaganda, not art.

Check out the winner.


Look, there’s a bottomless pit of creepiness going on here – but none of it should surprise anyone familiar with leftist propaganda. But here`s a quick summary of the ad, anyway: if you don`t bend over for Obama, you`re going to kill these kids.

Which is yucky, I guess – but underneath this lie is an even more outlandish one: that these artists actually give a crap about kids. What they care about, really, is sucking up to Obama – and the adorable brats are just props to serve that end. (more…)

Pam Meister

A Clue for Megan Fox: Trashing Your Audience is a Bad Idea

by Pam Meister

Someone call the waaahmbulance: Megan Fox’s starring turn in the movie “Jennifer’s Body” didn’t do as well as she’d hoped and she’s looking for a scapegoat. Naturally, she turns to the unwashed masses in Middle America:

The actress tells The New York Times that her movie “Jennifer’s Body” tanked because “the movie is about a man-eating, cannibalistic lesbian cheerleader, and that pretty much eliminates middle America.”

Actually, Megan, that pretty much eliminates anyone with an ounce of taste. Here’s more on the movie’s plot via IMDB:

Nerdy, reserved bookworm Needy and arrogant, conceited cheerleader Jennifer are best friends, though they share little in common. They share even less in common when Jennifer mysteriously gains an appetite for human blood after a disastrous fire at a local bar. As Needy’s male classmates are steadily killed off in gruesome attacks, the young girl must uncover the truth behind her friend’s transformation and find a way to stop the bloodthirsty rampage before it reaches her own boyfriend Chip.

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Big Hollywood

Health Nazis Target Movie Snacks

by Big Hollywood

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ABC News spends 2050 words explaining how irresponsible movie theater chains give their customers what they want  slowly kill their customers with fatty, sugary high-caloric snacks: 

Everyone expects to splurge a bit at the movies, but while your wallet may be able to handle an $8 tub of popcorn, your waistline may not — at least according to a new report released today by the consumers group Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI).

Even popcorn did not escape the scrutiny of the report, which mentioned that even a small bag of the cinema favorite tips the scales at 700 calories and three days worth of saturated fat.

It’s not the first time that CSPI has given movie popcorn two thumbs down; the new report is actually a sequel to one in 1994 that gave similar negative reviews. And like the first version, the most recent edition of CSPI’s Nutrition Action Health Letter suggests moviegoers forego that trip to the concession stand altogether.

The report looked at the popcorn, soda and candy sold at the country’s top three movie theater chains: Regal Entertainment Group, AMC Theaters, and Cinemark. The researchers tallied the calories, saturated fat, sugar, and sodium in each theater’s various sizes and combos. Based on their findings, the authors warn the public that their movie-time indulgences may be a lot more indulgent than they bargained for. …

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Robert J. Avrech

Patsy Ruth Miller and F. Scott Fitzgerald: Politically Incorrect in Hollywood

by Robert J. Avrech

img263.jpgActress and author Patsy Ruth Miller.

In 1924 while shooting a film in New York, actress Patsy Ruth Miller (1904-1995) developed a close friendship with author F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife Zelda. Frequently, Fitzgerald and Patsy Ruth would go out for dinner while Zelda remained home pleading fatigue. Patsy Ruth eventually realized that Zelda’s fatigue was acute alcoholism.

Observes Patsy Ruth:

It didn’t seem to me that Scott drank more than most of the men I knew. He seemed intoxicated on words, and sometimes we would sit, our after-dinner coffee growing cold, while Scott tried to make me see some fine point of writing, or understand why an emotion had been ill or well portrayed. But often I had the feeling that he was unsure of himself as a writer, that he was afraid of that one day he’d have nothing left to say, and I also had the impression that Zelda did little to build his confidence, even sometimes, in a perverse way, seemed to enjoy his battle with self-doubt.

Fitzgerald’s agonies of self-doubt are common among writers. The fear of having nothing left to say will, inevitably, be paralyzing. And a non-supportive spouse can act as a fatal poison to a vulnerable writer. Most witnesses observe that Fitzgerald was an alcoholic by the time he attended Princeton. There is no doubt that by the time he landed in Hollywood he was a hopeless drunk. It’s a measure of how common was alcoholism in early Hollywood that Patsy Ruth didn’t think Fitzgerald’s intake was all that unusual. (more…)

Patrick Courrielche

Fear, Children, & Video – Ingredients for Obama’s Weapon of Mass Persuasion

by Patrick Courrielche

Fear is a powerful propaganda weapon. But couple fear with the innocence of childhood and you have a hair-triggered nuclear bomb of persuasion. One need only spend fifteen minutes watching the finalists of President Obama’s health reform video contest to experience its influence.

The Health Reform Video Challenge, launched by Obama’s Organizing for America in September, is a contest “to make the best 30-second ad showing why the President’s plan for reform is so critical.” The winning video, selected by a list of Hollywood elites and Obama’s campaign manager David Plouffe, will be the basis for a new television ad that will air across the country delivering a clear message to viewers – children will die if health care reform is not passed. The secondary message is only one Defcon level lower on the fear-o-meter – the parents of sick or injured children will go bankrupt or lose their houses for even the simplest of injuries.


Using children to pluck at the heartstrings of the electorate and further a political agenda is nothing new, but it shifts into the land of Disgustopia when our young are exploited to distort the truth or spread outright falsehoods. The winning video opens with a young boy stating, “A year from now I’ll break my leg and my parents will have to sell our house because we couldn’t afford health care.”

This statement is designed to instill broad fear and disseminate the idea that anyone, even a family faced with the common injury of a broken leg, is susceptible to being thrust from their homes as a consequence of being uninsured. The odds of needing to sell your home to pay for the cost of a broken leg are so remote that it borders on preposterous to use it as an example of why we need reform. House closing costs in almost every scenario would exceed the medical bill, yet this is the video that the President’s organization has selected to justify the need for reform. It’s much easier to sell health care reform if our system is so fractured that a broken leg can expel a family out from under the safety of their roof. (more…)

Big Hollywood

Open Thread Thursday

by Big Hollywood

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Jeffrey Jena

Stand Up Notes From Flyover Country: Dithering on Afghanistan

by Jeffrey Jena

The situation in Afghanistan is like a poker game. There are only three options for action: raise, call or fold.  The President seems to be unable to pick one that doesn’t have Americans on both sides of the debate pulling out their hair.

During his campaign for the White House President Obama said, “We have seen Afghanistan worsen, deteriorate. We need more troops there. We need more resources there… I would send two to three additional brigades to Afghanistan.”

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He promised to send another ten to fifteen thousand troops to help those already there. He also declared that the war in Afghanistan was the proper front in the war against terror. Now that he is Commander-in-Chief, his vision seems to be less clear.

The military commanders gave the President four troop deployment options earlier this week but he refused all four. Not for military reasons but because of some hooey about the corruption of the government in Kabul and their inability to run a fair election. Mr. President, if our support for governments was based on whether they are corrupt or not and could run a fair election, we would have pulled federal funding from Chicago years ago. The problem with pulling out of Afghanistan, or Chicago for that matter, is that they would fall into violent anarchy. We have already seen that happen in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. (more…)

Big Hollywood

THR: Will Ferrell Is the Most Overpaid Actor In the World

by Big Hollywood

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Paul Bond at the Hollywood Reporter:

“Looks like “Land of the Lost” has earned star Will Ferrell the dubious distinction of being the most overpaid actor in show business, according to the list makers at Forbes magazine.

“Forbes looked at 100 top actors based on their widely released films over the past five years. It factored in the production costs of those movies against how much boxoffice, DVD and other revenue they generated in order to come up with an operating income for each film, which it then compared with the salaries the stars earned. (more…)

John Nolte

‘Progressive’ Hollywood Fails Women Where Old Studio System Did Not

by John Nolte

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Oscar season approaches, which means that once again it’s time for the annual cry of … There-Are-No-Good-Roles-For-Women! Maybe “cry” isn’t the best word. ”Whine” is more suitable — from a self-inflicted wound. Here’s a taste of this year’s first-whine from a Hollywood Reporter story titled: Shallow Pool for Oscar’s Actress Contenders:

How shallow is the pool? Some are talking about performances such as Sandra Bullock’s in the feel-good film “The Blind Side

The lack of depth has led to a slew of awards-season chatter, from the expected downplaying — all categories are cyclical — to blanket explanations about studios making fewer awards movies in general. …

But it also highlights that, for all the strides made by the women behind the camera, the women in front of them can still be subject to the old prejudices. Indeed, the more cynical in town — including at least one actress awards-contender — say that the director and actress trends are hardly a coincidence. Many female directors, they argue, can feel pressure to cast a preponderance of strong male leads to negate the perception that theirs is a female-oriented film.

The article is simply wrong on one very important point. These aren’t “old prejudices,” these are new prejudices. (more…)